40 réponses à ce sujet

[The Devlish Redhead]

I don't have a joke but I do like trying to test out quantum mechanics by running full speed at a wall to see if I can pass through it.

 

You must be a photon

[The Invader]

I don't have a joke but I do like trying to test out quantum mechanics by running full speed at a wall to see if I can pass through it.

Well, obviously you just need a sonic resonator to match your resonance frequency to that of the walls. I think Wal-Mart might sell some, just look in the bargain bin.

[Dovahzeymahlkey]

Wanted

$10,000 reward.

Schroedinger's Cat.

Dead or Alive

[Beerfish]

 

 

[Beerfish]

 

[Endurium]

Poor old Brown is dead and gone
His face you'll see no more
For what he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.

[DaemionMoadrin]

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

 

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

 

Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

 

There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

 

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Do all of you want a drink?"

The first logician says, "I don't know."

The second logician says, "I don't know."

The third logician says, "Yes!"

 

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the baby to the father. His wife asks impatiently, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

He replies, "Yes."

 

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They are each placed in a room and on the other side of it is a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter tells them that every 30 seconds they can travel half the distance between them and the woman. The mathematicians says, "This is pointless!" and storms off. The engineer agrees to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician yells on his way out, "Don't you see?! You will never actually reach her!" To which the engineer replies, "So what? Soon enough I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"

 

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and seek. It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws an one meter by one meter square into the dirt right in front of Einstein, then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He see's Newton immediately and shouts, "Newton! I found you! You're it!"

Newton smiles and says, "You didn't find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!"

[Kaiser Arian XVII]

Poor old Brown is dead and gone
His face you'll see no more
For what he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.

 

Eat liquid Fe₂O₃ you Platyhelminthes!

[DaemionMoadrin]

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

 

Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium BATMAN!

 

Two atoms are talking. One says, "Oh, I think I lost an electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" The first one replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

 

A priest, a doctor and an engineer play golf. Ahead of them is a group playing incredibly slow. They play through and back at the clubhouse they ask about the group of slow players. "Oh", says the manager, "they are a group of firefighters who were blinded last year saving the clubhouse."

"Oh, that's awful." says the priest. "I'll pray for them."

"Oh, that's awful." says the doctor. "I'm an optometrist, so I'll see all of them pro bono."

"Why don't they just play at night?!" asks the engineer.

 

So oxygen and potassium went on a date.

It went OK.

[The Devlish Redhead]

Potassium asked water on a date.

They had a bad reaction to each other

[bmwcrazy]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink.  The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

"My humor emitter array requires recharging."

[spinachdiaper]

Coprolite!

[The Devlish Redhead]

"My humor emitter array requires recharging."

Neutron = negative charge = no charge hehe.

[bmwcrazy]

Neutron = negative charge = no charge hehe.

It's a Fallout 3 reference.

Here are some more if anyone knows which character I'm talking about.

"Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic."

"I was going to attend the clairvoyants meeting, but it was canceled due to unforeseen events."

"I once visited a crematorium that gave discounts for burn victims."

"Did you know the best contraceptive for old people is nudity?"

[The Devlish Redhead]

Sodium and water had a very explosive relationship before the divorce

[Sully13]

Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: "Hey, I've figured it out. I know where we are." 
"Where are we then?" 
"Do you see that mountain over there?" 
"Yes." 
"Well… THAT'S where we are."

 

 An electron and a positron go into a bar.

Positron: "You're round."
Electron: "Are you sure?"
Positron: "I'm positive."

 

 A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, "We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere… "

 

What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.

 

Why did Erwin Schrödinger, Paul Dirac and Wolfgang Pauli work in very small garages? Because they were quantum mechanics. 

 

 A friend who's in liquor production,

Has a still of astounding construction,
The alcohol boils,
Through old magnet coils,
He says that it's proof by induction.

 

What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.

 

A new monk shows up at a monastery where the monks spend their time making copies of ancient books. The new monk goes to the basement of the monastery saying he wants to make copies of the originals rather than of others' copies so as to avoid duplicating errors they might have made. Several hours later the monks, wondering where their new friend is, find him crying in the basement. They ask him what is wrong and he says "the word is CELEBRATE, not CELIBATE!"

 

A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?"

 

They have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes. 

 

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