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[Lilitv]

TIM's briefing when asembling the Lazarus Cell.



TIM: Commander Shepard, Spectre; a man barely alive.

Miranda: Actually, Shepard is clinically dead.

TIM: *Hushed* Don't interrupt me! *Turns back to the rest* Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the galaxy's first zombie-cyborg man. Comander Shepard will be that man. We could make him better than he was before. Better. Stronger. Faster. But instead, we'll keep him just the way he is.

Miranda: At least consider the control chip?

[TobiasRieper]

Corporate Official of a Major Arms Manufacturer: So, remember how we spend ages trying to construct a weapon system to be freed from the need of ammunition, having it gigantically increase the efficiency of all military departments and relieving the biggest part of logistical loads while executing military operations?

Weapons Engineer: Yes?

Corporate Official: Yeah, we're going to change that again, we'll add a heat sink that has no capacity to dissipate heat making the rifle unable to be used until you replace it.

Weapons Engineer: Why would we do that?

Corporate Official: That's not important!

Weapons Engineer: But why would anyone use the new system?

Marketing Expert: That's already been thought of, we'll bundle it with an Ipod and make some cool accessories. Also we'll make some vids in which we compare two individuals who would symbolise each system and make completely unfounded and ridiculous claims to newest system's superiority without having to explain or prove any of it.

*Weapons Engineer gives Marketing Guy a weird look*

Marketing Expert: In about 2 years everyone in the Galaxy will use the new system and have thrown away their old rifle, pistol or smg, I guarantee you!

Modifié par TobiasRieper, 11 février 2010 - 02:09 .

[Agamemnon2589]

Asari Shopkeep: I'm sorry you feel that way. There are many stores on the Citadel. Perhaps another would be more in your price range.

Shepard:So you're saying I'm poor? Just because I'm not as well off as you doesn't mean you can hold yourself above me!

Asari: What?! No, I--

Shepard: Hey, everyone! This store discriminates against the poor!

Asari: IF I MUST TEAR YOU APART, SHEPARD, I WILL.

Shepard: Eh? Oh, f--



Tali: And it's a defense mechanism, and it's stupid and...People who...who just see the helmet can't see my expression, so I have to make it clear...what I'm...

*Shepard unhooks facemask*

Tali: ...feeling...

Shepard: Whoa, wait...Tali? You look like a...

Tali: I AM THE VANGUARD OF YOUR DESTRUCTION.

Shepard: Oh, sh--

[Litos456]

Agamemnon2589 wrote...
Tali: And it's a defense mechanism, and it's stupid and...People who...who just see the helmet can't see my expression, so I have to make it clear...what I'm...
*Shepard unhooks facemask*
Tali: ...feeling...
Shepard: Whoa, wait...Tali? You look like a...
Tali: I AM THE VANGUARD OF YOUR DESTRUCTION.
Shepard: Oh, sh--

Lol. You could put shoop da woop in there too.

[Dragonseye1138]

*Somewhere in the misty depths of Mass Effect 3...*



As the Reaper horde descends upon the citadel, the defenders mount a valiant but futile defense. Distress calls ring out across space pleading for someone to save them. Commander Shepard watches, leaning idly on the back of Joker's chair.



Joker: "Shouldn't you do something Commander? I mean the council is about to get slaughtered."

Shepard: "Why should I? We already saved their scaly fish-faced asses once and we all saw how that turned out."

Joker: "Yeah, but didn't you travel all across the length and breadth of the galaxy righting wrongs and helping people? And didn't the dying star turn blue after you blew up the collector base? You're some kind of...I don't know...Paragon."



*insert dramatic pause*



Shepard: "...****..."

[Semperus]

Dragonseye1138 wrote...

*Somewhere in the misty depths of Mass Effect 3...*

As the Reaper horde descends upon the citadel, the defenders mount a valiant but futile defense. Distress calls ring out across space pleading for someone to save them. Commander Shepard watches, leaning idly on the back of Joker's chair.

Joker: "Shouldn't you do something Commander? I mean the council is about to get slaughtered."
Shepard: "Why should I? We already saved their scaly fish-faced asses once and we all saw how that turned out."
Joker: "Yeah, but didn't you travel all across the length and breadth of the galaxy righting wrongs and helping people? And didn't the dying star turn blue after you blew up the collector base? You're some kind of...I don't know...Paragon."

*insert dramatic pause*

Shepard: "...****..."

