Let me start off with the fact that I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to start living for myself now and I am just...so incredibly happy at my good luck right now. I've been debating whether or not to post this at all for a very, very long time. I kept backspacing and leaving the forums altogether. But now I really want to share my story in hopes to show that people aren't alone and show Bioware how much they've done for me.
I was severely depressed for 2 years. I didn’t wanna do anything and everything I did took a monumental effort—even things like showering and eating. I wouldn’t shower for three weeks at a time because I felt like sludge was coming out of the pipes. I would go without eating for long periods of time because I didn’t feel like I deserved to. And when I did eat, I did it because I had to. I would sleep anywhere from 12-16 hours a day while other nights I would get 2-3 hours of sleep. The things that made me happy—drawing, singing, and hanging out with my friends—wasn't cutting it anymore. I didn't want to go out because that meant I would have to pretend I was happy on top of making myself look presentable. I lost three of my closest friends because they took my depression for apathy and jealousy of their successes. After 10 years of friendship, they slowly grew more toxic as a reaction to my supposed disinterest in their lives. After that, I stopped talking to my best friends of 15+ years for about a year because I felt like they deserved better friends. In February, my work hours were cut to the point where I'd be paying more than my salary just to get there—I was basically forced to leave. I was constantly getting rejected while on the job hunt and lost what little self-confidence I had after every rejection.
I had a few good days where I would get a ton of things done and I would think I was okay again. But depression would just creep its way back in the next day. I kept blaming myself and telling myself that I was lazy and unmotivated and that there was no excuse for me to be this way, among other things that are too personal to disclose here. Until March 18th this year when my sister bought me the Dragon Age series for my birthday. I changed after playing nonstop for 3 weeks, one game per week until finally finishing Inquisition. I was talking again, losing my voice because I would be ranting about the treatment of mages and elves. I picked up my dusty pen tablet and started using it again for the first time in years. I spoke to my best friends again and it was as if nothing had changed between us. I started filling rooms with song again. I was offered a job that's currently paying me 3x what I was making with my previous job. I even impulsively had my sister cut my hair cut to look like my Cadash's right before I was about to go to bed at 11pm!
Bioware breathed life back into me—you saved me. I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am and I hope others are able to find as much joy in your games as I have. I know other people aren't nearly as fortunate as I am. I know there are people who are in a constant war with the monster that is depression but if anybody ever needs someone to talk to, feel free to message me (via Tumblr ask is fastest)! Again, thank you so much (for the record, I've thanked my sister a million times)! I wish everybody on the team well!
- June
PS: I didn't know where to put this thread but felt this was the most relevant as it is Dragon Age-related. If I need to move the thread, just lemme know!
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