Ok, this is more about Shepard, but -
Akuze. 06:33 hours, local time...
Shepard stands awkwardly in the shadow of a huge stone monument; a block of black stone at least fourteen feet high, sandstone steps leading up to it on all sides, corners sweeping down the ground like long curving scythes, the surface polished to an almost mirror sheen. On the top of it sits a golden reproduction of a turret of some kind with a pair of cannons jutting from it. One side of the turret has a massive gouge ripped through it, like some enormous saw tried to carve it in half. Jack stands a step behind him.
Jack: We’ve got a while before anyone comes by, it’s still early.
Shep: (softly) I've never been back here before now.
Jack: Never? Not even when they put that up?
Shepard shakes his head.
Shep: Never wanted to see this rock again.
Jack: Hey, might be your last chance. I keep hearin' that someone's coming to wipe us all out.
Shep: (bitterly) Well they can start here if they like...
Shepard takes an uneasy step towards the monument. The morning sun is rising somewhere behind it, throwing brilliant reflections off the gold turret. He shields his eyes from them as he looks up.
Jack: What’s that up top?
Shep: That's a Bull turret.
Jack: Bull?
Shep: M31 Bull. Old Alliance drop vehicle, variant on the Grizzly chassis. Lots of armour, slow as all hell though. We used them back before the Mako was standard. Didn't stop the threshers though...
Jack: You want to tell me about it?
Shep: Nothing to tell. It's all in the vids now.
Jack: I've seen those. They don't tell me anything about why they built this, why you have the bad dreams. You can, though.
Shep: (a little frustrated) Christ, Jack, what do you want? You've seen a thresher before, back on Tuchanka...
Jack: Yeah. We killed it. But I saw how you froze up when those things came waving out of the ground, too. Nothing does that to you, Shepard. Nothing I've ever seen before, and we've been in worse places than Tuchanka. So, make me understand. You always want to know about my f*cking feelings, well what about yours, huh?
Shepard sighs and sits on one of the stone steps in front of the monument. He runs a hand over his head, his eyes look haunted.
Shep: (pained) Why, Jack?
Jack: (slowly raising in volume and temper) Because I want to help you. All you do is help me and you won't ever let me in that head of yours. All my sh*t, all the things people did to me, and you make me talk about it. You think I don't feel it too? You think I want to remember a f*cking ounce of that sh*t? I look in the mirror and I feel toxic. Before, I'd just walk it off, forget it, let it make me colder. You've just made it like every time we f*ck you should shower in antibac because of what I've seen, what I've done -
Shep: I never wanted -
Jack: (angrily) No! I'm talking now! You just get to listen! You've broken something inside me, Shepard. And I'm f*cking glad you did. It needed to be broken. Now let me break you... 'cause it's the only way I can help start to fix you, because one of these days I’m just gonna shoot you when you have one of your bugout nights. If we’ve only got a little time left, left me f*cking try… please? Please, tell me.
Shepard becomes silent for a minute. He rubs at his eyes, shifts uneasily on the stone, sighs.
Shep: There'd been a first-stage colony here for a few months back in '77. Early pioneer group; couple of freighters, prefabs, orbital prospecting equipment for finding local resources, a few weapons and a handful of military-trained defenders in case pirates or slavers cruised by. Nothing that could deal with a serious threat. They'd sent back regular reports to Alliance command, then they suddenly went silent. No contact, not even an automated distress beacon...
Shepard stands up and looks at the monument.
Shep: They sent out a pair of frigates to sweep the system. No signs of ships passing through, nothing. Orbital recon showed the colony was a total loss. It looked like someone had tac-nuked the site. So, they dropped two Grizzlies and two Bulls with a full compliment to recon the colony remains and look for either survivors or signs of who was responsible. I was in command of one of the vehicles.
Shepard walks up the steps towards one of the sides of the monument. As he approaches it, bluish holographs begin to scroll over the sides, displaying portraits of people and their names; some are civilians, others are soldiers in uniform.
Shep: We weren't completely inexperienced, but we were still kids... wet behind the ears. We'd been in a few skirmishes with batarians, one run-in with some krogan mercs that had scared the sh*t out of most of us. We'd never seen civilian loss like this though. The place was a warzone; prefabs overturned, holes torn in them, stuff corroded to hell. Very few bodies... and what we found you couldn't recognise as human. We knew batarians liked hitting people with acid grenades for the shock value, so we treated it like it was payback time. We went over everything, picked through what we could recover from the damaged computer core, and found that they'd followed a ping from one of the orbital survey probes to a rich mineral deposit just hours before they lost contact. It was less than a click from their main site... they couldn't figure out how they'd missed it...