**Renegade Flash***
**Left Click**

Joker: "Commander what are you doing!"

Shepard: "Im tired of your disingenuous assertions!"

**Joker is beaten to death wit hhis own frail leg**

[Lord Shadowsong]

Gabey5 wrote...

Ashley: "Heavy resistance at the AA guns! Kirrahe is down! I need support!"
Kaidan: "A geth dropship just landed at the nuke! We're being overwhelmed!"
Ashley: "Forget about me, Commander! The nuke is the priority!"
Kaidan: "I've got the nuke, Gunnery Chief! I can set if off manually! Commander, get to the AA tower!"
Shepard: *private channel to Ashley* "Gunnery Chief... no, Ashley... I'll let everyone know you died a hero. Your name will be cleared. I'll see to it personally the name Williams goes down in history as the Alliance's proudest. I'm sorry."
Ashley: "Give 'em hell, Commander!"
Shepard: *private channgel to Kaidan* "Lieutenant... Kaidan... this is probably the hardest command decision an officer can make. You're an outstanding officer, and more than that, a friend. You've made me proud."
Kaidan: "I understand, Commander. It's been an honor serving with you."
Shepard: *private channel to Joker* "Pick me up between the AA tower and the breeding grounds."
Joker: "Um... OK. *aside* I'm sure the Commander has a plan..."
Shepard: "Go go go!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Shepard: "Woo hoo! 2 for 1

Thats just epic.

[sagevallant]

Tali (as the Face Mask comes off): ... DOCTOR OCTAGONAPUS BLARGHHHH!!!!

[Lord Shadowsong]

Gabey5 wrote...



Shepard: "We are here to make the Collectors pay!"
Jacob: *muffled laugh*
Shepard: "They hit us, but we'll hit them back so hard---"
Miranda: *giggle*
Shepard: "We hesitate, we're dead! We second guess ourselves, we---"
Jack: "Bwahahahaha!"
Shepard: "WHAT is so ****in' funny!?"
Jacob: "Sorry Commander... it's just... those goggles..."
Miranda: "You're inspiring, really, we just... hahahahaha!"
Jack: "Those things are hilarious!"
Shepard: "Hey! Focus!"
Jacob: "Commander, you can focus enough for all of us with those things! Hahaha!"
Shepard: "**** you guys, 5% power damage bonus here!" *points at goggles*

I expected a splinter cell joke.

[Lord Shadowsong]

Archereon wrote...

What really happened when everyone had to go do some random mission in the shuttle...


Shepard and company land on some random planet, everyone gets out...

Garrus: "So why are we here again?"

Shepard: "Why Garrus, my good man, we are here too...I don't kno-OMFG IT'S CHUCK NORRIS!"

*Everyone runs away expect Shepard, who cowers in fear*

Shepard: "AHH, don't kill me! Or roundhouse kick me! Or kill me by roundhousing me!"

Chuck: "I'm not here to kill you, I'm here to help you."

Shepard: "But, why?"

Chuck: "I am your great-grandfather."

Shepard: "That explains alot...So you'll help me defeat the collectors and stop the reapers and save the galaxy?"

Chuck: "Of course, it'll be like blowing my nose..."

*Doctor Octagonapus, Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, every single power ranger, monty python's black knight, robocop, the terminator, and a few others show up...*

Shepard: F***!

your missing a few, Mussolini, the big blue meanie, cowboy curtis and jombie the genie, mr spock, the rock, hulk hogan, and I know Im missing 2.

[anskim]

Sometimes you go to fight the greatest threat the galaxy's ever

seen with the shuttle you have, not the shuttle you want

[Lord Shadowsong]

*Tim appears on Miranda's omnitool.*

Tim: SHEPARD DON'T BLOW UP THAT BASE!



Shepard: But I really want to.... hey how do you know when to call always?



Tim: Im the illusive man... I know everything.



Shepard: Nu uh!



Tim: I also know that the wiretap Jacob put in your vagina works excellently.

[daguest]

"jack : why do you ask questions about me, do you want to have sex with me ?
shepard : no, just wanted to be friendly with all my crew"
renegade point earned : 5

For an unknown reason, saying "no" to a possible LI in ME2 awards renegade point. Following the romance path earn paragons points.

