Tali is still a love interest.
Write the Ultimate Worst Case Romantic Scenario for Mass Effect 3.
Débuté par
MyChemicalBromance
, mars 04 2010 01:40
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#77
Posté 04 mars 2010 - 10:07
Weskerr
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MyChemicalBromance wrote...
In Mass Effect 1... Upon reaching the Citadel you immediately high-tail it to the Presidium and **** Shiala. You leave the Citadel with sights set on the Artemis Tau Cluster, and subsequently pick up Liara. While simultaneously romancing both Liara and Ashley, you rock Feros before jumping to Virmire so that you get there before the "Confrontation". You nuke Ashley and then kill Liara's mother so you can be there for her (Doesn't work in real life for some reason...). You then, what is that charming human expression? "Shlog?" her, and make a break for the credits.
In Mass Effect 2... You spend 30 of your first 40 hours watching dancers on Omega, then proceed to romance the **** out of anything with two legs. When it comes down to the point that they all say they don't want to share (and you've banged Kelly), you pick Jack since she has the highest ratio of Trust to Crazy. After nuking the Collectors you make-out in low orbit around Illium, periodically telling Liara you still care for her.
In Mass Effect 3... Kelly finds a rubber in your fish tank (Please consider having R Kelly choreograph this scene Bioware) but remains quiet about it for 2 weeks, spying on you via EDI. After watching you and Jack do it missionary on the ceiling for the third time in a day, she decides to act.
Meanwhile Liara finally kills her target and decides she is ready to resume her relationship with you. She contacts Joker and tells him to "surprise" you buy landing on Illium without your orders.
You, in the meantime, realise that ever since Kelly started feeding your fish, you've spent virtually no time trying to socialize your chronically shy space hamster. When you reach the loft, you find the fish dead and Kelly hung from a rafter. A suicide note found in the tank says that neither of them could survive on "half rations". An additional note on Kelly informs you of unread messages. Just then, Liara bursts through the door ready to embrace you... until she see's the scene before her. Before she can formulate a sentence Jack shows up wearing nothing but a smile and fifty 50ccs of Halix (yes, wearing...). Grasping the situation, Liara turns a furious fuchsia, and asks you how her "barriers" are. Before you can answer the unread messages is read aloud: First of all the rumors on Galactic news were true; Shiala is leaving the Citadel… to spend more time with you. Second, Ashley survived the explosion but lost three limbs and 93% of her skin (including side boob). She hopes you can look past this.
I think you should have the option to space yourself at this point.
Thanks for the few chuckles this gave me.
#78
Posté 04 mars 2010 - 11:44
Vamp44
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barbati99 wrote...
Further scanning reveals that he is.... asleep?
I don't know why...but that made me lol the most.
Modifié par Vamp44, 04 mars 2010 - 11:45 .
#79
Posté 05 mars 2010 - 05:34
SoulMisaki
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Is it just me or am I the only one that thinks the femshep x wrex pic is cute?
I mean, they're all so happy D:
I mean, they're all so happy D:
#80
Posté 05 mars 2010 - 05:37
BobbyTheI
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SoulMisaki wrote...
Is it just me or am I the only one that thinks the femshep x wrex pic is cute?
I mean, they're all so happy D:
I just find it weird that that picture, and the one with Garrus holding a pregnant FemShep's belly, seem to be the only fanart for this game that has come out of Japan, as far as I've seen. I mean, maybe there's more out there, but it's amusing that "OMG Alien Babies" was the first thing to pop into their minds.
#81
Posté 05 mars 2010 - 07:28
MyChemicalBromance
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The Tali thread has some...BobbyTheI wrote...
SoulMisaki wrote...
Is it just me or am I the only one that thinks the femshep x wrex pic is cute?
I mean, they're all so happy D:
I just find it weird that that picture, and the one with Garrus holding a pregnant FemShep's belly, seem to be the only fanart for this game that has come out of Japan, as far as I've seen. I mean, maybe there's more out there, but it's amusing that "OMG Alien Babies" was the first thing to pop into their minds.
