Regarding your Jack/Tali bar room brawl... this is what happened to Shepard while they were in the lower afterlife.
Link
Modifié par NICKjnp, 21 juillet 2010 - 09:32 .
Into the Bad Girl: Jack Fans
Débuté par
Average Gatsby
, févr. 05 2010 03:24
#11451
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 09:16
NICKjnp
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No... I don't want to ****** off some of the Tali fans in here... I'll be good (today).
Regarding your Jack/Tali bar room brawl... this is what happened to Shepard while they were in the lower afterlife.
Link
Regarding your Jack/Tali bar room brawl... this is what happened to Shepard while they were in the lower afterlife.
Link
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#11452
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 09:30
Epantiras
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Just read your latest fic, Mondo... I can't say if Tali is out of character or not, but Jack asking Tali to kill her... that's weird. Jack's very attached to life, with all the "I don't want to suicide because it would be like a f*cking on/off button". On the one hand, Jack is not a rational person so her behaviour may be inconsistent sometimes (especially since Shep's "messing her head"), on the other hand I know Tali would never shoot her and probably Jack knows it as well.
#11453
Guest_yorkj86_*
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 09:51
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Epantiras wrote...
Just read your latest fic, Mondo... I can't say if Tali is out of character or not, but Jack asking Tali to kill her... that's weird. Jack's very attached to life, with all the "I don't want to suicide because it would be like a f*cking on/off button". On the one hand, Jack is not a rational person so her behaviour may be inconsistent sometimes (especially since Shep's "messing her head"), on the other hand I know Tali would never shoot her and probably Jack knows it as well.
I don't think she honestly thinks that Tali would kill her. They both have something in common, but do you think that she's showing an uncharacteristic amount of trust? That's Jack's thing, her issues with trust.
#11454
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 10:09
Gethforceone
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It seems really out of character for her to hand Tali a gun and scream KILL ME!yorkj86 wrote...
Epantiras wrote...
Just read your latest fic, Mondo... I can't say if Tali is out of character or not, but Jack asking Tali to kill her... that's weird. Jack's very attached to life, with all the "I don't want to suicide because it would be like a f*cking on/off button". On the one hand, Jack is not a rational person so her behaviour may be inconsistent sometimes (especially since Shep's "messing her head"), on the other hand I know Tali would never shoot her and probably Jack knows it as well.
I don't think she honestly thinks that Tali would kill her. They both have something in common, but do you think that she's showing an uncharacteristic amount of trust? That's Jack's thing, her issues with trust.
As stated I'm sure Jack enjoys being among the living.
#11455
Guest_yorkj86_*
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 10:18
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I agree. Jack wouldn't have made it thus far if she didn't enjoy life, no matter how much it's messed her up, no matter how much she may claim everything is meaningless, and no matter how much it's messed her up. Any claims to the contrary are probably just posturing. She believes in her own survival, and it goes without saying, that being dead says a bit about one's ability to survive.
#11456
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 10:26
Mondo47
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Wow... never really saw it as a literal request to be killed... maybe I should have thought of that before I wrote it. I just saw it as a Jack way of admitting the situation with Shepard is something she's scared by. It's not like Tali would do what Jack was telling her to do, but it allowed her to voice her insecurity without seeming weak; still keeping her full-on pedal-to-the-metal badass routine up while she can... I'm not scared of death, f*ckin' on/off switch. Feelings though... can't turn them off. She likes him, and it scares the hell out of her... but how does the alpha-b*tch voice something she's not supposed to feel? Maybe there's a touch of wanting to spare Shepard the weight she imagines herself to be - and that's potentially the only part that might want the trigger to be pulled. Tali's bearing her feelings to her, what can she do? She can't bear them back...
Oh, should be worth a note, this is before Legion comes aboard and her chat with Kasumi - I should put a hint of that in, maybe... clarify the position in the evolution of things.