During ash/kaidan discussion :
ash/kaidan : so you are working with cerberus, they are evil !
shepard : i don't trust them, but i don't have choice
renegade points : +5

few hours later, garrus recruitement

garrus : so cerberus ? Why working with them ?
shepard : i don't trust them, they will betray me. They are still the same evil rotten bastards.
paragon point : +5

If you follow a pure renegade/paragon path (most logical), sometimes shepard trust cerberus. Sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he think he works for them, sometimes he think he doesn't. Obviously the first step of schizophrenia. Maybe the council is right, reapers doesn't exist. Shepard is just totally insane.

[Semperus]

How the Game should end:



Shepard: "Wrex"



Wrex: "Shepard"



Shepard: "I would like to visit the Female Krogan clans"



**Shepard finds Female Krogan clans**



Shepard: "Miss, look I dont have much time to explain but if you sleep with me, I WILL CURE THE GENOPHAGE!!"



Female Krogan: "Wait? What? OK!!"



**Shepard, with his amazing genes, actually cures Genophage. Shepard becomes Warlord of All Krogans, destroys the Reapers and rules the Galaxy**



The End

[Homebound]

Shepard: "Shepard"

Wrex: "Wrex"

[ponozsticka]

*Before salvaging Shepard´s body -unknown planet*

AlianceGirl : Guys, grab shovels and go to work!

*Miranda entering the scene*

AG: What do YOU want her, Cerberus?
Miranda : I came for Shepard, he´s bloody icon.
AG: And what makes you think I´ll let you take him?
Miranda : I´m Miranda, I was designed to be perfect.
AG: Perceftly screwed up, perhaps.

*AG aimes the gun, shoots and scratches Miranda*

AG: What´s up? Can´t avoid gun fire, huh?

*Miranda kicks AG to face*

Miranda : Can´t avoid my kung-fu?

AlianceSoldier1 : Hey guys! Screw the corpse! Chicks are fighting over here!
AlianceSoldier2: Jeremie! Come and get your photographing *** here!

*AG hits Miranda with gun stock*
*Miranda uses her biotics making AG turning in the air*

CerberusSoldier : Hey guys....WHOOO! What´s going on here?

AG: We won´t ever work with terrorists!
Miranda: It has never been about what you wanted.

CS: I brought some beer, grab one if you want.
AS1: Sure!

*AG punches Miranda to the face*
*Miranda beats the crep out of AG*

AG: If you want the body, you have to kill me first!
Miranda : With pleasure.

AS1: So, you´re here for the body?
CS: Yeah (drinks beer). Boss has some sexual issues, you know.
AS1: I see.

*Miranda and AG are lying on the ground, exhausted*

Miranda: I think we should stop fighting.

Aliance+Cerberus : Nooooo! Come on! Fight! Fight! Fight!
AS1: You say you have more of the beer?
CS: Yeah, we were just smugling it when the orders came.

AG: Aliance won´t ever give you the body.

AS1: That sucks. What about exchanging the body for beer?
CS: Sounds like a plan.
AS1: It´s all yours.

*Both continue watching chicks mug fighting*

Modifié par ponozsticka, 16 février 2010 - 08:04 .

[Maj.Pain007]

omfg this is seriously epic win.

Gabey5 is hilarious. You speak the truth on all of it.

wulf3n wrote...

if you can draw, or find someone to draw,
you should totally start your own line of online comics, funniest s@#t
i've read in a long time

This

Modifié par Maj.Pain007, 11 février 2010 - 06:56 .

[Maj.Pain007]

Gabey5 wrote...



Shepard: "We are here to make the Collectors pay!"
Jacob: *muffled laugh*
Shepard: "They hit us, but we'll hit them back so hard---"
Miranda: *giggle*
Shepard: "We hesitate, we're dead! We second guess ourselves, we---"
Jack: "Bwahahahaha!"
Shepard: "WHAT is so ****in' funny!?"
Jacob: "Sorry Commander... it's just... those goggles..."
Miranda: "You're inspiring, really, we just... hahahahaha!"
Jack: "Those things are hilarious!"
Shepard: "Hey! Focus!"
Jacob: "Commander, you can focus enough for all of us with those things! Hahaha!"
Shepard: "**** you guys, 5% power damage bonus here!" *points at goggles*

Omfg I'm in tears.

I love this thread.

[Maj.Pain007]

Llandaryn wrote...

*Shepard wanders down to level 3 of the ship*

Shepard: Hey, Miranda, I just got this cool new pool table installed in my room. Wanna come play a game or two? I'll even let your genetically superior ass win once.

Miranda: No thanks, I'm just going to sit here and work.

Shepard: Um... 'kay. What is it that you actually do?

