741 réponses à ce sujet

[BlindBay7]

AndersKrei wrote...

Miranda: Cerberus didn't spend 2 years and 4 billion credits to bring you back just for us to second guess your command.
Shepard: Do a barrelroll!
MIranda: huh?
Shepard: NO SECOND GUESSING! DO A BARRELROLL!!!

If only, that would be so awesome!

[Lord Shadowsong]

Semperus wrote...

Miranda: "Meet me down in the Engine room in 5 minutes"
**Romance ends**
Miranda: "Wow Shepard, that was incredible"
Shepard: "Looks like the Engine..."
**Puts on Sunglasses**
Shepard: "...Just got a power boost."
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Should put that in the CSI thread lol.

[binaryemperor]

Dr. Peter Venkman wrote...

After ME2: I'm kinda tired. Think I'll go home now.

That one guy who beat WoW 100% should have said that before disconnecting forever.

[Lord Shadowsong]

Gabey5 wrote...

Random Batarian: "What are you looking at, human?"
Shepard: "Hello. My name is Inigo Shepard. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Random Batarian: "What are you talking about?"
Shepard: "Hello. My name is Inigo Shepard. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Random Batarian: "Stop saying that!"
Shepard: "Hello! My name is Inigo Shepard! You killed my father! Prepare to die!"
*BLAM*
Random Batarian: "Please stop! I'll do whatever you want!"
Shepard: "Offer me money."
Random Batarian: "Yes!"
Shepard: "Power, too, promise me that."
Random Batarian: "All that I have and more. Please..."
Shepard: "Offer me anything I ask for."
Random Batarian: "Anything you want..."
*BLAM*
Shepard: "I want my father back, you son of a *****."
Garrus: "Wow, Commander, was that really the batarian that killed your father during the raid on the colony you grew up on?"
Shepard: "Eh, maybe, maybe not. C'mon, let's go talk to that batarian over there."

I love that movie.

[Gabey5]

ahh kelly and the fish chronicles. iphone game nao

[Sailears]

Lilitv wrote...

Shepard: *Wakes up with a terrible stomachache* The Mess Sergeant must have forgotten to wash his hands... *Runs to the elevator and goes down to the third level for the restrooms*
*Ten minutes later, Shepard returns to the cabin and decides to check the private terminal when the wall behind slid open to reveal a bathroom*
Shepard: EDI! All this time and you never bothered to tell me I had my own prviate bathroom?!
EDI: You never asked.

LOL!

[sliverofamoon]

Gabey5 wrote...

Shepard: "Ash! C'mon, we're going to save the galaxy again."
Ashley: "No way, Commander. You're working for Cerberus. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood."
Shepard:"Yeah, this place looks a lot like Eden Prime. Remember that? You were
an Alliance soldier there, too. Looks like you're two for two, Chief.
Maybe you should reflect on what's in your blood. Like your grandfather
at Shanxi. Yeah, that's right, I went there. How's that Alliance
soldier thing working out for you?"
Ashley: "Waaaaah!" *runs away crying*
Shepard: "That's why I ****ed Liara instead of you, you frigid *****!"

Shepard: "Wrex! Come help me save the galaxy!"
Wrex: "No can do, Shepard. I need to play at Krogan politcs."
Shepard: "What? Seriously, Reapers, Wrex."
Wrex: "No, I need to work on the logistics of sharing females."
Shepard: "Wrex, my man, I am all ABOUT sharing females, but... REAPERS."
Wrex: "Hunt well, Shepard."
Shepard: "Yeah, **** you too."

Shepard: "Liara! Come with me. We can stop the Reapers and save the galaxy again."
Liara: "Sorry, Shepard, I need to sift through about fifty petabytes of data to find the next link to the Shadow Broker."
Shepard:"What the ****? Seriously? How about you do that AFTER we stop the
Reapers from destroying all sentient life in the galaxy? You sifted
through empty Prothean ruins for like, sixty years. You saw the vision
from the beacons. You talked to Vigil. This is the major leagues, here,
Liara. The Shadow Broker is bush-league."
Liara: "I can't. I have to find the Shadow Broker. Can you hack into some terminals for me?"
Shepard:
"You know what? **** you and your stupid side missions. I have a
big-tittied brunette and a perky redhead who likes to talk about Freud
back on my ship."
Liara: "I need to collate this data."
Shepard: "Oh yeah? Well, you were a lousy lay, too! Freaking virgins."

