Dark_Caduceus wrote...
Jack: I will DESTROY you!
Shepard: If you knew how many times I had to hear that before...
Jack: I will DESTROY you!
Shepard: I like where this is going. GIGGITY!
Modifié par sagevallant, 08 mars 2010 - 09:52 .
If You Were Commander Shepard...............!!!
Débuté par
Gabey5
, févr. 10 2010 04:45
#601
Posté 08 mars 2010 - 07:44
sagevallant
-
- Members
- 853 messages
Jack: I will DESTROY you!
Shepard: I like where this is going. GIGGITY!
Retour en haut
#603
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 02:49
x75flames
-
- Members
- 267 messages
LGravity Bun wrote...
[a few hours after the suicide mission]
KELLY CHAMBERS: "Commander, space hamster would like to see you in your quarters."
[a few minutes later in Shepard's quarters]
SPACE HAMSTER: "Assuming direct control"
M
A
O
Sooo funny!
#604
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 05:09
MikeFL25
-
- Members
- 441 messages
ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
Shepard:
Shepard:
Modifié par MikeFL25, 09 mars 2010 - 05:12 .
#605
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 08:20
Zaren
-
- Members
- 23 messages
Mass Effect meets Pirates of the Caribbean
Asari Councilor: Shepard, we're speaking to you would you please answer us ?
Shepard: Shh, i'm watching this old movie Pirates of the caribbean, and Davy Jones finna -
Asari Councilor: Is that an Asari male ?
Turian Councilor: Do you fear death Shepard ?
Joker: Crocodile-looking ship attacking us Commander.
Shepard:But i was going to see Legion at the Engine room in five minutes - can't it wait ?!
Joker:Commander i belive it's a reaper, just a old one ..
Shepard:Yeah right, you watch too many movies - enough of your jokes!
Shepard walks down to the engine room and meets Legion.
Shepard: so whatt did you want to tell me Legion ?
Legion: You remember that Garrus is always calibrating right ... Well, would you think it was wierd if he've been calibrating my gun shepard ?
Shepard:No, of course i doesn't - WAIT - you don't mean that kind of gun ?
The Crocodile-look-alike-thing attacks the Normandy II and shepards gets a blackout
Shepard:Damn i've got headache now --- WOAH an Asari male!
Davy Jones: Do you fear death ?
Shepard:no, i've already died once - ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL *shoots Jones in the heart* I KNOW THIS HURTS YOU!
Davy Jones: i've no heart, it doesn't *kills Shepard*
Joker:atleast he didn't die while banging a blue alien
During the mission where you contorl Joker.
Joker:what did you want me to do EDI ?
EDI:Give me full control of the Normandy.
Joker:that sounds familar...
EDI:ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!
Asari Councilor: Shepard, we're speaking to you would you please answer us ?
Shepard: Shh, i'm watching this old movie Pirates of the caribbean, and Davy Jones finna -
Asari Councilor: Is that an Asari male ?
Turian Councilor: Do you fear death Shepard ?
Joker: Crocodile-looking ship attacking us Commander.
Shepard:But i was going to see Legion at the Engine room in five minutes - can't it wait ?!
Joker:Commander i belive it's a reaper, just a old one ..
Shepard:Yeah right, you watch too many movies - enough of your jokes!
Shepard walks down to the engine room and meets Legion.
Shepard: so whatt did you want to tell me Legion ?
Legion: You remember that Garrus is always calibrating right ... Well, would you think it was wierd if he've been calibrating my gun shepard ?
Shepard:No, of course i doesn't - WAIT - you don't mean that kind of gun ?
The Crocodile-look-alike-thing attacks the Normandy II and shepards gets a blackout
Shepard:Damn i've got headache now --- WOAH an Asari male!
Davy Jones: Do you fear death ?
Shepard:no, i've already died once - ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL *shoots Jones in the heart* I KNOW THIS HURTS YOU!
Davy Jones: i've no heart, it doesn't *kills Shepard*
Joker:atleast he didn't die while banging a blue alien
During the mission where you contorl Joker.
Joker:what did you want me to do EDI ?
EDI:Give me full control of the Normandy.
Joker:that sounds familar...
EDI:ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!
Modifié par Zaren, 09 mars 2010 - 08:21 .
#606
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 08:34
trigger2kill1
-
- Members
- 336 messages
If ... well if I was Shep I would shoot Tali in the face just to spite her.
#607
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 11:12
LOLandStuff
-
- Members
- 3 107 messages
Shepard: This looks like a nice tropical island. With palm trees and water and rocks. More palm trees and the sun on a cloudless sky. I could get used to this.
Jacob: Shepard, we’re here for my father.
Shepard: Yeah, whatever! Let’s go and look for him.
Shepard: There’s a local! Let’s ask her for directions.
Woman: You came from the sky!
Shepard: Gee…seriously? Way to state the obvious. Did that shuttle gave us away?
Woman: He said they would come.
