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Request Terrible Ideas for DA4 ~ Joke Thread ~


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#76
AnUnculturedLittlePotato

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1980s mode. Everyone looks like they climbed out of an episode of Magnum P.I, and everything plays out like a shitty montage sequence. Leliana looking like Tiffany, and Morrigan's got the Joan-Jett-circa-1982 look going.

 

tumblr_n62bw7Hufs1t7yoemo2_400.jpgorig-9089091.jpg

Game opens with:

 


 

Can we have a sappy 80's workout montage in sepia tone?



#77
What?

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Can we have a sappy 80's workout montage in sepia tone?

 

I wouldn't have it any other way. Complete with leg-warmers, headbands, and polyester leotards.


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#78
AnUnculturedLittlePotato

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I wouldn't have it any other way. Complete with leg-warmers, headbands, and polyester leotards.

How can we have an 80's sappy workout montage in sepia tone without walkmans?!


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#79
Setheneran

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    The Nug Prince wanted revenge on the former Inquisitor who massacred most of his people when they were on their way to meet the Nug King. So, he secretly brewed a devious plan that involved runes. Lots and lots of runes. He thought that his access to lyrium and old dwarven tomes would help kill Quizzy in the most brutal fashion possible, but he couldn't read a thing. :(  He went a little mad after sniffing lyrium and ended up burning the melted, poisonous cheese for his new assassination plan.
The smell attracted the soon-to-be protagonist who had conveniently stepped foot in the Deep Roads for a quick collection of shiny pebbles. While obliviously treading through the dim light with his nose sticking up in the air, he came across a little hole and he peered inside. The Nug Prince scavenged and dug at the ground like a dog; squeaking blasphemous curses in his own squeaky tongue. The protagonist watched in fascination at the critter as it scampered around in circles, chasing its tail in frustration. The protagonist had been studying this strange world that you could only get to by using this rippling mirror. Mainly because he knew what was coming, but didn't know how to stop it. Though, as he kept watching the miserable (but delicious with extra sauce) nug drag itself face flat across the stone, he had a moment of enlightenment! He leaped up screaming and hopped around in excitement, causing the Nug Prince to jump up all startled, hitting his head on the low ceiling before fainting dramatically. His repeated words echoed through the giant caverns and ancient roads but no creature dared go near him, at least some tried but never survived. Through the endless darkness, all knew to cower before him when they heard his rallying cry,

 

 

"ENCHANTMENT!"


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#80
AnUnculturedLittlePotato

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    The Nug Prince wanted revenge on the former Inquisitor who massacred most of his people when they were on their way to meet the Nug King. So, he secretly brewed a devious plan that involved runes. Lots and lots of runes. He thought that his access to lyrium and old dwarven tomes would help kill Quizzy in the most brutal fashion possible, but he couldn't read a thing. :(  He went a little mad after sniffing lyrium and ended up burning the melted, poisonous cheese for his new assassination plan.
The smell attracted the soon-to-be protagonist who had conveniently stepped foot in the Deep Roads for a quick collection of shiny pebbles. While obliviously treading through the dim light with his nose sticking up in the air, he came across a little hole and he peered inside. The Nug Prince scavenged and dug at the ground like a dog; squeaking blasphemous curses in his own squeaky tongue. The protagonist watched in fascination at the critter as it scampered around in circles, chasing its tail in frustration. The protagonist had been studying this strange world that you could only get to by using this rippling mirror. Mainly because he knew what was coming, but didn't know how to stop it. Though, as he kept watching the miserable (but delicious with extra sauce) nug drag itself face flat across the stone, he had a moment of enlightenment! He leaped up screaming and hopped around in excitement, causing the Nug Prince to jump up all startled, hitting his head on the low ceiling before fainting dramatically. His repeated words echoed through the giant caverns and ancient roads but no creature dared go near him, at least some tried but never survived. Through the endless darkness, all knew to cower before him when they heard his rallying cry,

 

 

"ENCHANTMENT!"

10/10 would dragon age again GOTY



#81
Ieldra

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The final choice will involve activating one of three magical pylons colored red, blue and green, and we'll have explained their meaning to us by Kieran, who just completed his ascension to godhood at the Black City.


