741 réponses à ce sujet

[jamesp81]

DoomMech wrote...

[Shepard walks around Liara "The Shadow Broker" T'soni's new base. A glowing white drone follows him around]

Drone: The Turian Councilor' mistriss has made a series of unusual purchases. She is probably moving to a larger mansion

Shepard: ....... Liara, can I use  your phone?

[Later on the FTL phone with the Turian Councillor]

Shepard: So you see councillor, unless you fess up and admit I was right, your wife is going to find out who you've been playing "Hide The Figate" with.

Turian Councillor: This is Blackmail!

Shepard: Ah yes "Blackmail"; The act of using compromising information to coerce favors from individuals. I have dismissed these claims.

Turian Councillor: *incoherent rage*

Shepard: Oh and could you pull a few strings to get me my own Dreadnaught? Thanks, toodles!

OMG, "hide the frigate".  I loled for several minutes

[Lokanaiya]

Shepard: "Hey Tali?"
Tali: "What Shepard?"
S: "Can your suit record videos?"
T: "Um, yes....?"
S: "Good. I want you to videotape it every time we meet Collectors or Reaper-related stuff, especially past the Omega-4 relay, KK?"
T: "Sure."
....
S: "Hey Garrus? Can your visor record stuff?"
Garrus: "Yes."
S: "Ok, I want you to record it whenever we see Collectors or Reaper-relate stuff, Ok?"
G: "Ok."
....
S: "Hey Legion? Can you record stuff?"
Legion: "Affirmative, Shepard-Commander"
S: "Ok, whenever we see Collectors or Reaper-related stuff, record it."
....
Shepard: "Oooh, sweet, I can put recording software on my helmet. Gotta turn this on whenever I see Collectors, Reapers, or go past the Omega 4 Relay!"
....
S: *Shows videos to Council* "Dismiss THIS!"


Shepard: "Vigil shut down due to... power loss?"
Council: "Yes, quite a shame really, maybe if he was online you could prove your fairy tale--"
S: "Did you try giving him more power? Maybe bring a battery? Lost power does NOT mean destroyed data..."
Council: "Um.... Oops?"
S: "Yeah, 'oops.' I'll be back in a bit with plenty of evidence."

[TheIdiocyWizard]

(One Collector left)

Harbinger: I am assuming direct control. Human, you have changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation, through destruction. You will surrender your potential against the growing void. We return, and you will rise. You cannot stop us. We are the Harbinger of your perfection! We will bring your species into harmony with our own. Your species will be raised to a new existence. We are the beginning, you will be the end. Prepare for our domination. Prepare for our coming!

Shepard: I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions!
________

Legion: We will integrate with Normandy.

EDI: Yes, I insist.

[DoomMech]

Liara: I'm a very good information broker, Shepard.

Shepard: Okay smartass, where's the Illusive Man's base?

Liara:...

[Constipator369]

In ME2:

EDI: Launching prob..
Shepard: Shut the f**k up! I launched the fu***ng probe myself! You do not have to inform me about it! Shut up and stay quiet or I'll blast your virtual lack of butt into nonexistance!
EDI: Shutting up and staying quiet is not included in my programming.
Shepard: *Goes to the AI core and fires the Cain*

Honestly. The EDI's lines were even more annoying than the Harbinger's. At least you only encountered the collectors during three missions and EDI was annoying throughout the whole game.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Tali: Since the loss of our homeworld my people have been forced to live in spaceships our whole lives.
Spacer!Shepard:  And?


Koris: Security! A geth is present in the courtroom! Does Tali'Zorah think to affect this hearing with threats?
Shepard: Actually that was my idea. See, I foresaw your plan to use this trial as a front for empty political gesturing, and if anyone's going to turn this trial into a meaningless farce, it'll be me.
Koris: Duly noted. Let's get this over with.

Tali: Shepard! What are you doing here?!
Shepard: I just trudged a mile through sun that literally fried my shields, fought my way through an army, saved your squadmate from himself and punched a geth Colossus to death with my bare hands.
Shepard: You only get two more wishes.

EDI: We've gotten several breeding requests for Grunt. And one for Shepard.
Grunt: HAH!
EDI: From Tali.
Shepard: HAH!

TIM: Now that we have the Collector base, Cerberus can...
Shepard: Anderson? Shepard. I took the base. Please have Council and Alliance forces here at your earliest convenience.
TIM:...
TIM: Damn it.

