Here's a thread to share some Mass Effect puns 
.
I'll start...
What is the most common question the Geth ask when they're out shoe shopping?...
"Does this platform have a sole?"
I heard Claudia Black likes to meditate... because she is a Xen master.
What does Wrex say when he wants to be in the front seat of a car?...
"Shotgun!"
I'm sure you can do better than me! 
Geth what? Your post sucks.
(not really)
I don't geth this thread
I love this thread
What gift was waiting on the ship 'Purgatory'?...
A jack-in-a-box.
If you think I'm going to take the virtual tour then you're 'avina laugh.
What do the Cerberus law enforcers give when they arrest someone?...
Their Miranda Rights.
(this enforcer will say: "I'm only following the law,son")
YOU KILLED WREX??? I don't be-wreave it!
If you fight an Asari commando, make sure to take an antibiotic beforehand.
The Mass Effect exploration vehicle may be sponsored by Shinra... because it uses a lot of MAKO energy.
How do the Batarians make a fire?...
They use a blighter.
What happens to Ashley when she is left on Virmire?...
She becomes Ghoulash.
I never visit Sha'ira on the Citadel because she appears to be the criminal type... you know the con sort.
I'll never trust the Geth because they're always on the Con census.
What did one of the Quarian Admirals say when she saw the Geth approaching?...
"Raan Away!"
What did the naked Krogan shout in the Citadel?...
"I need to find Michel"
What is a popular sweet among Quarian children?...
Bubblegum
What is Al Jilani's favourite drink?...
Punch
Shepard was going to go to the gym but must consult the Traynor beforehand.
Did you hear about the vampire who's got a vendetta against Aria's men?...
He was heard shouting: "All I want is the Blood Pack!"
What type of help was on offer the most in Mass Effect 1?...
Counciling
What does a pyro vorcha say to the employees?...
"You're fired!"
Why did the Drell lose to Kai Leng?...
because he Thane-ted.
People who wanted Barla Von as a LI suffer from the condition of Volust
And...
If you didn't like any of these, then I'm Asari.
You're killing me 
What's a krogan on a ball?
A Wrexing Ball 
What does someone say when they wanna know what a vorcha is up to?
Hey man, vorcha doing?
Yeah, I'm bad at this. I'll show myself out
Today, I shouted: "Geth are stupid"
The Geth replied: "Incorrect, this is armature unit"
How do you solve the Peak 15 puzzle?...
By using a Mira.
What did Kaidan's biotic trainer say about his abilities?...
Eezo good!
Mordin's loyalty quest is fantastic, you could say... I'm a massive fan.
You best save the Krogan female on Sur'Kesh, otherwise... the battle will turn ev'ill.
I took a Hanar to a fish market the other day, all it was interested in was the sole names.
The fisherman said he caught a lot. He was lucky he was carry an extranet.
When travelling to other planets, be careful when your walking in the forest. You may encounter bio-ticks.
Renegade Shepard didn't like a certain crew member's attire.
Shepard says: "Jacob's Tailor needs shooting"
What do you call a Council operative who spends a lot of time in the tavern?...
An Inn-spectre.
What did Chorban say when he found his data?...
"Finders Keepers"
Why shouldn't you take Legion golfing?...
He normally has a hole in one.
How can you describe Shepard after helping Miranda?...
Assister
In the German version of Mass Effect, what is a common Krogan greeting among the Aralakh Company?...
Guten Dagg
In the German version of Mass Effect, what is a common Krogan greeting among the Aralakh Company?...
Guten Dagg
That just made my morning! (I'm from Germany)
What type of sandwich did Koris eat when he touched down on Rannoch?...
The ones with jammin'
What did Shepard say to Gavin to make him happier?...
"Archeer up!"
Thane's condition deteriorated in the latter stages of his condition and it affected his eyesight. When Shepard was standing in front of him, Thane said he couldn't siha.
You can't get a straight answer out of Kasumi. She too much of a 'Keiji' character.
What did Shepard say to Dr Warren (at the start of the Trilogy) after the punch?...
"Life doesn't come with a Manuel"
People who wanted Mordin as a LI suffered from the condition Solust.
I didn't like Aria's second-in-command because he was too... abraysive.
What does Shepard say to the Admiral when failing to take a Geth Outpost?...
"I couldn't Hack-ett"
One mercenary group doesn't operate in Asari territory because... No Blue Sons are allowed.
Garrus likes to do canon playthroughs.
Citadel philanthropist's are always looking to get a-ward named after them.
If Iraq had a monarch, they would have Irachni Queen.
Some people aren't keen of Omega because it is a shady aria.
After the events of ME3, Aliens who eat Krogan have developed a taste for cured meat.
