Ok the whole root of this particular argument is that I argued that both sides were at fault for the situation escalating out of control and that the elves didn't destroy the whole town because they wanted all humans dead.
The point I was trying to make is that the story of "a party of elves went to Red Crossing to retrieve one of their own and then killed many of the town militia in self defense after a misunderstanding that spiraled out of control" is a very different story than "a party of elves went to Red Crossing with the intent destroy the entire town so they razed it to ground and wiped out every man, woman and child."
It's really not. Or rather, it is different from the point of view of how much moral blame the fans think can be ascribed to the Dales because of this notion that the Emerald Knights in some way are truly representatives of the Dalish. But it's really meaningless.
The truth is that it doesn't matter, because you're ignoring the political truth.
The Emerald Knight - the most elite military force in the Dalish - violates Orlesian sovereignty with absolute impunity and complete disregard to hunt a deserter. When they cornered their wayward kin they created a confrontation with Orlesian "citizens" that resulted in (a great deal to some) Orlesian deaths. The elves then retreat to the Dales.
This is an unparalleled act of war.
Imagine if the Red Army - the Spetznaz (sp?) - had illegally entered US sovereign territory to hunt a deserter who intended to defect and in the course of doing so killed a number of US cilivials who confronted them. This would have brought the world to the brink of WWIII. The Cuban Missle crisis involves a threat through military escalation. What happened with Red Crossing is far more egrigious. That war would be avoided could only be possible IRL due to MAD and diplomatic channels on a scale that doesn't exist between Orlais and the Dales.
After Red Crossing Orlais had a casus belli. Sort of the Dales presenting the Emerald Knights for execution as in Orlais it's impossible to imagine what would smooth things over even if there weren't serious historical tensions and a history of racialised violence.
There's no difference. The Emerald Knights perpetrated a unilateral act of war even in the most charitable account.
When the Dales didn't just out right execute them, what was Orlais left to think but that this was a state sanctioned operation?