Councilmembers:
"No, no, the Reapers are a myth, Sovereign was just a geth ship. Don't
bother arguing, we can't even hear you with our heads in the sand, and
simulatenously up our ***es."
Shepard: "Wait, do you not remember
the last game? Does the name 'Saren' ring a bell? I wasn't exactly
crying wolf ANY of the six times I told you that there was some serious
**** about to go down. What do I have to do, ride an Elcor around the
Presidium with a lantern and yell "The Reapers are coming! The Reapers
are coming!?"
Councilmembers: "La la la la la! We can't heeeeeear you!"
Shepard: "I should have told Joker to wait..."

Shepard: "Why are you stopping ME? I'm Commander ****ing SHEPARD."
Citadel TSA: "We check everyone. It's for security."
Shepard: "Do I LOOK like a geth?"
Citadel TSA: "Racial profiling is strictly against Citadel Security regulations."
Shepard: "So is THINKING, apparently. FYI, my shoes are staying on."

Mordin: "I am the very model of a scientist salarian!"
Shepard: "One of us has got to be on crack right now."

All of this is SERIOUS ROFLMAO!

[lyssalu]

Gabey5 wrote...


Thane: "His eyes water. He tugs at my sleeve. He asks, 'Why didn't
you stop them from letting Mommy go?' ... I'm sorry. The memories come
strong sometimes."
Shepard: "His eyes unfocus. He babbles something
about his son, completely disrupting the conversation. He cryptically
half-apologizes and expects me to figure out what's going on."
Thane:"We drell have a perfect memory. We can relive... The laser dances.
Sunset eyes meet mine. The laser dances away. 'How dare you?' her eyes
ask through the scope...."
Shepard: "Bored with the conversation, he
changes the subject. He uses poor metaphors like 'sunset eyes.' He
tries to impress me with pseudo-poetry. He fails miserably and
protests."
Thane: "Stop mocking me, Shep--- My finger tightens on
the trigger. The rifle recoils, an old friend coming home. The target
drops like a rag doll--- I can't help it and you're being a dick."
Shepard:"His stupid flashbacks thinly veil empty threats. He sits alone in life
support and wonders why no one likes him. He struggles to breathe
sometimes, but no one cares." *walks out*

U DICK

[TeaCokeProphet]

This one thinks this thread needs moar hanar.

[RhythmlessNinja]

Kelly: Would like me to feed your fish for you?



Shepard: Sure, why not?



*one mission later*



Shepard: Hey Kelly...about my fish...



Kelly: Commander?



Shepard: Why the F*** are they dead?! Didn't you say you would feed the bastards?



Kelly: But I did!



Shepard: Then explain why I just cleaned a tank full of dead fish...



Kelly: Well auto feeder was empty and you never told me where the fish food was so I improvised...



Shepard: The hell do you mean improvised, killing my fish was the alternate solution to no food?!



Kelly: Well, I thought about contacting you and it didnt seem convenient to call you about some fish while your on a mission...so I put in some of that stuff you left on the table in your cabin.



Shepard: Really...? What gave you the idea that was food? That was ingredients for a custom shotgun shell I had been working on in my free time.



Kelly: uh...



Shepard: So, not only did you kill my fish, you destroyed my new ammo I had been working on for months. Good job! Geez, I can't even get a break from the most simple sh**...

[daytona123]

Shepard: " So you spent 4 Billion on me and even recreated the Normandy so I can go save the Universe?"
TIM: " Yes you are humanities only hope."
Shepard: "Sweet, can't wait for you to tell me about all those super powerful weapons you got for me on the ship."
TIM: "****! I knew we forgot something..."
Shepard: "That's ok, ill just take some Cerberus weapons from the armory."
TIM: "Yeahhh.... We kinda sent them with a group of scientists that are working on a dead reaper..."
Shepard:" I guess I'll just have the ship replicate some when I get on board."
TIM:  "Actually that isn't going to happen either.  Apparently one of the techs thought it would be funny to scan in 50 credit weapons to replace the Cerberus ones...."
Shepard: "WTF???? Fine give me some cash and ill buy my own."
TIM: "Sorry my accountant is stil pissed at me for going over budget on you, he won't let me give you another credit. But I can give you something else."
Shepard: "Fine whats that?"
TIM: "Good luck Shepard." (cuts transmission)

[Llandaryn]

*Shepard wanders down to level 3 of the ship*

Shepard: Hey, Miranda, I just got this cool new pool table installed in my room. Wanna come play a game or two? I'll even let your genetically superior ass win once.