#82
Posté 05 mars 2010 - 08:13
cepapoe
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MyChemicalBromance wrote...
The Tali thread has some...BobbyTheI wrote...
SoulMisaki wrote...
Is it just me or am I the only one that thinks the femshep x wrex pic is cute?
I mean, they're all so happy D:
I just find it weird that that picture, and the one with Garrus holding a pregnant FemShep's belly, seem to be the only fanart for this game that has come out of Japan, as far as I've seen. I mean, maybe there's more out there, but it's amusing that "OMG Alien Babies" was the first thing to pop into their minds.
:sick: Though the pic with the krogan babies takes the vomit cake.
As for worse case scenerio.
*Ashley walks into shepard's quaters*
Um... Shepard.... I need to tell you something... remember that night before ilos... welll meet your son.
Modifié par cepapoe, 05 mars 2010 - 08:15 .
#84
Posté 05 mars 2010 - 09:21
lovely jubley
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Ashley doesn't know. That Miranda and me. Do it in my cabin after the relay. Tell ash I'm fighting the reapers But she doesn't know, Miranda's on her knees and ASHLEY DOESN'T KNOW!! So don't tell ashley.
#85
Posté 05 mars 2010 - 04:57
Ammonite
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BobbyTheI wrote...
I just find it weird that that picture, and the one with Garrus holding a pregnant FemShep's belly, seem to be the only fanart for this game that has come out of Japan, as far as I've seen.
Considering all the other things that have come out of Japan, alien femshep babies seems like the logical result of Mass Effect + Japan to me. That, and "those asari-hanar porn games they sell in Shin Akiba"
.
#88
Posté 06 mars 2010 - 04:37
GuardianAngel470
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DarkNova50 wrote...
Shepard: Oh, hey Liara!
Liara: Shepard, I think there's somebody you should meet...
Young Asari: Hello.
Shepard: Hey, who's the - aw ****.
Liara: I know I should have told you last time you were on Illium, but I didn't...I mean I couldn't...
Shepard: Yeah, Liara I hate to do this, but I gotta-
[Tali steps in]
Shepard: Hey look it's Tali! Let's all talk to her!
Tali: Shepard? We...need to talk... *places hand over abdomen*
Shepard: ...
[Shuttle shows up unexpectedly]
Garrus: Get on da choppa!
That last bit was hilarious.
#89
Posté 06 mars 2010 - 04:51
Nozybidaj
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Liara: Shepard, good to see you again.
Shepard: Good to see you to Liara.
....
Shepard: Talk to you later Liara.
Shepard: Good to see you to Liara.
....
Shepard: Talk to you later Liara.
#90
Posté 07 mars 2010 - 04:36
x75flames
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SoulMisaki wrote...
Is it just me or am I the only one that thinks the femshep x wrex pic is cute?
I mean, they're all so happy D:
Your not alone, I think what scared alot of people was the whole nursing thing, and the krogen.
#91
Posté 07 mars 2010 - 04:55
Larask
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crimsonrhodelia wrote...
The Pre-Omega cutscene option Shep was cruelly deprived of:
or maybe not...
#92
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 09:18
TomBmbadil
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x75flames wrote...
Works with Krogan females, thats it, dosnt say anything about humans.Gavinthelocust wrote...
THE GENOPHAGE DOES NOTHING!BobbyTheI wrote...
Worst case romantic scenario?
I believe I already posted a picture of it not that long ago.
I think it would be more like this
#93
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 09:21
Vaern Sul
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There's something wrong with the picture above...can't figure what...
#94
Posté 09 mars 2010 - 11:23
Nizzemancer
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Grunt pestering you with romantic poetry...sillymonkboy wrote...
Ultimate worst case scenario is that Grunt decides to "romance" you whether you want to or not...especially not...and pins you face first inside the tank just to make sure you aren't going anywhere until he's done "romancing" you.
