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[selvacin]

snatchmo wrote...

bioware executive: Somebody find out who Gabey5 is and get them on the writing staff for ME3!

gabby5 stole stuff from another webpage, if you read the earlier posts

[DeltaIV]

This is probably one of my favorites.



Maelon: "The Krogan would be thriving in a cultural renaissance now had we not decided that this is what they deserved!"

Shepard: "I got your cultural renaissance right here."

Grunt: "I think, therefore I am. KROGAAAAAAN!"

[Pinkflamingo22]

*Shepard taking nap*

What did you expect? I just died, came back to life, joined forces with a group I despise, went across the entire galaxy recruiting the best team I could find, got ****ed at by Ashley, realized I don't HATE Cerberus but still don't fancy them, stopped a cat fight, had my own side adventure with Miranda in engineering, listened to Mordin talk for an hour about whatever popped into his head, traveled through the Omega 4 relay, destroyed (another) Reaper, stopped the Collecters, left the base for technology in the hands of a man I don't trust, jumped what seemed to be 1,000,000 ****ing feet to my ship, kept my entire crew alive through a suicide mission, all for what? I still have to fight a war with an entire Reaper army!

No, **** that, I'm taking a nap.

Modifié par Pinkflamingo22, 22 février 2010 - 05:32 .

[BlindBay7]

Excalceo wrote...

Shepard: Zaeed, going into this final mission, I just want you to know...if anyone has to die, I hope it's you.
Zaeed: That's okay Commander, I was free DLC anyways.
(They hug)
Shepard: I hate you so much Zaeed.
Zaeed: I know.

Shepard: Barkeep!  I need a drink.
Barkeep: Here you go.
Shepard: Thanks.
Barkeep: Aren't you gonna take your helmet off?
Shepard: Nah, I got this.
Barkeep: No seriously, I insist...
(Shepard attempts to drink and spills the beverage all over the himself and the floor).
Shepard: Give me another.
Barkeep: Oh Goddamit! I'm gonna have to clean that up now!
Shepard: I said give me another.
Barkeep: Not until you take the helmet off.
Shepard: Fine.
(Attempts to remove the helmet but is unsucessful)
Shepard: Oh God, it's stuck!
Barkeep: What?
Shepard: IT'S STUCK!
Barkeep: Oh God.
Thane: STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!
Shepard: WHAT? OH GOD, I CAN'T BREATHE!!!
(Shepard slips on the previously spilled, falls and suffocates).
*CRITICAL MISSION FAILURE*

ROTFL...literally

[cruc1al]

selvacin wrote...

snatchmo wrote...

bioware executive: Somebody find out who Gabey5 is and get them on the writing staff for ME3!

gabby5 stole stuff from another webpage, if you read the earlier posts

This was already dealt with, if you read the earlier posts

[Lilitv]

*Customs Turian went on a vacation to a human colony when Collectors arrive and abduct all the humans*

Customs Turian: Excuse me, why am I left out?

Harbinger: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL *Control assumed* We are only looking for humans.

Customs Turian: Why? Turians not good enough for you? You Collectors are all racist!

[Nightfire78]

*Shepard walks into the quarantine zone on Omega with Garrus and Miranda*

Shepard: "Right, Garrus, you stay at the back and snipe things to avoid accidental contamination."
Garrus: "Right behind you."
*Shepard turns around and looks at Garrus*
Shepard: "Uhm... we're in an area with a highly contagious illness floating around that kills aliens like, say, turians... What exactly made you think that not wearing your vacuum- and hazardous-environment-proof helmet was a good idea?"
.................................................

Shepard: "Well, hearing all about your biotic camp was really interesting, Kaiden, but I have some stuff I need to do."
Kaiden: "Sure, no problem. Hey, do you talk to everyone on your team so much?"
Shepard: "Of course, I like to know the people that are watching my back in a fight."
Kaiden: "Oh... uh... well, I'll have to think about that a bit."
Shepard: "Er, okay..."
Kaiden: "Because I'm not sure it's a good idea to get involved... you know chain of command and all that... fraternization rules..."
Shepard: "Uhm..."
Kaiden: "But I really like you... it's just a little scary, you know?"
Shepard: "Dude, when I said I like to know my crew... I didn't mean it in the biblical sense."
Kaiden: "I don't really like that you're flirting with Liara too though..."
Shepard: "Am I in the room? It's like I'm talking and you're just not..."
Kaiden: "I mean seriously, you need to make a choice here, though the whole fraternization thing is really not a good idea..."
Shepard: "... Hey, Kaiden, I need you to set up a really big bomb on Virmire..."
........................................