Miranda: I'm your second in command.

Shepard: And that means?

Miranda: I get to be King of Gondor if you die.

Shepard: But... you don't actually do anything except sit here.

Miranda: I'm vetting your emails. It's for the good of the galaxy.

Shepard: Mm'kay...

*Shepard wanders over to gunnery*

Shepard: Hey, Garrus. Wanna shoot some pool?

Garrus: I'd much rather calibrate these weapons.

Shepard: You've been calibrating them for four weeks. How much more calibrated do they need to be?

Garrus: You can never calibrate your weapons enough.

Shepard: Have you ever been diagnosed with OCD, by any chance?

Garrus: Don't be silly, Shepard. Weapons calibration is a normal and healthy pastime *twitch* Besides, I would have the advantage in pool, with my superior reach.

Shepard: Oh god, the mental images!

*Shepard flees to life support*

Shepard: Hey, Thane! Now that we've fixed your son up, want to play a rousing game of pool?

Thane: // I pick up the pool cue... blue chalk in one hand, I stare at the cue as the table is set up. A loud bang, like gunfire... but no, it is simply my opponent, breaking. Slowly, I walk around the table...//

*Shepard carefully backs out of life support control and walks into the observation deck*

Shepard: Hi, Samara! Want to indulge in a human game of pool?

Samara: I am sorry Shepard, but I cannot. If I caught you cheating, I would be forced to kill you after our mission is complete.

Shepard: Mm'kay, well... I won't cheat. How does that sound?

Samara: No. I have forsaken all worldly possession. To pick up a pool cue now would be to dishonour my code.

Shepard: Man, this crew is no fun.

*Shepard walks down to engineering deck*

Shepard: Jack, my old buddy! Want to play pool with me?

Jack: F*** you.

Shepdard: 

*Shepard wanders into cargo bay*

Zaeed: Hey Shepard. You can't actually have dialogue with me, so I'll just comment as you look around at random stuff. Over there is the pickled hedgehog I got from the souvenir shop on Omega. Had to blow out the brains of the Batarian who owned it. Yep, me and my team got rid of that damned Batarian bastard. 'Course, I was the only one who survived. Ah, the good old days.

*Shepard wanders into alternative cargo bay*

Shepard: Hiya Wrex. Want to fight? And by 'fight', I mean 'play pool'?

Grunt: Stop calling me Wrex.

Shepard: Is something wrong, Wrex?

Grunt: I'm not Wrex.

Shepard: Why are you saying these things, Wrex?!

Grunt: I'm not Wrex!! He's the cool Krogan from your last game. I'm the pale imitation grown in a tank.

Shepard: Wrex... you're not making any sense.

Grunt: Get out, or I'll do to you what the Krogans in my tank-memory did to those Turian bastards who killed one of our females in some ancient battle.

*Shepard wanders into engineering*

Shepard: Engineers! My old pals! Wanna play some pool with me? For old times sake?

Daniels: Ach, no way, Shepard. Not after ye kicked my arse at poker.

Donnelly: Damnit, wench, why are ye speaking with a Scottish accent when I'm the Scottish one?

Daniels: Oh, sorry, I forget we're not the same person sometimes.

Shepard: Just why does my ship have two engineers, anyway?

Donnelly: Ah, well, ye know how the Krogan have redundant organs, in case one violently explodes?

Shepard: Nevermind. Oh hi, Tali! Want to play pool?

Tali: *sigh* No thanks, Shepard. Playing pool reminds me of the time I wanted to touch a flower but I couldn't, because I might have died.

Shepard: Aw, sorry. 

Tali: And the pool balls remind me of the time I wanted to kiss a boy, but I couldn't, because I might have died.

Shepard: 

Tali: I have to stay here and complete the work that my poor, brave father died for.

Shepard: Okay, now you're milking it.

*Shepard wanders upstairs and into armoury*

Shepard: Hey, Jacob! You're up for a game of pool, right?

Jacob: That's right, Shepard. We're gonna live it up, get loud, and get drunk on the Citadel.

Shepard: Um... after pool though, kay?

Jacob: I'm good, man. We're gonna get ourselves a seat at the bar and drink the night away.

Shepard: Um...

Jacob: Sure thing, bro. You and me, getting loud and drunk. West-side.

Shepard: Ooookay.

*Shepard hurries into lab*

Shepard: Mordin, do you want to play pool with me?

Mordin: Not right now, Shepard. Am busy working.

