...you know that refusal and destroy aren't the same, right?
Yeah, Refusal is us losing because Shepard refused to play the Catalyst's game. That's fine, that's a respectable decision given the information s/he had at the time that any of this could be a trap, or a simple unwillingness to deliberately commit genocide in the case of the destroy ending.
My point being that while I believe high EMS Destroy is the best wrap up for the trilogy, that opinion is based on the idea of the trilogy standing on it's own and nothing coming after it. With the knowledge that there's going to be at least one more game set afterwards, and working under the assumption that the expedition to Andromeda is a contingency plan against the reapers, I think Refusal works best going forward into the Andromeda galaxy.
Any of the other endings, even low EMS destroy where the krogan are extinct, potentially both the geth and the quarians are extinct, and the relays are beat all to hell, you still have civilization in the Milky Way. It's fractured and it's going to take a lot longer to rebuild, and it's going to be crippled for centuries, but it's there. In High EMS Destroy it's back on it's feet in a couple decades. In control and synthesis, if the ending slides are to be believed, it's goddamn thriving with the Reapers acting either as our invincible guardians or our helpful, willing allies.
My point being that all of the endings kind of lower the stakes for Andromeda if we're going to escape the Reapers. If we fail in Andromeda and all get wiped out by the Khet or the Remnant or whoever, then, yeah, that's sad all those people died, but life goes on in the Milky Way, presumably never knowing. Which has a kind of tragedy to it, I suppose, but isn't a kind I like or find particularly enthralling.
And if we succeed, same thing. Great, we've established a new civilization, made new alliances and defeated new enemies, but life is going on in the Milky Way, not knowing and not caring. At least one assumes they don't know because if they do, then that opens up the question about why, in the control and synthesis endings, they don't send the Reapers after us - presumably, so long as we aren't going via actual reaper tech, the Reapers could beat us there. So if there was anyone in the Milky Way who knew about the ARK project, they'd presumably send someone after us once we beat the Reapers to let us know "it's ok, guys, we won, you can come back!" and we can declare all this Khet and Remnant nonsense not our problem.
So, yeah, to repeat, in my opinion, Destroy is the best ending for the trilogy on it's own, but Refusal is the best ending for the trilogy going forward into Andromeda.
Again, just one man's opinion.