[suicide]---------------- ------[suicide]
\\ /
[Murder/suicide]---------(O)-------[suicide]
/ \\
[suicide]----------------- -------[suicide]
Modifié par Nizzemancer, 09 mars 2010 - 11:26 .
#95
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 12:43
janeym27
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Wow - sorry for length. I got carried away.
After spending more time than you should have (what with the Reaper attack impending, and all) romancing Kaiden, you finally nail him only to discover that he's more of a fighter than a lover. He also spent a lot of time talking about settling down and raising Varen. Pity. Attempting to dress and sneak away before he wakes up, you are caught and the poor fellow starts going on and on about his feelings for you. Damn. Thankfully, Joker interupts over the intercom before you get dragged into having a 'relationship converstation'. You secretly pray one or both of you won't survive the confronation with Saren to come.
You both do. You then have to spend the next month trying to avoid getting into situations where you are totally alone with Kaiden for long periods of time. The man is like a love-sick puppy and won't leave you alone. Apparently, he can't take a subtle hint and you're too much of a paragon to give him a stronger one. You find yourself spending increasing amounts of time playing poker with Wrex, Garrus and the Normandy requisitions officer. Occasionally, they become strip games and this makes you uneasy, but not as uneasy as Kaiden and his talk of commitment. Of course, you can't avoid him forvever, but at least sex usually gets his mind off relationships.
Eventually, he corners you in front of the sleeper pods. (Strange, because he was suposed to be on watch checking the long range scanners.) He declares his love for you, and you get the horrible feeling he is about to pop the question when the Normandy comes under attack from an unknown vessel. After yelling at him to get the hell out, you fid yourelf in the unfortunate position of dying in space while trying to rescue Joker. You are also slightly relieved.
2 years later, you are reserrected and can move on with your life.
Having been abandoned by all who knew you, you start to feel a little bit guilty about how you treated Kaiden, but his attitude when you are finally reunited soon sets you straight. The ungrateful sod has the audacity to lecture you about loyalty? Didn't you leave a friend to die on Virmire so you could save his ass? Screw him!
That's when you notice Garrus. Good old Garrus. But wait - something has changed. He's looking at you differently. All of a sudden calibration seems to be always on his mind. Could that one drunken fliration at the poker game have meant someting more? You figure since we're all going to die anyway, why not give him a go? (the fact that he whipped Kaiden so hard during squad training, you thought the man would cry, is all the better. Screw Kaiden!)
You seduce him. The sex... isn't as bad as you expected. Neither of you goes into anhiphilactic shock, which is a plus. The downside is you do need to lubricate your suit before wearing it now: chafing. Thankfully, Kelly seems more than happy to add to her list of duties.
You save the galaxy for now, and it looks like things are going OK. You might actaully be happy.
Until Mordin calls you into his office. He's discovered the souce of that Varen STD: you. Apparently Cerberus didn't notice it because, well, why would they be checking for that? Damn you, Kaiden!
You have to tell Garrus. As if he wasn't taking this whole interspcies thing awkwardly enough, now there's Varen in the mix. You tell Kelly as well, and she tells you that unfortunatly, now most of the crew are probably infected. Unofficial duties indeed!
Garrus avoids you for a while (those calibrations can't do themelves), so you track Kaiden down to give him a piece of your mind. He is in a bar on a small nearby planet. When you find him, he flys into a rage.
"You left me for Garrus?! You bint! I can't belive this. How does that even work?!"
You are flabberghasted. How did he know? Soon, all become clear. Turns out those survalence tapes Cerberus has all over the Normandy rally do pick up everything. Joker and the Illusive man have been distributing certain extracts to exclusive galactic pornographers, who then produced such filthy favorites as "Turiens Unzipped" and "Shep Goes Wild, Volumes 1 - 8" They didn't even give you a cut. Conrad Verner aso turns up to confront you. Not for your sake, but for Kaidens. Apparently he replaced your position in the galaxy in more ways than one. After Renegading both of them into submission, you leave Conrad with a broken leg, and Kaiden crying into his beer, complaining of an oncoming headache.
