741 réponses à ce sujet

[Lord Shadowsong]

Semperus wrote...

Gravity Bun wrote...

[a few hours after the suicide mission]

KELLY CHAMBERS: "Commander, space hamster would like to see you in your quarters."

[a few minutes later in Shepard's quarters]

SPACE HAMSTER: "Assuming direct control"

This is the best one on here, hands down.

I would have assumed space hamster wanting to talk to me as a red flag... did it go for the eyes?

[Snowraptor]

Forest03 wrote...

Krogan1: I wonder if there's any fish in the Presidium. I bet they're delicious!
Krogan2: Will you shut up about the fish already?!
Shepard: I couldn't help but overhear. Here you go. Fish from the Presidium.
Krogan1: Oh! Thank you, human. Here's 500 credits for your trouble.
Nemo: What's happening? Who's that? Daddy! Help m---
Krogan1: *nom nom nom* Mmm. So decadent.


Kelly: Commander Shepard. You... You came back for us! I can't thank you enough! If there's anything I can do to repay you, just ask.
Shepard: Good to have you back, Kelly. My fish must be starving by now. Be a doll. Run upstairs and press the "Feed" button for me. 'Kay? Thanks.


Human: Wooh! The Asari here on Omega are way hotter!
Salarian: Oh, my. She sure is limber. Okay. Maybe just one more dance.
Human: Yeah! Now you're getting into it!
Turian: I'm still not paying for the drinks!
Morinth: *to herself, while dancing on the table* Jerks! Just wait 'til the private show...

fail

[Snowraptor]

Jack-" why are you really down here... are you eyeballing me up shepard? Cause if this is about sex, why dont you just ****ing say so."

Shepard- "Sorry Jack, but i dont get the options to ask you if we can just be friends... so no, i dont want that."

Jack- "Ok, you said no... lets just assume you still want me."

Shepard thinks on how he can break this annoying forced romance the devs have made on him with jack.
He thinks of a plan.
 
Shepard- "Is this about Tali?"

Jack- "What?"

Shepard- "Im not ready... Im not read... Im not rrr... read..." Shepard battles the scripted lines through all the files in the game. "Im... not... rrbreaking.... up with her... for.... a.... stupid..... **** like, you."

Jack- "**** off!!!"

Shepard- "Gad Damn you BIOWARE"

Modifié par Snowraptor, 12 février 2010 - 06:04 .

[PathofDaggers]

Gabey5 wrote...




Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "Yeah, Grunt, we know. It's kind of hard to miss. Stop yelling from behind cover, it helps the enemy find us."
Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "DUDE seriously. You don't need to yell that every time you kill a drone."
Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "I! AM! HUMAN!"
Garrus: "I! AM! TURIAN!"
Mordin: "SALARIAN!"
Jacob: "I! AM! ALSO! HUMAN!"
Legion: "We. Are. Geth."
Shepard: "See how freakin' annoying that is?!"

Blasto: This one is Hannar

Random guy: THIS! IS! SPARTA!

RG2: No this is Patrick....I am not sparta

[GarethLorn]

PathofDaggers wrote...

Gabey5 wrote...




Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "Yeah, Grunt, we know. It's kind of hard to miss. Stop yelling from behind cover, it helps the enemy find us."
Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "DUDE seriously. You don't need to yell that every time you kill a drone."
Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "I! AM! HUMAN!"
Garrus: "I! AM! TURIAN!"
Mordin: "SALARIAN!"
Jacob: "I! AM! ALSO! HUMAN!"
Legion: "We. Are. Geth."
Shepard: "See how freakin' annoying that is?!"

Blasto: This one is Hannar

Random guy: THIS! IS! SPARTA!

RG2: No this is Patrick....I am not sparta

Avatar Madness. Good stuff.

[KrazyKomrade]

OP is a genius

this thread is awesome, thank you!

[Mev186]

Gravity Bun wrote...

[a few hours after the suicide mission]

KELLY CHAMBERS: "Commander, space hamster would like to see you in your quarters."

[a few minutes later in Shepard's quarters]

SPACE HAMSTER: "Assuming direct control"

SHEPARD: Aren't you a little Short for a Collector ?

Modifié par Mev186, 12 février 2010 - 08:47 .

[zer0netgain]

OMG!

I've not laughed so hard in a long time.

Worst of all, some of these are so true.

I don't know if some of you are geniuses or just sick buggers.

[Jarcander]

*renegade maleShephard in Horizon*

Ashley: *angry rant about Cerberus* *random ****ing about not calling*
Shephard: But I was dead!
Ashley: You and your excuses. Goodbye Shephard and try to be careful. *turns to leave*
Shephard: *renegade interrupt* *knocks Ash unconcious* Hey Jacob, bro, help me out here.
Jacob: We are kidnapping an alliance officer?
Shephard: Nah, she'll come around when she sees my new cabin, I just know it. You take the legs, I'll take the arms.
Miranda: o_o

Modifié par Jarcander, 12 février 2010 - 01:10 .

[fateofman]

Jarcander wrote...