The Salarians asked me to collect some items in the universe but I told them "ID rather not"
Shepard loves rock music because he/she was always on the lookout for a heavy metal sources.
One mercenary group has an episode on TV where they look at their 'best bits'...
It's eclipse show.
A Garrus/Shepard romance is a love/hate relationship because they keep butting heads.
What if EDI was made out of sweets?
-She'd be EDIble.
In ME2, the relationship between our pilot and EDI wasn't that great, he would Jok'er if he could.
If the asari Justicar was a parrot she would be Samara.
If Mordin would play ME3 MP he'd totally own at Solus.
If Tali was banned from the forums, that'd be called a Tali-ban. Err...
Why did Shepard look in Miranda's wardrobe?...
To look at her perfect jeans.
Did you hear about when all the Mass Effect 2 crew played bingo?...
Kelly's Eye popped out!!!
Why do biotics look younger than most people?...
They give themselves a face lift.
Feron is a polite Drell... a-gent of the Shadow Broker.
Why should you be careful if you visit the Hanar homeworld?...
You might Kahje a cold.
What did the scientist say to Toombs?...
Don't Akuze me!
What type of winter sport do collectors/husks prefer?...
Scion
What Elcor phrase means 'no worries'?...
Dekuuna Matata
You might want to avoid beaches in the Mass Effect universe because (in the library)... I red sand is illegal.
There was a lot of dirty dancing in 'Bring Down The Sky' DLC... there were lots of thrusters.
What does EDI say when receiving an order?...
ai ai sir
What will Bioware call the spinoff dating sim?...
Mass Affection
What did Shepard say when discovering the body of Pressly?...
"that's the xo-skeleton"
How do the Hanar make holes?...
They use a Drell
What company makes glasses for robots?...
Synthetic In Sights
How many episodes would be needed to air a TV show about James Vega?...
It would end, N7 programmes.
Why did Petrovsky stand out from the other Cerberus Generals?...
He was always Oleg above the competition.
One of Palaven's moon didn't have Menae defences to fight the Reapers.
How did some people react to the ME3 ending?...
"You've got to be kid-ding me!"
The Turian captain on Omega is obsessed with killing Vorcha. Sometimes he can be heard screaming "PRAY TO GAVORN!"
Shepard didn't need to chase Benezia for the missing relay because the cows would know where the moo relay is. This relay was thought to be lost but these cows mooved it.
Some Tali fans didn't like how things ended because they took the romance at face value.
Anderson was ready to get something to eat when his assistant said "Udina is waiting"
Did you hear about the fraudulent Krogan on the Citadel?...
He wanted to phish on the Presidium.
What type of music do Asari like?...
The Blues
Where do the attractive scientists work on Noveria?...
The Hot Labs
Why did a Quarian die on a covert op?...
Their in-filtration didn't work.
What did Archangel build on Omega?...
A well fortified Garruson.
A criminal Asari wanted everyone's attention (on her homeworld). She said: "I've got something to con-thessia"
Hackett: "I'm not happy with your latest report Commander. There were gaps all over the place!"
Shepard: "Sorry sir, I spent a lot of time on the space-bar"
What type of drink does Tali prefer?...
Ta-Keelah
What's Tali's favourite Abba song?...
Chikit' ta
The starchild discriminates against the shifty looking cows... because it's a cattle-ist.
Why do some Cerberus engineers shout out randomly?...
They have Turrets.
What does Tali think about rebuilding her home?...
She's bricking it.
Why would Kirrahe be good at teaching fishing?...
He would tell his students to 'hold the line' at all costs.
I know someone who has a lot of mechs... he's a LOKI guy.
The Leviathan can take a lot of damage because... it absorbs attacks.
How does Grunt drink alcohol?...
With a tankard.
What was the biggest question facing Shepard when wanting to use the Omega relay?...
IFF it can be done.
What did the Salarians say to the Krogan when handing over reparations for the Genophage?...
"We can't leave the Krogan unchequed!"
Did you hear about the club that didn't allow the Asari in?...
There was a ban-shee policy.
What did Vasir say to Shepard in their first encounter?...
I cannot Tela lie.
Killing a reporter via Twitter is just... Wong.
Encountering the antagonist on Virmire was a bit of... Sarendipity.
What were Donovan's guards doing at the party?...
They were watching Hockey.
What do Batarians shout when jumping in a swimming pool?...
CANNIBALLLL!
Reapers don't like to waste energy... they have a habit of recycling.
What did Shepard say when seeing the hybrid Turian/Krogan?...
"You brute-y"
On the suicide mission, the fight in the Cargo Hold was a bit of a chore... eye hated it!
How did Miranda get her friend to steal from shops?...
She'd shout "HURRY UP, NIKET QUICK!"
One type of enemy is primed to explode... a few Klixen Boom.
