@SardaukarElite
I can, at most, give the quote from Gaider from 2010 about Sten (I can't find a direct link right now, but I'm sure about the year), and say I don't have a reason to think he lied (or embellished the truth) about writing Sten that way.
What Sten meant was that qunari females don't become soldiers-- they don't live by their blade or get trained in combat. This doesn't mean that they are incapable of fighting when the situation calls for it. That would be a very un-feminine thing to do. If a female qunari persisted down such a path, however, that would call into question their gender-- socially (not biologically, which is something that really only concerns the Tamassrans) qunari are identified by their role. A qunari that fights is a male, for all intents and purposes. Every other qunari would simply refuse to see it otherwise.
This doesn't mean that qunari females are free to be males, if they wish-- the Ben-Hassrath might have something to say about that, as chances are they'd be defying whatever role the Tamassrans had already assigned them.
This also seems to confirm my thoughts that aqun-athlok is something only Tamassrans would deal with. That quote also works with this dialogue:
Cassandra: I am surprised you accept fighting at a woman's side, Bull. I understood Qunari women didn't fight.
Iron Bull: If a Qunari women really wants to fight and has a gift for it, she becomes an Aqun-athlok. The Aqun-athlok joins the warriors and is treated like a male. He becomes a guy, for all intents and purposes.
Cassandra: But she wouldn't physically become male, surely.
Iron Bull: Doesn't matter. In the Qun, your role is everything.
Cassandra: And... do you think of me as male, then?
Iron Bull: Depends. In or out of your armor?
The name aqun-athlok seems to be new, but the concept itself was very much present before that.
And even if it is right, it still makes the Qun view of gender even stupider.
Qun gender politics, like everything concerning the lives of the qunari, is extremely oppressive, and is meant to be seen that way. It's a system, where everyone is a slave, and individuality is exterminated at every step. You are denied to even define your own gender (Krem was just lucky about gender identity + role configuration), and you are denied personhood, if you're a mage.
I don't think DA has ever presented a religious or political system, and said 'This is good.' (*as far as I know, I've just started Jaws of Hakkon)