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[The Devlish Redhead]

Hey let's have some science humour guys and gals...

A chemist asks an AI if they know much about sodium and the Ai says Na...

 

I stole that one off cortana

[Fidite Nemini]

What does a mathematician do about constipation?

He works it out with a pencil.

 

Why is a math book always unhappy?

Because it always has lots of problems.

 

Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?
When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

 

Which right-hand rule do students use on bad physics professors?
Step 1: Extend your right arm forward from the elbow. Step 2: Keeping your palm facing to the left, stick out your middle finger. Step 3: Rotate your hand 90 degrees clockwise.
 

[The Devlish Redhead]

Don't trust the atoms they make up everything

[leighzard]

I read a great book on anti-gravity recently.  Couldn't put it down.

[The Devlish Redhead]

I read a great book on anti-gravity recently.  Couldn't put it down.

Haha Cortana told me that one

[leighzard]

Haha Cortana told me that one

Alright, I'll try this one.

 

What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark.

[The Devlish Redhead]

Alright, I'll try this one.

 

What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark.

 

 

Haha I like that

 

A bartender tells a person they don't serve time travellers in his bar. A trime traveller walks in.

[mybudgee]

Higgs boson walks into a church, and the priest says, 'I'm sorry we don't allow Higgs bosons to come to churches.' And [the Higgs] says, 'But without me, you can't have mass.' 

 

- Neil Degrasse- Tyson

[leighzard]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink.  The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

[caradoc2000]

I know quite a few, alas, these would be lost in translation to English.

 

I don't know if this counts as science but here it goes:

Spoiler

What is the publisher's favorite vegetable?

best celery

[Drone696]

Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? A burger is in its ground state.

[Commander Rpg]

The man descends from monkeys.

[ruggly]

Somebody give me a shovel for these jokes, I need to Barium.

[Dominus]

Bah - I'd make a science joke here, but all the good ones Argon. Should've come earlier.

[Olivia Wilde]

Three statisticians go hunting

 

First one misses five feet to the left

 

second misses five feet to the right

 

third one raises his arms and shouts "I hit it!"

[Gravisanimi]

Person 1: Hey, I need you to hand me that plank of wood

 

Person 2: Sure

 

*Person 2 brushes his hand on the plank of wood and seemingly drops something into Person 1's hand*

 

Person 1: Hey, I asked for the plank of wood.

 

Person 2: Oh sorry, I thought you said Planck of wood.

[mybudgee]

The man descends from monkeys.

InB4billNye

[Drone696]

Person 1: Hey, I need you to hand me that plank of wood

 

Person 2: Sure

 

*Person 2 brushes his hand on the plank of wood and seemingly drops something into Person 1's hand*

 

Person 1: Hey, I asked for the plank of wood.

 

Person 2: Oh sorry, I thought you said Planck of wood.

 

InB4heisenberg

[Sigma Tauri]

Person 1: Hey, I need you to hand me that plank of wood

 

Person 2: Sure

 

*Person 2 brushes his hand on the plank of wood and seemingly drops something into Person 1's hand*

 

Person 1: Hey, I asked for the plank of wood.

 

Person 2: Oh sorry, I thought you said Planck of wood.

 

That's cute. I chuckled a little.

[The Devlish Redhead]

There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

[TheClonesLegacy]

The man descends from monkeys.

That is a funny joke.

Monkeys aren't apes.

 

That, that's a kneeslapper that is.

[Fast Jimmy]

Rectum? D@#n near KILLED him!




...I'll go sit over here and calculate Pi as punishment.

[The Devlish Redhead]

six bits met their two friends for a byte

[spinachdiaper]

I don't have a joke but I do like trying to test out quantum mechanics by running full speed at a wall to see if I can pass through it.