I think a part of Jack does like to challenge death, because life has hammered her flat time and again. Part of the whole getting in close and smashing sh*t up, not being afraid of the concequences... but being cared for, and maybe caring back, that gives her something she can be afraid of losing. Getting soft. And she can't even make Tali hate her... beginning of the end, man... so she makes up as best she can, puts on her tough-girl face, and then as soon as Tali's gone, all that weight just crushes her.
I guess it's still a little too ambiguous... it might need a further tweak... hmmm
Oh, should be worth a note, this is before Legion comes aboard and her chat with Kasumi - I should put a hint of that in, maybe... clarify the position in the evolution of things.
I think a part of Jack does like to challenge death, because life has hammered her flat time and again. Part of the whole getting in close and smashing sh*t up, not being afraid of the concequences... but being cared for, and maybe caring back, that gives her something she can be afraid of losing. Getting soft. And she can't even make Tali hate her... beginning of the end, man... so she makes up as best she can, puts on her tough-girl face, and then as soon as Tali's gone, all that weight just crushes her.
I guess it's still a little too ambiguous... it might need a further tweak... hmmm
Modifié par Mondo47, 21 juillet 2010 - 10:34 .
#11457
Guest_JohnnyDollar_*
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 10:38
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You gotta be either a little psychotic or emotionally unstable (clinically depressed for example), or someone that has lost control of their rational and clear thinking, such as from an adrenaline rush for example, to hand a pistol over to someone, and tell them to point it at you and pull the trigger. I would think a scene like that Mondo, would be a really emotionally charged scene. A more impactful scene, than what you portrayed. Not necessarily something that wouldn't happen, but perhaps not happen in that particular scene. Where Jack temporarily loses her rational thinking, perhaps from something such as an adrenaline rush, for example. Unless you are intentionally portraying Jack as psychotic and/or unstable.
Modifié par JohnnyDollar, 21 juillet 2010 - 10:52 .
#11458
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 10:46
Mondo47
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Ok, pulling it. You've all made me doubt it enough 
Forget about it. Never happened.
Forget about it. Never happened.
#11459
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 10:56
LiquidGrape
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Well, I quite liked it, actually. The way I pictured the scene, Jack was casually feigning indifference to the prospect of being shot. She knew Tali wouldn't respond to the performance, but it was her way of telling someone heartbroken that she was just as much collateral damage as herself in the dilemma.
She hadn't asked for the attention, but someone sure as hell pulled that trigger. And it wasn't her.
That might just be me though.
She hadn't asked for the attention, but someone sure as hell pulled that trigger. And it wasn't her.
That might just be me though.
#11460
Guest_yorkj86_*
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 11:00
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It's gone... 
It was good, I just think the way you set it up was a little off.
It was good, I just think the way you set it up was a little off.
Modifié par yorkj86, 21 juillet 2010 - 11:00 .
#11461
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 11:06
tommyt_1994
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I kind of understand what everyone else I saying, but it thought that fic was great, but then again I love all of your Jack writings. While reading it, I never thought that Jack actually wanted and/or thought Tali would pull the trigger. Mabye it's just me? Anyways I liked it. Keep up the good work, your writings make my lurking more enjoyable 
#11462
Guest_JohnnyDollar_*
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 11:19
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I love Mondo's writing. I'm just giving my honest thoughts concerning Jack and the circumstances, is all.
#11463
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 11:26
LiquidGrape
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JohnnyDollar wrote...
I love Mondo's writing. I'm just giving my honest thoughts concerning Jack and the circumstances, is all.
Hey, didn't say nuthin to suggest otherwise. I understood your reservations, and while I don't necessarily agree, you made a good case.
And we all love your writing, Mondo. So don't you go get one of them artistic breakdowns you warned me of.
#11464
Posté 21 juillet 2010 - 11:40
Jackal904
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I thought it wasn't bad. Just the whole thing with the gun was a bit odd.
#11465
Guest_Sundown Native_*
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 12:00
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Third part of the "Eyes And History" story.
Might not look it, but I tend to write more when I'm putting a fight scene in. Hope you guys enjoy.
------------------------------------------------------
There they were.