Shepard: What are you rambling about?
Garrus: Shepard, I don’t think she knows.
Shepard: Of course not! Just look at her, all rags and that hair.
Jacob: I think she needs help.
Shepard: Don’t be ridiculous, they don’t need help. Tribes need to stay the way they are and we shouldn’t interfere with their culture, else we corrupt them.
Garrus: Shepard, these aren’t locals. There’s a big ship by your left and containers everywhere. She might be part of the crew.
[Hunters show up and shoot]
Shepard: See? What the hell did I tell you? We shouldn’t barge in a tribal island and give them guns. Now they are using them against us and we’re forced to kill the locals.
Garrus: Dammit Shepard, these people are the survivors and not locals.
Shepard: Nonsense! Look at how sleazy they are and how they speak. Don’t forget about the feud between the tribes.
Woman: The hunters…they want to kill because we follow him.
Shepard: See? What did I tell you? This is a religious war and we’re in the middle of it.
Garrus: Shepard, these people are insane and you’re acting retarded.
Shepard: They can’t even shoot straight…What the f***? He took my shield down! No one takes my shield down and lives. Shoot the s*** out of them!
Shepard: So Jacob, your father crashed here and the savages thought he was a god.
Jacob: Not this again!
Shepard: Good thing we handed him to the Alliance for psychological evaluation and left the locals alone. It must have been tough for him to live there. He’s a survivor!
Jacob: Shepard, you’re a lost cause.
Shepard: Whatever you say Jacob. Say, want some of those fruits I found laying around while looking for your father?
Jacob: Shepard, we’re here for my father.
Shepard: Yeah, whatever! Let’s go and look for him.
Shepard: There’s a local! Let’s ask her for directions.
Woman: You came from the sky!
Shepard: Gee…seriously? Way to state the obvious. Did that shuttle gave us away?
Woman: He said they would come.
Shepard: What are you rambling about?
Garrus: Shepard, I don’t think she knows.
Shepard: Of course not! Just look at her, all rags and that hair.
Jacob: I think she needs help.
Shepard: Don’t be ridiculous, they don’t need help. Tribes need to stay the way they are and we shouldn’t interfere with their culture, else we corrupt them.
Garrus: Shepard, these aren’t locals. There’s a big ship by your left and containers everywhere. She might be part of the crew.
[Hunters show up and shoot]
Shepard: See? What the hell did I tell you? We shouldn’t barge in a tribal island and give them guns. Now they are using them against us and we’re forced to kill the locals.
Garrus: Dammit Shepard, these people are the survivors and not locals.
Shepard: Nonsense! Look at how sleazy they are and how they speak. Don’t forget about the feud between the tribes.
Woman: The hunters…they want to kill because we follow him.
Shepard: See? What did I tell you? This is a religious war and we’re in the middle of it.
Garrus: Shepard, these people are insane and you’re acting retarded.
Shepard: They can’t even shoot straight…What the f***? He took my shield down! No one takes my shield down and lives. Shoot the s*** out of them!
Shepard: So Jacob, your father crashed here and the savages thought he was a god.
Jacob: Not this again!
Shepard: Good thing we handed him to the Alliance for psychological evaluation and left the locals alone. It must have been tough for him to live there. He’s a survivor!
Jacob: Shepard, you’re a lost cause.
Shepard: Whatever you say Jacob. Say, want some of those fruits I found laying around while looking for your father?
Modifié par LOLandStuff, 09 mars 2010 - 11:12 .
#609
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 02:30
Malysoun
-
- Members
- 132 messages
EDI: Installing the IFF will take some time.
Shepard: Belay that EDI, I want it tested on the shuttle.
EDI: But the whole crew can't possibly fit on the shuttle Shepard.
Shepard: That's not the point EDI, I'd rather risk a 3 million credit shuttle being blown up or captured than a 12+ billion credit frigate.
EDI: The shuttle cannot generate the necessary mass effect field to navigate the Omega-4 relay.
Shepard: It's an IFF! It's just a recognition code transmitted to the relay that per your own words cause relays to use more advanced mass transit protocols to account for drift, we can test it with any relay.
EDI: Very well Shepard.
(A short time later)
EDI: I'm picking up a distress beacon coming from the Balor system Shepard, it appears the collectors have taken the shuttle pilot and engineers conducting the test. There's also a message in the comm system buffer, routing it to your private terminal.
Kelly: Commander you've received a new message on your private terminal.
Shepard:
From: Harbinger
Subject: Thanks
I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS!
-H
Shepard: Belay that EDI, I want it tested on the shuttle.
EDI: But the whole crew can't possibly fit on the shuttle Shepard.
Shepard: That's not the point EDI, I'd rather risk a 3 million credit shuttle being blown up or captured than a 12+ billion credit frigate.
EDI: The shuttle cannot generate the necessary mass effect field to navigate the Omega-4 relay.
