29 réponses à ce sujet

[Grymlorde]

Introduction:

For this month's CCC, I signed up to make some prefab farmers (serfs, peasants, villeins, cottagers, &c.) say random one-liners. Well I thought it would be fun if the whole community participated by voting if not submitting potential one-liners for inclusion.

 

The Rules:

1. Vote for each submission by "liking" it. Every submission that is liked, I will include it in the random one-liner script. (Since it's script-based, there is no limit to the number of possible speakstrings as far as I know).
2. And please feel free to submit your own one-liner for the community to like or ignore!
3. One submission per post otherwise I won't know which one someone liked.
4. It's OK to state that the one-liner is only for a male or female, adult or child.
5. Don't forget non-Human farmers!

 

[Grymlorde]

Male Adult Farmer to a female PC: "Nice udders!"

[Grymlorde]

Boy farmer: "Tut-tut. It looks like rain."

[Grymlorde]

Male Adult Farmer: "Women are like cow-pies. The older they are, the easier they are to pick-up."

[Grymlorde]

Teen-aged Farmer: "Ever tip a cow?"

[Grymlorde]

Male Adult Farmer: "That'll do pig. That'll do."

[Grymlorde]

"How now brown cow?"

[Grymlorde]

Okay, not a one-liner but a classic exchange:

 

Farmer: "I told you. We're an anarcho-syndacalist commune. We take it in turns to act as an sort of executive officer for the week..."

PC: "Yes..."

Farmer: "But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting..."

PC: "Yes I see..."

Farmer: "By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs..."

PC: "Be quiet!"

Farmer: "But by a two-thirds majority in the case of..."

PC: "Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!"

[Grymlorde]

Classic convo part deux:

 

Farmer: "Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses not from some farcical aquatic ceremony..."

PC: "Be quiet!"

Farmer: "But you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you..."

PC: "SHUT UP!"

Farmer: "I mean if I went 'round sayin' I was an emp'ror jus' because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"

PC: "Shut up! Will you?!? Shut up!"

Farmer: "Ah now we see the violence inherent in the system..."

PC: "Shut up!"

Farmer: "Oh. Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

PC: "Bloody peasant!"

Farmer: "Oh what a giveaway. Did you hear that eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?"

[Grymlorde]

A pig or piglet: "Baa-ram-ewe! Baa-ram-ewe! To your breed, your fleece, your clan be true! Sheep be true! Baa-ram-ewe!"

[Tarot Redhand]

Ho hum let's get it out of the way now - "Four legs are better than two" and "All animals are Equal! (Just some are more equal than others...)" - paraphrased from "Animal Farm" by George Orwell.

 

TR

[T0r0]

Age old joke of youth vs experience:

 

* 2 bulls on a hill overlooking a pasture with dozens of cows *

 

Young bull says to papa bull, "Hey papa, lets run down there and %*&@! one of those cows "

Papa Bull says, " No son, let's walk down there and @%$^!! them all !! "

[Frith5]

Hmmm....

 

Bah! Fertilizer, she says. Fertilizer. Took me twenty year t'learn t'call it manure!

 

Be a farmer, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

 

Gods, me back's achin'.

 

Wisht it'd rain a bit more...

 

Wisht t'hells it'd stop rainin'!

 

Where in hell is that boy?

 

Potatoes, tomatoes, cukes, snap beans, carrots . . .

 

Ye'll want to watch yer step there <mister/missus>.

 

Mind yer step! Well, it'll scrape off.

 

Well fancy that, stomping all over my crops. I'll thank you to get outta that field.

 

I shoulda stood in bed!

 

Till, furrow, plant, rake, weed, water, harvest... then start all over again...

 

Damned sun.

 

Damned rain.

 

Damned wind.

 

Damned soil.

 

Damn.

[rjshae]

Farmers' do it in the dairy air. (Bah-dum-tish.)

 

Farmer's plant it deep.

 

Farmer's do it butter.

 

---

 

Two cows are standing in a field eying a nearby bull.

 

Suddenly the bull explodes.

 

The first cow says, "That's abominable".

[3RavensMore]

Careful now, your stereotype is showing. 

[rjshae]

Careful now, your stereotype is showing. 

 

A statement commonly herd around the farm, no doubt.

[CaveGnome]

Burn !!! Burn the witch !