Shepard: What are you doing that's more important than pool?

Mordin: Am coming up with way to protect us against Collector Swarm. Am also composing opera in my head. Also, calculating chances of second Krogan adaptation to new genophage. Must also fix problem of Human/Quarian genetics being incompatible.

Shepard: Why?

Mordin. Have received many emails from gamers. Wish to have babies with Tali. Very disturbing. Not sure how they will work out rota. Maybe one Shepard per day. Should fit revolving door inside entrance to engineering deck to facilitate exchange of Shepards. Also, need to forward Turian/Krogan pornographic films and explanitory diagrams to Wrex. Not sure why he asked for them. Implications... disturbing.

Shepard: I wondered what the Krogans did to those Turians.

*Shepard wanders over to airlock, opens it, steps inside, then closes it*

Shepard: EDI, please de-pressurise the outer door.

EDI: But Shepard, you will die in the vacuum of space. Again.

Shepard: Yes, that's rather the point.

Great stuff!

[Maj.Pain007]

daguest wrote...

"jack : why do you ask questions about me, do you want to have sex with me ?
shepard : no, just wanted to be friendly with all my crew"
renegade point earned : 5

For an unknown reason, saying "no" to a possible LI in ME2 awards renegade point. Following the romance path earn paragons points.

During ash/kaidan discussion :
ash/kaidan : so you are working with cerberus, they are evil !
shepard : i don't trust them, but i don't have choice
renegade points : +5

few hours later, garrus recruitement

garrus : so cerberus ? Why working with them ?
shepard : i don't trust them, they will betray me. They are still the same evil rotten bastards.
paragon point : +5

If you follow a pure renegade/paragon path (most logical), sometimes shepard trust cerberus. Sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he think he works for them, sometimes he think he doesn't. Obviously the first step of schizophrenia. Maybe the council is right, reapers doesn't exist. Shepard is just totally insane.

THIS X1000000000

[ElectAcclaimer]

Llandaryn that was simply hilarious and so true lol

[Morph.hu]

Agamemnon2589 wrote...
Tali: And it's a defense mechanism, and it's stupid and...People who...who just see the helmet can't see my expression, so I have to make it clear...what I'm...
*Shepard unhooks facemask*
Tali: ...feeling...
Shepard: Whoa, wait...Tali? You look like a...
Tali: I AM THE VANGUARD OF YOUR DESTRUCTION.
Shepard: Oh, sh--

Congratulations good sir, that made me choke on my breakfast

[Maj.Pain007]

Going to have to bump this thread.

[Fulgrim88]

daguest wrote...

"jack : why do you ask questions about me, do you want to have sex with me ?
shepard : no, just wanted to be friendly with all my crew"
renegade point earned : 5

You hurt her feelings

Llandaryn wrote...

Shepard: Um... 'kay. What is it that you actually do?

Miranda: I'm your second in command.

Shepard: And that means?

Miranda: I get to be King of Gondor if you die.

Priceless. As was all of that post, but i don't want to quote it completely.
Glad to hear i'm not the only one calling Grunt Wrex, occasionaly

[oneword]

Llandaryn wrote...

*Shepard wanders down to level 3 of the ship*

Shepard: Hey, Miranda, I just got this cool new pool table installed in my room. Wanna come play a game or two? I'll even let your genetically superior ass win once.

Miranda: No thanks, I'm just going to sit here and work.

Shepard: Um... 'kay. What is it that you actually do?

Miranda: I'm your second in command.

Shepard: And that means?

Miranda: I get to be King of Gondor if you die.

Shepard: But... you don't actually do anything except sit here.

Miranda: I'm vetting your emails. It's for the good of the galaxy.

Shepard: Mm'kay...

*Shepard wanders over to gunnery*

Shepard: Hey, Garrus. Wanna shoot some pool?

Garrus: I'd much rather calibrate these weapons.

Shepard: You've been calibrating them for four weeks. How much more calibrated do they need to be?

Garrus: You can never calibrate your weapons enough.

Shepard: Have you ever been diagnosed with OCD, by any chance?

Garrus: Don't be silly, Shepard. Weapons calibration is a normal and healthy pastime *twitch* Besides, I would have the advantage in pool, with my superior reach.

Shepard: Oh god, the mental images!

*Shepard flees to life support*

Shepard: Hey, Thane! Now that we've fixed your son up, want to play a rousing game of pool?