Shepard: It's an IFF! It's just a recognition code transmitted to the relay that per your own words cause relays to use more advanced mass transit protocols to account for drift, we can test it with any relay.
EDI: Very well Shepard.
(A short time later)
EDI: I'm picking up a distress beacon coming from the Balor system Shepard, it appears the collectors have taken the shuttle pilot and engineers conducting the test. There's also a message in the comm system buffer, routing it to your private terminal.
Kelly: Commander you've received a new message on your private terminal.
Shepard:
From: Harbinger
Subject: Thanks
I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS!
-H
#610
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 02:31
Missouri Tigers
-
- Members
- 372 messages
FemShepard - So Wrex, I really need some time to explain this to you. You see, Saren is simply manipulating these krogan. An army of these mindless krogan will only let the Reapers take over the galaxy and end all life as we --- Ashley, what the **** did you do that for? YOU KILLED SEXY WREXY!!!!!!!!!
Ash - He was endangering the mission.
Shepard - I was just getting around to talking to him out of it, I just needed to explain to him. You were standing three feet away.
Ash - Just because I can hit you between the eyes at 550 yards doesn't mean I can't like reading poetry aloud and blocking out all noise while aiming a gun at a krogan. Besides, killing is good:
Death closes all; life kind of sucks.
Krogan deserve to die simply because they're not human.
Hours later:
Kaidan - We're all held up back here, we can't get back in time!
Ash - Go save him, Commander!
Kaidan - Go save her, Commander!
Shepard - Ashley, you ****ing deserve this.
Ash - He was endangering the mission.
Shepard - I was just getting around to talking to him out of it, I just needed to explain to him. You were standing three feet away.
Ash - Just because I can hit you between the eyes at 550 yards doesn't mean I can't like reading poetry aloud and blocking out all noise while aiming a gun at a krogan. Besides, killing is good:
Death closes all; life kind of sucks.
Krogan deserve to die simply because they're not human.
Hours later:
Kaidan - We're all held up back here, we can't get back in time!
Ash - Go save him, Commander!
Kaidan - Go save her, Commander!
Shepard - Ashley, you ****ing deserve this.
#611
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 11:04
Lilitv
-
- Members
- 179 messages
LOLandStuff wrote...
Jacob: Shepard, you’re a lost cause.
Shepard: Whatever you say Jacob. Say, want some of those fruits I found laying around while looking for your father?
If fruits in an alien tropical planet were anything like the wild mushrooms of Earth...
#612
Posté 11 mars 2010 - 10:09
Namomo
-
- Members
- 26 messages
Shepard: Hey Jack, what's happening?
Jack: Hey, I figured out why you're always coming down here to talk to me.
Shepard: Oh, this should be good...
Jack: I know we've seen a **** load of stuff together and all, and we've talked about those things for about 3 times now. I'm not big on the whole 'girl club' thing--
Shepard: What the-?
Jack: But I'm rooting for ya, OK? It's a good place to stop. So **** off now.
Shepard: Hold on a little minute there, dear witty Jack. I for one, have a lover (a picture of one at least) and second, is it Really that wrong to just go around talking to people when you know, we are traveling to new spots and there's nothing to do. No offence, but you aren't the thinker type, so just leave the 'figuring out' part to rest. Oh and, be a dear and tell this to Jacob as well.
Jack: Hey, I figured out why you're always coming down here to talk to me.
Shepard: Oh, this should be good...
Jack: I know we've seen a **** load of stuff together and all, and we've talked about those things for about 3 times now. I'm not big on the whole 'girl club' thing--
Shepard: What the-?
Jack: But I'm rooting for ya, OK? It's a good place to stop. So **** off now.
Shepard: Hold on a little minute there, dear witty Jack. I for one, have a lover (a picture of one at least) and second, is it Really that wrong to just go around talking to people when you know, we are traveling to new spots and there's nothing to do. No offence, but you aren't the thinker type, so just leave the 'figuring out' part to rest. Oh and, be a dear and tell this to Jacob as well.
#613
Posté 14 mars 2010 - 07:20
abstractwhiz
-
- Members
- 169 messages
Tuchanka, at the end of Mordin's loyalty mission. Mordin is holding a gun to Maelon's head.
Mordin: Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won't change. Have to kill you.
Shepard (executing Paragon interrupt): Wait, Mordin! You don't have to do this. You're not a murderer.
Mordin, looking at Shepard like he's a retarded six year old: Just killed dozens of krogan on way here. Have annihilated mercs, geth, collectors while serving on board Normandy. Also recall giving you recent speech about killing with guns, tech attacks, even farming implements. Challenge you to find anyone on team who isn't murderer hundred times over.
Shepard: Well, when you put it that way, you have a point. Blow his head off.
Zaeed: Goddamn right.
*BANG*
Mordin: Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won't change. Have to kill you.
Shepard (executing Paragon interrupt): Wait, Mordin! You don't have to do this. You're not a murderer.
