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Fanfiction: Practice short story.


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#1
Randomname1212

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This is my first ever fanfiction writing and I  just wanted to give it a try with something simple. This is going to be about the one of the various encounters we meet when we travel between areas. Criticism is allowed, but please be merciful. :)

____

The companions were on their way to Denerim, from Redcliffe, on their search for Brother Genetivi. Thermor looked back over his shoulder and saw Morrigan, who at the time was having another jab at Alistair. Thermor smiled as the two bickered, as they always have and probably always will. He wondered if they truly did hate each other as they claimed, or if they were just joking around. He was alright with it either way, as long as they left their differences and disagreements aside in combat. He turned around and asked Wynne, "How much longer do you think we would have to walk 'till we reach Denerim?"

Wynne answered, with a smile, "Not long. We have reached half-way, I think..."

"Good. Lets hope this Genetivi fellow is in Denerim at the very least."

"Yes. I  am getting too old for these unending travels," answered Wynne with a soft laugh.

"Don't worry Wynne, I  am sure you will pull through." came the response from Thermor, with a wide smile.
Suddenly, the companions heard some voices coming from a clearing ahead. Wynne froze in place and Alistair and Morrigan stopped their arguing and looked foreward. Thermor raised up his hand and told the three, "It might be an ambush, hold on I'll go check it out." Thermor crouched low and snuck his way behind a thick oak tree. He peeked around the oak tree and gave relieved grin. While motioning for the companions to follow, he leaped out from behind the tree yelling, "Hey Old Tegrin, how is business going?" Old Tegrin gave the companions a glance and bluntly greeted them.

"Greetings Warden," he said.

"Have anything for sale?" Thermor responded.

"I  have a full stock," came a less-than enthusiastic reply, "and I  currently have this wonderful Veridium dagger sale."

Thermor picked up the blade and examined it.

"A fine blade indeed." he said, "I wonder, do you ever have trouble with bandits? I  am surprised that you haven't been killed and had your stock stolen, honestly."

He gave the blade back to a scowling Tegrin.

"But I am not interested in the blade, sorry. I  do whoever have some equipment to sell." he continued.

"I buy and trade, Warden."

"Good. Then, may I  interest you in this chainmail hauberk?" he asked after he pulled out a shining piece of armour.

"For one sovereign, its a deal."

Thermor frowned and said, "One sovereign? This is worth at least twice that!"

"One Sovereign and fifty silver pieces, final offer."

"Hmmm, alright then. I guess its a deal."

Thermor handed over the huaberk and walked back to his companions, seeing Alistair and Morrigan were back to their fervent discussion. He waved to the dwarven merchant and headed back on the road, on his way to Denerim.


____

Hope you guys liked it. =]

EDIT: I will probably be editing it a bit for some mistakes or for somethings I would like to change. :)

Modifié par Randomname1212, 11 février 2010 - 04:23 .


#2
Randomname1212

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Bump. :unsure:

#3
Sialater

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Sounds good, but you might want to actually include the banter between Morrigan and Alistair as your PC hears it. Doesn't have to be exactly like their dialogues, it can be made up from an extrapolation of those Bioware wrote.

#4
Randomname1212

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Sialater wrote...

Sounds good, but you might want to actually include the banter between Morrigan and Alistair as your PC hears it. Doesn't have to be exactly like their dialogues, it can be made up from an extrapolation of those Bioware wrote.

Thanks for the feedback. :)
But I  felt that it might be a bit confusing having two conversations going on at the same time. And I  didn't want to be too repititive with the "he said this", "she said that", and so on. Mind you this is the first time I  ever did this stuff, and its a lot harder than I thought because there is always something that I find that I  want to change later on or that I  am not sure with. But thanks for the feedback anyways.