204 réponses à ce sujet

[PiercedMonk]

Zaeed: Y'know, for a broad as old as you are, I like the way you're put together.

Samara: Was that supposed to be flattery?

Zaeed: If you really want to right some wrongs in the galaxy, you'll take off your shirt, 'cause it's an injustice that those are covered up.

Samara: You are aware that I live by a code that prevents me from taking a lover because all my daughters have been afflicted with a horrible genetic defect, are you not?

Zaeed: Don't worry about any of that; I'll pull out. I swear!

Samara: If not for my oath to Commander Shepard, I'd kill you where you stand.

[yourtechsupport]

Shepard: So... the fight didn't start when he insulted me....

Beat-Up Donnelly: No, when he insulted the Normandy.

Beat-Up Sidekick Chick: that's when I broke my bottle and shoved it in that krogan's face.

Beat-Up Donnellly: We would have been alright if that asari bartender hadn't broken up the fight.

[yourtechsupport]

Of course, I'd also like to hear Legion and EDI harmonizing the opening notes to Still Alive.

[GuardianAngel470]

yourtechsupport wrote...

Of course, I'd also like to hear Legion and EDI harmonizing the opening notes to Still Alive.

That would be totally awesome!

[xxLDZxx]

i miss the rnd chatter they shod make this before every mission in shuttle on the way down the mission.

[VampireCommando]

Garrus: *over intercom to shepards room* ... erm commander i think you should get down onto the CIC real quick before we have a major incident on our hand here

Shepard: *stops the handky panky with Miranda and runs over to the intercom naked* Why whats wrong Garrus!?

Garrus: well its erm chief williams, shes here and demanding to see you, and she doesnt look to happy

Shepard: oh ****, oh ****, . . . hang on whys she tearing up the place?

Garrus: oh i think the fact that she's still in love with you and your banging Miranda up in your room twice a day, nothing major you know.

Shepard: erm. . . i'll be right down give me a mintue.

Garrus: okay try not to take to long i dont think that Grunt can hold her much longer



*Shepard throws some clothes on quickly and runs to the elevator*



Miranda: Shepard whats wrong?

Shepard: nothing.... nothing at all, just dont come out of this room, okay?

Miranda: why no- * door closes*



*Shepard gets down to the CIC and runs over to grunt who is struggling to hold down Ash*



Ash: Shepard! let your pet krogan to get of me before i break his neck

Grunt: hey shepard i like this one can we keep her. . . pleaseeeee

Shepard: thats enough grunt let her go. Ash what the hell are you doing here?

Ash: well you never replied to my email, and i cant help it, i still love you shepard, i want to be with yo-

Shepard: yeah still havent got the hang of the whole repying to the email thing yet, and WTF, your practically dumped me on horizen.

Ash: yeah well, i didnt know what to think shepard, but i past all that now, i still love you skipper



*joker interups over intercom*



Joker: erm commander we might have another problem here

Shepard: argh **** what now?



*Elevator door opens and out steps Miranda. It all decends into an akward silence, as everyone stares in horror*



Joker: *hums the darth vader music over the inter com* sorry commander couldnt resist

Miranda: so i take it your chief williams then?

Ash: shepard, whos the little cerberus ****

Jack: i'm with grunt on this one commander, she's a keeper

Shepard: *stuttering* well... Ash... after... erm... horizen, well.... i kinda. . . got ov-

Miranda: basicaly **** you broke his heart, he got over you and i was there for him ever day for thoses two years and when he needed me most, while you where now where to be seen



*Ash's gets angry and starts to pace on a small area*



Ash: YOU DID WHAT SHEPARD!!!!!!

Miranda: leave him alone, he's all mine now

Ash: oh thats what you think ****!!



*CAT FIGHT!!!!!* *bright camra flash*



Garrus: i'm gonna make a killing on these picture, lots and lots of creds

Shepard: oh ****, all hand evacuate ship, i say again abandon ship, there is no way this is ending good lets get the **** out of here.