Jack and James.
The Convict and The Colonist.
The two had been standing across the room from each other. Words unspoken, but they both knew what the topic would be. James' right hand was gripped onto the handle of the Camifex, left hand stuck out, surrounded by biotic auras.
She'd forgotten he was one. Like her.
...Like the other children.
-----------------------------------------------------
"Let's go." Shepard'd broke the ice, backtracking out of the Den. Jack had quickly followed, forgetting that the men, who were shooting at her minutes ago, were still alive -- just briefly incapacited.
"More Suns are out front." Shepard had said, taking to cover as he spoke. "They'll be ready for us."
But Jack did not. She stood there, eyes on her 'beloved'. She was irritated. Not because of what he said, but because of his apparent ignorance.
"Just get it over with, Shepard." Jack spat.
But no response was given. Shepard's blue hues looked towards her, staring into her eyes. Oh, he was going to talk. The conversation was going to happen. But not now. Not while they're under fire.
Shepard cocked his head to the opposite waist-height wall. A repitition of "get your ass into cover" if informing her that the Suns were waiting outside wasn't prompting enough. Jack stomped over the destination, intent on getting this out of the way before they'd get to the Normandy, where she wouldn't be able to walk from it. From this thing between them.
A heat sink replacement later, Shepard'd look back to the entrance to Chora's Den, and it was then that he'd remember.
"****!" Shepard got up, aiming the Camifex as carefully as he could, under pressure, and took down five Suns -- each with a headshot -- before they got a chance to fire. Sounds of gunfire being enough, the door in which they were in cover for, from the beginning, opened. And 15 more Suns poured in.
Shepard took back to cover quickly enough to escape with only a strand of hair singing off. The overwhelming began again, with the suns firinng onto their position with a barrage of assault rifles, heavy pistols, and shotguns. From where they were, there'd been no advantage. There had been no leveled ground between them and the assailants, no point in which they would return fire, without being shot, themselves. There was nothing they could do.
They were trapped.
Knowing this, Jack had sat down, back against the cold wall, and began to chuckle. "Figured it'd end something like this." Jack had said, smiling weakly. The heavy pistol in her possession slumped to the floor, the clacking sound being muffled by constant gunfire.
She WAS right, wasn't she? She'd told Shepard from the beginning that it'd hurt. That it'd suck.
And he was wrong. He was DEAD WRONG. This wasn't fun.
This wasn't fun, at all.
The smile had long since faded.
Shepard'd realized something. The neural degeneration report. How it changed her. Made her stronger. He was a biotic, too, though fresh from ressurection; something could be made of this. He reevaluated the battlefield.
The venue was still the same as it was when Fist was running it. Not a damn thing changed. The same neon signs of naked asari just outside of the entrance. The same type of people that frequented it. The same feel, the same music. The same drinks, the same 'employees'.
The same unsupported two way bridge that led to it.
The SAME unsupported two way bridge that they were currently pinned down on.
"Jack." Shepard had said, still concentrating on the fighting. Jack did not answer. "JACK!" he shouted, to which she'd simply turn her head, his way.
"We can get out of this, but I'm going to need your help. This bridge isn't stable -- not entirely. We can finish this easy, and fast."
Jack had immediately caught wind of what Shepard was implying. She raised a brow. She wasn't convinced.
"Doing that would break the bridge, Shepard." Jack said, matter of factly.
Shepard would look towards her. Gave her a look that told her he knew. That he didn't care. A smirk slowly crept onto her face.
"You ****er." She'd say. "Right now, then?"
"We need a distraction." Shepard had shouted, over the gunfire. Little did they both know, a distraction was well on it's way.
One of the Suns had been carrying a grenade launcher. He revealed it, intent on blowing the the two sky high. With one pull of the trigger, the grenade launcher fired onto the wall, exploding upon impact, and encasing the right bridge entirely in smoke. The gunfire died down. The Suns were sure they were dead, but entirely; their weapons were still at arms, waiting for anything to give the slightest doubt, so that they'd fire, yet again.
