741 réponses à ce sujet

[Thermorium]

Gabey5 wrote...

Elcor: "Polite request: Junior, please clean your room."
Young Elcor: "Combative response: No, it is my room. You are not the boss of me."
Elcor: "Adamant assertion: As long as you live in my house, you will do what I say."
Young Elcor: "Angsty reminder: You are not even my real dad."
Elcor: "Angry rejoinder: I pay the mortgage. While you are under my roof, you must comply."
Young Elcor: "Childish complaint: I hate you. Insincere: I'm running away."

OMG, hilarious, i still have a stumach ache from laughing!

[MikeFL25]

Shepard: Ok, here we are at the wards. I wonder if I can visit the Med Clinic, or the C-Sec armory?

C-Sec guard: Sorry Commander, those locations are only available in Mass Effect 1.

Shepard: Ok, so how about I visit the Consort, or stroll through the Presidium? I remember it was beautiful and calming, it would do my team some good to rest for a while.

C-Sec guard: Sorry, but you can't go there either. Only in Mass Effect 1.

Shepard: But the rapid transit says I can go to the Presidum....

C-Sec guard: Nope, that just takes you to the human Councilor's office.

Shepard: But I'm a Spectre! I should be able to go to the Council Chambers, right?

C-Sec guard:Wrong. Being a Spectre doesn't matter in this game, remember? Besides, we wanted to streamline the Citadel this time around. Its better this way.

Shepard: So, this is only one part of the wards...can I go to another arm of the Citadel?

C-Sec guard: Nope, this is it. You can't go to the others.

Shepard: Well sh*t, this is Mass Effect 2! A sequel! I should be able to go everywhere I could in the original game plus more!

C-Sec guard: Sorry Shepard, but what you see is what you get.

Shepard: So much for a sequel...I can't even enjoy the Citadel like I used to. So what CAN I do here?

C-Sec guard: Insert disc 2 for more dialog options.

Shepard: WTF???

[Llandaryn]

DeltaIV wrote...

Wow, Gabey5, the internet's a small place, isn't it?

http://www.gamefaqs....&topic=53316613

Gasp! It's... the end of the internet!

http://www.weirdity....ernet/eoti.html

[Clavat Veloth]

Nice ones, loved it really.

[Gabey5]

DeltaIV wrote...

Wow, Gabey5, the internet's a small place, isn't it?

http://www.gamefaqs....&topic=53316613

i have an acc there too

[GarethLorn]

daguest wrote...

"jack : why do you ask questions about me, do you want to have sex with me ?
shepard : no, just wanted to be friendly with all my crew"
renegade point earned : 5

For an unknown reason, saying "no" to a possible LI in ME2 awards renegade point. Following the romance path earn paragons points.

During ash/kaidan discussion :
ash/kaidan : so you are working with cerberus, they are evil !
shepard : i don't trust them, but i don't have choice
renegade points : +5

few hours later, garrus recruitement

garrus : so cerberus ? Why working with them ?
shepard : i don't trust them, they will betray me. They are still the same evil rotten bastards.
paragon point : +5

If you follow a pure renegade/paragon path (most logical), sometimes shepard trust cerberus. Sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he think he works for them, sometimes he think he doesn't. Obviously the first step of schizophrenia. Maybe the council is right, reapers doesn't exist. Shepard is just totally insane.

Have yourself a delicious cookie for your trouble.

[TheRastapopolous]

Gabey5 wrote...
i have an acc there too

still, rather lame to take someone else's original jokes and poste them like you wrote them...

[ponozsticka]

I found this vid, might find it interesting, guys



http://www.youtube.c...0&v=9KahqlDlrEA

[DeltaIV]

It's all good, no harm done.

[hawat333]

Semperus wrote...

Wrex: "Shepard"

Shepard: "Wrex"

Grunt: "Wrex"

Wrex: "Grunt"

Shepard: "Grunt"

Grunt: "Shepard"

Shepard: "Wrex"

Wrex: "Shepard"

Grunt: "Wrex"
...........

Best conversation this far. Hell, best conversation in any Mass Effect fanfic ever.

[hawat333]

Axeface wrote...

Shepard: "Ok Joker, put me on loud speaker"

Joker: "Sure thing Commander"

Shepard: "Crew this is your commander. You all know the deal, we have a galaxy to save. It's not going to be easy, people are going to die, and for this reason.... *inhale* You are all, except Tali, ordered onto the shuttle at once, to leave for omega or wherever else takes your fancy".

Tali (Gorgeous nervous voice): "What?? Shepard!?"

Shepard: "Yes Tali. I'm taking you away from all of this. We're going to run away to dark space and live together happily ever after, alone and safe from the incoming galactic destruction. The rest of you have 5 minutes to gather your things and board the shuttle, or I'll flush your asses out the damn airlock".

