43796 réponses à ce sujet

[Jediknight120]

Hey look, it's an except that actually has Miri! I wouldn't normally post it since this is literally only one pass at the dialogue, but I need some opinions on how I could improve it. It's a pivotal scene but I don't think it has enough impact yet. Tear it to shreds! Bonus points for spotting the funny in-game dialogue reference!





“Commander, do you have a minute?” Miranda asked as she stepped into the captain’s cabin.



Shepard looked up from his desk. “You’re still calling me Commander? Even in private?” he said with a grin.



“You ass.”

He put down the datapad he’d been examining for the better part of an hour and stood up. The scans of the Collector base could wait. He reached out and took Miranda’s hands in his.



“I wanted to thank you for saving me… on the platform… I thought I was dead” she said quietly.



Shepard pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly. “You don’t need to thank me. There was no way I was going to lose you like that after all we’ve survived. It would have been unbearable.”



He continued to hold her close. It’s time, he thought. I can’t hide from it… I don’t want to hide from it.



“I love you, Miranda.”



She heard herself reply. “I love you too.” As much as she’d longed to hear those words, they made what she had to do infinitely more difficult.



She gently pulled away from him and placed her hands on his chest. “There’s something I need to tell you… something important. I want this to work… and that means I can’t keep secrets from you.” She motioned for him to sit on the couch.



“You can tell me anything. You know that.”



She tried to collect her thoughts.



“Cerberus was responsible for Akuze.”



Shepard’s gaze turned downward. “I always suspected as much. My friend Toombs told me two years ago… although he was so far gone I didn’t know for sure. He was there with me… he saw the same horrors. I don’t know how he survived.”



“I do. I was part of the Cerberus team that picked him up.”



The look of disbelief on his face was almost more than she could bear, but she continued.



“I was there, Shepard. They didn’t tell me the purpose of our research. I didn’t know that they planned to lure Alliance Marines into a trap. I wanted to warn your ship but they wouldn’t let me.”



She fought back the inevitable tears.



“They targeted you. He targeted you. I don’t know why. They told us to leave you. I could have stopped it… I could have warned you… I could have come back for you... but I didn’t. My loyalty to Cerberus was…”



She futilely searched for something to make it right, for words that would take away the hurt etched deeply into his face.



“I’m sorry.”



“I..” He stood.



“I should go.”



As he left, Miranda collapsed on the couch and buried her head in her hands.

[ExtremeOne]

Rathias0114 wrote...

@Extreme;

No, because you being too analytical of the line and not seeing the base meaning behind it doesn't mean it should be removed.

Miranda is the lead of the Lazarus cell - that is a solid fact. EDI provides facts.

 


I am just glad it sparked a great discussion

[Valmy]

ExtremeOne wrote...
then Bioware should have had the line removed. 

No the line makes perfect sense.  She is the head of the Lazarus Cell responsible for the success of the mission...and part of that mission is resurrecting Shepard and putting him in charge.

Miranda obeying you is part of her mission.  She explains this when you talk to her.

[keegdarv1]

yes i know but just not sure how can say Sheaprd answering to Miranda cause of that, I just see it as Mirandas alittle upset and making a point of showing it cause thats part of her job as second in command. Shepard still does what he/she wants with the Cerberus, its not Miranda telling him he cant just not his right to do it

[firecleaner]

Jediknight120 wrote...

Hey look, it's an except that actually has Miri! I wouldn't normally post it since this is literally only one pass at the dialogue, but I need some opinions on how I could improve it. It's a pivotal scene but I don't think it has enough impact yet. Tear it to shreds! Bonus points for spotting the funny in-game dialogue reference!


“Commander, do you have a minute?” Miranda asked as she stepped into the captain’s cabin.

Shepard looked up from his desk. “You’re still calling me Commander? Even in private?” he said with a grin.

“You ass.”
He put down the datapad he’d been examining for the better part of an hour and stood up. The scans of the Collector base could wait. He reached out and took Miranda’s hands in his.

“I wanted to thank you for saving me… on the platform… I thought I was dead” she said quietly.

Shepard pulled her into an embrace and held her tightly. “You don’t need to thank me. There was no way I was going to lose you like that after all we’ve survived. It would have been unbearable.”

He continued to hold her close. It’s time, he thought. I can’t hide from it… I don’t want to hide from it.

“I love you, Miranda.”

She heard herself reply. “I love you too.” As much as she’d longed to hear those words, they made what she had to do infinitely more difficult.

She gently pulled away from him and placed her hands on his chest. “There’s something I need to tell you… something important. I want this to work… and that means I can’t keep secrets from you.” She motioned for him to sit on the couch.

“You can tell me anything. You know that.”

She tried to collect her thoughts.

“Cerberus was responsible for Akuze.”

Shepard’s gaze turned downward. “I always suspected as much. My friend Toombs told me two years ago… although he was so far gone I didn’t know for sure. He was there with me… he saw the same horrors. I don’t know how he survived.”

