Liara: Shepard its good to see you again.
Shepard: Hi Liara! I was dead, surprised?
Liara: Listen, Shepard if you want to help, I need someone with hacking expertise, someone i can trust
Shepard: Waaah? I'm a soldier, i suck at hacking.
Liara: I should have know you would choke on the hard decisions. Too idealistic from the start.
Shepard: Huh? I never said i wouldn't help, just need to get Tali from the Normandy docking bay
*Liara ignores Shepard's protests*
Liara: Strength for Liara is strength for every Shepard
Liara: Liara *is* Shepard
Shepard. Err.. I'll talk to you later Liara *Hurries out*
If You Were Commander Shepard...............!!!
Débuté par
Gabey5
, févr. 10 2010 04:45
Retour en haut
#527
Posté 24 février 2010 - 06:33
Marilynn-22
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Lol Win XDExcalceo wrote...
Shepard: Zaeed, going into this final mission, I just want you to know...if anyone has to die, I hope it's you.
Zaeed: That's okay Commander, I was free DLC anyways.
(They hug)
Shepard: I hate you so much Zaeed.
Zaeed: I know.
Shepard: Barkeep! I need a drink.
Barkeep: Here you go.
Shepard: Thanks.
Barkeep: Aren't you gonna take your helmet off?
Shepard: Nah, I got this.
Barkeep: No seriously, I insist...
(Shepard attempts to drink and spills the beverage all over the himself and the floor).
Shepard: Give me another.
Barkeep: Oh Goddamit! I'm gonna have to clean that up now!
Shepard: I said give me another.
Barkeep: Not until you take the helmet off.
Shepard: Fine.
(Attempts to remove the helmet but is unsucessful)
Shepard: Oh God, it's stuck!
Barkeep: What?
Shepard: IT'S STUCK!
Barkeep: Oh God.
Thane: STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!
Shepard: WHAT? OH GOD, I CAN'T BREATHE!!!
(Shepard slips on the previously spilled, falls and suffocates).
*CRITICAL MISSION FAILURE*
#528
Posté 24 février 2010 - 09:44
noobzor99
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Shepard: Ok, team, the collector ship is derelict. Let's go investigate!
Garrus: Sure! This isn't suspicious at all!
Miranda: Ready.
*Shepard looks at Miranda*
Shepard: Uhh...
Miranda: What?
Shepard: You know we are going into deep space, right?
Miranda: Shepard, I am genetically perfect. Of course I do.
Shepard: Ok...
*The teams steps out of the shuttle into the ship, which is open to deep space. Shepard and Garrus are wearing full body armor and helmets. Miranda is wearing her standard spandex uniform (revealing part of her chest) and a mask over her mouth and nose (but not the rest of her head).
Shepard: Umm, Miranda? How are you not dead?
Miranda: I'm a biotic. Barriers.
Shepard: Riiiiight....
Later:
*Collectors attack*
Shepard: Return Fire!
Garrus: SCOPED AND DROPPED! *mumbling* I love this rifle...
Shepard: That kinda scared me Garrus.
*Miranda takes a lot of hits. Her barrier goes down. Some shots shoot through her.*
Miranda: Well, sh*t.
*Miranda's blood explosively decompresses out her wounds*
Shepard:
Ah, whatever, hated her anyways.
*Garrus takes a hit, gets knocked out*
Shepard: Dammit Garrus, medigel aint cheap!
*Activates medigel - Garrus gets back up and keeps sniping*
*Miranda magically gets up and starts fighting*
Shepard:
Uh, Garrus, keep an eye on MIranda, will you?
Garrus: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
Garrus: Sure! This isn't suspicious at all!
Miranda: Ready.
*Shepard looks at Miranda*
Shepard: Uhh...
Miranda: What?
Shepard: You know we are going into deep space, right?
Miranda: Shepard, I am genetically perfect. Of course I do.
Shepard: Ok...
*The teams steps out of the shuttle into the ship, which is open to deep space. Shepard and Garrus are wearing full body armor and helmets. Miranda is wearing her standard spandex uniform (revealing part of her chest) and a mask over her mouth and nose (but not the rest of her head).