*Shepard visits Zaeed in the cargo hold*
*Shepard accidentally looks at Zaeed's rifle*
*Zaeed goes on and on about his rifle wanting to kill people. Meanwhile, Shepard plays with the trash compactor*
*Shepard accidentally glances at Zaeed's trophy Krogan helmet*
*Zaeed goes on and on about killing Krogans*
*Shepard looks at the trash compactor*
*Shepard looks at Zaeed*
*Shepard looks back at the trash compactor*

Miranda: "Have you seen Zaeed lately?"
Shepard: "Ah yes, 'Zaeed'. He went out for some fresh air."

[ODST 3]

Nightfire78 wrote...


*Shepard visits Zaeed in the cargo hold*
*Shepard accidentally looks at Zaeed's rifle*
*Zaeed goes on and on about his rifle wanting to kill people. Meanwhile, Shepard plays with the trash compactor*
*Shepard accidentally glances at Zaeed's trophy Krogan helmet*
*Zaeed goes on and on about killing Krogans*
*Shepard looks at the trash compactor*
*Shepard looks at Zaeed*
*Shepard looks back at the trash compactor*

Miranda: "Have you seen Zaeed lately?"
Shepard: "Ah yes, 'Zaeed'. He went out for some fresh air."

Zing!

[AndersKrei]

Miranda: There is a pistol in the locker on the other side of the room. Hurry!
Shepard: This pistol doesn't have a thermal clip.
Miranda: It's a medical bay Shepard.
Shepard: What? Are you seriously saying that it makes more sense to have a full set of armor and an unloaded pistol, than it does to have a full set of armor and a loaded pistol in a medical bay?
Miranda: ... wow that didn't take long for you to pick up on your first plot-hole.
Shepard: Yeah, I'm gifted like that... I also shouldn't know what "Thermal clips" are, what with the whole coma thing.
Miranda: Yes very perceptive of you. Now would you please find some ammo? The station is under attack you know?
Shepard: Also, why do I only have scars on my face? I suffocated, burned up from friction and presumably had quite a rough landing, why would that somehow have damaged my face more than the rest of my body?
Miranda: Fine! Forget it. Just stand there pointing out plot-holes, see if I care.
Shepard: Why would anyone even use thermal clip... *Gets interrupted by mechs who burst into the medical bay and shoot him*
Shepard: *Bleeding to death* ...Why ... were there... no mechs around... 2 years ago? *Dies*

The moral of this story is: "Suspend your disbelief, or you will be gunned down by robots!"

Mordin: I am the very model of a scientist salarian...
*Shepard renegade interrupts and knocks Mordin to the ground*
Shepard: DON'T EVER SING SHOWTUNES ON MY SHIP!!!

[da_big_man500]

Shepard: So about these Power cells

EDI: Yes, Shepard.

Shepard: Can they be bought?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: So these random crates that are around get them from somewhere?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: Ok, I would like to place a requisition order for a whole ****load of powercells for my Cain

EDI: I am afraid you cannot do that

Shepard: What? As soon as Mordin got on the ship you said he could order whatever he needed. I'm the ******* commander of this whole operation and I can't put in one requisition order for some ammo? 

EDI: I have a block that prevents me from answering that question

Shepard: For ***** sakes.

Modifié par da_big_man500, 22 février 2010 - 07:00 .

[Llandaryn]

Katosu wrote...

@ Llandaryn ;
 
If I worship you as a supreme overlord, will it count towards getting that goal fulfilled? 

Of course!

Nightfire78 wrote...

.................................................

