316 réponses à ce sujet

[prosthetic soul]

Sorry but no man should have to put up with the friendzone unless that girl is already taken.  If a woman friendzones me I pack my bags and walk away, never to return. 

[Berta]

Sorry but no man should have to put up with the friendzone unless that girl is already taken.  If a woman friendzones me I pack my bags and walk away, never to return. 

 

Mmm delicious bait...

[prosthetic soul]

Mmm delicious bait...

I am not baiting though.  Women seem to think men should continually have to put up with constantly working for a woman's affection only to have it end up in some middling purgatory of friendship.  Why is this?  Would females do the same?  I don't think so.  If a man is actively trying to court a woman, and she just wants to be friends, then she has said no.  Why would a man waste his time after that?  Was the man interested in stopping at friendship from the get go? No.  So why continue the charade? 

[Commander Rpg]

So the thing I liked about the first game is that you had Kaiden, who was your bro til the end.

I dropped Kaidan off of my party because he's always been a useless bore of character, and I did it regardless of his sexual deviances. Blandness and Kaidan are synonyms.

[Lady Artifice]

I am not baiting though.  Women seem to think men should continually have to put up with constantly working for a woman's affection only to have it end up in some middling purgatory of friendship.  Why is this?  Would females do the same?  I don't think so.  If a man is actively trying to court a woman, and she just wants to be friends, then she has said no.  Why would a man waste his time after that?  Was the man interested in stopping at friendship from the get go? No.  So why continue the charade? 

 

If he was gay he probably was.

 

Actually, change that to certainly. He certainly was. 

[Fredward]

Sorry but no man should have to put up with the friendzone unless that girl is already taken.  If a woman friendzones me I pack my bags and walk away, never to return. 

 

And no woman should have to deal with the implicit assumption that because a man is interested in her she has some kind of obligation to be interested in him.

[SentinelMacDeath]

And no woman should have to deal with the implicit assumption that because a man is interested in her she has some kind of obligation to be interested in him.

 

What are you talking about, I thought it was common knowledge that women can not have male friends and enjoy a friendship because women are obligated to either reciprocate the feelings or lose the friend. Everybody knows that. 

[Jooblie]

The flirt is the ruin right there.

 

If I'm buddies with a guy for a long time and suddenly he FLIRTS with me, friendship over. "DUDE!  WTF?  We've ALWAYS been bros, not hand-holders.  Why did you go there?  Now I have to think about everything I say wondering if it's going to send the wrong signal and...why the HELL didn't you let me know long ago you were gay?  It would have made things SO much easier henceforth because you'd know I'm not and I'd know you are and never the two love lives would meet."

 

This right here, he understands.

[pdusen]

And no woman should have to deal with the implicit assumption that because a man is interested in her she has some kind of obligation to be interested in him.

That's not what the friend zone is, though. The friend zone is when a person obfuscates their lack of interest in order to keep an interested other person on the hook, for one reason or another.

A friend of mine was kept in the friend zone for over two years because he was letting her live in his house rent-free. It took a serious toll on him. Of course, you could argue that he should have realized she wasn't interested a lot sooner, and you'd be right. But some people are blinded by love-goggles, and my friend has love-goggles the size of Texas. So the responsible thing for her to do would have been to tell him to his face that it was never gonna happen, which of course she never did, even after moving out.

Of course, men do this too and it's just as bad when that happens.

[Sartoz]

I dropped Kaidan off of my party because he's always been a useless bore of character, and I did it regardless of his sexual deviances. Blandness and Kaidan are synonyms.

                                                                                                   <<<<<<<<<<()>>>>>>>>>>

 

Interesting that I also found Kaiden uninteresting. Same with Ashley and so never bothered with them. Or, perhaps, other characters were far more interesting and thus I gravited towards them....can't say which.

[Laughing_Man]

I find it funny that everyone here seem to know what makes sense and what does not in a friendship.

 

I mean, it's not like friendship is something intensely personal and comes in an infinite number of variations and hues, right?

 

Some friendships can survive a romantic rejection, others can't. It's as simple as that.

 

Everyone here is possibly right or wrong, depends on the people in question.

 

 

A friend of mine was kept in the friend zone for over two years because he was letting her live in his house rent-free. It took a serious toll on him.

 

Yeah, that's an ugly thing to do. While he is rather naive for thinking that this is the right approach to win the heart of his roommate (not taking rent),

she is a rather nasty piece of work for taking advantage of him.

[Panda]

Friend-zone is only concept for people who don't put value in friendship.

[Laughing_Man]

Friend-zone is only concept for people who don't put value in friendship.

 

Friend-zone is a romantic rejection, pure and simple. The only question remains for the rejected side is if there is still something in this friendship

now that the prospects of a romantic relationship are gone.

 

I do agree that in many cases it's best to just end it and move on. The awkwardness and pain of rejection are probably going to stay for a long time otherwise.

[In Exile]

Friend-zone is a romantic rejection, pure and simple. The only question remains for the rejected side is if there is still something in this friendship
now that the prospects of a romantic relationship are gone.

I do agree that in many cases it's best to just end it and move on. The awkwardness and pain of rejection are probably going to stay for a long time otherwise.

Except that it often isn't, because people who talk about the friendzone and complaint about it often don't actually express an interest so as to be rejected, which is where the problem exists. It's where you see Nice Guy ™ syndrome (though it really does happen with both genders).

