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[FenixPendragon]

I would replace the ridiculous final battle speech with this:

From this day until the ending of the galaxy,
But we in it shall be remembered;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother.

Modifié par FenixPendragon, 13 février 2010 - 02:16 .

[Gage1990]

This is amazing ****, LMFAO

[Lilitv]

*Touring the cargo hold*

Shepard: I don't see the Mako around.

Miranda: Cerberus saw no need to include it. The shuttle is foolproof.

Shepard: Are you insinuating something?

Miranda: I have already mentioned that I have read everything there is to know about you. That includes your driving skills.

[Gabey5]

Kyero wrote...

theres no Tali in this thread? or am I missing a few pages.

some on on page 1

[Gabey5]

Lilitv wrote...

This one is inspired by the comparison to Empire Strikes Back.

*Shepard facing off Saren in Virmie*
Saren: That guy on Eden Prime never did tell you about Nihlus.
Shepard: He told me enough! *Fires a few shots* He told me you killed Nihlus!
Saren: No. I am Nihlus.
Shepard: NOOOOOOOO

*Later, in Eden Prime*
Guy: I need rest.
Shepard: Is Saren really Nihlus?
Guy: He told you didn't he. It is unfortunate
Shepard: Unfortunate that I know the truth?
Guy: No. Unfortunate because you might not be able to face him.
Shepard: Why did you lie to me?
Guy: Shepard, many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our perceptions. NIhlus was a great Spectre, but he allowed Sovereign to twist him into the evil we know as Saren. On that day, the good turian that was Nihlus was betrayed by his indoctrinated side. So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view.
Shepard: I don't like this. It sounds too familiar.
Guy: I forgot to mention. You have a sister.
Shepard: Liara! But I...
Guy: Genetic sexual attraction.

too perfect

[Semperus]

Shepard: "Now that we destroyed the Collectors who wants to celebrate on the citadel?"

**Normany docks in the Citadel**

Shepard: "That was some adventure guys"

Garrus: "I'm wondering about something Commander"

Shepard: "Yeah, whats up?"

Garrus: "So we destroyed the Collectors, where was the reaper that was controlling them?"

Shepard: "Hmmm, wait something doesnt feel right..."

Citadel: "Assuming Direct Control"

Modifié par Semperus, 14 février 2010 - 01:51 .

[Nightvision91]

Aria: I am Omega! There's only one rule to follow here Shepard. Don't **** with Aria.



(Shepard pulls out pistol, and casually aims it at Aria.)



Shepard: There's only one rule I even care about. Don't **** with Shepard. Look at my track record. Rogue Spectre, Reaper, Collectors. You really want to be telling me who not to **** with?

[Lilitv]

Shepard: Got a minute?

Garrus: Can it wait? I'm i-

Shepard: No, it cannot wait. It concerns your safety. Besides, it'll only take a minute.

Garrus: Fine.

Shepard: Why are you wearing broken armour?

Garrus: *Sigh* You have been to the stores. I thought you would have realised that nobody sells armour anymore, let alone turian armour.

[LOLandStuff]

Tali: Shepard, we're being overwhelmed.

Garrus: Shepard, they're coming from every direction.

Tali: Shields are down!

Garrus:Shepard, they're shooting at us.

Shepard: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some hacking.

[stormrain]

Lilitv wrote...

*Touring the cargo hold*
Shepard: I don't see the Mako around.
Miranda: Cerberus saw no need to include it. The shuttle is foolproof.
Shepard: Are you insinuating something?
Miranda: I have already mentioned that I have read everything there is to know about you. That includes your driving skills.

Pure Gold.

[Soma Holiday]

Lord Shadowsong wrote...

Semperus wrote...

Gravity Bun wrote...

[a few hours after the suicide mission]

KELLY CHAMBERS: "Commander, space hamster would like to see you in your quarters."

[a few minutes later in Shepard's quarters]

SPACE HAMSTER: "Assuming direct control"

This is the best one on here, hands down.

I would have assumed space hamster wanting to talk to me as a red flag... did it go for the eyes?

OMFG I just laughed for twenty minutes.  This is so much Win!    This whole thread is amazing.  The OP should write dialogue for ME3.  You are awesome!  Especially the Thane mocking one, just fantastic.

[Xpardox91X]

 EDI: "Commander, your requisite shipment of Viagra has arrived and is currently in the cargo hold."

Shepard: "Thank you, EDI."

[Shepard walks by Kelly]

Kelly: "Commander, Grunt seems to be acting in an odd manner. He is pacing up and down the cargo hold and smashing windows..."

Shepard: -facepalm- "Oh crap... I am NOT going down there."

[FenixPendragon]

FenixPendragon wrote...


I would replace the ridiculous final battle speech with this:

From this day until the ending of the galaxy,
But we in it shall be remembered;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother.