Shepard: "Well, hearing all about your biotic camp was really interesting, Kaiden, but I have some stuff I need to do."
Kaiden: "Sure, no problem. Hey, do you talk to everyone on your team so much?"
Shepard: "Of course, I like to know the people that are watching my back in a fight."
Kaiden: "Oh... uh... well, I'll have to think about that a bit."
Shepard: "Er, okay..."
Kaiden: "Because I'm not sure it's a good idea to get involved... you know chain of command and all that... fraternization rules..."
Shepard: "Uhm..."
Kaiden: "But I really like you... it's just a little scary, you know?"
Shepard: "Dude, when I said I like to know my crew... I didn't mean it in the biblical sense."
Kaiden: "I don't really like that you're flirting with Liara too though..."
Shepard: "Am I in the room? It's like I'm talking and you're just not..."
Kaiden: "I mean seriously, you need to make a choice here, though the whole fraternization thing is really not a good idea..."
Shepard: "... Hey, Kaiden, I need you to set up a really big bomb on Virmire..."
........................................

A funny summation of Kaidan!

[sagevallant]

da_big_man500 wrote...

Shepard: So about these Power cells

EDI: Yes, Shepard.

Shepard: Can they be bought?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: So these random crates that are around get them from somewhere?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: Ok, I would like to place a requisition order for a whole ****load of powercells for my Cain

EDI: I am afraid you cannot do that

Shepard: What? As soon as Mordin got on the ship you said he could order whatever he needed. I'm the ******* commander of this whole operation and I can't put in one requisition order for some ammo? 

EDI: I have a block that prevents me from answering that question

Shepard: For ***** sakes.

More importantly, why can't we requisition a few of those giant mechs with missile launchers and gatling guns?

[CardonT]

sagevallant wrote...

da_big_man500 wrote...

Shepard: So about these Power cells

EDI: Yes, Shepard.

Shepard: Can they be bought?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: So these random crates that are around get them from somewhere?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: Ok, I would like to place a requisition order for a whole ****load of powercells for my Cain

EDI: I am afraid you cannot do that

Shepard: What? As soon as Mordin got on the ship you said he could order whatever he needed. I'm the ******* commander of this whole operation and I can't put in one requisition order for some ammo? 

EDI: I have a block that prevents me from answering that question

Shepard: For ***** sakes.

More importantly, why can't we requisition a few of those giant mechs with missile launchers and gatling guns?

They frickin' nuke themselves if you remove their heads! That wouldn't be too good aboard a ship.

[LOST GAM3R]

"Ah, yes... "humans." the allegedly new species that is attemping to activate an unknown mass relay. We have dissmissed these claims."



*and so the First Contact War began*

[AndersKrei]

*Shepards team and some blue suns are exchanging gunfire*
Shepard: Hey look, there is a datapad over there. *Runs over and begins hacking*
Blue Sun#1: Hey what is that guy doing now?
Blue Sun#2: Who cares let's just kill him.
Blue Sun#1: No don't do that I wanna know what he is doing.
Blue Sun#2: Oh for the love of...
Blue Sun#1: *Yells* Hey! What is your leader doing?
Garus: Hacking a datapad, what's it look like?
Blue Sun#1: Should he be doing that in the middle of a firefight?
Garus: Probably not, but he's commander friking Shepard, are YOU going to tell him what he can and can't do?
Blue Sun#1:Good point. So should we keep fighting?
Garus: Without Shepard? Why that would be rude!
Blue Sun#1: We will just wait then.
Blue Sun#2: There is a reason you were never promoted past the rank of cannonfodder you know.

[LOST GAM3R]

"Ah, yes... "humans." the allegedly new species that is attemping to activate an unknown mass relay. We have dissmissed these claims."



*and so the First Contact War began*

[sagevallant]

CardonT wrote...

sagevallant wrote...

da_big_man500 wrote...

Shepard: So about these Power cells

EDI: Yes, Shepard.

Shepard: Can they be bought?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: So these random crates that are around get them from somewhere?

EDI: Yes, Shepard

Shepard: Ok, I would like to place a requisition order for a whole ****load of powercells for my Cain

EDI: I am afraid you cannot do that

Shepard: What? As soon as Mordin got on the ship you said he could order whatever he needed. I'm the ******* commander of this whole operation and I can't put in one requisition order for some ammo? 

EDI: I have a block that prevents me from answering that question

Shepard: For ***** sakes.

More importantly, why can't we requisition a few of those giant mechs with missile launchers and gatling guns?

They frickin' nuke themselves if you remove their heads! That wouldn't be too good aboard a ship.

OR you could march them into a horde of husks and THEN blow their heads off.

[sagevallant]

AndersKrei wrote...