Mordin, looking at Shepard like he's a retarded six year old: Just killed dozens of krogan on way here. Have annihilated mercs, geth, collectors while serving on board Normandy. Also recall giving you recent speech about killing with guns, tech attacks, even farming implements. Challenge you to find anyone on team who isn't murderer hundred times over.
Shepard: Well, when you put it that way, you have a point. Blow his head off.
Zaeed: Goddamn right.
*BANG*
#614
Posté 14 mars 2010 - 07:44
Gabey5
-
- Members
- 3 434 messages
orly?trigger2kill1 wrote...
If ... well if I was Shep I would shoot Tali in the face just to spite her.
#615
Posté 14 mars 2010 - 12:39
Lilitv
-
- Members
- 179 messages
Gabey5 wrote...
orly?trigger2kill1 wrote...
If ... well if I was Shep I would shoot Tali in the face just to spite her.
Somebody's in trouble...
-Zaeed's Loyalty-
Civilian: Help! I don't want to die!
Shepard: Zaeed, Garrus, go after Vido. I'll see what I can do to help the people. We'll meet up at the docking area.
Zaeed: You're making me lose twenty years of my life! *Follows Shepard*
Shepard:
-Normandy Crash Site-
Shepard: *Touches the hull of the Mako, smiling sadly at the good old days*
*Back on the SR2 Normandy*
Ken: Hey Gabby, maybe we should get the Commander something for saving our lives?
Gabby: The Mako appear to be largely intact, I think we can fix it.
Tali:
KEELAH! NO! DON'T DO IT!
Modifié par Lilitv, 14 mars 2010 - 12:42 .
#616
Posté 15 mars 2010 - 04:56
sagefic
-
- Members
- 4 771 messages
Kelly: Commander Shepard, someone is on chat that you might like to see...
Shepard: Oh, really? Oh, hey!
******Opens Chat Window*******
N7Hawtie is online.
N7Hawtie says: Kaiden!
KayKay says: WTF? Oh, hey Shep.
N7Hawtie says: Hey, you don't seem to happy to see me online.
KayKay says: Well, we did have that blow-up on Horizons - in front of your new squad mates, which was embarrassing.
N7Hawtie says: Oh, right.
KayKay says: And then I poured my guts out in an email and you never wrote back.
N7Hawtie says: Hey, in my defense, I was out recruiting Tali - a friend who has JOINED me, I might add.
KayKay says: Do you have any idea how hard it is for guys to talk about this sh*t. I'm about as sensitive as they come, and I was having trouble with it.
N7Hawtie says: Hey, my admin. assistant is a little buggy sometimes. Sometime she says I have mail and I don't...
KayKay says: I mean, I wrote all this stuff when I was drunk, hit send, and then...
N7Hawtie says: Geez, sorry. Okay, I'll read it now. Bringing it up...
N7Hawtie says: D*mn Kaiden, that's.... wow.
KayKay says: see what I mean?
N7Hawtie says: yeah. you must have been REAL drunk
KayKay says: I was
N7Hawtie says: hey, what do you mean "do i remember ilos?" dude, i was spaced, dead, and cybernetically implanted, but i wasn't lobotomized
KayKay says: i dunno...i just...
N7Hawtie says: and i wasn't like we were all "regulation" while we were out on that geth-searchy-mission thing they council sent us on. why get so hung up on ilos?
KayKay says: i...
KayKay says: nm
N7Hawtie says: oh, sh*t
N7Hawtie says: tell me that wasn't....
KayKay says: what?
N7Hawtie says: seriously?
N7Hawtie says: like, seriously?
KayKay says: i'm logging now
N7Hawtie says: you were 32!
KayKay says: I told you I didn't get much shore leave.
N7 Hawties says: well, yeah, but i figured, you know...sometime...
KayKay: ....
N7Hawtie says: Kaiden?
N7Hawtie says: dude, I can see you're still logged in
N7Hawtie says: okay, well that explains a lot. i was sort of wondering why you kept talking about your girlfriend from highschool
KayKay says: Baat Training
N7Hawtie says: same thing. and see, i knew you were still there
KayKay says: screw you
N7Hawtie says: did that
KayKay says: okay, now you're just messing with me
N7Hawtie says: why didn't you say something
KayKay says: I DID
N7Hawtie says: when?
KayKay says: just before joker called you down to the bridge....
N7Hawtie says: what? i thought you were going to tell me that you'd never met a woman who could do that with her biotics or...something like...that...
KayKay says: now you know
N7Hawtie says: d*mn. no wonder you were completely not listening to a thing i said on horizons. i was your only....eh....
KayKay says: actually, i'm feeling really conflicted about your, um, body right now
N7Hawtie says: ??
KayKay says: well, you look hotter now - better rez and all. and um...since you died - i'm not sure what that makes me if i...uh...
N7Hawtie says: heh, Kaiden, if you think *I* look like a zombie you should see what happened to dr. chakwas
Shepard: Oh, really? Oh, hey!