“I do. I was part of the Cerberus team that picked him up.”

The look of disbelief on his face was almost more than she could bear, but she continued.

“I was there, Shepard. They didn’t tell me the purpose of our research. I didn’t know that they planned to lure Alliance Marines into a trap. I wanted to warn your ship but they wouldn’t let me.”

She fought back the inevitable tears.

“They targeted you. He targeted you. I don’t know why. They told us to leave you. I could have stopped it… I could have warned you… I could have come back for you... but I didn’t. My loyalty to Cerberus was…”

She futilely searched for something to make it right, for words that would take away the hurt etched deeply into his face.

“I’m sorry.”

“I..” He stood.

“I should go.”

As he left, Miranda collapsed on the couch and buried her head in her hands.

I don't know if Shepard would leave just like that personally I think Shepard would be so pissed off to hear that Miranda was involved he'd go ballistic.

[Sleepy Buddha]

MegWithAMouth wrote...

*snip*

If any of them had the knowledge and/or resources to do what Cerberus/Miranda did, I'm sure they would have.

*snip*

I have to disagree with you on this one, Meg.

In my opinion, no one else but Miranda had the mindset necessary to accomplish Shepard's revival, regardless of knowledge or resources. There's a reason TIM chose her for the job instead of doing it himself, especially since it was the biggest gamble he ever made.

It's an example of mind over matter. As I see it, the outcome of the project was never in question to Miranda. Her confidence and way of thinking made her really believe she would be successful, in a project that could be the biggest single failure and resource sinkhole in the history of the galaxy, since it had practically zero probability of success, no discernible deadline and a completely fluid budget.

No doubt the others cared for Shepard, but I just don't see any of them having what it takes to accomplish what Miranda did.


PS: As for knowledge, it didn't exist when Miranda started the project. That was one of the goals of the project, to figure out how to do it, or if it was even possible at all. That didn't stop her.

Modifié par Sleepy Buddha, 27 février 2010 - 04:06 .

[Captain_Goodguy]

@Jediknight120

- "Do you have a minute?"

- "You ass."

- and the infamous "I should go"

Do I win?

I would offer some advice, but I'm a horrible writer so it wouldn't help. Sorry, but I think other(vastly more talented)posters/writers can help

[shinobi602]

antilles333 wrote...

It's kinda like Morrigan, she's made to be disliked, but there are some people who could grow closer to her after getting to know her. Which is a good thing.

I strongly disagree that Miranda was "made to be disliked". If anything, this group and thread has proven that. Can you explain why she was "made to be disliked"? I see no reasoning for that assessment.

[jtav]

Am I the only person who thinks Miri isn't really an ice queen? She's downright friendly to Shep from Freedom's progress on and she's not consistently nasty to anyone but Jack. She has much better social skills than, say, Bastila. Refined? Yes. Reserved? Yes. Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

[ExtremeOne]

I think Miranda worked her butt off to bring Shepard back. I am not sure if Shepard's friends would have worked as hard to bring him back if they had the tools to do it. TIM and Miranda had a plan to bring Shepard back no matter what the cost or resources it needed.

[shinobi602]

jtav wrote...

Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

Yea, just up until that point. Afterwards, she opens up completely.

[ExtremeOne]

jtav wrote...

Am I the only person who thinks Miri isn't really an ice queen? She's downright friendly to Shep from Freedom's progress on and she's not consistently nasty to anyone but Jack. She has much better social skills than, say, Bastila. Refined? Yes. Reserved? Yes. Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

 


She is very friendly and it makes her even more awesome 

[padaE]

jtav wrote...

Am I the only person who thinks Miri isn't really an ice queen? She's downright friendly to Shep from Freedom's progress on and she's not consistently nasty to anyone but Jack. She has much better social skills than, say, Bastila. Refined? Yes. Reserved? Yes. Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

.
Wilson would disagree with you, hehe... What I think is that Miranda knows to obey as good as she knows how to lead. So she won't be an "ice queen" with Shepard, there is no reason to. 

[jtav]

shinobi602 wrote...

jtav wrote...

Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

Yea, just up until that point. Afterwards, she opens up completely.

Yep. I thought she was being set up as an eventual villain (think Bastila or Aribeth) during my first playthrough with all that talk about control chips and believing in Cerberus.

[MegWithAMouth]

Sleepy Buddha wrote...

I have to disagree with you on this one, Meg.

In my opinion, no one else but Miranda had the mindset necessary to accomplish Shepard's revival, regardless of knowledge or resources. There's a reason TIM chose her for the job instead of doing it himself, especially since it was the biggest gamble he ever made.

It's an example of mind over matter. As I see it, the outcome of the project was never in question to Miranda. Her confidence and way of thinking made her really believe she would be successful, in a project that could be the biggest single failure and resource sinkhole in the history of the galaxy, since it had practically zero probability of success, no discernible deadline and a completely fluid budget.

No doubt the others cared for Shepard, but I just don't see any of them having what it takes to accomplish what Miranda did.