The bridge began to shake. Some Suns dropped their weapons at the sudden movement. Others staggered. The quake intensified. The Suns had gotten their answer, but now, it was too late.
The biotics were alive. And they were firing back.
Creaking had followed the rumbling, and the Suns had struggled to get a hold of their guns. One had looked to the other side, catching a glimpse of blue flames.
Shepard stood up. Eyes closed, hands held high.
Jack had followed. Eyes wide open, teeth grating together.
The bridge began snapping off of whatever support it had. And within a second, all of the 15 Blue Suns jerked forward, into the air; slingshotted to the depths below.
The danger had passed, and a combined effort was undertaken to place the bridge back into place, as tattered as it might have been. They still needed to get across.
Once pass the bridge, Shepard would conceal his pistol. He turned on his left heel, and began to walk toward the door. "Let's head back to the Normandy." He'd call. But Jack had not forgotten.
"I'm not going." Jack had said, staying in the same spot.
"Don't be stupid, Jack -- more Suns are going t--"
"SO WHAT!? They die too! Don't ****ing care, let them try! I'll kill all of those bastards!"
"We could barely hold our own against 15 of them, Jack, what're the chances they..."
Shepard had noticed blood, trickling down from her right hand. He'd moved his left to point to it.
"What happened to your hand?" Shepard had said, visibly worried.
"It's nothing."
"The hell it isn't!" Shepard moved to her, and attempted to grab onto her arm, intent on inspecting the damage. "Did this happen in the Den?"
When he grabbed onto it, Jack had jerked her arm away from his hand. A shard that had still been embedded in her hand tore down to her wrist, when she did, thereby making her condition worse.
"I SAID IT'S NOTHING!" Jack shouted. "Goddamn it, Shepard, don't you listen!?" She tried her best to block out the tears.
"We need to get you to the Normandy." Shepard had said, nudging her towards the door. Jack pushed away, and Shepard pushed back. "If we don't treat you now, it's going to get worse!" Shepard'd said. "I can take care of myself!" Jack had said, turning around, to face Shepard. "Now LET.." Jack had sent a punch to Shepard's stomach, in full force, causing him to double over. "GO!" Jack had finished, sending a biotic blast into Shepard's chest, which threw him across the room, and into the wall. Shepard had hit the floor with a thud, and grunted. Being the tough son of a **** he was, Shepard stood up, wincing from the pain gathered by slamming into the wall, and the punches that sent him into it. He walked towards Jack.
"Jack..." Shepard would say, between grunts. "We don't have time to deal with this bull****! Blue Suns are coming. And if they don't get you, C-Sec will." Shepard had come to a stop, a few feet away from her. "We need to leave, N-"
A gunshot rang out. Shepard paused.
He'd look over to his left shoulder. Blood was pouring from the shirt he'd been wearing. A horrified Jack would look towards Shepard. She was losing the battle with her tears.
"Shepard..." Jack called, voice beginning to break. Shepard would look up to her.
A gunshot rang out. Shepard fell forward, crashing onto the steel floor.
"SHEPARD!" Jack screamed.
When he fell, the culprit was seen.
"You cost us too much..."
The turian leader, now carrying more bruises than he had when he initially appeared, had his right hand gripped upon a Predator, aimed in the direction where Shepard once stood.
"I'll be damned..." The turian continued, struggling to position the gun on Jack.
"If I don't collect...Every.."
Heat sink ejected.
"Single.."
Grip was tightened.
"Credit."
Before he could get a shot off, the arm in which the gun was being with with...Snapped into two. The turian yelped. Then a third snap, at the forearms, downed him.
Jack's tears had won the fight, and they rolled slowly down her face. But she was angry. She was VERY angry. She had been breathing hard. Teeth were clenched back together. Her eyes were focused solely on the turian. Biotics began to flare up.
The turian was lifted off the ground, limbs stretched out. He had been in serious pain. He could not move. He could barely breathe. The pain in both his arms had took away his ability to do so.