Shepard: Umm, Miranda? How are you not dead?
Miranda: I'm a biotic. Barriers.
Shepard: Riiiiight....
Later:
*Collectors attack*
Shepard: Return Fire!
Garrus: SCOPED AND DROPPED! *mumbling* I love this rifle...
Shepard: That kinda scared me Garrus.
*Miranda takes a lot of hits. Her barrier goes down. Some shots shoot through her.*
Miranda: Well, sh*t.
*Miranda's blood explosively decompresses out her wounds*
Shepard:
Ah, whatever, hated her anyways.*Garrus takes a hit, gets knocked out*
Shepard: Dammit Garrus, medigel aint cheap!
*Activates medigel - Garrus gets back up and keeps sniping*
*Miranda magically gets up and starts fighting*
Shepard:
Uh, Garrus, keep an eye on MIranda, will you?Garrus: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
#529
Posté 25 février 2010 - 01:43
Malysoun
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Dear Oriana,
It is with deep regret that I inform you of your sister's passing.
As you may know, I was on a mission of galactic importance, where the survival of mankind was at stake.
In the time I've known Miranda, she has become a valuable member of my crew and a trusted confidant.
She valiantly gave her life defending other members of the team from overwhelming opposition.
Her last request was that I continue to watch over you in her stead.
The next time I'm on Illium, would you please stop by the Normandy to meet with the crew and tour the ship, your sister had a fondness for the engine room.
Yours truely,
Shepard.
It is with deep regret that I inform you of your sister's passing.
As you may know, I was on a mission of galactic importance, where the survival of mankind was at stake.
In the time I've known Miranda, she has become a valuable member of my crew and a trusted confidant.
She valiantly gave her life defending other members of the team from overwhelming opposition.
Her last request was that I continue to watch over you in her stead.
The next time I'm on Illium, would you please stop by the Normandy to meet with the crew and tour the ship, your sister had a fondness for the engine room.
Yours truely,
Shepard.
#530
Posté 25 février 2010 - 04:01
Dr. Burpenstien
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/////// 2 WEEKS AFTER ENDING OF ME2, CAPTAINS QUARTERS.....
--------------------------------------------------------------
Shepard: Miri, can you pass me a pillow?
Miranda: How about we play a game; let's pretend we're married.
Shepard: Ok?
Miranda: Go get the damned pillow your self.
Shepard: ....................................... *Farts*
--------------------------------------------------------------
Shepard: Miri, can you pass me a pillow?
Miranda: How about we play a game; let's pretend we're married.
Shepard: Ok?
Miranda: Go get the damned pillow your self.
Shepard: ....................................... *Farts*
Modifié par Dr. Burpenstien, 25 février 2010 - 04:02 .
#531
Posté 25 février 2010 - 05:32
sagevallant
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(At the Coffee Shop at the end of the Universe)
Shepard: So then, after defeating the Collectors, I went out into deep space to hunt down the fleet of Reapers. (sips espresso) But I didn't realize deep space was so big, so I haven't really been able to find them yet. I dunno, I guess I always wanted to be like Captain Kirk when I was a kid. You know, meeting strange alien women, and then having sex with them.
Revan: Sounds good in theory, but then you meet squid-faced people and Hutts and rethink your plans.
Shepard: Exactly.
Revan: Me, I saved the universe, too. (sips black coffee) And then I flew off into deep space to find the Sith Empire and singlehandedly save the universe again. But let me tell you something; finding an empire in deep space is hard. Finding one small fleet out in the middle of nowhere, that's just not going to happen.
Shepard: I've gotten tired of just sitting on my thumb, playing grabass with alien women. And my pal, he just keeps calibrating and recalibrating my weapon systems.
Revan: My droid could handle that in a second for you.
HK-47: The meatbag can handle his own problems, thank you.
Shepard: IT'S A REAPER! (unloads with rocket launcher)
Shepard: So then, after defeating the Collectors, I went out into deep space to hunt down the fleet of Reapers. (sips espresso) But I didn't realize deep space was so big, so I haven't really been able to find them yet. I dunno, I guess I always wanted to be like Captain Kirk when I was a kid. You know, meeting strange alien women, and then having sex with them.