******Opens Chat Window*******
N7Hawtie is online.
N7Hawtie says: Kaiden!
KayKay says: WTF? Oh, hey Shep.
N7Hawtie says: Hey, you don't seem to happy to see me online.
KayKay says: Well, we did have that blow-up on Horizons - in front of your new squad mates, which was embarrassing.
N7Hawtie says: Oh, right.
KayKay says: And then I poured my guts out in an email and you never wrote back.
N7Hawtie says: Hey, in my defense, I was out recruiting Tali - a friend who has JOINED me, I might add.
KayKay says: Do you have any idea how hard it is for guys to talk about this sh*t. I'm about as sensitive as they come, and I was having trouble with it.
N7Hawtie says: Hey, my admin. assistant is a little buggy sometimes. Sometime she says I have mail and I don't...
KayKay says: I mean, I wrote all this stuff when I was drunk, hit send, and then...
N7Hawtie says: Geez, sorry. Okay, I'll read it now. Bringing it up...
N7Hawtie says: D*mn Kaiden, that's.... wow.
KayKay says: see what I mean?
N7Hawtie says: yeah. you must have been REAL drunk
KayKay says: I was
N7Hawtie says: hey, what do you mean "do i remember ilos?" dude, i was spaced, dead, and cybernetically implanted, but i wasn't lobotomized
KayKay says: i dunno...i just...
N7Hawtie says: and i wasn't like we were all "regulation" while we were out on that geth-searchy-mission thing they council sent us on. why get so hung up on ilos?
KayKay says: i...
KayKay says: nm
N7Hawtie says: oh, sh*t
N7Hawtie says: tell me that wasn't....
KayKay says: what?
N7Hawtie says: seriously?
N7Hawtie says: like, seriously?
KayKay says: i'm logging now
N7Hawtie says: you were 32!
KayKay says: I told you I didn't get much shore leave.
N7 Hawties says: well, yeah, but i figured, you know...sometime...
KayKay: ....
N7Hawtie says: Kaiden?
N7Hawtie says: dude, I can see you're still logged in
N7Hawtie says: okay, well that explains a lot. i was sort of wondering why you kept talking about your girlfriend from highschool
KayKay says: Baat Training
N7Hawtie says: same thing. and see, i knew you were still there
KayKay says: screw you
N7Hawtie says: did that
KayKay says: okay, now you're just messing with me
N7Hawtie says: why didn't you say something
KayKay says: I DID
N7Hawtie says: when?
KayKay says: just before joker called you down to the bridge....
N7Hawtie says: what? i thought you were going to tell me that you'd never met a woman who could do that with her biotics or...something like...that...
KayKay says: now you know
N7Hawtie says: d*mn. no wonder you were completely not listening to a thing i said on horizons. i was your only....eh....
KayKay says: actually, i'm feeling really conflicted about your, um, body right now
N7Hawtie says: ??
KayKay says: well, you look hotter now - better rez and all. and um...since you died - i'm not sure what that makes me if i...uh...
N7Hawtie says: heh, Kaiden, if you think *I* look like a zombie you should see what happened to dr. chakwas
Modifié par sagequeen, 15 mars 2010 - 03:15 .
#617
Posté 15 mars 2010 - 05:00
Cube404
-
- Members
- 52 messages
Gabey5 wrote...
Thane: "His eyes water. He tugs at my sleeve. He asks, 'Why didn't
you stop them from letting Mommy go?' ... I'm sorry. The memories come
strong sometimes."
Shepard: "His eyes unfocus. He babbles something
about his son, completely disrupting the conversation. He cryptically
half-apologizes and expects me to figure out what's going on."
Thane:"We drell have a perfect memory. We can relive... The laser dances.
Sunset eyes meet mine. The laser dances away. 'How dare you?' her eyes
ask through the scope...."
Shepard: "Bored with the conversation, he
changes the subject. He uses poor metaphors like 'sunset eyes.' He
tries to impress me with pseudo-poetry. He fails miserably and
protests."
Thane: "Stop mocking me, Shep--- My finger tightens on
the trigger. The rifle recoils, an old friend coming home. The target
drops like a rag doll--- I can't help it and you're being a dick."
Shepard:"His stupid flashbacks thinly veil empty threats. He sits alone in life
support and wonders why no one likes him. He struggles to breathe
sometimes, but no one cares." *walks out*
Oh god I couldn't stop laughing.
#618
Posté 15 mars 2010 - 06:12
Lilitv
-
- Members
- 179 messages
Jacob: I'm good, Shepard. We live, we get loud, spill some drinks on the Citadel.
Shepard: You spill too much *Stabs*
Joker: Fractured my thumb on the mute, but I think I made my point.
Shepard: You press too hard *Stabs*
Kelly: No messages for you, Commander.
Shepard: You talk too much *Stabs*
Mordin: Can't talk. Think have found cure for Joker's illness. No, may cause liver damage.
