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[DeltaIV]

Liara: "The world of intrigue isn't all that much different than a dig site. Except that the dead bodies here still stink."

Shepard: "I know you've gone absolutely bat-**** insane, but that's the dumbest ****ing thing I've heard yet. It's right up there with Fist's "I don't know where she is, but I know where you can find her" gem. Information dealing in the most decadent and corrupt planet in the galaxy is about as far as you can get from archaeology. You know what, **** it, draw whatever crap metaphors you want. You lost my interest the second you offered me a sidequest instead of a roll in the hay. Have fun in your little office, I'm going to save the galaxy. Oh, and one more thing... my new **** buddy has waaaay better boobs. Don't bother calling me; by the time you hit whatever you people call puberty, I'll be dead. Ciao!"

[DeltaIV]

Quarian: "Anyway, if worst comes to worst, I did have the nerve-stimulation program built into my suit."

Turian: "And I hear that the love scenes are... what?"

Quarian: "Oh yeah, standard equipment for any responsible adult. Here, let me fire it up... Uh, excuse me, human? Private conversation. Ugh."

Shepard: "What the ****?! You'll start jilling off for your friend in the middle of a bar, but not with me standing behind a wall in the next room? What is wrong with you?"

[DeltaIV]

Salarian bachelor: "Asari look just like salarians!"

Human: "They look exactly like us!"

Turian: "You're both wrong, they look like blue turians!"

Shepard: "You just said you saw her belly button. Proofreading FAIL."

[DeltaIV]

Miranda: "Shepard did everything right. More than we could have hoped for. Saving the Citadel... but leaving the Council to die. Humanity's place in the galaxy is stronger than ever... "



ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Miranda: "Shepard did everything right. More than we could have hoped for. Saving the Citadel, and the Council. Humanity's place in the galaxy is stronger than ever before."



ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Miranda: "Shepard did everything right. More than we could have hoped for. Not driving the Mako through the Conduit in time before Sovereign activated the Citadel... now our Reaper Overlords have brought us to Ascension. Humanity's place in the galaxy is stronger than ever before.”

[DeltaIV]

Random Collector: "Wow, what a great day. A good crop of humans for the new overlord... things just can't go wrong for m---"

Harbinger: "ASSUMING CONTROL"

Time passes...

Harbinger: "ASSUMING CONTROL"

Random Collector: "Whoa, where am I? The bridge? Oh, look on the monitors, the boss is fighting some humans! Go get em, boss! Oh, the humans got h---"

Harbinger: "ASSUMING CONTROL"

(Repeat about 50 times)

Harbinger: "RELEASING CONTROL"

Random Collector: "Wow, back on the bridge again. What's that noise? And bright light? Oh. I see how it is. ****."

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "So, EDI, what's it like to be fully integrated with the Normandy?"

EDI: "I am the Normandy now, Commander. Its hull is my skin; its engine, my heart; its probes, my fingers--"

Joker: *muffled laugh*

EDI: "Its cockpit my---"

Joker: "BRIDGE!"

Shepard: "Wait, does that mean when I'm here, we're having a threesome?"

EDI: "Jeff's deft fingers skillfully playing across my---"

Shepard: "I'm going to leave you two alone."

EDI: "Ooooh, Jeff, that button right there..."

Joker: "Brace for impact!"

[DeltaIV]

Elcor: "Polite request: Junior, please clean your room."

Young Elcor: "Combative response: No, it is my room. You are not the boss of me."

Elcor: "Adamant assertion: As long as you live in my house, you will do what I say."

Young Elcor: "Angsty reminder: You are not even my real dad."

Elcor: "Angry rejoinder: I pay the mortgage. While you are under my roof, you must comply."

Young Elcor: "Childish complaint: I hate you. Insincere: I'm running away."



(Yeah I know Elcor don't talk like this.)

[DeltaIV]

Mordin: "Maelon. Curing genophage? Must kill." *BLAM*

Shepard: "Good job. What should we do with the data?"

Mordin: "Should destroy it."