Miranda: No thanks, I'm just going to sit here and work.

Shepard: Um... 'kay. What is it that you actually do?

Miranda: I'm your second in command.

Shepard: And that means?

Miranda: I get to be King of Gondor if you die.

Shepard: But... you don't actually do anything except sit here.

Miranda: I'm vetting your emails. It's for the good of the galaxy.

Shepard: Mm'kay...

*Shepard wanders over to gunnery*

Shepard: Hey, Garrus. Wanna shoot some pool?

Garrus: I'd much rather calibrate these weapons.

Shepard: You've been calibrating them for four weeks. How much more calibrated do they need to be?

Garrus: You can never calibrate your weapons enough.

Shepard: Have you ever been diagnosed with OCD, by any chance?

Garrus: Don't be silly, Shepard. Weapons calibration is a normal and healthy pastime *twitch* Besides, I would have the advantage in pool, with my superior reach.

Shepard: Oh god, the mental images!

*Shepard flees to life support*

Shepard: Hey, Thane! Now that we've fixed your son up, want to play a rousing game of pool?

Thane: // I pick up the pool cue... blue chalk in one hand, I stare at the cue as the table is set up. A loud bang, like gunfire... but no, it is simply my opponent, breaking. Slowly, I walk around the table...//

*Shepard carefully backs out of life support control and walks into the observation deck*

Shepard: Hi, Samara! Want to indulge in a human game of pool?

Samara: I am sorry Shepard, but I cannot. If I caught you cheating, I would be forced to kill you after our mission is complete.

Shepard: Mm'kay, well... I won't cheat. How does that sound?

Samara: No. I have forsaken all worldly possession. To pick up a pool cue now would be to dishonour my code.

Shepard: Man, this crew is no fun.

*Shepard walks down to engineering deck*

Shepard: Jack, my old buddy! Want to play pool with me?

Jack: F*** you.

Shepdard: 

*Shepard wanders into cargo bay*

Zaeed: Hey Shepard. You can't actually have dialogue with me, so I'll just comment as you look around at random stuff. Over there is the pickled hedgehog I got from the souvenir shop on Omega. Had to blow out the brains of the Batarian who owned it. Yep, me and my team got rid of that damned Batarian bastard. 'Course, I was the only one who survived. Ah, the good old days.

*Shepard wanders into alternative cargo bay*

Shepard: Hiya Wrex. Want to fight? And by 'fight', I mean 'play pool'?

Grunt: Stop calling me Wrex.

Shepard: Is something wrong, Wrex?

Grunt: I'm not Wrex.

Shepard: Why are you saying these things, Wrex?!

Grunt: I'm not Wrex!! He's the cool Krogan from your last game. I'm the pale imitation grown in a tank.

Shepard: Wrex... you're not making any sense.

Grunt: Get out, or I'll do to you what the Krogans in my tank-memory did to those Turian bastards who killed one of our females in some ancient battle.

*Shepard wanders into engineering*

Shepard: Engineers! My old pals! Wanna play some pool with me? For old times sake?

Daniels: Ach, no way, Shepard. Not after ye kicked my arse at poker.

Donnelly: Damnit, wench, why are ye speaking with a Scottish accent when I'm the Scottish one?

Daniels: Oh, sorry, I forget we're not the same person sometimes.

Shepard: Just why does my ship have two engineers, anyway?

Donnelly: Ah, well, ye know how the Krogan have redundant organs, in case one violently explodes?

Shepard: Nevermind. Oh hi, Tali! Want to play pool?

Tali: *sigh* No thanks, Shepard. Playing pool reminds me of the time I wanted to touch a flower but I couldn't, because I might have died.