Garrus: right beheind you shepard

EDI: shepard, what about me, i cannot abandon ship, i am the ship remember

Shepard: well i'm getting the **** outta here



*miranda and Ash grab him and pull him back in*



Ash: your not going anyway

Shepard: Garrus help me!!

Garrus: erm... i just remebered... i have some callabations to do, sorry shepard

[MaaZeus]

VampireCommando wrote...

Garrus: *over intercom to shepards room* ... erm commander i think you should get down onto the CIC real quick before we have a major incident on our hand here
Shepard: *stops the handky panky with Miranda and runs over to the intercom naked* Why whats wrong Garrus!?
Garrus: well its erm chief williams, shes here and demanding to see you, and she doesnt look to happy
Shepard: oh ****, oh ****, . . . hang on whys she tearing up the place?
Garrus: oh i think the fact that she's still in love with you and your banging Miranda up in your room twice a day, nothing major you know.
Shepard: erm. . . i'll be right down give me a mintue.
Garrus: okay try not to take to long i dont think that Grunt can hold her much longer

*Shepard throws some clothes on quickly and runs to the elevator*

Miranda: Shepard whats wrong?
Shepard: nothing.... nothing at all, just dont come out of this room, okay?
Miranda: why no- * door closes*

*Shepard gets down to the CIC and runs over to grunt who is struggling to hold down Ash*

Ash: Shepard! let your pet krogan to get of me before i break his neck
Grunt: hey shepard i like this one can we keep her. . . pleaseeeee
Shepard: thats enough grunt let her go. Ash what the hell are you doing here?
Ash: well you never replied to my email, and i cant help it, i still love you shepard, i want to be with yo-
Shepard: yeah still havent got the hang of the whole repying to the email thing yet, and WTF, your practically dumped me on horizen.
Ash: yeah well, i didnt know what to think shepard, but i past all that now, i still love you skipper

*joker interups over intercom*

Joker: erm commander we might have another problem here
Shepard: argh **** what now?

*Elevator door opens and out steps Miranda. It all decends into an akward silence, as everyone stares in horror*

Joker: *hums the darth vader music over the inter com* sorry commander couldnt resist
Miranda: so i take it your chief williams then?
Ash: shepard, whos the little cerberus ****
Jack: i'm with grunt on this one commander, she's a keeper
Shepard: *stuttering* well... Ash... after... erm... horizen, well.... i kinda. . . got ov-
Miranda: basicaly **** you broke his heart, he got over you and i was there for him ever day for thoses two years and when he needed me most, while you where now where to be seen

*Ash's gets angry and starts to pace on a small area*

Ash: YOU DID WHAT SHEPARD!!!!!!
Miranda: leave him alone, he's all mine now
Ash: oh thats what you think ****!!

*CAT FIGHT!!!!!* *bright camra flash*

Garrus: i'm gonna make a killing on these picture, lots and lots of creds
Shepard: oh ****, all hand evacuate ship, i say again abandon ship, there is no way this is ending good lets get the **** out of here.
Garrus: right beheind you shepard
EDI: shepard, what about me, i cannot abandon ship, i am the ship remember
Shepard: well i'm getting the **** outta here

*miranda and Ash grab him and pull him back in*

Ash: your not going anyway
Shepard: Garrus help me!!
Garrus: erm... i just remebered... i have some callabations to do, sorry shepard

In its current form its not very Mass Effect-esque and more like slapstick, but few tweaks and I can really imagine this happening in ME3. Lets face it, if you dump your LI for new one, some kind of confrontation WILL happen, possibly violent catfight depending on dialogue choices you do there, and have done in ME2.

[Jarcander]

*team walks past Sirta Foundation*

Shop VI: I'm commander Shephard and this is my favourite shop in the Citadel.

*team walks past Citadel sovenirs* 

Shop VI: I'm commander Shephard and this is my favourite shop in the Citadel.

*team walks past adult sex shop*

Shop VI: I'm commander Shephard and this is my favourite shop in the Citadel.

