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[julian08]

During suicide mission

Harbinger: Hey, where r u Shep?
Shepard: I'm in ur base, killin ur doodz!
Harbinger: WTF SRSLY?!

[Redem0]

Legion: Heretic r such noobs!

[Hurbster]

Jack: Omigod I need SHOES !

[Dark Glasses]

[Garrus comes to Captain's Cabin]

Garrus: You got a minute?

Shepard: Can it wait for a bit, I'm feeding my fishes.



[Jack comes to Captain's Cabin]

Jack: I want to know more about you, Shepard.

Shepard: We talked enough, you're just pis**ng around.



[Tali comes to Captain's Cabin]

Tali: Shepard, I wanted to talk about something...

Shepard: I really need to clean up my desk.

[FrancisKitt]

The Council: We were thinking...



Wrex: Shepard, I need your help with something...

Shepard: Oh not you too, Wrex!

Wrex: What?

Shepard: Can't at least ONE of you function normally without me?! Ashley gets eaten by bugs, Liara wants me to hack some terminals, my new team all has relationship issues with their immediate family, and Tali and Garrus? They're the worst! I can't leave them alone for five minutes before they get surrounded by a hostile army. That's the whole reason they're here, I don't want to leave them on their own or they may actually destroy galactic civilization before The Reapers. So no, Wrex, I can't help you. Actually, you're not entirely functional yourself, you've got Worf whining 24/7.

Wrex: Shepard, all I wanted was your opinion on my new shotgun, but you know what, **** you!

[Ride2Ruin25]

Brass_Buckles wrote...

Kelly> I'm actually a psychologist.
Shepard> Really? I thought that was my job.

Hahahahahaha, awesome!

[iHeartME_pr]

Krogan in the Citadel- (Anything that doesn't have to do with fish in the presidium.)

[Redem0]

"I once had a wife....her name was...crap I can't recall"- Thane

Modifié par Redem0, 08 mars 2010 - 12:43 .

[SelphieSK]

Dark Glasses wrote...

[Garrus comes to Captain's Cabin]
Garrus: You got a minute?
Shepard: Can it wait for a bit, I'm feeding my fishes.

I'd so LOVE to say that! xD

Modifié par SelphieSK, 08 mars 2010 - 01:08 .

[jackkel dragon]

Shepard: You should try weed.
Illusive Man: I did that once. It didn't turn out well. I take a puff and POOF! I'm suddenly in front of the image of a dying star and can't remember my name. Not happening again.

Tali: Do you ever miss the Mako?
Garrus: No. It sucked.
Tali; Come on, it went "vroom vroom!" It was fun to drive, and it only needed a spare gun's worth of omnigel to repair.
Garrus: It was not fun to drive.
Tali: It had little rockets that made you bounce around!
Garrus: I'm done talking.
Tali: And don't you remember the armature fights? And the Conduit? We really had to use those rockets there.
Garrus: If you want to get no-scoped with a Widow, keep talking.
Tali: And then there were the uncharted worlds...
*gunshot*

Shepard: If they see us, I'm permanantly switching you to decaf.
Joker: It's about damn time.
Shepard: Excuse me?
Joker: I said: "Please don't! I'll be good this time!"

[applehug]

Shepard: You got a minute to talk?



Garrus: Sure! I'd love to!

[scxenophobe]

Shepard: Any life threatening situations you need me to deal with today Tali?

Tali:No.

[LOST GAM3R]

Wrex: "Stupid racist b***, say what.

Ashley: "What?"

Wrex and Shepard: *high fives*

[WarChicken78]

LOST GAM3R wrote...

Wrex: "Stupid racist b***, say what.
Ashley: "What?"
Wrex and Shepard: *high fives*

AHAHA 

[jackkel dragon]

(This is more like: what an ME character would never do.)

*Joker is bored. He decides to listen to porn. Little does he know that instead of his earphone it plays from the loadspeakers on the Normandy. Shepard decides to figure out who did it.*

Jacob: I keep the volume down. What I mean is, if I listened to that kind of stuff.

Mordin: Salarians don't have sex drive. Noises intrusive, confusing. May cause problems with experiments. Shut it off.

Kelly: It wasn't me this time!
Shepard: "This time"?
Kelly: Damn it...

Dr. Chakwas: I don't listen to those kinds of things anymore.

Legion: The geth do not listen to organic noises for pleasure.

Garrus: Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
Shepard: Make time.
Garrus: If it were me, would it be human porn?

Mess Sergeant Gardener: I'm too busy cleaning out the bathroom to mess with the loudspeakers.

Miranda: If I wanted to hear that kind of thing, I'd just invite a man to bed.

Samara: It is disturbing my meditation. Please inform the one responsible that I may have to kill them.

Thane: If I wanted to be aroused, I would just remember my wife.

Zaeed: This brings me back to some time I screwed an asari. The **** tried to kill me, so I put a few rounds in her. You should have heard the gurgling.

Grunt: The imprints say that this is *fingerquotes* "porn." Maybe this is the cure for the Genophage.

Tali: Don't look at me, I'm not the one listening to human porn. It's probably someone in Cerberus.

Engineer Donnally: If I wanted a girl, I'd just date one.

Engineer Daniels: Do I look like the kind of person that listens to that stuff?

EDI (in Engineering): ...so I said, "I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees"... No, it was not my command to stream the sound through the Normandy.

Shepard: Son of a...

*Shepard marches up to the bridge. He stands over Joker like this:*
Shepard: Joker?

[jackkel dragon]

Illusive Man: With Shepard gone, we will have to find another way to stop the Reapers. But he bought us time.
Joker: Time for you to actually cure my disease? You can bring back the dead, then forget to cure diseases.
Illusive Man: Just do what you're told.
Joker: I don't think so. I'm doing things my way.

*later*
*Joker is wearing N7 armor and his squad includes Conrad Verner and Duncan*
Joker: Let's see the Reapers take this!
Conrad: You know, I don't want to be a hero anymore.
Duncan: We must first end the Blight.
Joker: Shut up, both of you. I've had enough of "loyalty missions."

[LOST GAM3R]

^^^ now THAT is what I want from ME3! ^^^

[LOST GAM3R]

Legion: "Boom! Headshot! You've been pwned."

[Malysoun]

Joker: Hey commander, you know that time you were ashore on Illium?

Shep: What about it?

Joker: Well, I sorta got hungry and went to the fishdog foodshack, who knew you could get scale itch from an undercooked varren steak. Not that I mind letting Kelly take the blame for that one, it's just my opinion and all, don't spread it around.

[jackkel dragon]

Garrus: I just no-scoped you. Now I can't shout "scoped and dropped."

Duncan: I will join you Shepard, provided you help me with my task.
Shepard: Great. Another guy who wants to multitask. I'll send you to Zaeed and Samara, see how well they turned out.
*Zaeed and Samara are blindfolded, bound, and gagged in the cargo hold.*

[xGimpyx]

Castanea wrote...

Of course I'll help you save the Galaxy!

Considering the crap you have to go through to get anyone to join your squad, I'd be surprised if anyone uttered that line. 

[PandemicFear]

*TIM to Harbinger after getting the Collector base*



"All your base are belong to us."

[DuffyMJ]

Nihlus: I really like working together with others.



Jenkins: I really want a cushy desk job and I hope I never have to see any action



Kaiden (seeing the floaty things on Eden Prime): What the hell are those things?

Jenkins: OH MY GOD WATCH OUT, GAS BAGS, THEY WILL ***KILL*** YOU!



Anderson: I find working at the Citadel council is a wonderful way to finish my career, this is fulfilling meaningful work.