That was my paragon end speech here is my Renegade speech:

To:
Gunt - If you fail me I will plant daisies on your grave and tell everyone you could not hurt a Pyjack

Miranda - Fight well or I will let the crew know that you are secretly a Bond chick...how does anyone recognize you without your disguise anyway?

Legion - Watch my back or I will introduce you to the FDISK runtime then I will store what's left of your memory in a pocket calculator

Moridan - If you falter I will replace your family genetic history with that of a Vorcha

[LOLandStuff]

femShepard: Hey, how have you been?

Kaidan: Oh, good good…I was stuck earlier but I’m fine now.

femShepard: It’s good.

Kaidan: Yeah, I also got promoted you know.

femShepard: Really? It paid off following me around.

Kaidan: I can’t complain. But what about you?

femShepard: Oh, I’ve been dead but now I’m fine. I look 2 years younger.

Kaidan: That’s nice. So, I’ve heard you’re with Cerberus now.

femShepard: It’s just temporary, nothing serious. I don’t fit in anyway.

Kaidan: Cool! I thought for one moment you’ll betray the Alliance.

femShepard: Neah, I’m full paragon, even if I’ve been ditched by the Council and the Alliance. You know…left on my own to defeat the great threat.

Kaidan: Oh right! How are the reapers by the way?

femShepard: I made some new friends, Collectors. But they're too busy abducting people in remote colonies like this one. It’s not like the colonist haven’t been warned about it.

Kaidan: So, once you’re done, you’re joining us again?

femShepard: Perhaps. After the Suicide Mission, I might continue my job as a spectre.

Kaidan: You’re going on a Suicide Mision?

femShepard: Not me, the rest of the crew. You know I can’t stay dead.

Kaidan: I see Garrus is with you too. How are you Garrus?

Garrus: Calibrating Shepard!

Kaidan: That’s nice. Wait…what?

[Llandaryn]

Soma Holiday wrote...
OMFG I just laughed for twenty minutes.  This is so much Win!    This whole thread is amazing.  The OP should write dialogue for ME3.  You are awesome!  Especially the Thane mocking one, just fantastic.

Well, seeing as how the OP of the thread didn't actually come up with this stuff himself, and simply ripped it off another forum...

LOLandStuff wrote...

Kaidan: I see Garrus is with you too. How are you Garrus?
Garrus: Calibrating Shepard!
Kaidan: That’s nice. Wait…what?

LOL... and stuff.

[DeMoNxDaVe]

Liara: Have you ever faced an Asari commando unit before? Few humans have . . . Shepard!

*Liara comes in for kiss; Shepard nudges her away*

Shepard: Seriously? You want to kiss after you just quoted your dead mother that I killed? That you watch me kill?
Liara: Oh no don't mind that I was ju-
Shepard: No. What's wrong with you? You were quirky and nice just a few days ago before I was spaced!
Miranda(to Jacob): His memory is still a little iffy. Should I shoot him? Shooting stuff has worked out for me.
Jacob: *mumbles* And you wonder why I cheated and then left your crazy white ass . . .
Shepard: HEY GUYS! TRYING TO HAVE SEMI-NOT REALLY INTIMATE MOMENT HERE! Anyways . . .
Liara: Shepard . . . You were gone for two years. It emotionally warped me and now I am a cold ****. Don't you understand? You left me. *tear*
Shepard: I DIED! NOW I'M BACK! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT!?
Liara: I want to be with you still. Honestly.
Shepard: Well I wouldn't mind that. So lets go kick the collectors in the butt puckers.
Liara: But I must destroy the Shadow Broker.
Shepard: And while you're aboard my ship I can't help you like I help everyone else?
Liara: No.
Shepard: FINE! I'll go to Haestrom! Tali was always more interesting then you anyways!
Liara: But Shepard WE can be together . . . after I kill the Shadow Bro-
Shepard: I've had enough of this planet!

*grabs Shiala; makes annoying squad mate (Jack) tend to nuke while Joker picks Shepard up*

Shepard: How's that for subtle?
Shiala: What just happened?
Shepard: Yeah.

Modifié par DeMoNxDaVe, 14 février 2010 - 09:12 .

[Homebound]

Thane:  Wind rolls in across the meadows. Wide straw hat and Sunday dress. The sweet perfume and the rustling of vibrant grass. The snow-caped mountains in the distance. "Why don't you come closer?" My eyes scan up and down those delicate legs. Reminded of fluffy dogs as my fingertips graze along. He smiles at me.

Modifié par Just_mike, 14 février 2010 - 09:12 .

[DeMoNxDaVe]

Just_mike wrote...

Thane:  Wind rolls in across the meadows. Wide straw hat and Sunday dress. The sweet perfume and the rustling of vibrant grass. The snow-caped mountains in the distance. "Why don't you come closer?" My eyes scan up and down those delicate legs. Reminded of fluffy dogs as my fingertips graze along. He smiles at me.

maleShepard: Oh okay. So this will work out.