Garrus: I don't remember visiting here.
Miranda: Oh, you weren't with us that time.
Garrus: I don't want to know.

[yourtechsupport]

*Shep, Garrus, and Blasto the Hanar Spectre are patrolling the citadel, they are one of Blasto's eight loyalty missions*



Garrus: So, how DID you get Spectre status?

Blasto: This one single-tentacle'd saved the asari councilor and her daughters from a platoon of krogan mercenaries while they were vacationing on a cruise ship.

Garrus: Seriously.

Blasto: This one strangled several krogan sentries by surprise and took their weapons. Then this one proceeded to cleanse the ship of invaders. It was bloody, and righteous.

Garrus: I'm just glad your on our team.

[PiercedMonk]

Tali: Dr. Solous, do you think I could ask you about something?

Mordin: Actually, wanted to talk.... Medical matters. Aware that you'll likely be away from Migrant Fleet for sometime. May cause difficulty in maintaining proper diet.

Tali: What do you mean?

Mordin: Quarian biology dextro-protien based. Rare in known galaxy. Limits available food sources. Vendors which cater to turian clinets carry dextro-protien based foods, but turians carniverous in nature. Quarians aboard migrant fleet maintain vegan diet for practical reasons. Also serves to promote good health. Transition to meat based diet can be difficult on the body. Lethargy, decreased mental aptitude, lowered sex drive, nausea, digestive irregularity all common. Long term effects can include heart disease, diabities, various cancers. Generally not recommended.

Tali: Do you have any suggestions?

Mordin: Should restrict consumption of turian foods to a minimum if unable to avoid all together. Have forwarded a list of vendors in various locales which cater to a standard quarian diet to Officer Lawson and requested she procure supplies whenever convienent. Also suggested to Mass Sargent that he expand his repitoire to include quarian dishes, though less than confident of result. You may want to make a habit of preparing meals yourself.



Garrus: Ah, Mordin, do you have a moment?

Mordin: Actually, wanted to talk... Medical matters. Aware that you take calibration of weapons very serriously. While admirable, is cause for concern.

Garrus: How so?

Mordin: Repetitive stress based injuries increasingly likely, carpel tunnel, eye strain, sleep deprivation. Not to mention possible deterioration of mental health. Obsessive-compulsive behaviours. Perhaps even paranoid delusions!

Garrus: And what would you recommend?

Mordin: Have already put in requisition for ergonomic weapons console and proper lighting. Also, would suggest next time Normandy docks, unless Commander Shepard requires you for a mission, try to take in some of the local nightlife. Drink. Dance. Hire asari escort. Start bar fight. Enjoy yourself. Calibrations will still be here when you return.



Grunt: Doctor, could I talk to you?

Mordin: Actually, wanted to talk.... Medical matters. Aware that you're at stage in krogan life cycle where certain changes and inclinations begin to occur.

Grunt: What sorts of changes?

Mordin: Crest ridges will soon begin to harden into a solid plate. Skin tone may change in places to include patches of yellow and green. Also, increased violent inclination, as well as curiousity about krogan females are too be expected.

Grunt: About that last thing...?

Mordin: Suspected that might be your concern. Typical, typical. Salarian way much more simple. Regardless, it should be the clan shaman or chief explaining this to you, but neither are present, so shall make the attempt. You see, when a krogan male proves himself via some deed--usually combat--he displays traits considered desiriable in a potential father, provided he is even able to reproduce. Krogan females that become aware of the deed might request to mate with the desirable male. The request will be sent through official channels, and if the male is so inclined--apparently it's rare they're not--necessary rites and preperations will be made in pointless attempt to increase fertility, at which point the to krogan will meet and copulate. If any offspring of the union happen to be viable, they will be raised by the clan as whole entity as opposed to the parents. Suspect that association with Commander Shepard is likely to result in at least a few mating requests, though less certain that chance of survival will afford you the oppertunity to act upon them.

Modifié par PiercedMonk, 17 février 2010 - 03:33 .

[Doug84]

Glad to see the thread is back, and excellent post above with Mordin and the team

Haventh wrote...

