A ballad to you, Mister Escort.
Mister Messenger Guy, to the tune of Don Mclean's American Pie
A long long time ago
I can still remember how
That mission used to make me smile
And I knew if I weren't alone
That I could get those escorts home
And maybe they'd be alive for a while
But Perilous has made me facepalm
With every new zone I'd progress on
Escorts with death wishes
Eager to sleep with fishes
I can't remember if I teared
When that Mission Failed message appeared
Or if I actually cheered
The zone the escort died
So
Bye, bye Mister Messenger Guy
Called my party to a chokepoint but you still had to die
And them good ole PUGs weren't even eager to try
Singin' this'll be the zone where you die
This'll be the zone where you die
Did you bring some Heal on Kill
And do you have faith in Bioware still
If Luke Barrett tells you so?
Do you believe in rock and roll?
Or votekick the Virtuoso?
And can you stop hosting, your network's slow?
Well, I know that Pala's all the rage
With her chargin' right through every stage
Muttonchops on her face
Man, her Guard generation's ace
She was an angry mute dwarf dagger girl
With no cooldowns and limitless blades to hurl
Then they sent us to save that churl
The zone the escort died
I started singin'
Bye, bye Mister Messenger Guy
Called my party to a chokepoint but you still had to die
And them good ole PUGs weren't even eager to try
Singin' this'll be the zone where you die
This'll be the zone where you die
Now, for three zones we've been on our own
Rezzin' PUGs who still run off alone
You don't need to spam "Over here!"
So the assassin had a parakeet
Latency screws with Zither's sick beat
Ugh, please set your mic to push-to-talk
While the templar combo'd with some ease
Arcane warriors once were the cheese
But then the nerf bat came
And nothing was the same
And while Pala facetanks through Nightmare
In groups beyond what others dare
At least we needn't clear the air
The zone the escort died
We were singin'
Bye, bye Mister Messenger Guy
Called my party to a chokepoint but you still had to die
And them good ole PUGs weren't even eager to try
Singin' this'll be the zone where you die
This'll be the zone where you die
Helter skelter watch out for the bolters
When they come you'd better be in shelter
I've already rezzed you twice now
You're about to insta-Fade soon
This isn't a duel at high noon
Don't stand in the open like the escort loon
Now the treasure room should not be popped
Til despair demons are all stopped
I know we all want gold
Oh, but the ice mines get real old
Now, the target was an easy kill
The heirlooms, those were pretty chill
But there's one job we can't fulfill
The zone the escort died
We started singin'
Bye, bye Mister Messenger Guy
Called my party to a chokepoint but you still had to die
And them good ole PUGs weren't even eager to try
Singin' this'll be the zone where you die
This'll be the zone where you die
Oh, and there we were all in one place
Standing over the escort's face
He rushed Behemoths at first sight
Come on idiot, don't catch that arrow
Stay back until it's safe to go
We just want the gold for this objective
Oh and as I watched him cross the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No spirit from the Fade
Could slow the escort's blade
And as his health bar vanished chunk by chunk
He raged at us, the spiteful lunk
Charging ahead like an angry drunk
The zone the escort died
We were singin'
Bye, bye Mister Messenger Guy
Called my party to a chokepoint but you still had to die
And them good ole PUGs weren't even eager to try
Singin' this'll be the zone where you die
This'll be the zone where you die
So Argent's parakeet was blue
Katari screams like a girl, it's true
It's dragon fire, can you blame him
And Sidony hates everyone
Cause she got stuck with Simulacrum
She wanted arcane warrior barriers
In Zone Four Sha-Brytol await
The faction that the players hate
And then that outline appears
The blue of an escort - cheers!
And the bolter volleys start their song
Mister Messenger Guy won't live long
As he rushes forward, headstrong
The zone the escort died
And we were singing
Bye, bye Mister Messenger Guy
Called my party to a chokepoint but you still had to die
And them good ole PUGs weren't even eager to try
Singin' this'll be the zone where you die
This'll be the zone where you die
We were singing
Bye, bye Mister Messenger Guy
Called my party to a chokepoint but you still had to die
And them good ole PUGs weren't even eager to try
Singin' this'll be the zone where you die
This'll be the zone where you die
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