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Hi, My name is Gary Busey and this is my favorite thread on the forums.
Since this topic is so deep and challenging to grasp I'll attempt to explain it here. If you need to "IMAGINE" what the reason or justification for something "could be" or "might be" then it has no sense. If this doesn't make sense... then I can't imagine you will have anything useful to add regardless so, Enjoy the lulz.
Feel free to add your own or pathetically attempt to flame me. I'm sure the lulz will be wonderful for everyone.
This is in no particular order though I might put em Phassis on sy Lables you won't agree with, and yes this is intentional, it in no way suggests an overall order of importance.
1) Council. Human or Alien. There is nothing. Literally nothing. Sorry come back when we're dead because we will never believe you no matter how many giant doomsday creatures you drop on our heads. Oh and the intern who was supposed to write our part of the story is out back getting high with the creative director but neither one of them know that huffing gasoline actually destroys the creative part of your brain it doesn't enhance it... OK peace out and go **** yerself.
2) Dancing. W T F. If you are going to keep the dancing crap at least teach Shepard to dance like he/she used to and allow squadmates to dance like the first one... Why the hell throw this mechanic in and do nothing with it. Complete waste of development time and also worthy of pink slips in associated departments.
3) Dark Energy collapsing a star? Really Captain?... Probing Uranus. "Hey guys let's throw in a midget on a unicycle and set him on fire!!!" Yeah no sense. Poor little fellah can't even reach the peddles.
4) Zaeeed. Again really? Who wrote this nonsense and better yet who the hell approved it. Zaeed co-founded the Blue Suns? W T F. Really? That's how you tie him in? I guess it's better than Thane or Samara just being birthed without any ties to the relevant Story.
5) Thane. Awesome character. Has no business in Mass Effect. Really none. The only thing tying him to the story arc is the fact that you run into him. Telling a story is an art form I know but even art has structure and a basis in logic...
6) Samara... Really? A cougar you can't nail combined with a story arc that detracts ENTIRELY from the main arc is not an ARC. Just for future reference, If there is no connecting plot elements it's a "NEW STORY"...
7) The Warden tries to capture Shepard? Really? Hey most badass human that ever lived, my douchebag montage here is going to kick yer ass if you don't step peaceably into that small box on the other side of the room. Even though you have the backing of billions of credits and saved the whole galaxy... Really Captain? Probing Uranus...
8) Conrad is back? Really? Why would you bring back the most retarded character in the ME universe? AND give him exclusive animations and dialogue? Because the intern writers thought it would be hilarious to see what they could get approved for final cut and someone at Bioware is blind def AND stupid yet has the power to approve concepts? Least they drop his dumb ass in a meat grinder. Still useless waste of production time.
9) Planet Scanning? Yeah dude who came up with this gem had better be fired. Everyone who approved it also needs to be fired. There is nothing streamlined or fun about this nonsense. Why would you replace something tedious with something so reservedly tedious it made me want to cause whoever came up with the idea immense amounts of physical pain.
10) Fuel Depots? Seriously guys you removed the economy, why the **** would you specifically add in a mechanic that completely contradicts itself. "There is no functional economy we replaced it with a points system. But you still have to pay for gas because that will help people relate to having to buy gas in real life." No you are a moron. Whoever came up with this and approved it also needs to be fired.
11) Loyalty missions? Really who came up with this crap. You have to go on a mission to find the yellow cake dingdongs because if she doesn't get them she'll stab me in my sleep for cheating on her with the computer... We get it. One of the writers had a pregnant she demon at home and her constant emotional torture wreaked havoc on his creative processes, but who the hell approved it anyway? Seriously give the guy paternity leave or something. Don't encourage him by forcing all his nonsense down our throats... Loyalty missions without ties to greater story arc... /fail yer fired. We won't be calling you.
12) Ammo? Really? Ok so in ME1 "we don't need ammo anymore and have fleshed out a complex and meaningful reason for this that ties together with Mass Effect". In ME2 "We brought back ammo cause we know yall merricans like BIG GUNS WITH AMMO YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!". Seriously dude who thought this was a good idea "**** YOU" another shining example of how turning something awesome into something stupid is always a single retarded idea away. Fire this idiot immediately and put it on video we want proof.
13) No Vehicles... Ok so some people complained about the Mako. Those same people don't know what gravity is and think all planets are like earth with plants and oceans and pretty birdies what crap on your car window (even when it's under cover). But let's go ahead and cater to the stupidest part of our audience because they don't get that low gravity = floating. Oh and the same idiots who decided climbing straight up a cliff face was preferable to finding the path that leads around and up the mountain... lets help them out too. Let's ignore the fact that we are focusing on shooter heavy mechanics and every popular shooter has a hardcore vehicle element attached to it... Really fire this idiot too. Vehicles as DLC? Good call moron. Next time let's just crap in a coffee cup and bring it to the guy who signs your paycheck instead k.
14) UPGRADES. Really a bunch of mercs, a religious wackjob, and assorted guns for hire all have schematics for upgrades to a ship so advanced that the names of the technologies being used are top secret... Yet they have all these speshul "ideas" that somehow help defend against the technology of a race of genocidal sentient AI's that are supposedly millions of years more advanced than us... Good job pal but we moved your office over by the window. The one overlooking the parking lot and the main exit.
15) Jacob's loyalty mission? Really a black guy wants to go find his father? Like he ever knew him in the first place... Yeah stereotype I know, and probably racist, but if you reverse the stereotype it has the same effect. It's just as stupid. Combine that with the reverse slavery references and look what you get? More nonsense. But this time it's offensive to black people, educated people, and anyone else who gives a crap about coherent story elements. This was completely unnecessary, detracts from the overall story AND it's offensive. Great job... You couldn't think up anything better that "What if the black fellah wants to find his long lost dad, oh and let's make the dad a slave owner." Seriously pay someone to think **** through before you put it into your games. You used to do this... W T F happened...?
16) Continue?!?!?!?!?! WTF is this nonsense. Unless there is more game, why oh why do we have the option to continue playing a game that for all intents and purposes is over. What are you going to do mine all the resources using the thrilling Planet Scan mini game? Really Bioware... Really? Continued play past the end of a story arc implies there is more to do that is unrelated to the story arc. It's not supposed to be a sandbox with no toys and a bunch of dialogue. You coulda done that with credits. Based on a real post by: JRM01
17) Cheerleader? How the holy **** does Jack even know what a cheerleader is? Do you think the other races in the galaxy would embrace social retardation and cheerleading would catch on as a meaningful profession throughout the galaxy? Why the **** didn't Jack just call her a **** like any normal catfight dialogue? Seriously whoever edited down Jack's dialogue in this game was clueless. I know for a fact just by listening to the voice acting that the voice acter herself was thinking "huh... this is stupid but ok". Really guys lets hire some actual writers or bring back the team that did ME1. They were actually good and wrote about stuff that tried to make sense.... Based on a real post by: JRM01
to be continued...
Modifié par ZennExile, 20 février 2010 - 08:50 .
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