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#82
Haeuslich

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There should be a confrontation with the Orlais/Ferelden, darkspawn and space aliens. A Qunari bashing delicate space aliens in one swat might get boring though.



#83
Elista

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Replace potions by cheese wheels. Oh, and grenades too, it works if the cheese is old enough.

#84
Hydwn

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The protagonist of DA4 is the inquisitor's severed hand. Your only companions are zombie Schmooples and Chauncey the tiny bear.

 

That'd make a terrible main game,...and an awesome alternate-universe comic DLC :P


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#85
Heathen Oxman

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The main villain of DA4 is revealed to be the HoF.

 

To win, we have to murder-knife him/her to death while he/she stands there silently. 


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#86
Phoenix_Also_Rises

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Replace potions by cheese wheels. Oh, and grenades too, it works if the cheese is old enough.

Make the cheese Casu Marzu (Google it).

Also, the endgame is that you get a choice which of the previous protagonists dies... First. The remaining ones then gang up on you and you have to kill them as well. If Hero of Ferelden = dead, you fight a zombie version of the Hoff. And then you will have to murder all of the LIs who come seeking revenge.

Everyone gets a tear - jerking 30 minute death scene.

Every quest is a fetch quest. You fetch collectibles.

Each level is designed so as to require precision platforming to get through.

All dialogue that isn't a moral choice is autodialogue.

There is no party banter, with the sole exception being Vivienne, who is a mandatory member of your party at all times.

#87
Out to Lunch

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DA4 will offer a new twist to romances. No information will be provided for who is available for romance and their preferences or how many romances total are available. In game, all companions have flirt options as well as applicable NPCs. You can flirt with one or all. After you hit the flirt option a 4th time the game will warn you that you can only pursue one romance at a time - a fourth flirts locks in the romance attempt. A box will then pop up telling you that 50 red hearts are hidden throughout the game. Each heart offers a clue to who is a potential LI. Players can go all in and choose who they are really interested in or they can collect all the clues before making a choice. At the end of the game, the player will get the chance to talk to everyone before facing the big bad. The potential romance will reveal if they are interested (they are available and you are their preference) or if they just want to be friends (you guessed wrong). :P


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#88
Orian Tabris

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I want the protagonist to always be Tallis, and every time her HP should reach 0, it is set to 1. At this point she starts screaming and turns into a high dragon with golden hair and a golden aura around her for good measure. In her codex it is said that her attacks can destroy universes, but instead, she only has 1 attack, and it gives you the blue screen of death.


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#89
d1ta

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Emile de Launcet is the only LI.

Fortunately for us, he swings both ways.


... You win. This must be the single most scariest idea I found in the forum.

Ye God, need brain bleach >_< the mental image! The horror! *shudders*
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#90
d1ta

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Here's another request:

- Poet-tree as squadmate. Bloody hell strong, but walks in snail pace. And kept rhyming for the entriety of his mission: finding the missing acorn!

- Have tea with Elgar'nan and chill a while in his crib.. and he gets to talk and talk and talk about his greatness and then talk some more of his awsome superiority (without you being able to refute one bit of it) and the stinger is.. you really DO need the dude's help

- Everyone has new gorgeous armor design.. while the protag got stuck with DAO armor along with their mandatory helmets and hats

- NPC's hair are much much cooler than yours
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#91
KumoriYami

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There's a mission like ME2's suicide mission that involves maximum epicness and explosions, but all your companions, LI(s), advisors or the equivalent to, and every single character you interacted with over the course of the story dies, leaving the PC all alone.



#92
Orian Tabris

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Every companion is a blow-up doll that has been possessed by a demon or a spirit.


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#93
valsharess24

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After collecting 100 shards, you are able to craft the best armor in the game. The inquisitor's old beige pj's.
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#94
AnUnculturedLittlePotato

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Here's another request:

- Poet-tree as squadmate. Bloody hell strong, but walks in snail pace. And kept rhyming for the entriety of his mission: finding the missing acorn!