Revan: Sounds good in theory, but then you meet squid-faced people and Hutts and rethink your plans.
Shepard: Exactly.
Revan: Me, I saved the universe, too. (sips black coffee) And then I flew off into deep space to find the Sith Empire and singlehandedly save the universe again. But let me tell you something; finding an empire in deep space is hard. Finding one small fleet out in the middle of nowhere, that's just not going to happen.
Shepard: I've gotten tired of just sitting on my thumb, playing grabass with alien women. And my pal, he just keeps calibrating and recalibrating my weapon systems.
Revan: My droid could handle that in a second for you.
HK-47: The meatbag can handle his own problems, thank you.
Shepard: IT'S A REAPER! (unloads with rocket launcher)
#532
Posté 26 février 2010 - 03:39
UnstableMongoose
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EDI: "I am sorry, Commander, but even with my unshackling and the introduction of powerful Reaper viral assault software, I am unable to crack the DRM on your rare weapons so that we can manufacture more."
Shepard to the council in Mass Effect 3:
Shepard to the council in Mass Effect 3:
Modifié par UnstableMongoose, 26 février 2010 - 05:18 .
#533
Posté 27 février 2010 - 05:18
TomBmbadil
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Garrus: Two heavy mechs incoming!
Shepard: It's all good we got Jack with us
Jack: ***k you.
Shepard: No seriosly Jack there's limited cover and they have unlimited ammo and rockets and besides you killed five of em in what like two seconds?!
Jack: Well, I *um* had just gotten out of cryo, my biotics are... enhanced when i'm cold
Shepard: When your cold huh? Your wearing a "shirt" made out of f***ing chinstraps! How are you not f***ing cold?!
Jack: If this is about sex just say so!
Shepard: Facepalm
Shepard: It's all good we got Jack with us
Jack: ***k you.
Shepard: No seriosly Jack there's limited cover and they have unlimited ammo and rockets and besides you killed five of em in what like two seconds?!
Jack: Well, I *um* had just gotten out of cryo, my biotics are... enhanced when i'm cold
Shepard: When your cold huh? Your wearing a "shirt" made out of f***ing chinstraps! How are you not f***ing cold?!
Jack: If this is about sex just say so!
Shepard: Facepalm
#534
Posté 27 février 2010 - 06:07
sagevallant
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TomBmbadil wrote...
Garrus: Two heavy mechs incoming!
Shepard: It's all good we got Jack with us
Jack: ***k you.
Shepard: No seriosly Jack there's limited cover and they have unlimited ammo and rockets and besides you killed five of em in what like two seconds?!
Jack: Well, I *um* had just gotten out of cryo, my biotics are... enhanced when i'm cold
Shepard: When your cold huh? Your wearing a "shirt" made out of f***ing chinstraps! How are you not f***ing cold?!
Jack: If this is about sex just say so!
Shepard: Facepalm
You romanced her. It made her weak. She's of the Dark Side.
#535
Posté 27 février 2010 - 11:51
Lilitv
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Turian Councilor: Ah yes, Reapers. An immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. We have dismissed that claim.
Shepard: I get it now!
Turian Councilor: That is... surprising. I thought you would protest it.
Shepard: How could I have been so stupid?
Turian Councilor: I don't blame you. Spectres are very charismatic, and Saren was one of our best.
Shepard: You know how some human boys express their attraction for a human girl by bullying them?
Turian Councilor: I don't see how this is relevant to the discussion.
Shepard: *Winks* I find turians sexy too.
Turian Councilor: Commander Shepard, how dare you! I am a pillar of galactic society, and you dare insult me by tempting infidelity! Seeing how you have saved the Council two years ago, I am willing to let it slide. But as I said earlier... *Looks nervously* Spectres are very charismatic.
Shepard: I get it now!
Turian Councilor: That is... surprising. I thought you would protest it.
Shepard: How could I have been so stupid?
Turian Councilor: I don't blame you. Spectres are very charismatic, and Saren was one of our best.
Shepard: You know how some human boys express their attraction for a human girl by bullying them?
Turian Councilor: I don't see how this is relevant to the discussion.
Shepard: *Winks* I find turians sexy too.