[DeMoNxDaVe]

DP...again *sigh*

Modifié par DeMoNxDaVe, 14 février 2010 - 09:14 .

[CorvushatesEA]

Shepard: "Wait... You sang Gilbert and Sullivan? That's one of my favorites! Do you think you could show me?"

Mordin: "Of course."

*Clears throat"

Suddenly, a volley of synth drums resonate in mordin's workplace, followed by an equally lame synthesized backing track...

Shepard: What the hell? EDI, what's going on?

Mordin: *Puts on sunglasses* We're no strangers to lo-huh-oooove...
You know the rules, and so- do I!
A full commitment's what i'm- thinkin' o-huh-oooofff...
You wouldnt get this from- any other guy!
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII just wanna tell you how i'm feelin...
Gotta make you, Understand!
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you do-ho-hown...

Shepard: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

[Homebound]

DeMoNxDaVe wrote...

Just_mike wrote...

Thane:  Wind rolls in across the meadows. Wide straw hat and Sunday dress. The sweet perfume and the rustling of vibrant grass. The snow-caped mountains in the distance. "Why don't you come closer?" My eyes scan up and down those delicate legs. Reminded of fluffy dogs as my fingertips graze along. He smiles at me.

maleShepard: Oh okay. So this will work out.

I was worried that this woulda gone over people's heads.

[sagevallant]

(First meeting with Tali)

Shep: Tali! It's me, I'm back from the grave! Hug?

Tali: Shepard. You're alive? You abandoned us!

Shep: What? No! I said 'grave', remember? I was dead!

Tali: You can't just come waltzing back in and expect things to not have changed.

Shep: *facepalm*



(meeting Liara)

Shep: Sweetie!

Liara: (single tear) You are alive. Where the hell have you been?

Shep: Hell. Turns out 10 renegade points is 10 too many, according to God.

Liara: Do you know what it's been like without you? Why didn't you call me?

Shep: You saw me getting blown out into space!

Liara: You look fine.

Shep: Yeah, 2 years and 4 billion credits later! With some funky glow-in-the-dark scars!

Liara: The Shepard I remember didn't hide behind excuses.

Shep: *facepalm*



(meeting Ash)

Shep: Ash! How ya been?

Ash: Don't you start with me! You left us!

Shep: OH MY GOD! Were these women always such fickle b*tches and I just never noticed?

[LOLandStuff]

FemShepard: We have to talk about each one’s abilities and role in this ominous grand mission.

Miranda: Shepard, this meeting is useless. I have better thing to do and I am perfect. Talk to the rest, I can’t say they excel at what they’re doing.

Shepard: Actually Miranda, this meeting is about you mostly.

Miranda: I fail to see why anyone would complain.

Shepard: Miranda…you’re utterly useless to the squad.

Miranda: I think I didn’t make myself clear enough. I am PERFECT, which means, FLAWLESS.

Shepard: I have two skills of yours and I recharge faster. Tali has a drone named Chikktika vas Paus, that just has awesome all over it. Thane, Thane is Thane and besides his son, he’s the only drell we’ve seen so far and he’s with us. Mordin sings and kills people with improvised equipments. Hell, he could kill anyone even with a plastic spoon if he wants. Legion is a geth, does the robot dance and let’s not forget, wears my N7 armour, pure WIN. Garrus, just “headshot” and that’s badass…I smell competition but I’m still the Shepard here. Grunt just goes rampant and saves us the trouble of killing, we just have to follow him around. Jack has tattoos and crazy biotics. As for Samara, she makes me look better with her royally attire and attitude. Also has crazy biotics.

Jacob: What about me commander?

Shepard: Who said that?

Miranda: I see a flaw in your judgment. Tali is quarian and has to constantly fix her suit. Thane…let’s not discuss his health. Mordin is squishy. Legion is a geth with a hole in him and he can’t be trusted. Garrus has half his face missing and parts of his armour. Grunt is out of control. Jack is asad freak and a B***. Samara is a fanatic. And you can’t ignore Jacob, I’ve been working with him for long. So, I am still perfect, I have nice airbags and I was made perfect.

Shepard: I think you messed with my chest. I think you made them smaller than what I had before.

Miranda: That’s not the point…

Shepard: Get the f*** out of the cool table and don’t question me. Cool people have cool stuff to discuss here.

[MikeFL25]

Garrus: Shepard, have you got a minute to talk?



Shepard: Can it wait a bit...I'm in the middle of saving humanity and every other sentient race in the galaxy from extinction by embarking on a probable suicide mission to defeat a threat that no one else but me believes in all while getting yelled at for not calling former love interests while I was dead and having the Illusive Man riding my balls and the Council shoving their heads up their asses and you doing nothing but calibrating a damn gun that was fixed a month ago.



Garrus: O_o