Shepard: You find too little.
Miranda: Another time, Shepard. There's a lot of work to do.
Shepard: You work too hard *Stabs*
Garrus: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
Shepard: You calibrate too much *Stabs*
Legion: We are building a consensus.
Shepard: You build too long *Stabs*
Thane: I'll like to think about what you said.
Shepard: You think too much *Stabs*
Samara: Shepard.
Shepard: You meditate too much *Stabs*
Grunt: Battlemaster, I have everything. Clan, kin, and enemies to fight.
Shepard: You have too much *Stabs*
Tali: I really need to clean up this engine. Maybe later?
Shepard: You clean too much *Stabs*
Jack: Shepard, we talked enough. You're just pissing around. No hard feelings, but I don't wanna play.
Shepard; You never play *Stabs*
Zaeed: Back for more?
Shepard: Yes *Stabs*
Shepard: You spill too much *Stabs*
Joker: Fractured my thumb on the mute, but I think I made my point.
Shepard: You press too hard *Stabs*
Kelly: No messages for you, Commander.
Shepard: You talk too much *Stabs*
Mordin: Can't talk. Think have found cure for Joker's illness. No, may cause liver damage.
Shepard: You find too little.
Miranda: Another time, Shepard. There's a lot of work to do.
Shepard: You work too hard *Stabs*
Garrus: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
Shepard: You calibrate too much *Stabs*
Legion: We are building a consensus.
Shepard: You build too long *Stabs*
Thane: I'll like to think about what you said.
Shepard: You think too much *Stabs*
Samara: Shepard.
Shepard: You meditate too much *Stabs*
Grunt: Battlemaster, I have everything. Clan, kin, and enemies to fight.
Shepard: You have too much *Stabs*
Tali: I really need to clean up this engine. Maybe later?
Shepard: You clean too much *Stabs*
Jack: Shepard, we talked enough. You're just pissing around. No hard feelings, but I don't wanna play.
Shepard; You never play *Stabs*
Zaeed: Back for more?
Shepard: Yes *Stabs*
#619
Posté 15 mars 2010 - 08:48
Jarcander
-
- Members
- 823 messages
Lilitv wrote...
*You-series*
Zaeed: Back for more?
Shepard: Yes *Stabs*
I can't imagine why you left Mordin un-stabbed.
Last one was the best.
#620
Posté 15 mars 2010 - 01:57
Gabey5
-
- Members
- 3 434 messages
Cube404 wrote...
Gabey5 wrote...
Thane: "His eyes water. He tugs at my sleeve. He asks, 'Why didn't
you stop them from letting Mommy go?' ... I'm sorry. The memories come
strong sometimes."
Shepard: "His eyes unfocus. He babbles something
about his son, completely disrupting the conversation. He cryptically
half-apologizes and expects me to figure out what's going on."
Thane:"We drell have a perfect memory. We can relive... The laser dances.
Sunset eyes meet mine. The laser dances away. 'How dare you?' her eyes
ask through the scope...."
Shepard: "Bored with the conversation, he
changes the subject. He uses poor metaphors like 'sunset eyes.' He
tries to impress me with pseudo-poetry. He fails miserably and
protests."
Thane: "Stop mocking me, Shep--- My finger tightens on
the trigger. The rifle recoils, an old friend coming home. The target
drops like a rag doll--- I can't help it and you're being a dick."
Shepard:"His stupid flashbacks thinly veil empty threats. He sits alone in life
support and wonders why no one likes him. He struggles to breathe
sometimes, but no one cares." *walks out*
Oh god I couldn't stop laughing.
my fav too
#621
Posté 16 mars 2010 - 06:09
Lilitv
-
- Members
- 179 messages
Jarcander wrote...
I can't imagine why you left Mordin un-stabbed.
Because Mordin is the only one who is always saying different things, unlike all the others.
#622
Posté 16 mars 2010 - 10:03
Timerider42
-
- Members
- 582 messages
Lilitv wrote...
Jacob: I'm good, Shepard. We live, we get loud, spill some drinks on the Citadel.
Shepard: You spill too much *Stabs*
Joker: Fractured my thumb on the mute, but I think I made my point.
Shepard: You press too hard *Stabs*
Kelly: No messages for you, Commander.
Shepard: You talk too much *Stabs*
Mordin: Can't talk. Think have found cure for Joker's illness. No, may cause liver damage.
Shepard: You find too little.
Miranda: Another time, Shepard. There's a lot of work to do.
Shepard: You work too hard *Stabs*
Garrus: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
Shepard: You calibrate too much *Stabs*
Legion: We are building a consensus.
Shepard: You build too long *Stabs*
Thane: I'll like to think about what you said.
Shepard: You think too much *Stabs*
Samara: Shepard.
Shepard: You meditate too much *Stabs*
Grunt: Battlemaster, I have everything. Clan, kin, and enemies to fight.