I've had both men and women who I've suspected were interested in me feign friendship for a while. You can't pre-reject people. If you think someone is into you and you're not into them romantically, but none of this is out in the open, there aren't a lot of ways to send the "not happening" signal.

[pdusen]

Friend-zone is only concept for people who don't put value in friendship.

 

Believe it or not, there are people out there who are happy with the friends they have and aren't actually seeking out more friends.

[Shechinah]

The Oxford dictionary defines it informally thusly; "A situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other."

[Shechinah]

It's been interesting these days to see where the topic a few of the various threads spin into; interesting discussions to observe as well.

[Laughing_Man]

Except that it often isn't, because people who talk about the friendzone and complaint about it often don't actually express an interest so as to be rejected, which is where the problem exists. It's where you see Nice Guy ™ syndrome (though it really does happen with both genders).

I've had both men and women who I've suspected were interested in me feign friendship for a while. You can't pre-reject people. If you think someone is into you and you're not into them romantically, but none of this is out in the open, there aren't a lot of ways to send the "not happening" signal.

 

Obviously I am not referring to cases where people don't express their interest and whine about the other side not noticing them.

 

I'm talking about a friend expressing a romantic interest (if not outright, than by being very obvious about it) who it then rejected by the other side.

[Panda]

Believe it or not, there are people out there who are happy with the friends they have and aren't actually seeking out more friends.

 

That is nice for the person who thought they got a new friend.

[SnakeCode]

The problem with the friendzone is that it doesn't operate like a normal friendship. From the times i've seen it in real life, the person in the friendzone acts like a boyfriend/girlfriend. Doing far more for the person that friendzoned them than a regular friend would, only with none of the benefits or appreciation. The one who friendzoned them knows they're attracted to them, and tend to take advantage of that to get favors on a regular basis.

 

Having romantic feelings for someone and wanting a romantic relationship with them, then feeling disappointed when all they get is platonic friendship is a far cry from thinking that he/she feels entitled to them, or the other person is "obligated to reciprocate" his/her feelings. It's absurd that some people's minds immediately went there. It's also a two way street, the person isnt "obligated" to settle for friendship either. Friendship is great, but not when it's a one way transaction.

 

A bit of anecdotal evidence from my own life. Back when me and my girlfriend thought the race thing was something we wouldn't be able to get around (her parents are Taiwanese and didn't approve of me at the time, what with my being white) I told her that I still wanted to be friends no matter what. She refused, and said that she didn't want to spend time around me and not be able to act on her feelings, it wasn't something she could bring herself to put herself through. I doubt anyone would say she felt entitled to my feelings. Luckily though it all worked out and we've been together for almost six years now.

[Shechinah]

Luckily though it all worked out and we've been together for almost six years now.

 

That's good to hear 
 

[Getorex]

Believe it or not, there are people out there who are happy with the friends they have and aren't actually seeking out more friends.

 

No. Friendship is not even REMOTELY similar to romantic involvement. The former is MUCH closer, physically and emotionally.  They are NOT interchangeable. They are NOT equally satisfying.  They are both totally different spheres of social interaction and desire.

[Getorex]

Friend-zone is a romantic rejection, pure and simple. The only question remains for the rejected side is if there is still something in this friendship

now that the prospects of a romantic relationship are gone.

 

I do agree that in many cases it's best to just end it and move on. The awkwardness and pain of rejection are probably going to stay for a long time otherwise.

 

The only way around it is time.  Maybe after some period of time has passed and the rejected finds someone else to fullfill the need they sought with the rejecter, THEN it might be possible to be friends. 

 

My experience in this regard is the sexual tension often remains there for a long time unless the new interest is truly consuming.  In other circumstances the time actually gives you the ability to see reality through unfiltered eyes so you can think, "Whew! I dodged a bullet there!"

 

As for friends, they're easy to come by and for this writer, I only need/want a few.  The rest are best as acquaintences.  The only person getting the complete investment of time and emotion and truth is the woman in my life.  I'm intensely private and protective of it.

[agonis]

I had someone in the friendzone for about four years. It was a great friendship, most likely the best I´ve ever had and ever will have.

I made myself clear several times, but still the other person didn´t want to break off the friendship and I was certainly too selfish to break it off myself. 

The draw back for me was that no one else dared to approach me during those years.

 

Still, a great time and now I´m wiser.

[vbibbi]

I've had both men and women who I've suspected were interested in me feign friendship for a while. You can't pre-reject people. If you think someone is into you and you're not into them romantically, but none of this is out in the open, there aren't a lot of ways to send the "not happening" signal.

To be fair, pre-rejecting people is one of my favorite hobbies

 

Believe it or not, there are people out there who are happy with the friends they have and aren't actually seeking out more friends.

And those people probably don't spend their free time on game message boards. I'm just saying...

 

I am not baiting though.  Women seem to think men should continually have to put up with constantly working for a woman's affection only to have it end up in some middling purgatory of friendship.  Why is this?  Would females do the same?  I don't think so.  If a man is actively trying to court a woman, and she just wants to be friends, then she has said no.  Why would a man waste his time after that?  Was the man interested in stopping at friendship from the get go? No.  So why continue the charade? 

It sounds so uncomplicated in the land of Bang-Or-Useless-To-Me