Turian Councilor: Commander Shepard, how dare you! I am a pillar of galactic society, and you dare insult me by tempting infidelity! Seeing how you have saved the Council two years ago, I am willing to let it slide. But as I said earlier... *Looks nervously* Spectres are very charismatic.
#536
Posté 27 février 2010 - 12:53
Jarcander
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Lilitv wrote...
Turian Councilor: Commander Shepard, how dare you! I am a pillar of galactic society, and you dare insult me by tempting infidelity! Seeing how you have saved the Council two years ago, I am willing to let it slide. But as I said earlier... *Looks nervously* Spectres are very charismatic.
If this was a chronicle, I'd subscribe to it.
#537
Posté 27 février 2010 - 04:56
sagevallant
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Turian Councilor: Er... well... Commander Shepard... we called you here for a reason today.
Shepard: Just say it, you'll feel better.
Turian Councilor: There seems to be a fleet of... unknown origin... approaching us from the rim. Probably... uh... geth. Yes, geth.
Shepard: Say it...
Turian Councilor: We require your aid, to prevent these... er... geth ships from wiping out all organic life. Indications suggest they are the same type as Sovereign.
Shepard: No.
Turian Councilor: What? Why?!
Shepard: Say it.
Turian Councilor: (sigh)... (under his breath) Reapers are real.
Shepard: THANK YOU! I'll go save the universe now.
Shepard: Just say it, you'll feel better.
Turian Councilor: There seems to be a fleet of... unknown origin... approaching us from the rim. Probably... uh... geth. Yes, geth.
Shepard: Say it...
Turian Councilor: We require your aid, to prevent these... er... geth ships from wiping out all organic life. Indications suggest they are the same type as Sovereign.
Shepard: No.
Turian Councilor: What? Why?!
Shepard: Say it.
Turian Councilor: (sigh)... (under his breath) Reapers are real.
Shepard: THANK YOU! I'll go save the universe now.
#538
Posté 28 février 2010 - 11:26
Jarcander
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Recently played the first ME and it would have a lot of good material for this topic.
*****
Shepard's team lands on the planet of the little monkey creatures to pursue lost data module.
Shepard: Ah, it's good to be back on the wheel.
Ashley: You're an addict. We done little this past week other than landings on uninteresting, empty planets with couple of places of interest tops and awfully steep mountain formations to the boot.
Shepard: I missed it. Who wants to do another barrel roll?
Tali: *swooning* Please, lets just get on with the mission.
Mako zooms towards its objection making sure to hit every bump. Finally they arrive at the landed probe. No data module.
Ash: The probe is right here, where's the module?
Shepard: The monkeys took it. They will pay (again).
Ash: What was that last part skipper? I didn't quite catch it.
Shepard: Don't worry about it.
Ignoring most of the navigation marks, Shepard drives the team towards an abandoned mine splatting a monkey creature on route.
Tali: That was a little extreme, wasn't it?
Ash: I would've just thrown rocks at it.
Shepard: You two don't know the meaning of the word extreme. Just wait till you see the T-1000. Hmm, I wonder what a hover tank would've done to it?
Ignoring the questioning looks Shepard makes it to the mine, nailing every monkey creature in sight with expert driving. They enter the mining with Shepard gunning down monkey creatures from left and right. Finally in the far end of the tunnels they find their target.
Tali: Ugh. He didn't even check them for the module. Why? ;(
Shepard: I needed practice for the coming battle, Geth followed us here conveniently leaving Mako intact on the way in. I always wondered why they didn't just blast it, also, here's the data module!
Shepard gently takes the module from the monkey creature and pets it.
Shepard: We are done here.
Ash: You are leaving that one alive?!
Tali: Don't encourage him!
Shepard: Time's a wasting. I want to see Garrus's face back at Normandy when he sees all that monkey gore on Mako's wheels.
*****
Shepard's team lands on the planet of the little monkey creatures to pursue lost data module.
Shepard: Ah, it's good to be back on the wheel.
Ashley: You're an addict. We done little this past week other than landings on uninteresting, empty planets with couple of places of interest tops and awfully steep mountain formations to the boot.