Thane: // I pick up the pool cue... blue chalk in one hand, I stare at the cue as the table is set up. A loud bang, like gunfire... but no, it is simply my opponent, breaking. Slowly, I walk around the table...//

*Shepard carefully backs out of life support control and walks into the observation deck*

Shepard: Hi, Samara! Want to indulge in a human game of pool?

Samara: I am sorry Shepard, but I cannot. If I caught you cheating, I would be forced to kill you after our mission is complete.

Shepard: Mm'kay, well... I won't cheat. How does that sound?

Samara: No. I have forsaken all worldly possession. To pick up a pool cue now would be to dishonour my code.

Shepard: Man, this crew is no fun.

*Shepard walks down to engineering deck*

Shepard: Jack, my old buddy! Want to play pool with me?

Jack: F*** you.

Shepdard: 

*Shepard wanders into cargo bay*

Zaeed: Hey Shepard. You can't actually have dialogue with me, so I'll just comment as you look around at random stuff. Over there is the pickled hedgehog I got from the souvenir shop on Omega. Had to blow out the brains of the Batarian who owned it. Yep, me and my team got rid of that damned Batarian bastard. 'Course, I was the only one who survived. Ah, the good old days.

*Shepard wanders into alternative cargo bay*

Shepard: Hiya Wrex. Want to fight? And by 'fight', I mean 'play pool'?

Grunt: Stop calling me Wrex.

Shepard: Is something wrong, Wrex?

Grunt: I'm not Wrex.

Shepard: Why are you saying these things, Wrex?!

Grunt: I'm not Wrex!! He's the cool Krogan from your last game. I'm the pale imitation grown in a tank.

Shepard: Wrex... you're not making any sense.

Grunt: Get out, or I'll do to you what the Krogans in my tank-memory did to those Turian bastards who killed one of our females in some ancient battle.

*Shepard wanders into engineering*

Shepard: Engineers! My old pals! Wanna play some pool with me? For old times sake?

Daniels: Ach, no way, Shepard. Not after ye kicked my arse at poker.

Donnelly: Damnit, wench, why are ye speaking with a Scottish accent when I'm the Scottish one?

Daniels: Oh, sorry, I forget we're not the same person sometimes.

Shepard: Just why does my ship have two engineers, anyway?

Donnelly: Ah, well, ye know how the Krogan have redundant organs, in case one violently explodes?

Shepard: Nevermind. Oh hi, Tali! Want to play pool?

Tali: *sigh* No thanks, Shepard. Playing pool reminds me of the time I wanted to touch a flower but I couldn't, because I might have died.

Shepard: Aw, sorry. 

Tali: And the pool balls remind me of the time I wanted to kiss a boy, but I couldn't, because I might have died.

Shepard: 

Tali: I have to stay here and complete the work that my poor, brave father died for.

Shepard: Okay, now you're milking it.

*Shepard wanders upstairs and into armoury*

Shepard: Hey, Jacob! You're up for a game of pool, right?

Jacob: That's right, Shepard. We're gonna live it up, get loud, and get drunk on the Citadel.

Shepard: Um... after pool though, kay?

Jacob: I'm good, man. We're gonna get ourselves a seat at the bar and drink the night away.

Shepard: Um...

Jacob: Sure thing, bro. You and me, getting loud and drunk. West-side.

Shepard: Ooookay.

*Shepard hurries into lab*

Shepard: Mordin, do you want to play pool with me?

Mordin: Not right now, Shepard. Am busy working.

Shepard: What are you doing that's more important than pool?

Mordin: Am coming up with way to protect us against Collector Swarm. Am also composing opera in my head. Also, calculating chances of second Krogan adaptation to new genophage. Must also fix problem of Human/Quarian genetics being incompatible.

Shepard: Why?

Mordin. Have received many emails from gamers. Wish to have babies with Tali. Very disturbing. Not sure how they will work out rota. Maybe one Shepard per day. Should fit revolving door inside entrance to engineering deck to facilitate exchange of Shepards. Also, need to forward Turian/Krogan pornographic films and explanitory diagrams to Wrex. Not sure why he asked for them. Implications... disturbing.

Shepard: I wondered what the Krogans did to those Turians.

*Shepard wanders over to airlock, opens it, steps inside, then closes it*

Shepard: EDI, please de-pressurise the outer door.

EDI: But Shepard, you will die in the vacuum of space. Again.

Shepard: Yes, that's rather the point.

this is just....so truee
I couldn't stop laughing XD

I love this thread!