Five minutes later

Shepard: "Tali, meet me at the airlock, I'll explain the whole thing."
Tali: "I'm already here, Shepard."
Shepard: *pushes a button*
Tali: "Aaaaaaa"
Airlocks: "Hee-heee-heee."
Space: "Nom-nomnomnom"

Sorry, couldn't resist.

[Lord Shadowsong]

Gabey5 wrote...

lyssalu wrote...

Gabey5 wrote...


Thane: "His eyes water. He tugs at my sleeve. He asks, 'Why didn't
you stop them from letting Mommy go?' ... I'm sorry. The memories come
strong sometimes."
Shepard: "His eyes unfocus. He babbles something
about his son, completely disrupting the conversation. He cryptically
half-apologizes and expects me to figure out what's going on."
Thane:"We drell have a perfect memory. We can relive... The laser dances.
Sunset eyes meet mine. The laser dances away. 'How dare you?' her eyes
ask through the scope...."
Shepard: "Bored with the conversation, he
changes the subject. He uses poor metaphors like 'sunset eyes.' He
tries to impress me with pseudo-poetry. He fails miserably and
protests."
Thane: "Stop mocking me, Shep--- My finger tightens on
the trigger. The rifle recoils, an old friend coming home. The target
drops like a rag doll--- I can't help it and you're being a dick."
Shepard:"His stupid flashbacks thinly veil empty threats. He sits alone in life
support and wonders why no one likes him. He struggles to breathe
sometimes, but no one cares." *walks out*

U DICK

.....

hahaha:lol:

I think its epic gabey.

[Lord Shadowsong]

Sebastian_G wrote...

Shepard summons the crew to the comm room:
Shepard: You know I've never been too strict on military protocols on this ship but this fraternization problem is getting out of hand.
I didn't say anything when i caught Jacob and Kelly in my private shower. Jacob needs to blow off steam and Kelly needs to "evaluate" people.
I was ok with Garrus and Jack going at it underneath the engine room. "In the middle of calibrations" my ass.
Hell, when I caught Samara and Mordin on the friggin lab table I didn't say anything, we all know you two needed that so I'm not going to say anything about  that Justicar code.
But then it started to get ugly when I found Miranda in her black leather suit whipping a naked Zaeed. That was awkward but seeing Dr. Chakwas giving Joker  "a special treatment" was even more awkward. Broke any bones Joker?
Yesterday I went to check on the new fuel cells with the engineers but I ran into Tali's drone posted exactly at the engine room entrance, at this moment I knew what to expect, all I can say is that Gabby and Donnelly have more in-depth Quarian biology knowledge than all of us together.
And EDI, next time you want to hmmm ... merge your software with Legion's try doing it when we're not waiting for you to open the airlock door.
Thane and Grunt you didn't screw up so far so... Thane? Grunt? They're not here? Where the hell are they?

*From the floor above via Intercom*:
Thane: I hope Shepard's desk holds you big boy.
Grunt: I AM KROGAN, HARDER BATTLEMASTER, HARDER, FOR TUCHANKA, DEAD TURIANS AND SALARIANS, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

*Pause*
Thane: I must return to my meditations.

Creepy. The whipping zaeed thing is odd....

[Lord Shadowsong]

ponozsticka wrote...

I found this vid, might find it interesting, guys

http://www.youtube.c...0&v=9KahqlDlrEA

All the papers were blank! (I think Miranda wanted them to watch more.)

[Maj.Pain007]

Well the guy from Gamefaqs is hilarious.

[stillnotking]

SHEPARD: Guys, thanks for seeing me on such short notice.  Sorry our last meeting didn't go so well, but this time I have definitive PROOF of the Reaper menace.  The Illusive Man told me there was a derelict Reaper ship in the Hawking Eta, so I checked it out, and what do you know!  It's there!  If you don't believe me, you can go send a fleet to --

ASARI COUNCIL MEMBER: Commander Shepard, this proves nothing.

SHEPARD: Guys, no, seriously, entire galaxy at stake here!  Send a few Spectres, you can see it for yourselves and then start mobilizing --

TURIAN COUNCIL MEMBER: We already saw it, Commander.

SHEPARD: ... what?

TURIAN COUNCIL MEMBER: Yes.  We saw it months ago.  It's a fake, of course.  A Cerberus plot of some kind.

SHEPARD: A fake?  A fake warship that's bigger than the largest dreadnought we can build and oh, coincidentally just HAPPENS to look exactly like the one that attacked the Citadel?  It's millions of years old!  Did you carbon date it?  Did you run a single test on it?  It's not f***ing papier-mache!

SALARIAN COUNCIL MEMBER: The test results were inconclusive.