But torture wasn't enough. This turian had made a mistake. A bad mistake. The punishment had to just as bad as the mistake.
Torture was out of the question.
This turian had to die.
Painfully.
The strength she acquired during her escape from the Purgatory ship had come back to her. And with it, memories. She remembered sliding past the door; only thing blocking her way out. She remembered seeing two guards. Once of which called out.
"STOP!"
She remembered taking the both of them out. The first to die had been the batarian. Slammed him against the glass. She was pretty sure all his bones were shattered. Then came the other guard. The one who called out to her. He tried to get a shot off at her. Big mistake. She hit him with a biotically charged punch, sending him into the Purgatory's gray, metal walls.
...Metal walls...
And then it hit her. She remembered everything.
There were two guards...One, a batarian. The second, a turian.
This was the turian.
"You wanted revenge, you bony little ****!? HUH!?" Jack had screamed. The turian's limbs stretched out. More so than they were supposed to. The turian could not respond. The pain he was suffering was unbearable."
"....Say hello to Kuril, for me."
And within that very instant, the turian exploded. Blue mists of blood spattered all over the walls.
Jack's attention immediately swung towards Shepard, who was still lying prone, on the floor. Jack darted to his position, trying her best to bring him to stand.
"****..C'mon, Shepard, stand the **** up!" She said, as she struggled. Shepard's right arm was slung over her shoulder, and Jack had began to carry him out of the hall.
They were en route to the Normandy.
Might not look it, but I tend to write more when I'm putting a fight scene in. Hope you guys enjoy.
------------------------------------------------------
There they were.
Jack and James.
The Convict and The Colonist.
The two had been standing across the room from each other. Words unspoken, but they both knew what the topic would be. James' right hand was gripped onto the handle of the Camifex, left hand stuck out, surrounded by biotic auras.
She'd forgotten he was one. Like her.
...Like the other children.
-----------------------------------------------------
"Let's go." Shepard'd broke the ice, backtracking out of the Den. Jack had quickly followed, forgetting that the men, who were shooting at her minutes ago, were still alive -- just briefly incapacited.
"More Suns are out front." Shepard had said, taking to cover as he spoke. "They'll be ready for us."
But Jack did not. She stood there, eyes on her 'beloved'. She was irritated. Not because of what he said, but because of his apparent ignorance.
"Just get it over with, Shepard." Jack spat.
But no response was given. Shepard's blue hues looked towards her, staring into her eyes. Oh, he was going to talk. The conversation was going to happen. But not now. Not while they're under fire.
Shepard cocked his head to the opposite waist-height wall. A repitition of "get your ass into cover" if informing her that the Suns were waiting outside wasn't prompting enough. Jack stomped over the destination, intent on getting this out of the way before they'd get to the Normandy, where she wouldn't be able to walk from it. From this thing between them.
A heat sink replacement later, Shepard'd look back to the entrance to Chora's Den, and it was then that he'd remember.
"****!" Shepard got up, aiming the Camifex as carefully as he could, under pressure, and took down five Suns -- each with a headshot -- before they got a chance to fire. Sounds of gunfire being enough, the door in which they were in cover for, from the beginning, opened. And 15 more Suns poured in.
Shepard took back to cover quickly enough to escape with only a strand of hair singing off. The overwhelming began again, with the suns firinng onto their position with a barrage of assault rifles, heavy pistols, and shotguns. From where they were, there'd been no advantage. There had been no leveled ground between them and the assailants, no point in which they would return fire, without being shot, themselves. There was nothing they could do.
They were trapped.
Knowing this, Jack had sat down, back against the cold wall, and began to chuckle. "Figured it'd end something like this." Jack had said, smiling weakly. The heavy pistol in her possession slumped to the floor, the clacking sound being muffled by constant gunfire.
She WAS right, wasn't she? She'd told Shepard from the beginning that it'd hurt. That it'd suck.
And he was wrong. He was DEAD WRONG. This wasn't fun.
This wasn't fun, at all.
The smile had long since faded.
