Thank you, sincerely, for answering. What you've said seems like a reasonable explanation for the existence of an audience for that gut-punch ending. A masochistic fantasy experience is available in Iron Bull, and once players figure out what the character is about, they have the choice to avoid him entirely if that's not their gig.
Until players figure out what the character is about, and thus have that choice you talk about, naturally some will get an unwitting experience that is opposed to their fantasy fulfillment and response will range from dissatisfaction to anger, disappointment or disenchantment (i.e. OP).
I think that's what the issue is though: People had an expectation that things would work out a certain way, and then, BOOM, it didn't. I think the worst part of this is that they expect that even if they let the Chargers die, or ignore his personal quest altogether, thus cementing IB into the Qun, that he'll then betray the Qun because of the romance. Ultimately, there is no betrayal in that, other than a betrayal of expectations. That Thedas latched onto it and used it to deride the Inquisitor isn't surprising in the least bit, it's the nature of the beast. Ultimately, they're not "wrong", after all, that does happen. An Inquisitor that romances a Qun loyal IB was duped, mostly by themselves, into believing that they were more important to IB than the Qun.





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