Shepard: Aw, sorry. 

Tali: And the pool balls remind me of the time I wanted to kiss a boy, but I couldn't, because I might have died.

Shepard: 

Tali: I have to stay here and complete the work that my poor, brave father died for.

Shepard: Okay, now you're milking it.

*Shepard wanders upstairs and into armoury*

Shepard: Hey, Jacob! You're up for a game of pool, right?

Jacob: That's right, Shepard. We're gonna live it up, get loud, and get drunk on the Citadel.

Shepard: Um... after pool though, kay?

Jacob: I'm good, man. We're gonna get ourselves a seat at the bar and drink the night away.

Shepard: Um...

Jacob: Sure thing, bro. You and me, getting loud and drunk. West-side.

Shepard: Ooookay.

*Shepard hurries into lab*

Shepard: Mordin, do you want to play pool with me?

Mordin: Not right now, Shepard. Am busy working.

Shepard: What are you doing that's more important than pool?

Mordin: Am coming up with way to protect us against Collector Swarm. Am also composing opera in my head. Also, calculating chances of second Krogan adaptation to new genophage. Must also fix problem of Human/Quarian genetics being incompatible.

Shepard: Why?

Mordin. Have received many emails from gamers. Wish to have babies with Tali. Very disturbing. Not sure how they will work out rota. Maybe one Shepard per day. Should fit revolving door inside entrance to engineering deck to facilitate exchange of Shepards. Also, need to forward Turian/Krogan pornographic films and explanitory diagrams to Wrex. Not sure why he asked for them. Implications... disturbing.

Shepard: I wondered what the Krogans did to those Turians.

*Shepard wanders over to airlock, opens it, steps inside, then closes it*

Shepard: EDI, please de-pressurise the outer door.

EDI: But Shepard, you will die in the vacuum of space. Again.

Shepard: Yes, that's rather the point.

Modifié par Llandaryn, 10 février 2010 - 11:00 .

[Sailears]

^Good effort!

[Destructo_33]

Epic, Llandaryn. Simply Epic.

[Meshakhad]

Terra Firma Politician: Can I get your endorsement for the election?

Shepard: *knees him in the balls*

[8T8]

Shepard: Hey Garrus got a minute

Garrus: Can it wait for abit?, Im in the middle of some Calibrations.

Shepard: Thats the sixth time i have come down here and your still Calibrating?, Those stupid guns have allready been upgraded!, I wanna bluddy look!
*Rush's over to see*

Garrus: Noo!, Nothing to see here...

Shepard: What the....*Notices some Magazines* Calibrateing eh?, Dam getting visual images! Must leave!

Modifié par 8T8, 10 février 2010 - 11:59 .

[Nightvision91]

Shepard: Hey Anderson do you know where Ash is?



Anderson: I'm sorry Commander she's on a top secret mission I can't tell you about.



Shepard: Really man? After all the crap I did for you. You can't just tell me where she is?



Anderson: With your current allies I feel it best to keep it a secret.



Shepard: I saved the entire galaxy man. Can't you give me a hint, or something?



Anderson: I'm sorry Commander.



Shepard: Forget it I'll just go ask Udina.

[Semperus]

Meshakhad wrote...

Terra Firma Politician: Can I get your endorsement for the election?
Shepard: *knees him in the balls*

Terra Firma Politician: "Can I get your endorsement for the election?"

Shepard: "Sure"

**Records message**

Terra Forma Commercial: "I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite racist party on Earth!"

[Morph.hu]

keep up the good work guys, awesome thread

[Jarcander]

Semperus wrote...

Terra Forma Commercial: "I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite racist party on Earth!"

Oh yes. Those endorcements sounded indentical that I wouldn't be surprised if everything was endorced by commander Shephard in ME3.

[TobiasRieper]

Gabey5 wrote...
Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "Yeah, Grunt, we know. It's kind of hard to miss. Stop yelling from behind cover, it helps the enemy find us."
Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "DUDE seriously. You don't need to yell that every time you kill a drone."
Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"
Shepard: "I! AM! HUMAN!"
Garrus: "I! AM! TURIAN!"
Mordin: "SALARIAN!"
Jacob: "I! AM! ALSO! HUMAN!"
Legion: "We. Are. Geth."
Shepard: "See how freakin' annoying that is?!"

