Urdaniel wrote...
And, on other topics, here we go again, people:
Things Worth Keeping
Day 3 is up. And before the weekend is over too. Don't know if I can sustain this pace, but I'll try. Thanks again in advance for reading and for any critiques.
Day 3 is the best one so far IMO Urdaniel. I stayed rather consumed by it throughout the whole page. The flow was much better than Day 1. I found humor in it, but also found it sobering.
The Mordin message delivery and the following dialog concerning it was nice and humorous to me. It reminded me of some of the posts in the thread a while back.

The story turned rather sobering when I found out that Gabriel left his former love Ashley behind. I like it though, because it shows that your story is not the ideal perfect world. It doesn't cheapen it with the reader assuming that everything will fall perfectly into place, and everyone will live happily ever after. In particular, Jack & Gabriel.
Modifié par JohnnyDollar, 16 mai 2010 - 10:46 .