They aren't even villains, they're just people you meet during the course of your quests, and seldom is there a way to reply to them with anything other than politeness or even fawning. I suppose it would be suicidal to tell Marethari's gate guards to take a chill when they have six arrows pointed at your face, but why can't we tell Briala off? I prefer to play characters who aren't racist, but I object to the fact that it's mandatory rather than a choice. It isn't a virtue unless it's voluntary.
I agree with your whole post, but I wanted to single out this bit.
There is, and should be, a difference between being hostile (especially in return for initial hostility) and being racist. Bioware doesn't seem to want to include racist options, and I think that's fine. But I don't think they should force us to be pleased with being treated like crap by someone.
Regarding Briala specifically, I thought the best response in regard to her was actually in the post-WEWH conversation with Solas where you can say in an irritated tone, "Briala only cares about elves," which I liked and is what I usually pick. (I want to be clear that I come at this from the PoV of my Inquisitor, who is trying to save the world, and everyone in it.)
However, I will point out that there are a couple of options that I never pick in regard to Dalish behavior. The first is with the guy on the road in the Exalted Plains. There is a star option to say, "You're friendly for a Dalish," which I've never taken because it would be rude. Of course, the actual spoken line might not be so bad, but I have yet to test it. The other comes in the Emerald Graves when you happen on Taven and his group and you have the opportunity to remark on the hostility of the other Dalish when Taven mentions it, which I've also never taken, choosing instead to focus on the task at hand.





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