Oh, this post was so cruel because it totally made me want a GalaxyQuest and Citadel DLC mashup. You know it would be the most awesome party ever:
<quiet party begins>
FemShepard: Nice to see you. I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite party on the Citadel.
Gwen: This is Commander Shepard, and this is her favorite party on the Citadel.
Jason: We heard you the first... never mind.
Gwen: Don't even start.
Guy Fleegman: Hi, I'm Guy. I'm the plucky comedy relief.
Garrus: Huh. I thought that was my role. No wait, I'm the bromance.
Zaeed: I thought I was the bromance. Big goddamn heroes and all that.
Samara: One must live by one's code.
James: Even the bro code.
Kasumi: Who cares about bromance. I'm the comedy relief. I'm the one with the one-liners.
Alexander: I played the greatest comedies of our time, on stages across the world, but nobody cares.
Kasumi: ... stealing scenes... did anyone get that? Stealing scenes?
EDI: Oh yes. That was a joke.
Alexander: Acting is easy. Comedy is hard.
Wrex: By Grabthar's hammer... by the sons of Worban...
Alexander: Shut up.
<party amps up>
Liara: What an interesting party, Shepard.
Shepard: Thank you.
Jack: Ha. It's lame.
Liara: It's quite lovely. I feel an even greater connection to you than usual.
Shepard: Thank you. Did you meet the Thermians?
Miranda: The Thermians should be right up your alley, Liara. You could discuss tentacle care.
Jack: I still loathe and despise you, Space Cheerleader. But that was a good one.
Miranda: Thank you. Even I can unwind when given the proper amount of alcohol.
Javik: This mix of primitive cultures and liquor is dangerous. Violence is imminent.
Sam: Sex could be imminent. I'd prefer sex to be imminent.
Jason: Weren't you an extra in Episode 8?
Sam: Nice try. You're not my type. (winks at Gwen)
Guy: I was an extra in Episode 8. And you slept with that Hatarian chick.
EDI: Excellent. I am eager to hear more about sexual mores and customs. Who are these Hatarians?
Jacob: So Edi... How you doin'?
Joker: Really? Do not even think of hitting on my girl. She may be metallic but she's mine.
EDI: I am disturbed by your idea of love as equaling any kind of ownership.
Sam: You tell 'im Edi. So Edi... are you allowed to shower? Or will you... short out?
Alexander: Don't look at me. I'm off duty and not in the mood for love scenes.
Tali: Love scenes! Have you seen "Fleet and Flotilla?"
Garrus: Oh, yes! It's a very touching love story about two people, two planets, an impossible love story that transcends time and space... ahem. Never saw it.
Fred: That happened to me also. Hell of a thing.
Mathesar: Ah, yes, the poor Quarian and Turian. They are on our list. We hope to rescue them on an upcoming mission.
Tommy: Riiiiiight.
<The party amps up even more. There are vorchas. And there is dancing.>
GRUNT enters the room, roaring. Guy SCREAMS and faints.
Guy: Mommy!
Gwen: We have to get out of here before that thing kills Guy!
Jack: Aw. Grunt's harmless.
Joker: Even if he did eat the chandelier.
James: Everybody drink!
Zaeed: I don't want to drink. Not if I'm not the bromance.
Garrus: You are. You are the bromance.
Zaeed: You're just saying that.
James: Dude, I could totally see you being the bromance.
Tommy: Especially if it was one of those buddy-cop movies.
Zaeed: Like Blasto!
Kelly: I love Blasto. I think he's very sexy. "This one asks you if you feel lucky." Just imagine sex with a Hanar. All those possibilities...
Mordin: Oh, dear. Need to discuss issues of safe sex and interspecies intercourse precautions in the near future. Again.
Thane: Doctor, speaking of which, I appreciated the illustrated guide you sent me on human-Drell sex via the extranet. 356 pages. It was most helpful.
Shepard: It was. Especially the footnotes.
Thane: Although I do wish you hadn't copied my entire client list.
Kelly: But back to Blasto...
Shepard: "Well, do you, earth-clan?"
Kelly: That voice!
Shepard: He does have a great voice.
Thane: Um, siha. Standing right here.
Kelly: Siha. I could be your siha.
Jacob: How you doin'?
James: Another drink!
Jason: Ugh. Backwash.
Fred: Groovy.
Mathesar: Never give up, never surrender!
Shepard: I... should go.