... So by your logic, say, a gay person doesn't choose to be gay, but does choose to live as a gay person? So, just, stay in the closet forever? Do you know why people enter those closets in the first place?
Because they are afraid. Because they know terrible things happen to people like them. The Tamasran's job isn't to scare children, job is to raise the most skilled, productive citizens they can, and that means considering all of the factors. They would want the children to share these things with them, in order to avoid placing them in the wrong role, which would be terrible not just for the child, but for the Qun as a whole because this person is doing work they were not suited for. The Qun is about utilizing everyone and everything to maximum efficiency.
The Qun is not progressive, but the Tamassrans want to put you in the right place. Sten wasn't looking at your genitals when he declared his amazement that you were a woman, he was looking at your sword arm. Women don't fight, but transexual men who are acknowledged by the Tamasrans and the Qun itself as men no doubt do.... which, I think, is what Iron Bull was trying to explain.
Theoretically, a transexual man trained as a warrior would have been greeted by Sten as a man and fellow warrior, because if the Tamassrans say this person is a man, and this person is doing a man's role, and presents as a man, then Sten certainly isn't going to question it. Why would he? All of his boxes are ticked.
You are the one who insists they must use GENITALS AND ONLY GENITALS to determine gender, when it doesn't always work like that and there's no reason the Tamasrans wouldn't know this.
I don't understand how you got that from my post. I don't think the Tamassrans should do anything specifically, I'm just extrapolating from the known data we have, which is very limited.
Part of the whole transgender thing is living as the gender you identify with, being treated as that gender by other people, using the correct name and pronouns, using the correct bathroom, and so forth. Steve might feel like Susan inside, but wants to actually live as Susan on the outside as well.
Being trans under the Qun is not like being trans in the rest of the world because gender is related to your role under the Qun.
Let's take another character, Maevaris Tilani. World of Thedas tells us she chose to start presenting and living as female in her teens. She made that choice for herself and luckily seems to have had her father's support in doing so. That is the choice I'm referring to. She could have conformed to the standards of Tevinter society, gotten married to a woman and sired heirs, just as Dorian was expected to do, but she didn't want to do that and be miserable for the rest of her life.
Again, that personal choice is denied to people under the Qun.
If Krem was Qunari, but sucked at doing soldiery things, was uncoordinated, not athletic, and so on -- some kids just aren't, for whatever reason, and no amount of training will make it so -- do you think he would still have been placed with soldiers just because he's male? I highly doubt it.
Imagine a young, physically ungifted Krem who likes making things with his hands. Krem thinks of himself as a boy, regardless of what's in his pants. All of his more physically able bros get sent to be soldiers while he is sent to apprentice as an artisan. Krem is now referred to as female, regardless of what he thinks of himself as.
I am saying that genitals don't matter and neither does the person's own view of themselves, which I said in this post, with these words:
The above seems to confirm my previous assertion that role > everything, even your stated gender. You fight? You're male. The end. We don't care what your genitals are, or how you think of yourself, we're calling you male. You're creative and good at working with your hands? You're female. The end. We don't care what your genitals are, or how you think of yourself, we're calling you female.
The Tamassrans MAY take a child's trans status into consideration, but if they decide that a trans boy (born a girl) is better off as being an artisan, that is what the trans boy will be and is now a "she." Again, the child has no choice, as per David Gaider.
You have yet to address the case of the person's gender identity being a mismatch for their assigned role. Krem is a trans man and a solder. That works out well for him under the Qun. But what if he weren't?
While in the game the Aqun-Athlok concept is used to explain trans acceptance, it doesn't only apply to trans people as the Tamassrans want to put the right person in the right role. It can't apply only to trans people because not everyone, cis and trans, fits neatly into a box. Because they want to do that, but also have these gender restrictions, they use this weird logic to allow themselves to do that and still say they are conforming to their rules.
Let's go another way and take someone who is NOT trans at all. Let's take a cis-gender boy who shows proficiency and creativity with crafts. This is a boy who was born a boy and thinks of himself as a boy. It seems to me that the Tamassrans would still place that cis boy with the artisans and call him female.
Look at Bull's banter with Cassandra on the subject; he's not talking about a trans person there, but of a woman who fights, who is, from that point onward, referred to and treated as male.