Grunt: *oblivious; picks nose*

Shepard: "Yes. The krogan are too dangerous. Destroy the data so the women keep giving birth to dead children, and the krogan keep killing each other over the few breeding females."

Mordin: "Done. Krogan will continue to exist in hopeless barbarism and despair."

Grunt: *continues to pick nose*

[DeltaIV]

Garrus: "I'm not what you'd call a good Turian. First I left the military, because when a good Turian hears a bad order, he follows it! And that ain't me! Then I joined C-Sec. But I couldn't deal with the red tape, man! I gotta do things MY way! Then we went after that salarian doctor. I was going to kill him! But then you convinced me to turn him into the authorities. Then... you died... and I started a vigilante group! Yeah! I AM the law! But then Sidonis said "Hey Garrus meet me way over on the other side of Omega, I have to tell you something, I got a job" and I said OK! Because telling him to come back to base, or tell me over the radio, or taking my team with me to a job would have been... um... well anyway, my whole team got killed, and I was trapped, but you saved me! Then I was going to KILL Sidonis for what he did, and you convinced me not to."

Shepard: "Wow, Garrus, it really sounds like you're made of fail. I mean, seriously, everything you've done, you've made a royal ****-up of. And everything you take a stand on, I've just told you to do something else, and you've done it, and thanked me for it. I hope I don't die after this mission. I'd hate to see how you handle being on your own again, without me to dictate your actions and morals to you."

AFTER THE TEAM IS DISBANDED

Doctor Garrus: "Hmmm, your stomach hurts? Well, I could do some scans, and give you some mild medication. But I'm a REBEL! Nurse, sedate this patient and prep the OR! Stat!" *DEATH* *LAWSUIT*

FIRED

Space Traffic Control: "Roger, G117, circle around the pattern and then land at docking bay 6."

Pilot Garrus: "You can't tell me what to do! I do things MY WAY!" *CRASH* *LAWSUIT*

FIRED

Chef Garrus: "Two tablespoons of sugar? No way! I'm a rebel! I don't need any recipe bureaucracy telling me what to do! How about two tablespoons of red sand! MY WAY!" *DEATH* *LAWSUIT*

FIRED

Cab Driver Garrus: "A red light? **** your traffic signals! I do I want!!" *CRASH* *LAWSUIT*

FIRED

[DeltaIV]

Admiral Gerrel: "Tali, you're the daughter of my oldest friend, Admiral Maric. I'm sorry this had to happen to you."
Admiral Xen: "Did you find any evidence that could help aboard the Alarei? My mother's grimoire, perhaps?"
Me: "I need to take a break between Bioware games..."

Modifié par DeltaIV, 11 février 2010 - 04:46 .

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "Do you have time to talk?"

Mordin: "Not a good time. Trying to determine how scale-itch got on board. Sexually transmitted disease, only carried by varren. Troubling."

Shepard: "Yeah, that's kind of what I want to talk to you about... see, Thane and I... I just got your message, afterwards... and um... what treatment options are out there?"

[DeltaIV]

Ashley: "Heavy resistance at the AA guns! Kirrahe is down! I need support!"

Kaidan: "A geth dropship just landed at the nuke! We're being overwhelmed!"

Ashley: "Forget about me, Commander! The nuke is the priority!"

Kaidan: "I've got the nuke, Gunnery Chief! I can set if off manually! Commander, get to the AA tower!"

Shepard: *private channel to Ashley* "Gunnery Chief... no, Ashley... I'll let everyone know you died a hero. Your name will be cleared. I'll see to it personally the name Williams goes down in history as the Alliance's proudest. I'm sorry."

Ashley: "Give 'em hell, Commander!"

Shepard: *private channgel to Kaidan* "Lieutenant... Kaidan... this is probably the hardest command decision an officer can make. You're an outstanding officer, and more than that, a friend. You've made me proud."

Kaidan: "I understand, Commander. It's been an honor serving with you."

Shepard: *private channel to Joker* "Pick me up between the AA tower and the breeding grounds."

Joker: "Um... OK. *aside* I'm sure the Commander has a plan..."

