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I'm the Pathfinder... but I guess I'm also your therapist


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#1
Hinjo

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(Edit: To clarify: This post is supposed to be sarcastic. A joke. Nothing less. Nothing more. Clear?)
 
Ladies and gentlemens, we've been playing Mass Effect (and many other Bioware products) for several years now. We've killed thousands of generic enemies and dozens of memorable bosses (and dozens memorable failures... looking at you, Kai Leng and Corypheus), we've stolen from starving families, we've shot Starchild because it's ********** and we should ******* that ********. We've romanced everyone and everything we could (and yet we still want MORE because five minutes of extra dialogue with one NPC is the reason why are we playing these games).
 
(I'm sure I pointed out the most important things, so let's move on)
 
... and there's also another thing we've been doing for very, very long time.
 
We were there for them, when their mind was falling apart. We found them emotially damaged. We listened to them. We learned how to understand them. And we helped them solve their problems (by killing people! :) ).
 
Hawke, The Warden, The Inquisitor, Shepard and others aren't just the best soldiers/adventurers around... they are also profesional therapists. They will listen to you, they will heal you (sometimes they are using very interesting method - like magic therapeutic penis. Ask Shepard about it.). Sometimes they'll choose very extreme method of treatment (like suicide), but you have to admit - it has immediete effect!
 
Many squadmates in Mass Effect suffered from daddy issues (I mean, almost everyone! Wrex - betrayed by his father; Liara - indoctrinated mother; Garrus - he disappointed his dad; Tali - she can get exiled because of him; and that's just ME1's squad!). Of course, there was also Grunt. He was young Krogan who've reached puberty and Shepard was there to help him by shooting people with him! What a great father/mother would (s)he make!
 
Shepard wasn't just their commander, Shepard was their therapist. He even didn't take any money for that service! But daddy issues were overused, so let's bring something new...
 
Journey to Andromeda is a great opportunity for that. We are far, far away from Earth, Citadel and Milky Way. Our friends and families are gone. We are not coming back.
 
Crew is falling into depression and you are the only one who can help them! Also, there is also bunch of aliens who wouldn't be able to solve their problems without you. Teach them about Freud and make them understand that every psychical problem they ever had have something to do with their dreams, genitals and relationship with their parents.
 
Who else is interested?! And what kind of psychosis' would you like to solve in Andromeda?

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#2
Donk

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U Wot M8?

I just wanna kill and bang. Not necessarily in that order.
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#3
Andrew Lucas

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Say what again?
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#4
Remix-General Aetius

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We need a dislike button. Stupid thread is stupid.



#5
SolNebula

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I'm beginning to hate fellow gamers and their immaturity.



#6
Ahriman

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Gotta admit, looking at title I thought that OP was being sarcastic about Bioware's tendency to assemble PC's crew from mentally unstable individuals with daddy issues. Didn't know people are so into it.


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#7
Hinjo

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Gotta admit, looking at title I thought that OP was being sarcastic about Bioware's tendency to assemble PC's crew from mentally unstable individuals with daddy issues. Didn't know people are so into it.

This human understands!

 

Edit: Eh, I'll rather edit the first post...



#8
Abraham_uk

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So, if we for example split Commander Shepard into separate characters with different skills we'd have:

 

Ship Councillor: Deals with the entire crew's issues.

Ship Captain: Makes all the big decisions

Ship Negotiator: Helps resolve huge conflicts

Ship Navigator: Helps navigate the ship.

 

Player Character Shepard: Yeah. I'm the player character. I'd love to make all the big decisions but someone else has that role. I'd love to sleep with the crew but I can't because of regulations. I'd love to go wherever I like but the ship navigator won't let me. I'd love to assist in the negotiations but the ship has a trained negotiator. Well I'll just bring two squad mates and start shooting bad guys. Hang on? The ship captain picks the away team? I'm one of 9 possible squad mates.

 

 

[Player spends the entire game watching cut scenes hoping the the ship captain eventually picks the player character. That never happens].


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#9
Lucca_de_Neon

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I miss my little baby, Grunt u_u
 

I just wanna kill and bang. Not necessarily in that order.

Need any help with that?  ;)


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#10
Vortex13

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You know it would be a change of pace, if we got a companion that was a total badass fighter, and came from a happy childhood.

Not everyone in the universe had abusive/absent parents, not everyone has suffered some horrific tragedy. Etc.
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#11
Lucca_de_Neon

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You know it would be a change of pace, if we got a companion that was a total badass fighter, and came from a happy childhood.

Not everyone in the universe had abusive/absent parents, not everyone has suffered some horrific tragedy. Etc.

And some of the ones that had abusive/absent parent, fixed everything by themselves. Give me a drinking companion! Someone i can ****** about how the desert sand gets inside my pants or something.


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#12
Vortex13

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And some of the ones that had abusive/absent parent, fixed everything by themselves. Give me a drinking companion! Someone i can ****** about how the desert sand gets inside my pants or something.

 

 

That, or give me an 'alien' companion, that doesn't relate to our annoying "human issues" and can tell me more about the universe, or just wreck face.

 

"What's that commander? You want my advice on which crew member you want to bond with? My species reproduce through spores, why would I care."

 

:lol:


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#13
Lucca_de_Neon

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That, or give me an 'alien' companion, that doesn't relate to our annoying "human issues" and can tell me more about the universe, or just wreck face.

 

"What's that commander? You want my advice on which crew member you want to bond with? My species reproduce through spores, why would I care."

 

:lol:

I loled like never before when i saw the "romance" with Mordin xD he just doesn't give a ****. Priceless and hilarious. Something like that would be awesome


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#14
Master Warder Z_

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I miss my little baby, Grunt u_u

 

We all have death machines we miss.

 

Spoiler

 

*The Good Comrade plays in the background*

 

:crying:

 

I shall see you in Valhalla brave soldier of the duchy of Zeon.



#15
SnakeCode

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U Wot M8?

I just wanna kill and bang. Not necessarily in that order.

 

Exactly. Kill the alien, bang the corpse. 

 

Wait, what?


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#16
Master Warder Z_

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And I am reminded of why my remains are going to be cremated

#17
Lucca_de_Neon

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Exactly. Kill the alien, bang the corpse. 

 

Wait, what?

 

 

And I am reminded of why my remains are going to be cremated


If that is how it works, i want to be dumped in the backstage of a strip club :D



#18
Master Warder Z_

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If that is how it works, i want to be dumped in the backstage of a strip club :D

 

Such behavior is very unZeon like...we have medication for that.



#19
Steelcan

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If that is how it works, i want to be dumped in the backstage of a strip club :D

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#20
Lucca_de_Neon

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JAJAJAJAJA you did good. I salute you



#21
Master Warder Z_

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39896_7bd0969e1068e9e09a9c46ba472a893f.j

 

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#22
SentinelMacDeath

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but is it organic and local?



#23
Master Warder Z_

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but is it organic and local?

 

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#24
Han Shot First

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#25
General TSAR

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We need more Chaplains.