*renegade maleShephard in Horizon*

Ashley: *angry rant about Cerberus* *random ****ing about not calling*
Shephard: But I was dead!
Ashley: You and your excuses. Goodbye Shephard and try to be careful. *turns to leave*
Shephard: *renegade interrupt* *knocks Ash unconcious* Hey Jacob, bro, help me out here.
Jacob: We are kidnapping an alliance officer?
Shephard: Nah, she'll come around when she sees my new LAIR, I just know it. You take the legs, I'll take the arms.
Miranda: o_o

FIX'D

[Jarcander]

fateofman wrote...

FIX'D

Shephards lair really needs some risque furnishing options.

[Kyero]

theres no Tali in this thread? or am I missing a few pages.

[Scylene]

TheRastapopolous wrote...

Gabey5 wrote...
no i meant its my account there.i posted it there b4 here;)

huh, really?

dourtewg wrote...
Ah ha, someone on the Bioware social boards ripped em from here.

http://social.biowar...index/1109816/1

There's some other good ones there too, but a good chunk are lifted from here. Still, the more laughter, the better.

rather strange to accuse yourself of ripping your own jokes...

dourtewg wrote...
I'm a bit annoyed that someone lifted this thread verbatim, posted it
on another site, and now I'm being told I took them from there. It
doesn't take a rocket scientist to look at the date stamps. I don't
mind it being posted so much, but when the reposter is like "yeah I'm
really hilarious thanks"...

Ah well, it's the internet, what can you do.

Hmm...that's pretty damning.  Especially because the guy on gamefaqs is still posting up new stuff so it's obviously his.  Too bad because this topic is hilarious.  Wouldn't have been a problem if you had just credited the original guy.  But acting as if you wrote it is pretty sad.  Renegade....but sad.

Modifié par Scylene, 12 février 2010 - 01:52 .

[Semperus]

Scylene wrote...

TheRastapopolous wrote...

Gabey5 wrote...
no i meant its my account there.i posted it there b4 here;)

huh, really?

dourtewg wrote...
Ah ha, someone on the Bioware social boards ripped em from here.

http://social.biowar...index/1109816/1

There's some other good ones there too, but a good chunk are lifted from here. Still, the more laughter, the better.

rather strange to accuse yourself of ripping your own jokes...

dourtewg wrote...
I'm a bit annoyed that someone lifted this thread verbatim, posted it
on another site, and now I'm being told I took them from there. It
doesn't take a rocket scientist to look at the date stamps. I don't
mind it being posted so much, but when the reposter is like "yeah I'm
really hilarious thanks"...

Ah well, it's the internet, what can you do.

Hmm...that's pretty damning.  Especially because the guy on gamefaqs is still posting up new stuff so it's obviously his.  Too bad because this topic is hilarious.  Wouldn't have been a problem if you had just credited the original guy.  But acting as if you wrote it is pretty sad.  Renegade....but sad.

**Red Flash, Left Click**

Gabey5: "I'm Tired of your disingenuous assertions!"

**Falcon punch Scylene**

Gabey5: "Looks like my scenarios..."

**Puts on sunglassess**

Gabey5: "...are creative."

YEAHHH!!!!!!

Modifié par Semperus, 12 février 2010 - 02:29 .

[DarthCaine]

(ME1's LI finds out you've been "cheating")



LI: ....but, you said till death do us part!

Shepard: Well, I did die...

[ODST 3]

Shepard: Is there anything I should know?

Kelly: Nothing right now. Anything else, Commander?

Shepard: That'll be all.

Kelly: I'll be here if you need me.

Shepard: [starts to walk away]

Kelly: Commander the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you.

Shepard: WTF? You just said there wasn't anything for me to know!

[Llandaryn]

TheRastapopolous wrote...

Gabey5 wrote...
no i meant its my account there.i posted it there b4 here;)

huh, really?

dourtewg wrote...
Ah ha, someone on the Bioware social boards ripped em from here.

http://social.biowar...index/1109816/1

There's some other good ones there too, but a good chunk are lifted from here. Still, the more laughter, the better.

rather strange to accuse yourself of ripping your own jokes...

dourtewg wrote...
I'm a bit annoyed that someone lifted this thread verbatim, posted it
on another site, and now I'm being told I took them from there. It
doesn't take a rocket scientist to look at the date stamps. I don't
mind it being posted so much, but when the reposter is like "yeah I'm
really hilarious thanks"...

Ah well, it's the internet, what can you do.

Ahahaha. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

Gravity Bun wrote...

[a few hours after the suicide mission]

KELLY CHAMBERS: "Commander, space hamster would like to see you in your quarters."

[a few minutes later in Shepard's quarters]

SPACE HAMSTER: "Assuming direct control"

I can totally see Boo doing that.

Edit: Also, gabey5, stealing other peoples' work is not kosher. You had the opportunity to own up and say "Yeah, I got it from this other thread" and instead you tried to claim to be that person. If I were you I'd get my ass over to that board and apologise for your blatant plagiarism, otherwise you're going to end up as the kid who cried wolf.