Returing to the Normandy, you try to find someone to talk to about the horror that has become your life. Sadly, your reputation as a Varen fancier has rather undone most all of the good galaxy saving work you did. Kelly is away being Vaccinated, Miranda and Jacob are... otherwise engaged. Jack and Zaeed are having some offworld time, and Mordin is giving Grunt singing lessons. With things still weird between you and Garrus, you decide to go see Tali. When you get there, you find your Turien man in her quarters, looking rather guilty. Tali appears to be suffering form a mild cold.
Without giving them a chance to explain, you grab the shuttle and take off for the nearest alien world. Once there, you had straight for the bar, and drink yourself silly. You blackout, and when you come 'round you are in the home of a beautful Asari who is mumbling something about embracing eternity. You excuse yourself and call Joker, who tells you the Normandy has been called in to deal with a rogue bitotic who is apparently threatening to destroy a small planet over being jilted by his lover. Airstrike is the only option left. They can't pick you up. You listen to the sounds of the battle through your headset and wish you were involved so you could blow off steam.. Suddenly you hear "Damn! These calibrations aren't right. That's, wait, no -" There is a crash, a hiss, and the line goes dead. There is a long silence.
Finally, you think, 'screw it', ask the Asari for a good, stiff drink. Down several Hallex, and get on with some eternity embracing.
After spending more time than you should have (what with the Reaper attack impending, and all) romancing Kaiden, you finally nail him only to discover that he's more of a fighter than a lover. He also spent a lot of time talking about settling down and raising Varen. Pity. Attempting to dress and sneak away before he wakes up, you are caught and the poor fellow starts going on and on about his feelings for you. Damn. Thankfully, Joker interupts over the intercom before you get dragged into having a 'relationship converstation'. You secretly pray one or both of you won't survive the confronation with Saren to come.
You both do. You then have to spend the next month trying to avoid getting into situations where you are totally alone with Kaiden for long periods of time. The man is like a love-sick puppy and won't leave you alone. Apparently, he can't take a subtle hint and you're too much of a paragon to give him a stronger one. You find yourself spending increasing amounts of time playing poker with Wrex, Garrus and the Normandy requisitions officer. Occasionally, they become strip games and this makes you uneasy, but not as uneasy as Kaiden and his talk of commitment. Of course, you can't avoid him forvever, but at least sex usually gets his mind off relationships.
Eventually, he corners you in front of the sleeper pods. (Strange, because he was suposed to be on watch checking the long range scanners.) He declares his love for you, and you get the horrible feeling he is about to pop the question when the Normandy comes under attack from an unknown vessel. After yelling at him to get the hell out, you fid yourelf in the unfortunate position of dying in space while trying to rescue Joker. You are also slightly relieved.
2 years later, you are reserrected and can move on with your life.
Having been abandoned by all who knew you, you start to feel a little bit guilty about how you treated Kaiden, but his attitude when you are finally reunited soon sets you straight. The ungrateful sod has the audacity to lecture you about loyalty? Didn't you leave a friend to die on Virmire so you could save his ass? Screw him!
That's when you notice Garrus. Good old Garrus. But wait - something has changed. He's looking at you differently. All of a sudden calibration seems to be always on his mind. Could that one drunken fliration at the poker game have meant someting more? You figure since we're all going to die anyway, why not give him a go? (the fact that he whipped Kaiden so hard during squad training, you thought the man would cry, is all the better. Screw Kaiden!)
You seduce him. The sex... isn't as bad as you expected. Neither of you goes into anhiphilactic shock, which is a plus. The downside is you do need to lubricate your suit before wearing it now: chafing. Thankfully, Kelly seems more than happy to add to her list of duties.
You save the galaxy for now, and it looks like things are going OK. You might actaully be happy.
Until Mordin calls you into his office. He's discovered the souce of that Varen STD: you. Apparently Cerberus didn't notice it because, well, why would they be checking for that? Damn you, Kaiden!