SHEPARD: Inconclusive huh?  You know what else is inconclusive?  YOUR F***ING PATERNITY TEST YOU F***ING SALAMANDER!  I WILL SHOVE MY CAIN UP YOUR *** AND PULL THE TRIGGER UNTIL IT GOES CLICK!  I WILL RIP YOUR --

(SHEPARD is dragged kicking and screaming from the Council chamber by ANDERSON.  The COUNCILORS look at each other and then suddenly erupt in gales of laughter.)

ASARI COUNCILOR: How long do you think we can keep this going?

SALARIAN COUNCILOR: He's got to catch on sometime.

TURIAN COUNCILOR: I can't believe that human is so stupid.

ASARI COUNCILOR: You're just mad because you took the under.  Anyway, let's get back to working on the fleet mobilization.  How many anti-Reaper Thanix cannons do we have now?

SALARIAN COUNCILOR: A little over five hundred thousand.  Two for every spaceworthy vessel in Citadel space.

TURIAN COUNCILOR: Awesome.  The Reapers are so screwed.

[tykfa1990]

While the annoying reporter tries to make me look like fool again ( sorry for bad languadge ):

Reporter: You decided to assist Destiny Ascention... blah blah...?

Hit her with "Shepard Punch" ( FALCON PUNCH - watch on youtube )

then say: "Move ****, get out the way!" ( from "Ludacris - Move ****" )

[Gabey5]

TheRastapopolous wrote...

Gabey5 wrote...
i have an acc there too

still, rather lame to take someone else's original jokes and poste them like you wrote them...

no i meant its my account there.i posted it there b4 here;)

[Llandaryn]

My Shepard's response to the Council:

[BlindBay7]

Llandaryn wrote...

My Shepard's response to the Council:

I wish I could have said that!

[Snowraptor]

Tali and Shepard on the normandy in the Engine room.



Tali pressing random buttons "You see these random colors flashing? That indicates danger."



Shepard walks towards Tali.



Tali "Oh hey shepard, can I do something for you?"



Shepard " Give me a run down on why the trail is accusing you"



Tali confusingly turns arround pressing some buttons. "I am being accused of treason" Continues to press random buttons. "Im scared Shepard".



Shepard " Your working too hard" Electricutes tali by stabing her suit with a wet knife



Tali in agonizing pain "Aaaaurghawwweerrraaaaaaugh!"

[Lord Shadowsong]

Snowraptor wrote...

Tali and Shepard on the normandy in the Engine room.

Tali pressing random buttons "You see these random colors flashing? That indicates danger."

Shepard walks towards Tali.

Tali "Oh hey shepard, can I do something for you?"

Shepard " Give me a run down on why the trail is accusing you"

Tali confusingly turns arround pressing some buttons. "I am being accused of treason" Continues to press random buttons. "Im scared Shepard".

Shepard " Your working too hard" Electricutes tali by stabing her suit with a wet knife

Tali in agonizing pain "Aaaaurghawwweerrraaaaaaugh!"

I bet the buttons stop flashing, danger passed.... The tali fans are gunna be pissed.

[TheRastapopolous]

Gabey5 wrote...
no i meant its my account there.i posted it there b4 here;)

huh, really?

dourtewg wrote...
Ah ha, someone on the Bioware social boards ripped em from here.

http://social.biowar...index/1109816/1

There's some other good ones there too, but a good chunk are lifted from here. Still, the more laughter, the better.

rather strange to accuse yourself of ripping your own jokes...

dourtewg wrote...
I'm a bit annoyed that someone lifted this thread verbatim, posted it
on another site, and now I'm being told I took them from there. It
doesn't take a rocket scientist to look at the date stamps. I don't
mind it being posted so much, but when the reposter is like "yeah I'm
really hilarious thanks"...

Ah well, it's the internet, what can you do.

[Fishy]

Turian COUNCELOR :You're CRAZY!! PARANOID!! REAPER?END OF THE GALAXY? POUHAHAHA

Commander Suprez : Look LizardMan . I had to find proof about Saren guilt because you're a big stupid reptile . After that i ran into Geth .. After that i ran into brainswashed Ancient Sentient being like the rachni .. Which i freed .. She also sent me a message about how Rahcni were indoctrinated.I have a Geth named Legion right next to me that i discovered inside a reaper  and he can tell you a fair bit about my paranoia.

Than after that i ran right inside the collector base which are prothean genetically modifed and indoctrinated by the reaper .. They Harvested around 150,000 Human to power-up a frigging huge reaper and i blew up the base.

Than right here i have a huge ass Chematic about a reaper .. RIGHT HERE .. LOOK

Turian Councilor : It's Geth

Commander Shepard :  BOOM HEADSHOT.

[EchoTango]

Gabey that is some of the funniest stuff I've read in a looong time XD XD



There's also a lot of fail in this thread. Come on people, some of these are just turrible.