What happened when Liara was surprised?...
Her eyebrows lifted.
What did Renegade Shepard say when interrogating Elias?...
"Can't we just Kelham instead?"
I didn't like playing through Horizon because... it was full of bugs.
What did Shepard say to inspire people on the ship?...
"Don't worry people, this is the place where no-man-dys"
It's hard to find the hospital in the Citadel... some people don't know Huerta go.
The Mass Effect 2 crew didn't make it to Earth... they were FOBed off.
How did Shepard give details about a shipping manifest to a Krogan?...
By Thax.
What did Shepard say to Kenson when the Reaper artefact was unveiled?...
"Rho No!"
How do women give birth on the Citadel?...
They do it by the C-section.
Tali's in charge of giving new recruits alcohol... she said "Here's the induction port everyone".
The Mass Effect 2 mercenary companion might be from California... because he's from the West Zaeed.
One Shepard class is very old fashioned. Instead of an email, they would have preferred information sentinel letter.
Why did Opold get along so well with Tali?
Because he was a-quarian.
One thing I never understood: on Novaria, why wasn't Lorik Qui'in to help Shepard?
When the Cerberus troops were lost and didn't have a map, what did they say?
"Wish we had an Atlas right now."
What did the asari at the transport docks on Illium get arrested for?
Thax evasion.
In ME2, can Shepard have a threesome with the LI and Kelly?
I am not sure but he can invite the LI into his Chambers.
What was the last thing we heard from Okeer before he died?
A Grunt.
What kind of liquor do C-Sec officers like best?
Bailey's.
When the random merc walked into a flower shop, what did he say?
"ANEMONES EVERYWHERE!!!!"
Sovereign: "Saren, I need you to find a back door into the Citadel. Are you up to the task?"
Saren: "I conduit."
What did the batarian prophet say when his government slavaged a reaper corpse?
"Dis is not gonna end well."
What was the only thing left on Virmire after Shepard was done with the planet?
Nothing but Ash
Poor Jenkins, he got killed in his Prime.
Why did Tali fall for Saren's trap?
Because he let his Fist do all the talking.
And what happened to Fist?
One way or the other, he ended up in the Afterlife (fortunately for him it wasn't Purgatory).
How does Doran check on how many people entered the casino?...
He checks the Flux capacitor.
What would Ned Flanders (from The Simpsons) say if he was the one needed to save Grissom Academy?...
"O Kahlee dokely"
Why do vanguards make great leaders?
Because they always take Charge.
Why do engineers make horrible public speakers?
Because they just keep droning on.
What code word did the Volus use when they assaulted Mogadishu?
Irune! (cookie for whoever gets the reference 
)
When Shepard rejected Liara, it actually increased her self azure-ance. 
When Cerberus resurrected Shepard, they should have at least promoted him to Centurion. After all, he commanded a Legion.
Being attacked by a Hammerhead is a Grisly thought. MAKOf that what you will.
If the Ascension project would have continued the practices Cerberus used on Pragia, they would have called it the Gruesome Academy.
If Cerberus ever produces a musical, what will it be called?
The Phantom of the Opera.
And what if it's a movie?
A Phantom Menace.
What do you call an elite geth unit in a meadow?
A Grasshopper.
How did Shepard find Samara?...
By following a copper lead.
How did Garrus kill Dr Saleon?...
By encouraging a heart attack.
How do the Geth kill insects?...
They use a bug sapper.
It's difficult to get to know Petrovsky because he doesn't bring down his barriers.
Why are the Hanar considered fire experts?...
They have experience, enkindling.
What happened when James was in charge of a mission?...
He Fehl at the last hurdle.
Why was James good at poker?...
It was through Vega's experience.
Why are the Volus so sarcastic?...
They have a natural sense of Irune-y.
Hey OP, you're pretty funny
Thank you for a really funny thread. it's needed in between these serious threads people make sometimes xD
What did Shepard have in Mass Effect 3 (in comparison to 2)?...
A crew cut.
How do Quarians cover up their suits?...
They use masking tape.
Why did Liara liquify the Shadow Broker?...
She wanted a yahgurt.
A crew member died on the Suicide Mission while they were hacking... it was a vent full to say the least.
What did Tali find out about Haelstrom?...
It doesn't matter.
Liara wanted a drink when she was working on the Prothean Archives... she was heard saying: "I wish I had a Mars bar".
How did Shepard check the crew's inner-self?...
By checking on Dr Chakras.
The Alliance doesn't have enough protection from the weather... Anderson said: "it's a major coats problem".
What did Cortez suffer from when searching for the Leviathan?...
A Kodiak arrest.
Why were the Quarians unaware of Tali's father's activities?...
Alareis were shut.
QUIET PLEASE MAKE IT STOP
Retour en haut