Shepard'd realized something. The neural degeneration report. How it changed her. Made her stronger. He was a biotic, too, though fresh from ressurection; something could be made of this. He reevaluated the battlefield.
The venue was still the same as it was when Fist was running it. Not a damn thing changed. The same neon signs of naked asari just outside of the entrance. The same type of people that frequented it. The same feel, the same music. The same drinks, the same 'employees'.
The same unsupported two way bridge that led to it.
The SAME unsupported two way bridge that they were currently pinned down on.
"Jack." Shepard had said, still concentrating on the fighting. Jack did not answer. "JACK!" he shouted, to which she'd simply turn her head, his way.
"We can get out of this, but I'm going to need your help. This bridge isn't stable -- not entirely. We can finish this easy, and fast."
Jack had immediately caught wind of what Shepard was implying. She raised a brow. She wasn't convinced.
"Doing that would break the bridge, Shepard." Jack said, matter of factly.
Shepard would look towards her. Gave her a look that told her he knew. That he didn't care. A smirk slowly crept onto her face.
"You ****er." She'd say. "Right now, then?"
"We need a distraction." Shepard had shouted, over the gunfire. Little did they both know, a distraction was well on it's way.
One of the Suns had been carrying a grenade launcher. He revealed it, intent on blowing the the two sky high. With one pull of the trigger, the grenade launcher fired onto the wall, exploding upon impact, and encasing the right bridge entirely in smoke. The gunfire died down. The Suns were sure they were dead, but entirely; their weapons were still at arms, waiting for anything to give the slightest doubt, so that they'd fire, yet again.
The bridge began to shake. Some Suns dropped their weapons at the sudden movement. Others staggered. The quake intensified. The Suns had gotten their answer, but now, it was too late.
The biotics were alive. And they were firing back.
Creaking had followed the rumbling, and the Suns had struggled to get a hold of their guns. One had looked to the other side, catching a glimpse of blue flames.
Shepard stood up. Eyes closed, hands held high.
Jack had followed. Eyes wide open, teeth grating together.
The bridge began snapping off of whatever support it had. And within a second, all of the 15 Blue Suns jerked forward, into the air; slingshotted to the depths below.
The danger had passed, and a combined effort was undertaken to place the bridge back into place, as tattered as it might have been. They still needed to get across.
Once pass the bridge, Shepard would conceal his pistol. He turned on his left heel, and began to walk toward the door. "Let's head back to the Normandy." He'd call. But Jack had not forgotten.
"I'm not going." Jack had said, staying in the same spot.
"Don't be stupid, Jack -- more Suns are going t--"
"SO WHAT!? They die too! Don't ****ing care, let them try! I'll kill all of those bastards!"
"We could barely hold our own against 15 of them, Jack, what're the chances they..."
Shepard had noticed blood, trickling down from her right hand. He'd moved his left to point to it.
"What happened to your hand?" Shepard had said, visibly worried.
"It's nothing."
"The hell it isn't!" Shepard moved to her, and attempted to grab onto her arm, intent on inspecting the damage. "Did this happen in the Den?"
When he grabbed onto it, Jack had jerked her arm away from his hand. A shard that had still been embedded in her hand tore down to her wrist, when she did, thereby making her condition worse.
"I SAID IT'S NOTHING!" Jack shouted. "Goddamn it, Shepard, don't you listen!?" She tried her best to block out the tears.
"We need to get you to the Normandy." Shepard had said, nudging her towards the door. Jack pushed away, and Shepard pushed back. "If we don't treat you now, it's going to get worse!" Shepard'd said. "I can take care of myself!" Jack had said, turning around, to face Shepard. "Now LET.." Jack had sent a punch to Shepard's stomach, in full force, causing him to double over. "GO!" Jack had finished, sending a biotic blast into Shepard's chest, which threw him across the room, and into the wall. Shepard had hit the floor with a thud, and grunted. Being the tough son of a **** he was, Shepard stood up, wincing from the pain gathered by slamming into the wall, and the punches that sent him into it. He walked towards Jack.