Shepard: "Go go go!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Shepard: "Woo hoo! Two for one!"

[DeltaIV]

Jack: *click* *clack* *click* *clack* *pushes button*

Shepard: *bangs on wall*

Nuke: KABLOOEY

Shepard: "Get the **** out."

Jack: "What? We're ten thousand feet off the ground!"

Shepard: "Yeah, and you almost nuked me. The deal was, you watch from orbit... not in the rearview mirrors." *SHOVE*

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "You have a ship named Qwib Qwib?"

Tali: "Oh no. Here we go again."

Admiral Prissypants: "At times, the fleet has obtained ships from other cultures! And at times, the fleet has had difficulty changing the registraion! The crew of the Qwib Qwib has bourne the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with honor and panache!"

Shepard: "So uh... why not just CALL the ship, like, Devastator, or Homeward Bound, or Superfly?"

Admiral Toolbag: "Oh. I never thought of that. Well I had considered requesting a transfer to a ship with a good name, like the Defrenz."

Shepard: "So you name would be Admiral Weaksauce 'Vas Deferens'? As in the ducts that carry sperm from the testes to the wang in order to be ejaculated? You want your name to be 'Spooge Carrier'? Yeah, never mind, Qwib Qwib it is. Douche."

[DeltaIV]

Miranda: "Look! One of the missing colonists!"

Shepard: "Yep. Let's watch... ew. Hey, save the crew! But just our guys."

Everyone: "Um... OK."

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "Why did you use a piece of my N7 armor to fix yourself?"

Legion: "There was a hole."

Shepard: "Why didn't you fix it sooner? Or with something else?"

Legion: "... No data available."

EDI: *singing* "It's just! A little crush!"

Legion: "This topic is irrelevant."

EDI: "Legion and Shepard, sittin' in a tree... K I S S I N G!"

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "I'd like to know more about you."

Legion: "We are building a consensus. Please come back later."

Shepard: "Building a consensus? Is that geth for building a rocket?"

[DeltaIV]

Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"

Shepard: "Yeah, Grunt, we know. It's kind of hard to miss. Stop yelling from behind cover, it helps the enemy find us."

Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"

Shepard: "DUDE seriously. You don't need to yell that every time you kill a drone."

Grunt: "I! AM! KROGAN!"

Shepard: "I! AM! HUMAN!"

Garrus: "I! AM! TURIAN!"

Mordin: "SALARIAN!"

Jacob: "I! AM! ALSO! HUMAN!"

Legion: "We. Are. Geth."

Shepard: "See how freakin' annoying that is?!"

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "Liara, I need to sell some element zero. Who do I talk to?"

Liara: "Shepard, I do not understand."

Shepard: "Look, I've got fifty thousand units, and I need some credits to buy a shotgun upgrade."

Liara: "Shepard... no one buys element zero."

Shepard: "What, is it like a controlled substance? Do I need a license? Look, how about palladium? I have 130,000 units and nothing to do with it."

Liara: "Shepard, no one buys palladium, either. Or platinum, or iridium."

Shepard: "Wait, what? So how the hell do people get them?"

Liara: "Well, occasionally people find them sitting around in mercenary bases... or spaceports... or apartments. Some people manually scan planets and probe deposits."

Shepard: "But then what?"

Liara: "Well, then they use them."

Shepard: "So... there's no market for them?"

Liara: "Of course not, Shepard. Are you feeling all right?"

Shepard: "Dammit. Well, can I get a loan?"

Liara: "When the Shadow Broker slips up... I'll be there."

Shepard: "Look, you know I'm good for it."

Liara: "When the Shadow Broker slips up... I'll be there."

Shepard: "I like swords! I like swords! *****."

[DeltaIV]

Jacob: "So, Commander, you and Miranda, huh?"

Shepard: "Mr. Taylor, what do you think about the mission?"

Jacob: "OK, OK, it's cool. I just thought you should know, man to man, that I hit that. Whatever her dad paid for, we got his money's worth, am I right? The way she does that thing with her tongue? I wonder how much THOSE alleles cost. Know what I'm saying?"