*Shepards team and some blue suns are exchanging gunfire*
Shepard: Hey look, there is a datapad over there. *Runs over and begins hacking*
Blue Sun#1: Hey what is that guy doing now?
Blue Sun#2: Who cares let's just kill him.
Blue Sun#1: No don't do that I wanna know what he is doing.
Blue Sun#2: Oh for the love of...
Blue Sun#1: *Yells* Hey! What is your leader doing?
Garus: Hacking a datapad, what's it look like?
Blue Sun#1: Should he be doing that in the middle of a firefight?
Garus: Probably not, but he's commander friking Shepard, are YOU going to tell him what he can and can't do?
Blue Sun#1:Good point. So should we keep fighting?
Garus: Without Shepard? Why that would be rude!
Blue Sun#1: We will just wait then.
Blue Sun#2: There is a reason you were never promoted past the rank of cannonfodder you know.

You say that, but I'm pretty sure I've been SHOT while hacking before. The nerve of some people!

[da_big_man500]

Shepard: Ah Yes "Councillors", a sentient race of politicians, who only care about the good of the galaxy, presumably hiding in the citadel tower. We have dismissed this claim.

[AndersKrei]

sagevallant wrote...

AndersKrei wrote...

*Shepards team and some blue suns are exchanging gunfire*
Shepard: Hey look, there is a datapad over there. *Runs over and begins hacking*
Blue Sun#1: Hey what is that guy doing now?
Blue Sun#2: Who cares let's just kill him.
Blue Sun#1: No don't do that I wanna know what he is doing.
Blue Sun#2: Oh for the love of...
Blue Sun#1: *Yells* Hey! What is your leader doing?
Garus: Hacking a datapad, what's it look like?
Blue Sun#1: Should he be doing that in the middle of a firefight?
Garus: Probably not, but he's commander friking Shepard, are YOU going to tell him what he can and can't do?
Blue Sun#1:Good point. So should we keep fighting?
Garus: Without Shepard? Why that would be rude!
Blue Sun#1: We will just wait then.
Blue Sun#2: There is a reason you were never promoted past the rank of cannonfodder you know.

You say that, but I'm pretty sure I've been SHOT while hacking before. The nerve of some people!

Well you can't expect them ALL to be cannonfodder rank
Full disclaimer though, I only tried hacking something during combat one time (Kinda breaks up the action) so I guess it is possible that I just got lucky and were fighting these guys ^ at the time.

[sagevallant]

AndersKrei wrote...

sagevallant wrote...

AndersKrei wrote...

*Shepards team and some blue suns are exchanging gunfire*
Shepard: Hey look, there is a datapad over there. *Runs over and begins hacking*
Blue Sun#1: Hey what is that guy doing now?
Blue Sun#2: Who cares let's just kill him.
Blue Sun#1: No don't do that I wanna know what he is doing.
Blue Sun#2: Oh for the love of...
Blue Sun#1: *Yells* Hey! What is your leader doing?
Garus: Hacking a datapad, what's it look like?
Blue Sun#1: Should he be doing that in the middle of a firefight?
Garus: Probably not, but he's commander friking Shepard, are YOU going to tell him what he can and can't do?
Blue Sun#1:Good point. So should we keep fighting?
Garus: Without Shepard? Why that would be rude!
Blue Sun#1: We will just wait then.
Blue Sun#2: There is a reason you were never promoted past the rank of cannonfodder you know.

You say that, but I'm pretty sure I've been SHOT while hacking before. The nerve of some people!

Well you can't expect them ALL to be cannonfodder rank
Full disclaimer though, I only tried hacking something during combat one time (Kinda breaks up the action) so I guess it is possible that I just got lucky and were fighting these guys ^ at the time.

Very possible. Getting shot counts as a failure, too. So I didn't get the loot

Needless to say, my Interceptor blew the cannonfodders' heads off for that.

[zer0netgain]

da_big_man500 wrote...

Shepard: Ah Yes "Councillors", a sentient race of politicians, who only care about the good of the galaxy, presumably hiding in the citadel tower. We have dismissed this claim.

Ever notice the color of the big tower the Council lives in on the Citadel?

[Mossa_missa]

LOST GAM3R wrote...

"Ah, yes... "humans." the allegedly new species that is attemping to activate an unknown mass relay. We have dissmissed these claims."

*and so the First Contact War began*

Haha, brilliant.