5 réponses à ce sujet

[TheMadCat]

Comment if you like and especially if you don't. Looking to improve and criticism is the best tool for that.

Synopsis: This story has two main facets. The first is an attempt to create the history of Marjolaine and Leliana, to chronicle their time together as bards in Orlais and develop their characters into what we all know and love/hate in Origins. The second is an attempt to create and dive down into the dark and diabolical world that is Orlesian politics, all working within the constraints of what little established lore there is.

Genre: Drama, angst, suspense.

Content: Violence, suggestive themes, bit of language. If you managed Origins you'll be fine.

Credits: George Gordon Noel Byron, Guillaume de Machaut, Beatrice of Dia, and Francesco Petrarch. Masters of the word whose poems/songs I used as some of the songs in my story because I was to lazy to write anymore than I already did. Something called Bioware, I guess I should throw them a bone as well.

www.fanfiction.net/s/5843644/1/The_Ballad_of_Sin

Modifié par TheMadCat, 26 mars 2010 - 05:41 .

[Nuclear]

A very interesting direction for a story, one which I think is intriguing and would make a good plot for a story. Intresting how you depict Marjolaine here, her constant switching of 'faces' to people shows that she seems to like being manipulative and controlling and she wishes to be domineering. I also noticed how in here you depict Marjolaine and Leliana's age difference (if I may ask, how old is Leliana exactly? Im guessing Marjolaine to be in her late teens, nearing twenties,  but with Leliana I am finding it harder to picture an age for her.)

The "bit of romance" you added was suprisingly both unexpected and expected to me. I mean, I never would have expected it to happen, but I am also not suprised that it did happen. Im just curious about how you are going to further the plot in that aspect, since I am already guessing that this is going to be a 'recipe for disaster' thing.

The inclusion of politics is obviously extremely neccessary for the story and, judging by some of the characters I've seen so far, will be a very complex and intriguing thing to implement into the plot. And speaking of characters, to me it seems you have selected a very ineresting format for them. Almost all of them seem quite similar; seemingly sincere and truthful in character, only to have malicious ulterior motives and beliefs, or having quite a dislike for someone they know. So far only one person seems to not follow that trend, at least not yet (I bet we can all guess who that is, hmm?)

Generally I liked the story, its intriguing and interesting (how many times HAVE I used these words?!!) and I think that, if thought out thoroughly, it will turn out to be fantastic. Only complaint is sporadic grammatical mistakes (such as saying 'too' instead of 'to') but those are too few in number to interfere with the story I think. Of course, I myself am not a fanfic writer of any shape or form so you are free to disregard what I say if you choose to do so. I personally enjoyed thinking about the Marjolaine you have created and thinking about how that character evolve to what she is in DA:O. Keep up the good writing, I think you are creating an excellent story to think about.

Modifié par -ßeta-, 18 février 2010 - 02:34 .

[Jaulen]

yeah! A non-romace (especially Alistair/Warden) fanfic! *downloads to read.



Will comment after reading. But based on synopsis provided above and first review, looking forward to reading.

[TheMadCat]

@Beta: Yeah, the whole age conundrum thing. I avoided specifics for a few reasons, the biggest one being because Origins and the universe in general kind of takes father time and kicks him in the groin a few times. I did make her appear a little younger than she is intended to be here which I believe caused the confusion, why I did this will come about later in the story. But she would be 11-12 in this chapter.

The story, at least in my mind, is well thought out. Almost every chapter is done to some degree, even if it's just a bare bones summary. I do like to plan out and draft my work before I start filling in and doing the real writing, otherwise I find the story will gain a life on it's own and what you end with looks nothing like what you started. So yeah, at the very least it's all planned out. Glad you find it interesting though, hopefully I can make it good enough to hold that interest.

@Jaulen: Well, there is a bit of romance in the prologue as Beta pointed out and there will be bits and pieces of romance throughout the story. But it is in no means the center focus of the story so don't let what you initially see there fool you. Unless you consider lust and seduction romance, in which case yeah you'll need to get used to it. Hopefully you enjoy it though. 

Modifié par TheMadCat, 18 février 2010 - 08:04 .

[Sisimka]

Phew, I can see why you didn't want to post on the forum, it was a lengthy read. I loved it and I can't wait for more.

[TheMadCat]

Sorry for the disgustingly long delay, had a training accident that left me unable to do much of anything for a bit. Chapters 1-3 are added, Chapter 4 needs one last proof read and it'll be up as well, tonight if I don't fall asleep. Also loaded the story to fanfiction.net, better and easier than downloading and I don't have to host any webspace.