104 réponses à ce sujet

[MyChemicalBromance]

In Mass Effect 1... Upon reaching the Citadel you immediately high-tail it to the Presidium and **** Shiala. You leave the Citadel with sights set on the Artemis Tau Cluster, and subsequently pick up Liara. While simultaneously romancing both Liara and Ashley, you rock Feros before jumping to Virmire so that you get there before the "Confrontation". You nuke Ashley and then kill Liara's mother so you can be there for her (Doesn't work in real life for some reason...). You then, what is that charming human expression? "Shlog?" her, and make a break for the credits.

In Mass Effect 2... You spend 30 of your first 40 hours watching dancers on Omega, then proceed to romance the **** out of anything with two legs. When it comes down to the point that they all say they don't want to share (and you've banged Kelly), you pick Jack since she has the highest ratio of Trust to Crazy. After nuking the Collectors you make-out in low orbit around Illium, periodically telling Liara you still care for her.

In Mass Effect 3... Kelly finds a rubber in your fish tank (Please consider having R Kelly choreograph this scene Bioware) but remains quiet about it for 2 weeks, spying on you via EDI. After watching you and Jack do it missionary on the ceiling for the third time in a day, she decides to act.

Meanwhile Liara finally kills her target and decides she is ready to resume her relationship with you. She contacts Joker and tells him to "surprise" you buy landing on Illium without your orders.

You, in the meantime, realise that ever since Kelly started feeding your fish, you've spent virtually no time trying to socialize your chronically shy space hamster. When you reach the loft, you find the fish dead and Kelly hung from a rafter. A suicide note found in the tank says that neither of them could survive on "half rations". An additional note on Kelly informs you of unread messages. Just then, Liara bursts through the door ready to embrace you... until she see's the scene before her. Before she can formulate a sentence Jack shows up wearing nothing but a smile and fifty 50ccs of Halix (yes, wearing...). Grasping the situation, Liara turns a furious fuchsia, and asks you how her "barriers" are. Before you can answer the unread messages is read aloud: First of all the rumors on Galactic news were true; Shiala is leaving the Citadel… to spend more time with you. Second, Ashley survived the explosion but lost three limbs and 93% of her skin (including side boob). She hopes you can look past this.

I think you should have the option to space yourself at this point.

[Vaenier]

O..o
Shep: I should go...

Modifié par Vaenier, 04 mars 2010 - 01:46 .

[Striker1246]

HAHAHAHA

[Chamberboozer]

I should go.

[thegreateski]

What the crap.

[enormousmoonboots]

And then you find comfort in the arms of Morinth...

[Fromyou]

you get space aids (not making fun of aids)

Modifié par Fromyou, 04 mars 2010 - 01:53 .

[sillymonkboy]

Ultimate worst case scenario is that Grunt decides to "romance" you whether you want to or not...especially not...and pins you face first inside the tank just to make sure you aren't going anywhere until he's done "romancing" you.

[Vaenier]

sillymonkboy wrote...

Ultimate worst case scenario is that Grunt decides to "romance" you whether you want to or not...especially not...and pins you face first inside the tank just to make sure you aren't going anywhere until he's done "romancing" you.

You are suposed to write the worst romantic scenario, not one of the best ones. Try again.

[Inquisitor Recon]

CO's quarters need an escape pod added for this...

[Nozybidaj]

ReconTeam wrote...

CO's quarters need an escape pod added for this...

Wonder if you can lock that bathroom from the inside?

[MacGruber1986]

Fromyou wrote...

you get space aids (not making fun of aids)

I feel horrible for loling at the name "space aids"

[ObserverStatus]

Shiala: I've been dieing to see you Shepard!

Shepard: Yeah, whatever my cabin is on the top deck.

*They go up the elevator.*

Shiala: Nice place!

EDI: Shepard, the Cerberus handbook cleary states it's regulations on...

Shepard: Can it EDI.

Shiala: Was that an AI?

Shepard:No, its a laser light display I bought on Omega. Can I get you something to drink?

Shiala: Sure, make sure it's something good, I haven't had anything to drink in two years. Apparently all the settlers on Zhu's Hope are Mormons.

Shepard: I never would have guessed.

Shiala: Ugh, I feel a little lightheaded, mind if I lay on your couch?

Shepard: Not at all.

Shiala: *Coughs, exhaling a cloud of green powder, and collapses*

Shepard: Holy **** EDI, get Doctor Solus up here!

*The powder begins to settle, much of it landing in Shepard's fish tank.*

Shiala: *Wheezes on the ground."

Shepard: Um, are you ok?

