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[odiedragon]

Do dwarves even HAVE a high noon?!

[soignee]

odiedragon wrote...

Do dwarves even HAVE a high noon?!

I've had to write in a time/day system that evolves around the Proving bells because I am sick of writing without a clock system in Orzammar, driving me nuts.

[Sagacious Rage]

LOL tell me about it. In the original thing I'm trying to write they have twenty-hour days. It's strange not having an 11 or 12 o'clock. But at least there's like, the sun.

[Miri1984]

Soignee I LOOOVE it - Now I want everyone to write Dragon Age Spaghetti Westerns - they'd be hilarious.

[Gilgamesh1138]

I second Miri! We all need to get to work on that!

[TanithAeyrs]

Sten would be fabulous in a Clint Eastwood role

[Gilgamesh1138]

I thought Sten would be a great Gary Cooper.

[TanithAeyrs]

Gary Cooper - even better.

Duncan as John Wayne.

[Sagacious Rage]

No, No, Duncan as Lee Marvin.

[Gilgamesh1138]

Oh nice one Saga!



Oh Loghain as Henry Fonda in Once Upon A Time in the West.

[TanithAeyrs]

No, no (don't hate me swoopers) 20 years after the blight - drunk Alistair as Lee Marvin in Cat Ballou

[Gilgamesh1138]

ROFL Tantith!

[soignee]

oh man, what have I created?

*urge to draw Missa in chaps strong*

[Xandurpein]

Howe is just so Lee van Cleef

[Gilgamesh1138]

ROFL Missa in chaps... I think Zevran would apporve +20

[soignee]

The Rinna scene is coming up and I've written it, but I'm worried. Because while it's important for the plot, most reading (if not all) know who Rinna is and what Zevran did, and I'm worrying I'm parroting the game and not the story.

Zevran quietly placed a hand on the small of her back and she jerked suddenly, then stilled when he trailed it over her spine. “Why do you think I came here?” He continued, watching her profile for a reaction.

Missa was too tired to see what he was hinting at. “Because you swore an oath?”

“Hmm. Not that, but before. When I met you on that fateful path months ago, why was I there?”

“Oh.” She thought it through, thinking of the stories he had left hanging, of the slips of his mask he had revealed to her when he thought she wasn’t looking. Missa felt a stab of guilt then; of course he would know her misery. “You’ve never told me,” she said roughly, clearing her throat to speak properly.

He joined her in staring at the lavastones. “Regret. It’s a powerful thing, no? Not quite anger, not quite self-pity. It is a failed mixture of both.”

“Not quite vengeance either,” she added, thinking of Jarvia’s bloated corpse.

“No, never that. It makes for a middling fuel for revenge, regret. But, before I came here to Ferelden, my last mission was… It did not… Well,” he chuckled slightly and avoided her gaze. Missa found herself leaning against him then, his hand still wandering down her back.

“You last mission in Antiva?” She prompted, curious then.

“Yes. You have to remember I was different back then. I was… Arrogant. Anything and everything was mine. I was the best assassin. The best Crow. The best lover,” and at that he pulled her to him. They both collapsed on the heated stone of the hearth, Missa tucked against his shoulder.

“What’s changed?” She said wryly, lifting her head from his chest briefly.

Her looked at the stone-cut patterns of the ceiling and smiled, closing his eyes at his words. “Ah, I was worse. Trust me.”

“I do,” she replied quietly, a loaded sentence. It was enough to keep him talking.

“Hmm,” and he pulled her arms around him then. “See, my arrogance was not unnoticed. I had put in a bid for a difficult mark, and it was accepted. It would either be a test of my boasting or my death. Regardless, the Crow Masters would have the situation resolved no matter which way it went.”

It was comforting, in his arms; she found herself edging closer, twining herself around him. Zevran always somehow managed to catch her off guard and Missa wondered why she fought it so often, if it was safe enough to let go. “What happened? You obviously were successful,” then was sorry for her bad choice of words.

It was a while before he spoke once more, eyes following the geometric designs above him again. “Obviously I needed help for this mark; he was surrounded by his men, a well guarded house. Taliesen said he would help, and…” He paused then, hands stilling in their movements of her body. “There was an elven lass. Rinna her name was. She was… All fire and spark. A marvel to watch fight, and she…”

Missa could see where this was going. “She sounds like too much woman for you, Arainai.” When he didn’t respond, her hands lay limply on his chest, unsure what to say next.

“She was wicked, no doubt. She had these eyes that just gleamed justice, like every mark, every death by her hand was deliberated.  Rinna somehow made me feel. Made me think. She made me realise that…. Well, that there were parts closed to me. And she had found a way in.”

The words were at once so familiar, so sharp with their longing that it hurt her chest.  Missa clenched her jaw and thought of Leske and Rica, her ties to her city. One dead, one distant. “Where’s Rinna now?”

Of course she knew the answer. “Dead,” he said listlessly.

“I’m sorry,” and she pulled into him tightly, unsure what else she could say.

“Dead by my own hand, Missa. I killed her. Like she was nothing.”

I mean, that's a chunk of it above there. Is it okay, you think? I tried not to copy/paste direct dialogue, as well... It's clunky. But I'm worried people are going to scroll past it and be all ".,.nah. I know this. I've played it in the game, and everything."

Modifié par soignee, 28 mai 2010 - 09:43 .

[Tasmen]

I think you aren't parroting the game much. One thing though, Zev didn't actually kill Rinna. Tal did. He didn't do the actual deed, but he most definitely let it happen.

[Gilgamesh1138]

Oh no soignee, that is fantastic! Wonderful writing! I too worry about repeating dialogue that is important and needs to be done for fear it is too boring . But you handled it beautifully. I am jealous, it makes my attempts look like childish scrawls. Brava!