Modifié par Llandaryn, 12 février 2010 - 05:52 .

[Gabey5]

haha keep em coming

[Computron2000]

Salarian Counciler: We believe that the Geth built Sovereign

Legion: The Geth do not have the technology to build Sovereign

Shepard: If they could build sovereign, don't you think their bug ships would have better weapons and shields?

Salarian Counciler: Um.. perhaps they went over buget like the Lazarus project? Speaking of which, the Council has heard disturbing rumors of your association with Ceberus.

Shepard: You believe those rumors but don't believe me, this geth here, the testimony of 2 of my crew on Iios and the fact that vigil actually exists? And you never investigated that master control switch over at Citadel tower on what it exactly does, did you? **** this.

Returns to ship and tells EDI to send chain emails saying that if the email if not fowarded to 10 people, the reapers will arrive and kill everyone.

Joker: Emergency transmission from the Council commander. They believe you about the reapers now. And the Turian Counciler would like to send you and 9 of your buddies an email if its okay with you.




Thane: Do you see him, commander?

Shepard: Thane, can you tell me again why i'm on this walkway above the Citadel streets?

Thane: We need to follow the turian, commander, in case my son attacks

Shepard: Why aren't we using Garrus. He looks like any c-sec turian if he fixed his damn neck guard. Btw, what is the deal with that, leaving armor damaged? A fashion statement? Or why not send Miranda or Tali to follow him, either looks harmless

Thane: I do not understand, commander and i did not come up with this plan. A passerby handed me a piece of paper and told me to read it.

Shepard: And what if Kolyat uses a sniper rifle or hell a grenade. Can't seem to buy 1 though nowadays. Btw, what happened to samara. I brought her along didn't i?

Thane: I expect that she has gone shopping, commander. This business can only be done by the 2 of us. I do not know why though. It is as if the gods have destinied it so.

Shepard: Ok whatever you say, as long i get some loyalty from you.



Garrus: I'll need you to talk to him while i get a clear shot.

Shepard: Why? The council reinstated my spectre status. Now i can legally execute everyone in the station. Take a look:

Shoots Sidonis with a Cain round

Shepard: See, no problem. All done

Garrus: Shows what i know eh?

[Forest03]

Space Hamster: Do not try and destroy the Reapers. That's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth.

Shepard: What truth?

Space Hamster: There are no Reapers.

Shepard: There are no Reapers?

Space Hamster: Then you'll see, that it is not the Reapers that get destroyed, it is only yourself.

Shepard: WTF?! Boo, stop messing with my head!

Space Hamster: Ah, to hell with it! ... Assuming direct control!

[Steve236]

Shep: what do you want Illusive man? this better not be another one of your games



Illusive Man: No I need you to recruit a highly dangerous man imprisoned in a penitentiary on Illium, I believe he will be highly essential to your mission



Shep: can you give me any more info



Illusive Man: His name is Charlie and he is my son

[Jarcander]

Thanks for the idea Computron, squad of three has been troubling me as well.

*entire crew arrives to Citadel to do a mission*

Shephard: Right, since there are twelve of us, this mission should be a breeze. I need you to...
Garrus: Shephard, there's just you, me and Thane.
Shephard: The hell? Where is everyone?
Garrus: Miranda, Tali and Samara said they would buy some new clothes at Presidium.
Shephard: Hmm, that raises questions, like what would Tali wear in addition to that suit, but nevermind. Where are the rest?
Garrus: Jacon was going to get drunk somewhere and Mordin had arranged some kind of nerd meeting with his old colleagues. Grunt talked with a bunch Krogans and then he said they were going to kill some Turians. He said this... right on my face grinning like a maniac.
Shephard: Well crap, I hope he doesn't get his ass arrested or killed. Also, in retrospect, I don't think suggesting a lounge for Normandy was such a brilliant idea. What's Legion doing?
Garrus: Infiltrating.
Shephard: Jack?
Garrus: You really should ask her yourself. She didn't leave the ship.

*calls Jack over an intercom*

Shephard: Hey Jack, we could really use your...
Jack: F**k off! *com goes silent*
Shephard: You know what. I'm just glad I even got two sidekicks on a mission. Let's do this.
Garrus: What about Zaeed?
Shephard: Forget him. He is beating a homeless Batarian over there.

Modifié par Jarcander, 12 février 2010 - 10:13 .

[Llandaryn]

Sad but true.



And also funny!

[Gravity Bun]

The toilet humour has to start somewhere I guess...



Grunt: Shepard.

Shepard: Just checking in.

Grunt: Uhh. Shepard, you are my Krantt and Battlemaster but I find your vessel's facilities unworthy.

Shepard: Care to elaborate?

Grunt: I have a human imprint on the use of the bathroom, but it's not working out.

Shepard: What? Why?

Grunt: Let's just say they're not ... designed for Krogan use.

Shepard: What are you saying?

EDI: EMERGENCY: volatlie material, flooding and blockages detected on decks one through three.