Doug84 wrote...

poisonoustea wrote...

Mordin:
"Just one suggestion, probably not welcome but... tattoos unhealthy,
likely long-term skin complications, removal advised."
Jack: "Yeah, and you've been looking at me all day long. You have a thing for me, Mordin?"
Mordin: *Sigh* "Obstructionist behavior to avoid reconsideration. Typical, typical."

Ok, that would be AWESOME

Legion: Creator Tali'Zorah?
Tali: *sigh* What is it Legion?
Legion:
We observed an increase in your suit's thermal output after you left
Shepard Commander's room last night. We where concerned for your health.
Tali: We were just...talking.
Legion: Danger, we detect another increase in your thermal output.
Tali: Legion...shut up.

Win, just win!

Thank you, I try ;

[Brijenieve]

Yes. Please.

[Maj.Pain007]

The only elevator that was a nuisance was the one on the Normandy I didn't mind the rest of them due to the fact your squad would interact.



Yet BW decided to get rid of squad interaction.

[kennyme2]

Please, more banter from Bioware. Having none of it makes the squad feel kind of dead.

[Ulicus]

Grunt: He laughs
Garrus: What's so funny?
Grunt: Ass chaps!

[Maj.Pain007]

lol read the whole thread and it is GOLD.

[TyDurden13]

Grunt: So, I hear you were engineered to be the perfect human
Miranda: That’s right
Grunt: You seem…soft.  Poorly designed for combat.  Certain…features…of yours just get in the way during a fight
Miranda: And what features would those be exactly?
Grunt: Your HAIR, female!  You see anybody else running around the battlefield with hair that long?

Modifié par TyDurden13, 17 février 2010 - 09:18 .

[KainrycKarr]

Best thread ever created. Kudos all around

[BLACKOUT228]

Haha, this has been awesome so far! Keep them coming! I put some of my faves in the OP.

[Marta Rio]

Mordin: Miranda, have been doing research and believe I have found a cure for your condition.
Miranda: Oh, and what condition would that be?
Mordin: Excess tissue development in the chest and gluteus maximus regions. Throws off center of gravity. Effects balance. Attracts unwanted attention.
Miranda: And what if I happen to like that attention?
Mordin: Your choice. Just concerned for your safety, is all.

Modifié par Marta Rio, 18 février 2010 - 12:02 .

[MaaZeus]

PiercedMonk wrote...
 *snip*

LMAO! Aw, good doctor, always thinking everything ahead.

[fateofman]

TyDurden13 wrote...

Grunt: So, I hear you were engineered to be the perfect human
Miranda: That’s right
Grunt: You seem…soft.  Poorly designed for combat.  Certain…features…of yours just get in the way during a fight
Miranda: And what features would those be exactly?
Grunt: Your HAIR, female!  You see anybody else running around the battlefield with hair that long?

win

[Doug84]

Marta Rio wrote...

Mordin: Miranda, have been doing research and believe I have found a cure for your condition.
Miranda: Oh, and what condition would that be?
Mordin: Excess tissue development in the chest and gluteus maximus regions. Throws off center of gravity. Effects balance. Attracts unwanted attention.
Miranda: And what if I happen to like that attention?
Mordin: Your choice. Just concerned for your safety, is all.

BWHAHAHAHA

Wrex: Grunt.
Grunt: Wrex.
Wrex: Grunt.
Grunt: Wrex.
Wrex: Grunt.
Grunt: Wrex.
Mordin: Evelated hormine levels, increase in ocular focusing, blood vessels constricting to reduce blood loss - classic signs of Krogan aggression building. Recommend you leave it for now or I will have to stop you both.
Wrex and Grunt: ....?
Wrex: You seem rather soft to be making those kinds of threats. I like you Salarian, you've got a quad.

Modifié par Doug84, 18 février 2010 - 09:42 .

[VampireCommando]

Shepard: sooooooo, Garrus, what do female Turians look like then,

Garrus: but shepard. . . i am female