Shepard: "Wait what?"

Jacob: "She didn't mention that, huh? Yeah, we had a thing going on."

Shepard: "I... excuse me. Thank you for telling me."

LATER

Shepard: *intercom* "Miranda, I need to see you in my cabin immediately."

Miranda: "Yes, Shepard?"

Shepard: "Hey look, I can't take sloppy seconds from a member of my crew. Let's pretend this never happened."

Miranda: "What?! Shepard, I... I love you..."

Shepard: "Hey, you're gengineered to be perfect, you'll find another guy. It's just too weird. Jacob's my bro. And you know what they say."

Miranda: "Once you go bl--"

Shepard: "No, the other one. Because that's obviously not the case."

Miranda: "Wait, I am NOT a h----"

Shepard: "Yeah, that one. Thanks for the achievement and all, but this really isn't going to work. Toodles."

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "There's two ways down, express and coach."

Merc: "I got nothing more to say to you..."

RED STAR FLASHY

RIGHT TRIGGER

*shove* *bounce*

Shepard: "How about goodb---"

Merc: "Ow! Hey! What the hell, man?"

*shove* *bounce*

Shepard: "How ab---"

Merc: "Ow! Dude, this is the 22nd century. Windows don't have 'glass' anymore. It's a transparent composite. The asari invented it when we were still living in trees. Nice try, but epic fail."

Shepard: "Man, that would have been so cool, too. Oh well." *BLAM* *thud*

[DeltaIV]

Dantia: "Shepard? But you're dead!"

Shepard: "I got better."

Garrus: "Wait, what? Really, Commander? Are you seriously that droll about this?"



And the gates open...



EDI: "IFF decoded. The Collector base is located in the ...aaaaagghhhhh Nebula."



Shepard: "I'm a Spectre. Start talking."

Elias Kelham: "Well I didn't vote for you."

Shepard: "You don't vote for Spectres! The Council decreed it!"

Elias Kelham: "If I went around calling myself above the law, because some holographic aliens told me I was a ghost, they'd put me away!"

FLASHY RED STAR

RIGHT TRIGGER

*smack*

Elias Kelham: "Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"



Joker: "Take a look, Commander."

Shepard: "We'll have to give her a name."

*cool music*

Jacob: "Welcome to the new Normandy."

Shepard: "It's only a model."

Joker: "Shhhh!"



Shepard: "On second thought, let's not go to the Citadel. It is a silly place."



The Illusive Man: "There are some who call me... TIM."

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "Hey everyone! This store discriminates against the poor!"

Random passerby: "It's a store, where money is exchanged for goods. If you can't afford what's in there, you can't really shop there. By definition, any store discriminates against the poor to some degree."

[DeltaIV]

Shepard: "We are here to make the Collectors pay!"

Jacob: *muffled laugh*

Shepard: "They hit us, but we'll hit them back so hard---"

Miranda: *giggle*

Shepard: "We hesitate, we're dead! We second guess ourselves, we---"

Jack: "Bwahahahaha!"

Shepard: "WHAT is so ****in' funny!?"

Jacob: "Sorry Commander... it's just... those goggles..."

Miranda: "You're inspiring, really, we just can’t take you seriously... hahahahaha!"

Jack: "Those things are hilarious!"

Shepard: "Hey! Focus!"

Jacob: "Commander, you can focus enough for all of us with those things! Hahaha!"

Shepard: "**** you guys, 5% power damage bonus here!" *points at goggles*

[DeltaIV]

Conrad: "Remember me, Commander Shepard? Conrad Verner! Remember, you put a gun in my face! You really taught me to be XTREME!"

Shepard: "Wait, no I didn't. Did I? No! I remember, I told you that you should go home and take care of your family."

Conrad: "Noooo, you definitely put a gun to my head. 'THIS is what a gun in your face feels like!' That's what you said, and after I stopped crying, I realized... I had to be XTREME!"

Shepard: "What, like you're going to pester me while skydiving strapped to a snowboard while drinking Mountain Dew? I'd never do something like that. Get outta here."