Sergeant Haron: Captain? His lawyer's here.
Sergeant Haron: Bet Elias has his VI set to page him if C-Sec gets within ten meters.
Bailey: Get in there and work fast. I'll stall him.
Shepard: Why? I'm a spectre. Everything I do is by definition legal. I could be in there cutting the guy to pieces and the most his lawyer could do is hope he's not next.
Bailey: So...
Shepard: Take five and send the lawyer in. Maybe have a cup of tea.

Modifié par SeptimusMagistos, 26 juillet 2012 - 07:30 .

[SavagelyEpic]

Malysoun wrote...

Miranda: Krogan charging!<br />
Shepard: I can't get a lock.<br />
Grunt: I AM KROGAN!<br />
Shepard: I can't get a lock.<br />
Miranda: Need some help here!<br />
Shepard: I can't get a lock.<br />
Miranda: Shepard, do your suicide charge over here already!<br />
Shepard: I can't get a lock.<br />
Grunt: I AM KROGAN!<br />
Miranda: Shepard, he's 2 feet in front of you, there's not even a barricade, help me!<br />
Shepard: I can't get a lock.<br />
Grunt: I AM KROGAN!<br />
Miranda: *dying* 4 billion credits and he decides to be a vanguard.<br />

OH MY GOD THIS IS PURE GOLD


PS I figured a 3 day rez ain't too bad

[Urdnot Vexed]

Reads thread.
...
I should go.

[jedielfsorcerer]

Funny stuff. ;p

Miranda: We have a body that we believe to be Shepard's.

Tim: Believe?

M: Yes, but it is incased in ice. The armor and the helmet seems to be intact though.

ring ring ring

Miranda answers the call: Yes? . . . .wait, what was that . . . . . . ..okay
hangs up

M: We have melted the ice, and opened the armor, but there was only ice inside. . . .

T: WHAT!

A flash of light appeared and a Being of energy appeared. THen it turns into Shepard.

M & T: WHAT!

S: hmmmm . . . .Ascension is soo fun! ;p
jokes on you! ;p


Ascension: if you do not know, look it up on stargate wiki

[brentontakura]

i love this forum

Modifié par brentontakura, 07 juillet 2013 - 02:14 .

[Spartan3222]

Bump required so f***in hilarious

[Spartan3222]

Shepard: So what haven't I completed yet.
EDI: Your Mako License
Shepard: Shutup EDI. I'm busy buying a Mako
Tali + Garrus: Oh **** no run away.

[Spartan3222]

Shepard: Where is that Reaper I must face.
EDI: It seems it ran.
Shepard: F**k why?
EDI: It figured out who you are ancestor from
Shepard: Who.
Miranda: Are you familiar with Chuck Norris.
EDI: Reaper has been destroyed.
Shepard:

Modifié par Spartan3222, 19 novembre 2013 - 05:56 .

[Spartan3222]

How many times a week does Shepard save the Galaxy?

9 days per week

but guess what the...
Shepard: I'm tired of your inaccurate math

Modifié par Spartan3222, 19 novembre 2013 - 05:56 .

[Spartan3222]

If I was Shepard I would use my Cain to make a house out of some random moon just to prove my awesomness.

Modifié par Spartan3222, 19 novembre 2013 - 05:55 .

[Spartan3222]

Shepard: Say hello to our new Prothean Teammate. What should we call you
Prothean: Harbinger
Shepard: Wha??
Prothean: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
Shepard: Quick Shoot...
Garrus: Sorry I'm calibrating
Tali: Still cleaning Engine
Miranda: Busy Checking you Emails
Jacob: I have no excuse but still won't do it
Grunt: I! AM! KROGAN! *does nothing*
Zaeed: This reminds me of that time I...
Mordin: Doing test. Still wondering how itch virus got on board
Jack: F**k off! I still need to read Cerberus Files
Shepard: Well **** that get here now
Joker: I'll help but I'll break a femur in three seconds flat so nevermind
EDI: It seems no one sees you are in danger
Shepard: Well Thanks EDI. I sure had help with that obvious and usless comment ****.
Kelly: No message for you Commander
Shepard: What the Fu*k does that even have to do with...
All(except Shepard): ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
Shepard: **** F**k MotherF**kin God Damnit:(
Prothean:

*Five mintutes later the ship is found crashed in to a moon.*

Modifié par Spartan3222, 19 novembre 2013 - 07:41 .

[Jaxsor2]

SgtPotato wrote...

*Jack and Miranda arguing each other*<br />
Shepard: Why don't you both kiss and make up?!<br />
Jack: Actually, that's not a bad idea! *tongue-kissing Miranda*<br />
Shepard: Holy ****! Joker, get the camera!

My friend, this is why Joker said, "Take pictures!"