That's a rather shallow and inaccurate view of relationships.
Manipulation is present in some form or fashion in pretty much all of the relationships we have, including (or perhaps, especially) intimate ones. And the idea that 'asking' is always a necessary process is just silly nonsense.
Consider the kiss at the climax at Lair of the Shadow Broker. Liara moves in to kiss Shepard, and yet pulls back. Retreats. Backs off. You surely aren't suggesting Shepard is abusive for forcefully kissing her anyways, without asking her first?
Well Grey does not only manipulate, but also stalks, threatens and isolates Anastasia, so I think it's quite fair to say that the relationship at least is quite unhealthy one and that Anastasia should run.. though since she already has stalker who has threatened her that he will find her if she leaves.. well maybe safe houses for women are her best bet.
I don't really think there is lot of room of questioning is the relationship abusive or not though, since tons of psychologist and those who know about abuse have said it is.
Well DaemionMoadrin said about it already, but basically the BDSM isn't problem in it at least for me, the film would be abusive even if there wasn't any BDSM nor even sex. I mean Grey stalks her, threatens her, controls and manipulates her, isolates her and so on.




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