[Frith5]

Well, let me see....

 

How exactly does one depict a 'generic NPC figure of a specific category, for use in a video game' without 'stereotyping'?

​

 

Plus, how can anyone argue with 'a bomb in a bull' (abominable)?! Genius.

 

lol

[SHOVA]

Get yer fool heads outa my field!

 

She thinks my scythe is sexy..

 

Damn cow is out a the barn

 

Who let the jackass out?

 

Where did I leave that torch and pitchfork?

 

I don't remember planting that...

[Frith5]

Nothin' beats homegrown.

 

Would'ja look at the head on that thing?

 

Yipee-kay-ayyyy! Cow Patty!

[Shadowing2029]

Just a little more and i can go to pub.

 

Damn, nobles wants mine cows for a feast.

 

Thanks (religion name) for this piece of land they gave me.

 

Urgh.. the heat is unbearable.

 

Damn, plow broke.

 

Next time im gonna kill that fox.

 

****!

The pub is closed.

 

"to female PC"

Wow they are like an cows.

 

"to male pc"

I could youse your strong back

 

Damn mine crops are ruined again.

 

"random name" is the wich, she cursed me to sleep with her.

 

Hell i am thirsty. I could you a beer, or three.

 

 

 

Drunk:

 

Huh... I am home yet?

 

Hic, when did army arrived?

 

Hey babe do you want some real man?

(female pc) "Slap"

Honey is that you?

 

Female farmer:

 

One more he comes home drunk i will use him as an fetrilizer.

 

All guys the the village are just Drunks.

 

Finaly some reliable man.

 

Whats with your boobs?

Yorur child would starve.

 

Your hips are too small to bear an child.

 

 

 

 

 

Little info. It the past christianity gave pieces of land to ex-soliders in exchange for wov to defend them in case of war.

[rjshae]

"Gramps' been milking the bull again, I see."

"Ruddy neighbor's been pinching me cow pies."

"Saddle up the cart Ma."

"We dunna want to be late for market agin."

"That old fox got into the hen house and ate me prize rooster."

"I had a pet rabbit named Stew once. Sold it for a turnip."

"Broke me cobb pipe on it's 'ead, I did."

"Corr, who stinks o' lavender?"

"What I wouldn't do for a swig of 'ooch roight now."

"It's the foul rot, I says. Sure as I've seen it."

"Never seen an elf farmer before. Gives me the willies, it does."

"Mind the pig. It's a roight mean swine that one."

"The b itch 'ad her pups last night."

" Dogs 'n sheep living together. That ain't roight, I says."

"Cow's been dry since spring. Might 'ave to gut 'er."

[Frith5]

Me bills is all due, an' the babies need shoes . . . but I'm busted.

 

Cotton be down, to a copper a pound . . . an' I'm busted.

 

Got a cow that went dry

 

Got a hen that won't lay

 

Got a big stack o' bills that gets bigger each day...

 

King's men'll haul my belongings away . . . 'cause I'm busted.

 

Went to me brudder's ta ask fer a loan . . . 'cause I'm busted.

 

Hate fer ta beg, like  a cur fer a bone, but I'm busted.

 

Me brudder said there ain't a thing I can do...

 

The wife and the kids are all down with the flu...

 

I was just thinkin' 'bout callin' on you . . . 'cause I'm busted.

 

Lyin' little turd.

 

Me back's broke like a shattered crock from this work.

[Proleric]

Don't hold with them new-fangled scarycrows.

Wheel, is it, now?

Crop rotation? Fool! Turnips won't grow upside down!

Crops fail, nothing to sell.
Crops glut, price goes down.
Who'd be I?

I seen a chicken run, but never a pig cycle.

I got mangelwurzels in me shed.

Us village idiots keep it in the family.

I got two magic beans for that cow, I tell thee.

Better a pig in a poke than a **** & bull.

More fun than a fortnight in Firkin Furlong.

The cuckoo of destiny flys over the thicket of confusion at ale o'clock.

[SHOVA]

Sung as the farmer milks the cow: Give Betsy Give the babies gotta live!

 

Said by the farmers wife as she hangs the wash: Damn that man and giving me new clothes!

 

Said by the farmers son: I'm gonna snitch a mellon

 

Said by the farmers daughter: gee mister, my pa wont like it if we get naked....