You have to tell Garrus. As if he wasn't taking this whole interspcies thing awkwardly enough, now there's Varen in the mix. You tell Kelly as well, and she tells you that unfortunatly, now most of the crew are probably infected. Unofficial duties indeed!
Garrus avoids you for a while (those calibrations can't do themelves), so you track Kaiden down to give him a piece of your mind. He is in a bar on a small nearby planet. When you find him, he flys into a rage.
"You left me for Garrus?! You bint! I can't belive this. How does that even work?!"
You are flabberghasted. How did he know? Soon, all become clear. Turns out those survalence tapes Cerberus has all over the Normandy rally do pick up everything. Joker and the Illusive man have been distributing certain extracts to exclusive galactic pornographers, who then produced such filthy favorites as "Turiens Unzipped" and "Shep Goes Wild, Volumes 1 - 8" They didn't even give you a cut. Conrad Verner aso turns up to confront you. Not for your sake, but for Kaidens. Apparently he replaced your position in the galaxy in more ways than one. After Renegading both of them into submission, you leave Conrad with a broken leg, and Kaiden crying into his beer, complaining of an oncoming headache.
Returing to the Normandy, you try to find someone to talk to about the horror that has become your life. Sadly, your reputation as a Varen fancier has rather undone most all of the good galaxy saving work you did. Kelly is away being Vaccinated, Miranda and Jacob are... otherwise engaged. Jack and Zaeed are having some offworld time, and Mordin is giving Grunt singing lessons. With things still weird between you and Garrus, you decide to go see Tali. When you get there, you find your Turien man in her quarters, looking rather guilty. Tali appears to be suffering form a mild cold.
Without giving them a chance to explain, you grab the shuttle and take off for the nearest alien world. Once there, you had straight for the bar, and drink yourself silly. You blackout, and when you come 'round you are in the home of a beautful Asari who is mumbling something about embracing eternity. You excuse yourself and call Joker, who tells you the Normandy has been called in to deal with a rogue bitotic who is apparently threatening to destroy a small planet over being jilted by his lover. Airstrike is the only option left. They can't pick you up. You listen to the sounds of the battle through your headset and wish you were involved so you could blow off steam.. Suddenly you hear "Damn! These calibrations aren't right. That's, wait, no -" There is a crash, a hiss, and the line goes dead. There is a long silence.
Finally, you think, 'screw it', ask the Asari for a good, stiff drink. Down several Hallex, and get on with some eternity embracing.
#96
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 12:47
Jackal904
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I don't think it's possible to one up that...
Modifié par Jackal904, 10 mars 2010 - 12:48 .
#97
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 12:48
janeym27
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Edit. Misread post, so this reply is moot. lol
Though I am going to add: cybering the Illusive Man. Just to throw that out there so this post isn't wasted. (what better use for the Quantum Entanglement Communicator?)
Though I am going to add: cybering the Illusive Man. Just to throw that out there so this post isn't wasted. (what better use for the Quantum Entanglement Communicator?)
Modifié par janeym27, 10 mars 2010 - 12:51 .
#98
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 12:58
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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After you spend the whole game doing stuff, you finally meet up back with your love interest. But he/she is in trouble so Shepard has to bail he/she out. Makeing for a more emotional bond with you love intrest.
Then eventually at the end of the game you have to sacrifice you love interest to destroy Harbinger and the Reapers if you don't the Reapers win.
Then eventually at the end of the game you have to sacrifice you love interest to destroy Harbinger and the Reapers if you don't the Reapers win.
#99
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 01:05
sedrikhcain
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eternalnightmare13 wrote...
Miranda is a she-male.
Not a chance we wouldn't already know that with her suit. I mean, she could visit her gyno without taking off that thing.
#100
Posté 10 mars 2010 - 01:26
Agent.0.Fortune
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This thread is like reading "Letters to Fornax"
Modifié par Agent.0.Fortune, 10 mars 2010 - 01:27 .