Shepard pauses, his hand reaching out towards the face of one of his comrades, his face a pained smile as he remembers something.
Shep: Langley said it was typical of ****** colonists to miss something like that, but Parkhurst, paranoid that he was, said it was maybe a decoy... never knew how right he was. Akuze has some wild storms; big atmospheric discharges. One rolled in just as we prepared to move on the probe site. Sky went black, every few seconds it would light up like someone set off a photon-flare and there was a boom that'd put an orbital bombardment to shame. And the wind, just screaming over us. We got to the site, and Langley took Takahashi and Burbank out into the storm to check the mining rig because we couldn't see it. Should have been able to... damn thing was thirty feet tall with a beacon on the top. There was just this little depression in the ground where it should have been...
Shepard turns away from the faces, his expression almost one of shame.
Shep: First we knew was this thumping under the ground. Steady, slow, almost like a drum. We felt it more in the Bulls than they must have in the Grizzlies, heavier armour, we weren't rocking in the wind so much. Next thing I hear is weapons fire, just for a second. Langley's comm unit just screeched and went dead. Then one of the Grizzlies opened up with its accelerator cannon. I stuck my head out of the hatch because the Bulls had no rear visuals, and then I'm falling. One of them came up right under us and I was thrown clear.
Shepard takes a step down away from the monument and he falters, almost losing his footing. Jack takes a step towards Shepard as he sits down heavily on the stairs, one hand on his face.
Shep: (voice faltering) We’d never seen a thresher before. No-one had. It was dark; only light came from weapons fire and the lightning. They just didn’t seem real… these giant things arching up out of the ground, like the dark just came to life. You couldn’t hear anything over the storm, just feel the ground shaking… it was like seeing frames of a vid that made no sense. One of the Grizzlies flying end over end. Burbank got hit by acid - he just fell apart in front of me like he was wax in a fire. Everyone scrambling about trying to draw a bead on the targets… we must have poured ammo into those things, they were so big you couldn’t miss them. We may as well have been shooting shadows… Britowski hit one of them a lucky shot with the acc-cannon, must’ve hit something vital because it just fell dead right on top of the Grizzly turret. Crushed it like a can.
Shepard stifles a sob and claws his way to his feet. He runs the back of his hands over his eyes, screws them shut, blinks hard. He takes an unsteady step towards the front of the monument and another holograph shimmers into life on its forward-face below the turret’s two guns. Shepard finds himself staring at his own likeness in blue light.
Shep: (voice breaking) I… I managed to get back into my vehicle. Wind was coming through the forward section, one of the threshers had hammered a claw right through, taken out Weaver and Tracey. I got in the turret and just started firing. I saw movement, I turned and fired on it. I just fired and fired and fired until the guns overheated… then something hit the Bull, rolled it… I remember hanging upside down in the turret, just waiting for the turret to crumple. Something pounded on the hull again and I hit my head on something. Not sure how long I was out… maybe a day, maybe more… but I remember hearing a shuttle coming down. Storm was over… all I could see was this clear blue sky. Perfect day. I pulled myself out and saw what was left… think I passed out again… just pieces of… Jack, we were barely eight months out of boot… we. We weren’t ready. Not for that. We…
Shepard swats at his electronic reflection and stumbles away from the monument. Jack steps towards Shepard to try and grab him, he tries to push her away but she holds on tight and throws her weight in the opposite direction. Shepard loses his footing entirely and slips to his knees, his head against Jack’s stomach, his arms clinging to her hips like a drowning sailor holding on to anything to save himself. Shepard weeps, utterly bereft.
Shep: (between sobs) Why us? Why me? Why did… I have make it? Not them?
Jack strokes Shepard’s head, blinking back tears of her own.
Jack: Because you’re strong. You didn’t stop fighting. You moved on. Harder and tougher, remember? But you gotta let this sh*t go, or it'll keep eating you alive. You said that to me. Your turn now. I’m here. I’ll help. As f*cked up as I am, I'll help. Just let me.
Shep: (quietly) Why?
Jack: I think everyone asks themselves that, sometimes… I really do.