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[Trishann]

Entry 1: Ow. No, really, ow.

OMG Cerberus WTF? Meanwhile, I've teamed up with Man Candy and The Princess. Let's just put each one into the nibble category.

Entry 2: I don't trust Cerberus as far as I can stretch my bra, but damn I'm on the new Normandy and I got a feeling, yanno, "down there."

Entry 3: I'm flying in my rocket ship, I'm flying faster than light!

Meanwhile, Miranda, Jacob and my personal assistant, Cutie Kelly, make potential bed warmers, but I must stay faithful to Liara. The three also look at me like I am a bug ready to go nuclear, which, now that I think about it, I am.

Entry 4: The AI (Jesus Mary Joseph, people), has no files on Bane, Sure you don't, honey, sure you don't. Bane, I'm coming for your punk ass.

Entry 6: I want to complain about Cerberus's whacky weapon allocation scheme, up to the point they handed me a gun with a bore the size of my head. Oh, and I feel a little bad about spending a small fortune on ship resources on makeup. I'm vain, but Liara likes me pretty.

Entry 8: I've had better days on the Citadel.  I SAVE YOU FOR THIS CRAP? WE ARE DONE. It was the REAPERS, you jerkholes. You need to push this mass relay into the sun, dorks.

Entry 8: Oooooo, fish!

Entry 8: The Doctor and I are getting our drunk on. We both resist the urge to make out. So I'm either mature or stupid.

Entry 10: Garrus wasn't on the smartest of assignments, but hey, he spent two years shooting people in the head. HE UNDERSTANDS ME. He asked why we weren't with Cerberus before. I told him because we were stupid.

Entry 12: OMG Ash. I tried to patiently explain that I was, yanno, dead for two years, but Ms. Pink, possibly because she hasn't gotten laid in all that time, reams me a new one. Yes, it's Cerberus. You know what, Ash? Cerberus is my parent now. Got that? I'm a Cerberus baby.

I'm two years old, Ash, and I'm about to throw a Collective tantrum.

Entry 14: Well, at least Liara will love me. I bet she's on this planet of perpetual blue PMS we're orbiting.

Entry 15: ...

Entry 16: I guess I was just an Asari Maiden chew toy. My bed is empty. My heart is broken. I'm sitting here at this overpriced desk looking at her picture crying. Congratulations, Liara. You made the Commander cry.

Entry 17: Hello Jack. Apparently you are a psychotic killer who channels rage into a trail of death. Hold this big gun for me.

We'll get along fine. Yes, we will.

Entry 18. Oooo, more fish!