Shepard: I missed it. Who wants to do another barrel roll?
Tali: *swooning* Please, lets just get on with the mission.
Mako zooms towards its objection making sure to hit every bump. Finally they arrive at the landed probe. No data module.
Ash: The probe is right here, where's the module?
Shepard: The monkeys took it. They will pay (again).
Ash: What was that last part skipper? I didn't quite catch it.
Shepard: Don't worry about it.
Ignoring most of the navigation marks, Shepard drives the team towards an abandoned mine splatting a monkey creature on route.
Tali: That was a little extreme, wasn't it?
Ash: I would've just thrown rocks at it.
Shepard: You two don't know the meaning of the word extreme. Just wait till you see the T-1000. Hmm, I wonder what a hover tank would've done to it?
Ignoring the questioning looks Shepard makes it to the mine, nailing every monkey creature in sight with expert driving. They enter the mining with Shepard gunning down monkey creatures from left and right. Finally in the far end of the tunnels they find their target.
Tali: Ugh. He didn't even check them for the module. Why? ;(
Shepard: I needed practice for the coming battle, Geth followed us here conveniently leaving Mako intact on the way in. I always wondered why they didn't just blast it, also, here's the data module!
Shepard gently takes the module from the monkey creature and pets it.
Shepard: We are done here.
Ash: You are leaving that one alive?!
Tali: Don't encourage him!
Shepard: Time's a wasting. I want to see Garrus's face back at Normandy when he sees all that monkey gore on Mako's wheels.
Modifié par Jarcander, 28 février 2010 - 11:27 .
#539
Posté 28 février 2010 - 11:55
Llandaryn
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Heheh. Good stuff.
On the subject of ME1, I was running through the Presidium with Wrex when I got the urge to talk to him. And lo and behold, he says "I'm feeling hungry, could use a snack. You think there's any fish in that lake?"
Foreshadowing, or what?
On the subject of ME1, I was running through the Presidium with Wrex when I got the urge to talk to him. And lo and behold, he says "I'm feeling hungry, could use a snack. You think there's any fish in that lake?"
Foreshadowing, or what?
Modifié par Llandaryn, 28 février 2010 - 11:56 .
#540
Posté 28 février 2010 - 11:58
Jarcander
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Llandaryn wrote...
On the subject of ME1, I was running through the Presidium with Wrex when I got the urge to talk to him. And lo and behold, he says "I'm feeling hungry, could use a snack. You think there's any fish in that lake?"
Foreshadowing, or what?
He really says that? Damn. I never caught that little piece of conversation. It's not difficult to see why it carried on to ME2.
#541
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 12:01
Llandaryn
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Yep. I wouldn't even have noticed it if it wasn't for the fact that it's carried over into ME2. I also notice, on Therum, that Wrex says "Another 50 degrees and I'll start getting uncomfortable. How are you mammals holding up, Shepard?"
Ending once and for all the ages-old debate about whether or not krogan are mammals.
Ending once and for all the ages-old debate about whether or not krogan are mammals.
#542
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 12:11
Jarcander
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Llandaryn wrote...
Yep. I wouldn't even have noticed it if it wasn't for the fact that it's carried over into ME2. I also notice, on Therum, that Wrex says "Another 50 degrees and I'll start getting uncomfortable. How are you mammals holding up, Shepard?"
Ending once and for all the ages-old debate about whether or not krogan are mammals.
Now there is one I have heard. Wrex always has good stuff. Debate? Oh well, maybe those some people don't know their ME lore.
A short ME1 "if you were" dialogue from everyone's favourite Turian.
****
Reaper ship takes off on Eden Prime.
Kaidan: Look there, at the distance!
Ashley: That thing is huge!
Shephard: Ah yes, the Reapers.
#543
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 12:40
Krogan Face
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Shepard, hey Grunt im just checking on you
Grunt, Shepard my skin is crawling somethings not right
Shepard, ah..ok, well maybe u should report to the doctor then
Grunt, No! u idiot i dont need a doctor to tell me whats wrong
Shepard, how do you know your like 3 days old and clearly confused
Grunt, *head butts window* GLASS CRACKING SOUND!
Grunt, You see why did i do that!
