I don't think the Op is correct in the conclusions of what went wrong with ME3.
I believe the problem with ME3 wasn't realism or the lack there of or Americanism creeping in (which I laugh at because Bioware is Canadian) if you look at Bioware games they are usually ahead of American social issues and change but pretty much in tune with Canadian social change. Which one would expect given that the creators are predominately Canadian.
I see the problem with ME3 to be a design failure. The story narrative of the reapers was one of a great overwhelming threat yet the game mechanics revolves around the power fantasy. The story narrative tries to portray the reapers as the threat that will in all probability destroy us, yet the mechanics indulge in the power fantasy to perfection. The power fantasy in gaming is a great tool for engagement but it doesn't work in all games or in all narratives. The power fantasy is terrible for experiencing survival based games or Horror genre games. If you feel powerful in a horror game you don't feel scared because you are powerful so "bring it on baddies." In a horror game you should feel less empowered not more. In a survival game if you feel fricken powerful you aren't worried about survival.
ME3 perfected the power fantasy, you feel like a hero yet the story keeps trying to tell you this is a long shot, the galaxy is in mortal peril. Really? Because post ME2 prologue Shepard goes from victory to victory to victory and it is possible to have multiple cost free victories. it is possible for not a single crew member to die post Lazarus station. Every scripted death is an "ex" member of your crew. The "i win" dialogue option renders all difficult issues trivial and cost free and not once does Shepard feel like the reapers are unbeatable. All this tells the narrative through the games mechanics that the reapers are NOT that big of a threat. For them to be a threat mechanically you have to LOSE against them more than NEVER.
If all you do is go from victory to victory your narrative of the reapers being the overwhelming force becomes disconnected with your story narrative. The narrative your game mechanics are telling is that the reapers are NOT a threat to Shepard even when the game's story tries to tell you the repares can't be beaten conventionally. The narrative and mechanics work at cross purposes with each other and creates a disharmony. Priority earth is told like it is a long shot like the last desperate hope for the galaxy yet the game just took you on a ride from victory to victory to victory and you defeated 2 reapers for Christ sake. When you get to priority earth you are not think I hope i can pull this off, you are thinking, "reapers smeapers I got this." When you get to the choices with the star child you are not thinking "thank god I made it now to make the desperate choice," you are thinking "woot i kicked reaper ass and now its time for the victory dance. Wait who the frak are you, you little sh!t AI?" Yet you are NOT suppose to be feeling that according to the narrative, you are suppose to feel desperate and insignificant against the might of the reapers which is why they never even considered the idea of refusal in the first draft of the ending. Because you are not suppose to think the reapers are push overs even though everything in the game play tells you they are.
The dissonance between the narrative and the mechanics is what ruins the trilogy. When game play is telling a different story from the one of the story you are getting mixed messages and that continues till the end where you expect things to be resolved. Yet the game can't resolve this disconnect because its not actually by design it is the result of design failures. Had the power fantasy not been used in Me3 the game would have flowed better would have felt better and would have ended better because you would not have been given conflicting narrative from the mechanics and narrative from the story. Both forms of narrative would have flowed together and not created this huge subconscious need for resolution that could not be met.
This is not to say the only problem with Me3 and its ending can be boiled down to this issue only that it is the principle failing of the game because it has two conflicting narrative one from the story elements and one from the game mechanic elements.





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