Shepard: You have too much *Stabs*
Tali: I really need to clean up this engine. Maybe later?
Shepard: You clean too much *Stabs*
Jack: Shepard, we talked enough. You're just pissing around. No hard feelings, but I don't wanna play.
Shepard; You never play *Stabs*
Zaeed: Back for more?
Shepard: Yes *Stabs*
EDI: Commander Shepard.
Shepard: You log me out to much *stabs*
#623
Posté 17 mars 2010 - 06:55
Jarcander
-
- Members
- 823 messages
Introducing Romance Pack!
- Liara -
Shepard: Liara. Don't you think it's nice we could finally go on a date after all this time?
Liara: *looking distracted* Yes.
Shepard: How do you like your food?
Liara: *glances around* Uh-huh.
Shepard: And what about afterwards, we could go for a wal...
Liara: Unacceptable!
Shepard: Wait wait, did I say walk? I meant ice cream.
Liara: Double the usual amount!
Shepard: Geez. Whatever you say. Are you sure feeling alright?
Liara: *blinks* Oh, I'm sorry Shepard, I had to take that call. Did you say something?
- Tali -
Shepard: So, Tali. How do you like your food?
Tali: *stares at Shepard*
Shepard: Ah yes, the mask.
Tali: I can eat it later after I sterilize it.
*ankward silence*
- Jacob -
Shepard: Jacob. Isn't this romantic, just the two of us, having dinner in this fancy restaurant?
Jacob: S'kay. I remember this mission with Miranda a few year backwards, I... *sees the storm gathering on Shepards face*
Shepard: Jacob. Stop talking.
Jacob: I'll be good.
- Kelly -
Shepard: It is nice that we got this chance to take a romantic walk, just the two of us on beach.
Kelly: Absolutely Shepard. Ooh, look how cute is that? Asari and Krogan walking on the beach. And there! Two Salarians, holding hands, awww.
Shepard: Okay. So what do you say if we get something to eat and...
Kelly: Turians! And they are walking a pet Varren. Lovely. I just love them all.
Shepard: ...maybe a small quiet restaurant with fewer distractions...
Kelly: Wow! I never thought I'd see a Batarian walking a slave on a beach. How cute.
Shepard: *tugs Kelly along* I think I see a place over there.
*after dragging his date to the restaurant, Shepard encountered another obstacle*
*small alarm sounds at the door*
Elcor bouncer: Apologetic. You may not enter. We have a strict policy against contagious conditions. Discreetly. Namely, scale itch one of you carries.
Shepard: I should go.
- Garrus - (originally by Avissel)
Shepard: I'm really glad we went on this date Garrus. Isn't the view from this Restaurant nice?
Garrus: Can it wait bit? I'm the middle of some calibrations.
- Wrex -
Shepard: Wrex.
Wrex: Shepard.
- Liara -
Shepard: Liara. Don't you think it's nice we could finally go on a date after all this time?
Liara: *looking distracted* Yes.
Shepard: How do you like your food?
Liara: *glances around* Uh-huh.
Shepard: And what about afterwards, we could go for a wal...
Liara: Unacceptable!
Shepard: Wait wait, did I say walk? I meant ice cream.
Liara: Double the usual amount!
Shepard: Geez. Whatever you say. Are you sure feeling alright?
Liara: *blinks* Oh, I'm sorry Shepard, I had to take that call. Did you say something?
- Tali -
Shepard: So, Tali. How do you like your food?
Tali: *stares at Shepard*
Shepard: Ah yes, the mask.
Tali: I can eat it later after I sterilize it.
*ankward silence*
- Jacob -
Shepard: Jacob. Isn't this romantic, just the two of us, having dinner in this fancy restaurant?
Jacob: S'kay. I remember this mission with Miranda a few year backwards, I... *sees the storm gathering on Shepards face*
Shepard: Jacob. Stop talking.
Jacob: I'll be good.
- Kelly -
Shepard: It is nice that we got this chance to take a romantic walk, just the two of us on beach.
Kelly: Absolutely Shepard. Ooh, look how cute is that? Asari and Krogan walking on the beach. And there! Two Salarians, holding hands, awww.
Shepard: Okay. So what do you say if we get something to eat and...
Kelly: Turians! And they are walking a pet Varren. Lovely. I just love them all.
Shepard: ...maybe a small quiet restaurant with fewer distractions...
Kelly: Wow! I never thought I'd see a Batarian walking a slave on a beach. How cute.
Shepard: *tugs Kelly along* I think I see a place over there.
*after dragging his date to the restaurant, Shepard encountered another obstacle*
*small alarm sounds at the door*
Elcor bouncer: Apologetic. You may not enter. We have a strict policy against contagious conditions. Discreetly. Namely, scale itch one of you carries.
Shepard: I should go.
- Garrus - (originally by Avissel)
Shepard: I'm really glad we went on this date Garrus. Isn't the view from this Restaurant nice?