Shiala: I speak for the old growth: you are within and before the thorian.

Shepard: Grunt! I need you to come up here right now with a big can of weed killer!

Shiala: Your every step in a transgression. This flesh defiles my presence.

Shepard: If your still in their Shiala, I think you'd better lie down.

Shiala: The old growth sees the air you push as lies, your flesh will tend the next cycle.

EDI: Commander Shepard, the Illusive Man would like to speak with you.

Shepard: Tell him I'm busy!

*Shiala pushes Shepard to the ground and leans over him, tentacles dangling from her mouth."

Shiala: The throian demands your flesh! It hungers for those that scurry!

*Solus and Grunt enter the cabin, and find it empty. There are signs of a struggle and there is green powder everywhere, but Shepard and Shiala are nowhere to be found*

Grunt: I'm hungry! I've got dibs on the hamster.

[DarkNova50]

Shepard: Oh, hey Liara!
Liara: Shepard, I think there's somebody you should meet...
Young Asari: Hello.
Shepard: Hey, who's the - aw ****.
Liara: I know I should have told you last time you were on Illium, but I didn't...I mean I couldn't...
Shepard: Yeah, Liara I hate to do this, but I gotta-

[Tali steps in]

Shepard: Hey look it's Tali! Let's all talk to her!
Tali: Shepard? We...need to talk... *places hand over abdomen*
Shepard: ...

[Shuttle shows up unexpectedly]

Garrus: Get on da choppa!

[xxSgt_Reed_24xx]

bobobo878 wrote...
Grunt: I'm hungry! I've got dibs on the hamster.

HAHAHAHA!!!!! nice

[Gordo Schumway]

All the girls start talking about how you were stringing them along the whole time until you fcould find out which one would make the best "video." They all refuse to have anything to do with you. Eventually, you are left alone in your quarters just zoning out to the space jams when you notice, hey, my hamster is kinda cute. I wonder if those pointless bathrooms on the crew quarters has any empty toilet paper rolls....? Were do they keep the peanut butter on this ship?



Yeah, I said it.

[superimposed]

Ah yes, "romance". The act of appealing to the emotional physical desires of your interest in such a way as to make them respond positively towards your advances. We have dismissed those claims.



*unzips*

[ObserverStatus]

Vaenier wrote...

sillymonkboy wrote...

Ultimate worst case scenario is that Grunt decides to "romance" you whether you want to or not...especially not...and pins you face first inside the tank just to make sure you aren't going anywhere until he's done "romancing" you.

You are suposed to write the worst romantic scenario, not one of the best ones. Try again.

That's not right.

[barbati99]

Heres the worst case scenario, absolutely guaranteed: Everyone else is either gone from the ship or unconscious and you are alone in the Normandy. You are walking around in the hammerhead garage. The power is out from a Reaper attack. It's dark, and there are shadows everywhere. You walk toward the back of the garage. You feel something warm touch your shoulder from behind, but you get a feeling of dread, of cold, like something terrible is about to happen. You look at your shoulder. It is a hand. The hand is blue. You look up, and find yourself staring right into Morinth's pitch black, telepathic eyes.

You try to run, but your legs do not respond. Morinth keeps inching closer, and closer, and there is nothing you can do to leave. "Mother warned you about me..." , she says. She inches even closer. You try to scream, but no words will escape your mouth. "She said you would regret your decision"..., she says, and her eyes begin to glow. A sly grin spreads across her face. "EDI! Help me! Vent the garage!" you try to say, but your tongue remains silent. Out of the silence, inside your mind, Morinth's voice says "She can't help you. EDI is dead, her AI core in flames."  Your eyes suddenly cease to function, and you feel horrible stabs of pain, as if some dreadful disease was taking hold of you, pressure in your chest, splitting headache in your head, guts on fire as if to explode. "Now you will pay the price for your complacency...", Morinth says. "Goodbye, Shepard...". "Embrace Eternity!". Waves and waves of searing, scorching pain roll across your body until everything grows dark, and your lifeless body falls limp to the ground.

Modifié par barbati99, 04 mars 2010 - 02:46 .

[Gavinthelocust]

You are waking up with a bad hangover and your rectum feels violated, the sheets are ruffled and sticky. Shocked and in disbelief you turn over to see who did this to you but too tired to really do anything. But then...

"Shepard Commander?"

[barbati99]

lol

[BobbyTheI]

Worst case romantic scenario?

I believe I already posted a picture of it not that long ago.

[Gavinthelocust]

BobbyTheI wrote...

Worst case romantic scenario?

I believe I already posted a picture of it not that long ago.

THE GENOPHAGE DOES NOTHING!