Shepard, I duno but keep it up!! Ive been trying to get in that damn cargo bay for weeks now.
Grunt, Shepard my skin is crawling somethings not right
Shepard, ah..ok, well maybe u should report to the doctor then
Grunt, No! u idiot i dont need a doctor to tell me whats wrong
Shepard, how do you know your like 3 days old and clearly confused
Grunt, *head butts window* GLASS CRACKING SOUND!
Grunt, You see why did i do that!
Shepard, I duno but keep it up!! Ive been trying to get in that damn cargo bay for weeks now.
#544
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 01:19
Lilitv
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Jarcander wrote...
Ignoring the questioning looks Shepard makes it to the mine, nailing every monkey creature in sight with expert driving.
Right...
The following explains why Shepard's gun and armour skills start out at level 1, in ME1.
Ashley: I've been watching you on the field, Skipper, and I want to clarify something.
Shepard: Ask away.
Ashley: You graduated from the N7 academy right?
Shepard: That's right.
Ashley: Then why is it that you can't shoot the broad side of a barn?
Kaiden: And you don't wear your armour properly.
Shepard: Promise me you'll keep this to yourself... I faked my certificates.
Modifié par Lilitv, 01 mars 2010 - 01:20 .
#545
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 01:23
Jarcander
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Lilitv wrote...
Jarcander wrote...
Ignoring the questioning looks Shepard makes it to the mine, nailing every monkey creature in sight with expert driving.
Right...
The following explains why Shepard's gun and armour skills start out at level 1, in ME1.
*snip*
I didn't quite specify how long it took for them to get to the mines.
Faking his/her certificates would certainly explain many things. <_<
#546
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 01:42
Computron2000
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*Going into the ME1 Mako on Noveria*
Tali: Armatures up ahead!
Garrus: Shepard, maybe you should let me aim the Mako's cannon while you drive?
Shepard: No i can do both at the same time! I'm the best there is!
*Shepard zooms in with cannon and begins firing*
Garrus: Look out!
Tali: Cliff! Cliff! Cliffffff!
*Critical mission failure*
Tali: Armatures up ahead!
Garrus: Shepard, maybe you should let me aim the Mako's cannon while you drive?
Shepard: No i can do both at the same time! I'm the best there is!
*Shepard zooms in with cannon and begins firing*
Garrus: Look out!
Tali: Cliff! Cliff! Cliffffff!
*Critical mission failure*
#547
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 03:49
sagevallant
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Lilitv wrote...
Jarcander wrote...
Ignoring the questioning looks Shepard makes it to the mine, nailing every monkey creature in sight with expert driving.
Right...
The following explains why Shepard's gun and armour skills start out at level 1, in ME1.
Ashley: I've been watching you on the field, Skipper, and I want to clarify something.
Shepard: Ask away.
Ashley: You graduated from the N7 academy right?
Shepard: That's right.
Ashley: Then why is it that you can't shoot the broad side of a barn?
Kaiden: And you don't wear your armour properly.
Shepard: Promise me you'll keep this to yourself... I faked my certificates.
Commander Shepard: Proud graduate of the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy.
http://tvtropes.org/...smanshipAcademy
#548
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 09:09
stillnotking
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(Mass Effect: Ten Years Later, on Illium)
SHEPARD: Set me up again.
ASARI BARTENDER: Don't you think you've had enough, Commander?
SHEPARD: No. Set me up.
ASARI BARTENDER (sympathetic): Women trouble?
SHEPARD: Yeah. (sighs) Let me tell ya, don't ever get serious with a quarian.
ASARI BARTENDER: Want to talk about it?
SHEPARD: Well, you know. When we first started dating, it was all "Oh Shepard, I want to feel your skin against mine." After the wedding? Suddenly it's "Shepard, we just had sex last month! Do you want me to get sick again?" Neural induction is OK, but it doesn't do squat for blue balls.
ASARI BARTENDER (laughs and then looks abashed): Uh, sorry.
SHEPARD: Pretty soon I was making up threats to the Galaxy just to get off the ship. At one point I actually had the Council convinced that the Reapers were building a secret base on Tefnut, the resort world.