[soignee]

Tasmen wrote...

I think you aren't parroting the game much. One thing though, Zev didn't actually kill Rinna. Tal did. He didn't do the actual deed, but he most definitely let it happen.

Yeah, I should change that. I was going for the "her death was my fault, my hand on the knife too" vibe, but it doesn;t read to make sense so I shaaallllll channngeeee.

[Gilgamesh1138]

Yeah I caught that my second read through. I thought you meant he killed her too.

[TanithAeyrs]

Very nice soignee, you tell Zevran's story in a fresh manner and give Missa's perspective. The only thing I caught that hasn't been mentioned is the use of "obviously" twice in two paragraphs - might read a little more cleanly if you dropped the second "obviously."



And, Yay, more Missa!

[Gilgamesh1138]

LOL! I agree Tanith!

[Shadow of Light Dragon]

soignee wrote...

The Rinna scene is coming up and I've written it, but I'm worried. Because while it's important for the plot, most reading (if not all) know who Rinna is and what Zevran did, and I'm worrying I'm parroting the game and not the story.

It reads reads fine to me, and considering DDW is your rendition of DA:O(?) readers have to expect some similarity to game dialogue at key points.  I understand your concern, however...

If you think it's too closely following dialogue and not serving your plot enough (not knowing the context of this section, I can't tell), you can consider chopping certain parts out that aren't relevant.

For instance, I did the Zev/Rinna talk in my fic too, and some of it (like him being more arrogant before, and even that he had taken the GW contract to get himself killed) didn't feature...at least in this chapter....because of the context I wanted it to be read in. The PC even found out a bit about Rinna beforehand from a non-Zev character.

I don't know if you read it, but if an example is helpful, here is the section of The Hunt I'm talking about (from Chapter 18) to show 'how I did it':

“Had I not betrayed Alistair—”

“Stop, Asleena.” Zevran came around in front of her and crouched down to her eye level, forcing her to look at him. He frowned at her. “Why do you do this to yourself? You spared Loghain because you thought it the best course of action. You did not betray Alistair—he judged himself betrayed. Had he not tried to take a throne he said he had no desire for, you would not have been put in the position of choosing between him and Anora.”

She stared at the ground. “It’s just as bad that he counts himself betrayed.”

“Trust me, my dear, I know something of betrayal. You, at least, did not allow the one you care for to be murdered. And you…” He stopped, as though bracing himself, then went on: “You, at least, have a chance to seek forgiveness.”

She looked at him then. The campfire was some distance behind her, but it was still bright enough to catch the gold glints in his eyes. “We’re not just talking about me and Alistair anymore, are we?”

There was a long pause, then Zevran sighed. “No,” he agreed quietly, “we are not.”

“You did love her.”

Guilt and shame shone clearly in his face for a moment, and Zevran averted his gaze. “Rinna was special,” he said, “and everything I thought I desired. She made me feel things that, as an assassin, I should not have felt. I had been trained to make my heart cold and I had thought no one could touch it, but she did and it frightened me.

“She was with me and Taliesen on my last mission, the one before I took the Grey Warden contract. During the hunt, Taliesen obtained information that Rinna had accepted a bribe from our mark and betrayed us to him. I agreed she had to die.”

“Roja Irrenill said the information was false,” Asleena said. “It was an accident, like you told Taelin. You didn’t know.”

He shook his head. “I did not know…but I did not care. I did not even wish to explore the chance we might be wrong. It was a convenient excuse to be rid of her, this woman who made me feel as I did.” His eyes went distant. “She pleaded her innocence and begged for us to spare her. She wept on her knees before us. She told me she loved me.” Deeper lines of regret and sorrow marred his features. “I told her I did not care, even if her words were true. I mocked her. I spat on her. And I let Taliesen cut her throat while I watched and laughed.”

“Oh, Zevran…” she whispered.

She had never seen this man before. Always he had claimed to have no real regrets about the past, let alone the people he had killed. ‘Death happens’, he would say, like it never mattered except as part of the job. Life was short, pleasures to be taken whenever they presented themselves, and a heart’s only importance was how much gold would be paid to stop one beating permanently. That was how he presented himself and perhaps what he thought he should be to survive in the world…but clearly not who he was.

“When we finished the mission and learned Rinna had not betrayed us,” Zevran continued, “I…wished to tell the Crows what we had done. But they already knew.”

“What did they do to you?”

“Nothing. They did not care, and told me so. She was just another tool, a weapon to be used until it got broken. Just like the rest of us.” He seemed about to say more, but changed his mind at the last moment and stood up. “So you see,” he said, looking down at her with a tiny smile, “I know something of betrayal. And I say you did nothing to be ashamed of.”

So I guess my point is you can always take parts that aren't immediately pertinent and bring them up at another time, if you really want Missa to know the whole of Zev's story. That way you won't have to worry that readers are getting a huge block of game convo, and you can elaborate a bit on the parts that are important to what you're trying to convey.

*hopes she didn't come off as all know-it-allish >.<*

[Gilgamesh1138]

ROFL Shadow, that helps me a lot too! So thanks, know-it-all! Joking, I jest! Really Shadow, I love advice from you. So thank you, thank you, thank you! I am writing a Cousland origin and I am trying not to overdo the convo from the game.

[TanithAeyrs]

My fic takes place 5 years after the defeat of the Archdemon so I'm in a little different situation. I do bring up Zev's past in several different places, but I tend to have my characters discuss only bits of it at a time (except when Aithne throws Zev's betrayal of Rinna in his face and I had to have 3 chapters of Zev angst to deal with that).