PS: As for knowledge, it didn't exist when Miranda started the project. That was one of the goals of the project, to figure out how to do it, or if it was even possible at all. That didn't stop her.

You make a good point, Buddha.

I wasn't really thinking about the fact that the knowledge didn't exist even when the Lazarus project was started. Its like Miranda told Shepard... TIM  gave Miranda assignments and told her to do them. He would never say something was impossible because he knew her and what she was capable of. Miranda is definitely the biggest reason Shepard is alive again. There's no disputing that.

That said, I don't think it's fair to say the others didn't care about him enough to put the effort into reviving him, as ExtremeOne stated.

Liara has already shown an extreme dedication to a project once she takes it on (studying the Protheans for as long as she did, for instance). In a lot of ways, she reminds me of Miranda in that regard and I believe if she were in Miranda's position, she would have done what she could. I don't think she would have been successful though. Because like you said, Buddha, Miranda is the only person in the galaxy who had the confidance and resolve to take on the project and see it through. Liara, or anyone else, would have given up at a certain point, whereas Miranda would have died before even allowing herself to think of that as an option.

[MegWithAMouth]

ExtremeOne wrote...

I think Miranda worked her butt off to bring Shepard back. I am not sure if Shepard's friends would have worked as hard to bring him back if they had the tools to do it. TIM and Miranda had a plan to bring Shepard back no matter what the cost or resources it needed.

TIM had a personal agenda for bringing Shepard back. He really didn't care about the man himself. And Miranda was just following orders. She would have done the same if TIM had told her to revive a bum from the slums of Omega. So it's not really accurate to say that they cared more than his friends.

However, I do believe that after she started the project, Shepard became far more than just a "project" to Miranda. That much is clear by the opening scenes

[Jskills023]

shinobi602 wrote...

jtav wrote...

Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

Yea, just up until that point. Afterwards, she opens up completely.

Agree,and plus Miri is part of Bioware's famous "icequeen LI" formula.

[Jediknight120]

@ Captain_Goodguy - you win the prize!



@ firecleaner - I see your point, but I've sort of worked up a "psych profile" for my Shepard where I don't think he would. Might change, though. Right now, him going off is later on.

[shinobi602]

MegWithAMouth wrote...

However, I do believe that after she started the project, Shepard became far more than just a "project" to Miranda. That much is clear by the opening scenes

I agree with this. Yep.

[MegWithAMouth]

Jskills023 wrote...

shinobi602 wrote...

jtav wrote...

Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

Yea, just up until that point. Afterwards, she opens up completely.

Agree,and plus Miri is part of Bioware's famous "icequeen LI" formula.

I think her professionalism comes across as "cold" to a lot of people because they expect the "perfect woman" to be instantly sweet and flirty and basically, more like Kelly Chambers.

Also, a lot of Miranda's most revealing moments are really subtle which I think a lot of people tend to miss because they're too busy staring at her ass or waiting for her to be blatantly obvious with a come-on.

[shinobi602]

Oh, just a quick update btw everyone.

We've officially reached 700 members in the group!!! Really great news and I love to see that!!

Miri also wanted to give us a message on this crowning achievement

[Jskills023]

MegWithAMouth wrote...

Jskills023 wrote...

shinobi602 wrote...

jtav wrote...

Icy? I don' see it after the first half hour.

Yea, just up until that point. Afterwards, she opens up completely.

Agree,and plus Miri is part of Bioware's famous "icequeen LI" formula.

I think her professionalism comes across as "cold" to a lot of people because they expect the "perfect woman" to be instantly sweet and flirty and basically, more like Kelly Chambers.

Also, a lot of Miranda's most revealing moments are really subtle which I think a lot of people tend to miss because they're too busy staring at her ass or waiting for her to be blatantly obvious with a come-on.

I agree and was joking about the "icequeen" part,but she was the "eyecandy" LI in Mass Effect 2 like Ash was in ME1 and Morrigan was in DAO.

[MegWithAMouth]

firecleaner wrote...

Jediknight120 wrote...

*snip

I don't know if Shepard would leave just like that personally I think Shepard would be so pissed off to hear that Miranda was involved he'd go ballistic.

I disagree. He loves Miranda and this news would catch him completely off-guard. I think any Shep but a renagade Shep would need some time alone to contemplate it and think things through before just flying off the handle.

I guess it all just depends on your Shep though.

Oh, and nice job, Jedi. Once again, I'm really liking it.

[keegdarv1]

Im one of them people that never thought of Miranda as a "ice queen" the "coldness" she shows in the very start I kind of thought came from the fact that she just gave two years of her life to Shepard knows everything thier is to know about him except the person himself, now hes up and alive and my thoughts on Miranda thinking on Shepard at that time were "hes a alliance soilder and will hate and dislike and distrust Cerberus from the start" she wasnt sure how Shepard react or treat it all including herself and until Shepard shows hes apart of the mission fully shes just not sure to trust him