Ce sujet est fermé
jtav wrote...
Well, that last bit went over well. What do you think of this revised passage?Miranda recoiled. So much for him being different from the rest. He would mock her just as cruelly as Jack. No, it was worse. He knew her, knew how hard it had been for that trust him with her insecurities and how much it mattered that he had valued her as a person. And he had thrown it back in her face. "Believe what you want."
"What I want? What I wanted to believe is that you're a good person! I wanted to believe you when you said you'd never do anything like this. I wanted to believe that I wasn't betraying my men because I was falling in love with the woman responsible for sending them to their deaths."
"Falling in --" Wait. That was irrelevant. "I wrote a memo. What happened afterward is not my concern."
"Always trying to evade responsibility. You are the real Cerberus."
etc
Much, much better in my opinion. Good work.
Retour en haut
hehe