I cried laughing. :')

[sniper1250]

*After you drive off the Collector ship on Horizon
Mechanic from Horizon: What are you doing? Stop the massive space ship that's already moved too far to see with the naked eye!
Shepard: Yeah... That's retarded.
Mechanic: You alliance types suck! I left alliance space because I was tired of your "Sir, that's physically impossible" speeches! Teleport up there and stop them from messing with my life specifically!
Shepard: *Sigh* Why do I get stuck with all the unreasonable idiots?
Random Sidekick: *insert meaningless condolence at Mechanic induced migrane here*, Shepard
Mechanic: Wait, Shepard... I know that name... aren't you some big commercial endorsement voiceover guy?
Kaidan/Ashley: *Reads off all your titles and acomplishments from their palm, then walks up and gives you a handshake/hug* I thought you were dead!
Shepard: I was! It's an amazing story that will take too long to tell here though. Why don't you join me on my new and improved state-of-the-art one-of-a-kind stealth ship and we can talk about it while saving the galaxy from the reap...
Kaidan/Ashley: *NPC interupt* Wait... is that a tiny Cerberus logo on your state of the art gun? HOW COULD YOU!?!? I refuse to listen to anything you say. I will be leaving now, to never be heard from again in a worthwhile manner for the remainder of your mission. Good day Commander, I hope you die in a very avoidable manner by falling to an unseen death.
Shepard: *Confused at the sudden hostility* But Kaidan/Ash!!!
Kaidan/Ashley: I SAID GOOD DAY!!! *storms off*

If Kaidan/Ashley were ME LIs response:
Shepard: ...Okay, NOW I'm willing to cheat on them. *Calls the Normandy* Joker, pick us up! I need to get started on some romance sub-plots!

If Kaidan/Ashley were not ME LIs:
Shepard: ...Well, I know who I'm NOT trusting to watch my back in whatever Reaper curb-stomping adventure I end up in after I don't die in this suicide mission. Maybe I should have run off to do them a personal favor when we were fighting Sovereign?

[Moblin_DK]

Shepard: The collector base is going to blow! Joker get us out of...

Shepard: EDI where's Joker?

EDI: Mr. Moreau's currently location is the ships medical bay.

Shepard: Why?

EDI: Mr. Moreau is currently undergoing treatment for a shattered collarbone, broken wrist and a complex fracture of his right arm.

Shepard: When did this happen? Did the Collectors board the ship while we where infiltrating the base?

EDI: Negative commander. Mr. Moreau's injuries where sustained from firring a assault riffle in an attemt to cover your escape. For some reason the other trained and proven warriors who returned before you, where not acceptable for this task.

Shepard: ???

[Jarcander]

*at Citadel, Shephard just found the credit chip volus had left at Sirta Foundation shop*

Shephard: Your chips at Sirta's shop, you left it there and you bought something... unlike what you told me.
Volus: The Quarian could've taken it.
Officer: Right, case solved *threatens Quarian not to do it again*
Shephard: *paragon interrupt* Are you kidding me? You two are the biggest ****ots this side of Citadel.
Officer: Are you threatening a C-Sec officer?
Shephard: I don't threaten, I promise. *renegade interrupt* *grabs a hold of officers head, hauls him to the pools and tosses him over* And don't bother, I'm a Spectre. As for you shorty... *turn only to find Volus gone.
Quarian: Um, thanks. Are you dating anyone?

Modifié par Jarcander, 11 février 2010 - 01:15 .

[TobiasRieper]

Samara: Stop, Morinth. You ride ends here. You will not kill innocents anymore.
Morinth: Well' I'd like to see you try and stop me, mother! It's all your fault!

*Stalemate*

*Both Samara and Morinth look at Shepard with pleading eyes*

*Shepard thinks for about 20 seconds, then shrugs and biotically throws both of them against the wall, walks up and shoots both of them in the head in a calm fashion*

*Walks out humming 'I got 99 problems, but a **** ain't one'*

Modifié par TobiasRieper, 11 février 2010 - 01:48 .