ASARI BARTENDER: That was fake? It was on the news!
SHEPARD: Yeah, ironic that they finally believed me just when I started making sh*t up to get laid. Lost my Spectre clearance over that little incident.
ASARI BARTENDER: Damn.
SHEPARD: Hey, it wasn't all one-way. I get back to the Migrant Fleet and Tali tells me she's pregnant.
ASARI BARTENDER: But I thought humans and quarians couldn't... oh.
SHEPARD: Exactly. Can't really blame her, to be honest. But between alimony and the lawsuit from slugging Kal'Reegar, I'm out about a hundred thou a month. N7 pensions don't exactly cover that. If it wasn't for the speaking fees I'd be sleeping under a heating conduit on the Citadel.
ASARI BARTENDER: Wow.
SHEPARD: Women. (downs another shot) No offense.
ASARI BARTENDER: You know, Asari aren't exactly women. We only have one gender.
SHEPARD: Yeah?
ASARI BARTENDER: Yep.
SHEPARD: So uh, what time you get off?
ASARI BARTENDER: Hopefully right before you do, Commander. Come on, let's get out of here.
SHEPARD: Set me up again.
ASARI BARTENDER: Don't you think you've had enough, Commander?
SHEPARD: No. Set me up.
ASARI BARTENDER (sympathetic): Women trouble?
SHEPARD: Yeah. (sighs) Let me tell ya, don't ever get serious with a quarian.
ASARI BARTENDER: Want to talk about it?
SHEPARD: Well, you know. When we first started dating, it was all "Oh Shepard, I want to feel your skin against mine." After the wedding? Suddenly it's "Shepard, we just had sex last month! Do you want me to get sick again?" Neural induction is OK, but it doesn't do squat for blue balls.
ASARI BARTENDER (laughs and then looks abashed): Uh, sorry.
SHEPARD: Pretty soon I was making up threats to the Galaxy just to get off the ship. At one point I actually had the Council convinced that the Reapers were building a secret base on Tefnut, the resort world.
ASARI BARTENDER: That was fake? It was on the news!
SHEPARD: Yeah, ironic that they finally believed me just when I started making sh*t up to get laid. Lost my Spectre clearance over that little incident.
ASARI BARTENDER: Damn.
SHEPARD: Hey, it wasn't all one-way. I get back to the Migrant Fleet and Tali tells me she's pregnant.
ASARI BARTENDER: But I thought humans and quarians couldn't... oh.
SHEPARD: Exactly. Can't really blame her, to be honest. But between alimony and the lawsuit from slugging Kal'Reegar, I'm out about a hundred thou a month. N7 pensions don't exactly cover that. If it wasn't for the speaking fees I'd be sleeping under a heating conduit on the Citadel.
ASARI BARTENDER: Wow.
SHEPARD: Women. (downs another shot) No offense.
ASARI BARTENDER: You know, Asari aren't exactly women. We only have one gender.
SHEPARD: Yeah?
ASARI BARTENDER: Yep.
SHEPARD: So uh, what time you get off?
ASARI BARTENDER: Hopefully right before you do, Commander. Come on, let's get out of here.
#549
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 10:12
Masterjokin
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- Members
- 62 messages
yeah. jack told me to ****** off, so i depressurized engineering while she was asleep. first satisfying thing i did.
#550
Posté 01 mars 2010 - 10:16
Masterjokin
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- Members
- 62 messages
Pinkflamingo22 wrote...
*Shepard taking nap*
What did you expect? I just died, came back to life, joined forces with a group I despise, went across the entire galaxy recruiting the best team I could find, got ****ed at by Ashley, realized I don't HATE Cerberus but still don't fancy them, stopped a cat fight, had my own side adventure with Miranda in engineering, listened to Mordin talk for an hour about whatever popped into his head, traveled through the Omega 4 relay, destroyed (another) Reaper, stopped the Collecters, left the base for technology in the hands of a man I don't trust, jumped what seemed to be 1,000,000 ****ing feet to my ship, kept my entire crew alive through a suicide mission, all for what? I still have to fight a war with an entire Reaper army!
No, **** that, I'm taking a nap.
grunt lets me use his tank, nothing like a power nap...
