I'm sorry, but I have to rant about my paranoid coworker. I wish she was just ******* with me, but she's not. She's not just a conspiracy theorist, she's like... ALL THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES.
She's gone on and on before about how every politician is a Satanist, and Obama is actually the third Obama (the original is dead and these last two were lizard people clones). She's an anti-vaxxer who believes earth is on a collision course with planet Nibiru, which the Illuminati wants for... some reason.
This morning she was telling me about microchips in vaccines that are activated via satellite, and whose sole purpose is to cause more pain in people who already suffer from chronic pain. The microchips contain the Number of the Beast. She knows this because her boyfriend got a vaccine after a lying doctor diagnosed him with cancer (which was a LIE!! because he failed a pregnancy test), and he got a rash all over his body after they ate Kentucky Fried Chicken that was loaded with MSG (don't ask me how this is related). Domino's Pizza is in on it too - the logo falling off in the commercial is symbolic of how much they want to kill us, "like the domino effect."
I CAN'T HANDLE THIIIIIIS. It would be hilarious if she wasn't dead ******* serious. So it's just terrifying instead.
SHE'S BACK. Today she stayed an hour(!!!!) after her shift was over to tell me this crap.
The lens flare on her camera is actually evidence of another solar system on a collision course with ours.
The earth is flat and the guy who told her this is being forced to say that Jesus is an alien, or else the government will kill him.
There's a giant Satanic tunnel underneath the earth where lesbian orgies and baby sacrifices to Baphomet happen. The Pope is in charge of this.
Blue Kuchina = Wormwood, warning of oncoming collision with planet Nibiru.
M-A-R-T-I-A-L L-A-W = W-A-L-M-A-R-T...ial?
Katy Perry's "Wide Awake" contains subliminal messages.
"The Bible says" that Noah's arc is going to appear (to... rescue people? Animals? NO ONE KNOWS) during the Olympics in Rio.
Human souls are frequently replaced by souls from the fourth dimension (Obama is one of them. I thought he was a lizard clone..?)
She showed me a Mercedez Benz commercial that had a bunch of red cars and the words "summer event" - this is more Nibiru foreshadowing.
I asked who "they" were, she said, "The elite. The Satanic elite. They are in charge of everything." and that she is "tired of being censored."
And then she started in on ******* Orlando and I had to GTFO.




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