This is relevant. This is another old post of mine, regarding drama versus tragedy among the male LIs. I didn't include Kaidan at the time, because he hadn't survived Virmire yet. I might add some thoughts regarding him later. For now, I think that ends on a really nice note before the Beam Run.
Anyhow, here it is:
Zevran--This is a romance that has a pretty warm and fuzzy ending. However, it doesn't lack for drama. For starters, Zev's backstory is rather sad. He was abducted by slavers, sold to the Crows, raised in brothels while being trained to kill. His whole appearance starts out because he has a death trip. Zev knows that going against the Warden is suicidal. One of the cruxes of his romance arc is getting him to stop putting on the front of being charming and flirting and start getting to know him as a person. Also, the last person he loved he ended up killing, and the player helps him get past it.
Garrus--I would dare call Garrus one of the most popular female romance in the ME series, and one of the most popular with female fans of BW games. This guy is full of conflict and drama, even before the player can romance him. In ME1 alone, you can help him choose between C-Sec and Spectre. In ME2, you can help him shoot his former friend. Also, regardless of decision, the player usually comforts him and helps it through it. You can see an inner turmoil and conflict. In ME3, while the drama isn't focused between Garrus and Shep, there is still some huge stuff out there. Part of what made that arc special for me in ME3 was seeing old friends and lovers comforting each other while their planets are both burning.
Fenris--Another one that ends on a pretty high note, but that romance has a lot of conflict and drama. Fenris' backstory has been discussed on the BSN, pretty frequently. His whole attitude about being angry and scared adds a sense of uncertainty. Plus, I remember the first time he leaves Hawke after sex, being too freaked out by his memories. I thought it was pretty well done, and I liked that the player had to maintain some patience. Also, we can't forget that, romance status or not, you have to convince him not to rip out his own sister's heart in Act 3. That moment was full of tension and uncertainty. However, imho, the loyalty that the player and Fenris both show each other despite all the turmoil makes it worth it.
Iron Bull--I feel like some folks occasionally dismissed his depths and inner demons. This is a man that's really caught between his native culture and his adopted one. The way his speech swings from more of a concise Qun manner to a more causal tone illustrates this. When the player has the choice between the Qun and the Chargers, it's a pretty tense moment. You can see the conflict, and he does talk about it with the player later. He does come to terms with it quickly, but you can still see the pain that lingers. His PSTD is subtle, but I think it was played up brilliantly.
Cullen--I saved him for last for a reason. He'll be the character who surprised me for the most in Inquistion. I can't say that I had any strong feelings for Cullen prior to this game, but I've grown to like him. His story, particularly when it comes to lyrium and his struggles with it, struck home with me on a personal level. He's a professional, but at the same time has many issues that I think can be related to in our world. Having to deal with this black and white view about the world being shattered twice. The lyrium withdrawal, which is honestly the best depiction of drug withdrawl I've seen in a mainstream game yet. It had a personal meaning for me. At least in my opinion, it's one of the most realistic and thoughtful takes on the subject I've seen in a BW game, and I even tweeted the author with a sincere thank you. With the player (especially in a romance,) helping him work through those demons and learning to be himself is a pretty deep and serious story.
I listed the above because I wanted to show that deep stories and dramatic events happen in BW romances all the time without going into extreme heartbreak. And yet, even with those examples of the ones that end with the female hero not going through sheer hell, still outweigh the times that they do.
Added: We can have some balance I think between the utterly tragedy/needless hoop jumping and a good story with a happier ending. I even cheated a bit and added a ME romance that ends on a happy note. For DA though, the track record is looking kinda grim.
Fun thought: If John Elper (who's my hero) hadn't worked some crazy 16-18 hr shifts to ungate Iron Bull (who became my favorite LI in the game) guess who the lone option would have been for straight lady dwarven characters? Yep, it would have been Blackwall and no one else. I would never ask them to cater to my preferred race, but I suspect that part of the reason why Bull was ungated (other than they wanted to) was because of that fact. That would have sucked. I mean, straight lady dwarves are a minority among players, but it would have been rather harsh to leave the fans with just the guy that lies about his identity the whole time.
By the way, I don't hate Blackwall and I don't want to get into that debate. Still, the way he beds and then leaves the Inquisitor to go to Orlais was a crappy move, and one that BW could have easily avoided.