"Jack..." Shepard would say, between grunts. "We don't have time to deal with this bull****! Blue Suns are coming. And if they don't get you, C-Sec will." Shepard had come to a stop, a few feet away from her. "We need to leave, N-"
A gunshot rang out. Shepard paused.
He'd look over to his left shoulder. Blood was pouring from the shirt he'd been wearing. A horrified Jack would look towards Shepard. She was losing the battle with her tears.
"Shepard..." Jack called, voice beginning to break. Shepard would look up to her.
A gunshot rang out. Shepard fell forward, crashing onto the steel floor.
"SHEPARD!" Jack screamed.
When he fell, the culprit was seen.
"You cost us too much..."
The turian leader, now carrying more bruises than he had when he initially appeared, had his right hand gripped upon a Predator, aimed in the direction where Shepard once stood.
"I'll be damned..." The turian continued, struggling to position the gun on Jack.
"If I don't collect...Every.."
Heat sink ejected.
"Single.."
Grip was tightened.
"Credit."
Before he could get a shot off, the arm in which the gun was being with with...Snapped into two. The turian yelped. Then a third snap, at the forearms, downed him.
Jack's tears had won the fight, and they rolled slowly down her face. But she was angry. She was VERY angry. She had been breathing hard. Teeth were clenched back together. Her eyes were focused solely on the turian. Biotics began to flare up.
The turian was lifted off the ground, limbs stretched out. He had been in serious pain. He could not move. He could barely breathe. The pain in both his arms had took away his ability to do so.
But torture wasn't enough. This turian had made a mistake. A bad mistake. The punishment had to just as bad as the mistake.
Torture was out of the question.
This turian had to die.
Painfully.
The strength she acquired during her escape from the Purgatory ship had come back to her. And with it, memories. She remembered sliding past the door; only thing blocking her way out. She remembered seeing two guards. Once of which called out.
"STOP!"
She remembered taking the both of them out. The first to die had been the batarian. Slammed him against the glass. She was pretty sure all his bones were shattered. Then came the other guard. The one who called out to her. He tried to get a shot off at her. Big mistake. She hit him with a biotically charged punch, sending him into the Purgatory's gray, metal walls.
...Metal walls...
And then it hit her. She remembered everything.
There were two guards...One, a batarian. The second, a turian.
This was the turian.
"You wanted revenge, you bony little ****!? HUH!?" Jack had screamed. The turian's limbs stretched out. More so than they were supposed to. The turian could not respond. The pain he was suffering was unbearable."
"....Say hello to Kuril, for me."
And within that very instant, the turian exploded. Blue mists of blood spattered all over the walls.
Jack's attention immediately swung towards Shepard, who was still lying prone, on the floor. Jack darted to his position, trying her best to bring him to stand.
"****..C'mon, Shepard, stand the **** up!" She said, as she struggled. Shepard's right arm was slung over her shoulder, and Jack had began to carry him out of the hall.
They were en route to the Normandy.
Modifié par Sundown Native, 22 juillet 2010 - 12:54 .
#11466
Guest_Sundown Native_*
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 12:01
Guest_Sundown Native_*
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And just to say, I read that fic, Mondo.
And I found nothing wrong with it.
Good read.
And I found nothing wrong with it.
Good read.
#11467
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 03:31
Pacifien
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The gun part didn't bother me for two reasons. 1) Jack probably does struggle with thoughts of suicide off and on, but it conflicts with her desire to survive. Hate herself, hate her life, but too weak to do anything about it. I'm not saying she is weak, I'm saying those are likely the thoughts she's had about suicide and why she's never actually followed through with it. 2) When Jack handed Tali the gun, I think Jack knew that Tali would never pull the trigger no matter how much Jack pushed her buttons. Trying to think of who on the ship would ever have pulled that trigger, and I don't think even Zaeed would have done it. The gun is a statement to Tali. Jack saying "I'm not supposed to be worth it. I'm not worth Shepard."