Garrus: Can it wait bit? I'm the middle of some calibrations.
- Wrex -
Shepard: Wrex.
Wrex: Shepard.
#624
Posté 17 mars 2010 - 07:34
Jarcander
-
- Members
- 823 messages
Introducing Romance Pack! (part 2)
- Ashley -
Shepard: You look radiant in your pink armour, dear, but I'm not quite sure why you chose to wear it on our date.
Ashley: My entire family served and I'm proud to continue the tradition.
Shepard: We are at a restaurant. People are staring at you.
Ashley: We Williams women are a stubborn bunch. We do things our way and only when we are ready.
Shepard: Dear god.
Ashley: Watch it, skipper.
- Miranda -
Shepard: That's a lovely dress, darling, and on behalf of every man in galaxy, I thank you for wearing it, but people... men (and some women) are staring at you.
Miranda: Jealous, Commander?
Shepard: *nervously changing the subject* How do you like this place?
Miranda: *leans forward* I find it... interesting.
*on the background, someone gets slapped mightily*
Shepard: *forcing eyes to settle on her face* So what would you like to do next?
Miranda: *looks around* We could leave this place to do something more interesting, if you'd like... *winks*
Shepard: Okay. *to himself* Best date ever!
Miranda: ... so we are off to shopping like we agreed?
Shepard: *stares with an open mouth, but quickly composes himself* Perfect...
Miranda: Yes, I know.
- Kaidan -
Shepard: So Kaidan. It's finally just the two of us. Is there something you'd like to say?
Kaidan: Strictly off the records, ma'am?
Shepard: Would you just relax for one second?!
Kaidan: I meant no offence. I just don't want to cross the line if you want to keep it professi...
Shepard: For... one... second... Kaidan!
- Jack -
Shepard: Jack, how do you like the nightclub?
Jack: I hate everyone here. I feel like they are staring at me.
Shepard: Right, ignore them. How's the music?
Jack: It makes my biotic implants flare. I'm going to get a migrane.
Shepard: *facebalm*
- Thane -
Shepard: How do you like the scene here, Thane?
Thene: It reminds me of something. *he looks zoned for a moment*
Shepard: I thought we agreed no flashbacks?
Thane: I'm sorry, it's just that we Drell...
Shepard: Yes, fall into memories easily, believe me I KNOW.
Thane: Sunsets eyes following me from across the table, mischievous. One arm holds the dress, then lets it drop onto ground. I...
Shepard: Stop right there! No more flashbacks! *runs away crying*
- Ashley -
Shepard: You look radiant in your pink armour, dear, but I'm not quite sure why you chose to wear it on our date.
Ashley: My entire family served and I'm proud to continue the tradition.
Shepard: We are at a restaurant. People are staring at you.
Ashley: We Williams women are a stubborn bunch. We do things our way and only when we are ready.
Shepard: Dear god.
Ashley: Watch it, skipper.
- Miranda -
Shepard: That's a lovely dress, darling, and on behalf of every man in galaxy, I thank you for wearing it, but people... men (and some women) are staring at you.
Miranda: Jealous, Commander?
Shepard: *nervously changing the subject* How do you like this place?
Miranda: *leans forward* I find it... interesting.
*on the background, someone gets slapped mightily*
Shepard: *forcing eyes to settle on her face* So what would you like to do next?
Miranda: *looks around* We could leave this place to do something more interesting, if you'd like... *winks*
Shepard: Okay. *to himself* Best date ever!
Miranda: ... so we are off to shopping like we agreed?
Shepard: *stares with an open mouth, but quickly composes himself* Perfect...
Miranda: Yes, I know.
- Kaidan -
Shepard: So Kaidan. It's finally just the two of us. Is there something you'd like to say?
Kaidan: Strictly off the records, ma'am?
Shepard: Would you just relax for one second?!
Kaidan: I meant no offence. I just don't want to cross the line if you want to keep it professi...
Shepard: For... one... second... Kaidan!
- Jack -
Shepard: Jack, how do you like the nightclub?
Jack: I hate everyone here. I feel like they are staring at me.
Shepard: Right, ignore them. How's the music?
Jack: It makes my biotic implants flare. I'm going to get a migrane.
Shepard: *facebalm*
- Thane -
Shepard: How do you like the scene here, Thane?
Thene: It reminds me of something. *he looks zoned for a moment*
Shepard: I thought we agreed no flashbacks?
Thane: I'm sorry, it's just that we Drell...
Shepard: Yes, fall into memories easily, believe me I KNOW.
Thane: Sunsets eyes following me from across the table, mischievous. One arm holds the dress, then lets it drop onto ground. I...
Shepard: Stop right there! No more flashbacks! *runs away crying*
#625
Posté 17 mars 2010 - 08:09
VutaatVerd
-
- Members
- 907 messages
This thread is just epic, keep up the good work. Would like to see some of this in ME3.