- Have tea with Elgar'nan and chill a while in his crib.. and he gets to talk and talk and talk about his greatness and then talk some more of his awsome superiority (without you being able to refute one bit of it) and the stinger is.. you really DO need the dude's help

- Everyone has new gorgeous armor design.. while the protag got stuck with DAO armor along with their mandatory helmets and hats

- NPC's hair are much much cooler than yours

Excuse you I loved DA:O's massive armor and templar armor design thank you very much.

 

After collecting 100 shards, you are able to craft the best armor in the game. The inquisitor's old beige pj's.

 

These are supposed to be "horrible ideas" not "morally reprehensible and downright sinful" ideas.


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#95
valsharess24

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^
Your sig made me lol.
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#96
The Dank Warden

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your only LI is Howe (the father)... and you're Sandal o.O


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#97
InfinitePaths

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Due to overwhelming criticism of Bioware changing their lore because of their "LGBT" agenda in DA:I, DA :4 will feature new, exciting ways to opress and harrass miniorities. It is a dark fantasy, after all, a perfect place to project your bigotry.

 

The brand new, retconed Chant of Light will feature new religious torture methods of punishing gay companions. There will be 8 straight romance options, and as per popular request, the 6 straight male options will have 10 minute long sex scenes with the camera zoomed in on the romanced female companion's breasts, coupled with voice acted moaning sounds. You will also be able to romance up to four female companions at the same time.The 1 and only gay romance option will have censored kissing scenes, to protect the children playing this game from disturbing imagery while still sneaking in the LGBT agenda.

 

Provided the PC is male, has a white skin tone and is straight, you will be able to express your dissaproval of women who are "not feminine enough", transgender characters, characters of a different skin color in power, gay characters and the lack of professional personal masseurs to rub your footsies between story quests.

 

Bioware is expecting a rise in sales in the next Installment of Dragon Age called DA: MRA.


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#98
FALCONGTX

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Make DA2 all over again. :devil:



#99
Bhryaen

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All companions are wild animals. None of them have particularly good survival capacity or even offensive capability... for the fun combat challenge of it. Besides, they're all so cute, it doesn't matter. All companion interactions involve barks, meows, squeaks, neighs, grunts, growls, chirps, croaks, and... *indecipherable* (squishes?). Only the protagonist has actual worded dialog, mostly when talking to theirself. All companion quests involve feeding and/or petting them- or perhaps taking them for special walkies. The approval system is based on how often you pet them, how you pet them, and whether you remember to bring the correct tasty treats. All NPCs treat these animal companions as official members of the New Inquisition with the respect that such great office demands. Each of these companions is a LI... but no gay ones! That would be gross! Bi is OK. And no more than two romances at a time.


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#100
AnUnculturedLittlePotato

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Due to overwhelming criticism of Bioware changing their lore because of their "LGBT" agenda in DA:I, DA :4 will feature new, exciting ways to opress and harrass miniorities. It is a dark fantasy, after all, a perfect place to project your bigotry.

 

The brand new, retconed Chant of Light will feature new religious torture methods of punishing gay companions. There will be 8 straight romance options, and as per popular request, the 6 straight male options will have 10 minute long sex scenes with the camera zoomed in on the romanced female companion's breasts, coupled with voice acted moaning sounds. You will also be able to romance up to four female companions at the same time.The 1 and only gay romance option will have censored kissing scenes, to protect the children playing this game from disturbing imagery while still sneaking in the LGBT agenda.

 

Provided the PC is male, has a white skin tone and is straight, you will be able to express your dissaproval of women who are "not feminine enough", transgender characters, characters of a different skin color in power, gay characters and the lack of professional personal masseurs to rub your footsies between story quests.

 

Bioware is expecting a rise in sales in the next Installment of Dragon Age called DA: MRA.

I feel as if you've missed a point entirely somewhere.
@the last line: Only in America can an equality movement hate an equality movement for not being a TRUE equality movement by fighting for the rights that the first equality movement says their fighting for but not calling themselves the first equality movements name which leads to the first equality movement not liking the second equality movement for not being the equalitiest movement despite the fact that both of them want in general the same thing.


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