#11468
Guest_yorkj86_*
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 04:02
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I wish Mondo would put that quickfic back up. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't make it bad. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't mean they'll get angry about it.
#11469
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 04:06
Pacifien
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Aw, she deleted it? Even I left up two quickfics that I find to be utter rubbish now, and hers were anything but.yorkj86 wrote...
I wish Mondo would put that quickfic back up. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't make it bad. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't mean they'll get angry about it.
#11470
Guest_yorkj86_*
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 04:10
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Pacifien wrote...
Aw, she deleted it? Even I left up two quickfics that I find to be utter rubbish now, and hers were anything but.yorkj86 wrote...
I wish Mondo would put that quickfic back up. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't make it bad. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't mean they'll get angry about it.
It's gone now, and she's on Euro time, so it'll be a bit until we hear back.
#11471
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 04:25
Jobrill
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I loved the fic, Mondo. Tali's not the shrinking violet a lot of people think she is, so I can see her confronting Jack, especially if she's gotten to know her via some of the incidents in your earlier fics. In the fic timeline of Mondo, Jack and Tali know each other enough that confrontation isn't that bad an idea. And it's not like Jack's view of life is all THAT great. ****ing On-Off Switch, right? Again, if she's had the fic confrontations with Tali in your previous fics, she knows enough about Tali to figure she won't do it, and hell, maybe just be scared enough of a relationship with Shepard to think it wouldn't be THAT bad of an idea if she did do it.
For the record, I also think it's 100% reasonable that Jack was able to take on Grunt with biotic punches and kicks. She obviously took out the YMIR mechs that way on Purgatory, and just because game mechanics make her a little underpowered doesn't mean she still isn't tough as hell story-wise.
For the record, I also think it's 100% reasonable that Jack was able to take on Grunt with biotic punches and kicks. She obviously took out the YMIR mechs that way on Purgatory, and just because game mechanics make her a little underpowered doesn't mean she still isn't tough as hell story-wise.
#11472
Guest_JohnnyDollar_*
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 04:56
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She also isn't doing these in chronological order either. She is writing them as they come to her. So, we may have a mellow Jack one day, who has settled down a little, and may be in a relationship with Shepard for example. On the next day, we may get a Jack that just escaped from prison, who hasn't adjusted to her surroundings yet, and still on the edge.yorkj86 wrote...
It's gone now, and she's on Euro time, so it'll be a bit until we hear back.Pacifien wrote...
Aw, she deleted it? Even I left up two quickfics that I find to be utter rubbish now, and hers were anything but.yorkj86 wrote...
I wish Mondo would put that quickfic back up. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't make it bad. Just because people disagreed with one thing, it doesn't mean they'll get angry about it.
So, we have to keep that in mind whenever we are reading it.
#11473
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 07:19
Taog_Drapehs
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I, too, am into the bald girl.
Hah I'm sorry, that's actually how I first read the title, though, not that it makes it less true
Showin mah Jack love. Had some mod trouble and have a lot to catch up on.
Token Jack screenie
Hah I'm sorry, that's actually how I first read the title, though, not that it makes it less true
Showin mah Jack love. Had some mod trouble and have a lot to catch up on.
Token Jack screenie
#11474
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 07:55
Jackal904
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Sundown Native wrote...
Third part of the "Eyes And History" story.
[snip]
Great fic Sundown. I'm very interested to see what happens next.
#11475
Posté 22 juillet 2010 - 12:46
Mondo47
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Don't worry, I'll put it back! I'm retooling a little bit of it, that's all. I can see where it was confusing folk; there was no real continuity clue in it (due to my lack of chronology I try to work one in to make sure the audience knows where Jack is on her re-humanized scale - just out of the can being 1, having dinner with mommy-Shepard being an easy 9... calling her daughter Miranda, think the scale just broke) and there's a line or two more I can squeeze in to get you in Jack's head a little more... clear up that whole gun-thing. She has no internal monologue, so you've got to guess a little too much as to why she's doing it. I'll give you a clue this time
