Oh for biscuits and maple syrup, some people just hit people for sexual pleasure, it's perfectly normal and acceptable when it's consensual.
The reality is we live in this totally crazy world, where people are lying like all the time, about everything.
Market capitalism and other things are the most profound form of sadism and masochism, everyone I've met (ahem and possibly experienced) of the whipping kind are more gentle than most any other people you ever meet. I don't think I ever really knew what kindness was (for real) until I met a fairly "sadistic" personality, and then I realized that most people's artificial form of kindness was more sadistic than I could of ever imagined.
That said, issues like whether being a "dame" is insulting can arise even within people who are con-sensually engaging in such acts and in the penunmbra around thereabouts. Not everyone likes the same things, and even slight things can tick off one person and be perfectly ok for another...
Now that people are sexually liberated we are learning that lots of things many people, and at various times in the world, previously thought to be "bad," ranging from pornography, LGBT, .anal sex, oral sex, watching other people doing things, breaking up the concept of marriage or 1 to 1 relationships only, BDSM, kink, video games, all of it's fine when those things are consensual, and to people's shock, those are things are indeed (not universally, often, and totally capable of being) consensual.
Some women want like a pure slave like relationship, a master patriarchical figure who does everything for them and they are basically just in a fairly extreme relationship in a sense... but it still can be a totally consensual arrangement (unlike, I don't know, Ancient Egypt)
Some women might view even the tiniest bit of sexual dominance towards them as degrading and inexcusable and want a man that is a highly independence oriented kind of figured.
And then there's like everyone else... which is most people... where it's somewhere in between the two points.
So rather than dickering over this lets just have casual conversations about kink eh,eh?
The only thing I think needs to happen is for representations in media to approach that as observed, possibly experienced on a day to day life all over the globe by people who are just too shy to share (and even that's not true anymore) what they really like.
For instance, I've seen some people who are pretty heavily into S&M and they are really kind of "in the zone" it's not this kind of off the cuff thing you see with IB so IMHO I would think if they represented kind of more like it actually is (people sometimes hit... pretty hard... again... nothing illegal, it's consensual, but S&M really does mean that a lot of the time)
And lets not forget the burgeoning demographic of women who are dominant minded and want men who are more willing to play a more submissive role, the increase in this factor has also been a thing that's pretty amazing to watch, people everywhere are learning what it is like to be themselves without having to guess.
And lets not forget that those same women can be liberated in a sense of expressing that, but also limited in that now they can be subject to the same kind of "sins" (just like Patriarchy, etc). In those instances I've observed a kind of "honeymoon" of oh wow you are that way! Followed by... well now our lives can kind of also suck like everyone else... phenomenon.
And finally don't forget that well... yeah lots of women wouldn't even be slightly offended by "dame" might even find it attractive and interesting. A lot of women angle right for a submissive role and are totally fulfilled by it.
The issues are multifaceted and complex, no one should feel restrained from expressing their opinion, especially about being restrained.
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