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[Ashira Shepard]

I find myself in need of help, as I set myself the challenge to "humanize" a character. And so I came up with a backstory involving Morinth that takes place on Omega, leading up to the point where Samara and Shepard find and lure her.

Created a new species, so I could pull off the OC I wanted to use. Not that I hate the other races, they just didn't fit the character I had created, I made up the personality before picking the species, and realised it was a valid excuse to use the "Talinth" a race that resembles feline/human hybrids.

They were originally supposed to "debut" in my warcraft story, because that's where I first thought of them (and in the context of WoW, they didn't resemble any of the races with their "Asari-esque" traits) before I even heard of Mass Effect.

Summary I've used on FF.net->

She drew in a breath, and settled her sun-coloured gaze on the crying
Asari before her, "evil is a relative term; even a monster can have a
heart."

http://www.fanfictio...932238/1/Pariah

Now, it's supposed to be a drama/romance type fic, and I'm not really here to ram it down anyone's throat. I've merely edited this first post so people don't jab at me as much as they're already inclined to do.

{rant}

"Oh - there are so many holes! The Talinth are asari with fur! Your OC's a mary sue! You can't have another race of strong biotics that's overdoing it!" and the list will always go on because some people are actually trying to be helpful, and some people  just enjoy jabbing at the writer for the sake of it.

All of those points are valid, when the writing is sh*t - if the story is done well, then those points aren't really that bad. It won't ruin your life and you know what the wonderful thing is? You don't have to read my story, but I would like it if you did and happened to enjoy it :innocent:

The Talinth are strong biotics, my OC is a strong biotic warrior, I gave her an old wound to stunt her ability to fight. Whilst most of you would consider a lung wound to be completely incapacitating, I stated that it will only cause her real trouble if she uses her biotics. She can still fight, but do it for too long and it'll have the same effect as using her biotics. The effect being it quickens the degradation of her lung tissue.

It was a chemical/gas used on her by an enemy clan that originated from a toxin on their homeworld. Left to its own devices the effected tissue will decay slowly, but the toxin reacts violently to biotics, hence why it stunts the OC's full potential.

So it's not like she can take on a platoon of mercs.
But if you're the type to flip out over details, or easily tear into something, piece of advice; take it with a pinch of salt.

Yes, the Talinth are similar to the Asari; but here's something - I made them before I heard about ME. I was playing Warcraft when I created them.

Their age was influenced by the Draenei, their magic(biotic) potential was influenced by the younger era of Kaldorei - and their appearance was influenced by my raging love of Naruto and the damn demon fox inside him. Their original appearance was humanoid Kyuubi FFS! That they were all female was already in my mind, but I hadn't figured out how they would mate, I left it up in the air just hanging there.

Besides, I thought it would be interesting for the Asari to realise there's a race with similar advantages to them, it would "threaten" their role as the dominant race as such. Not in an evil way mind you, just that they're damn comfortable up there with their political prowess, endless philosophy and time on their sides.

{/rant}

Anyway...*steps off soapbox*

Modifié par AshiraShepard, 01 mai 2010 - 11:35 .

[Collider]

Humans are only as boring as you make them.

[Ashira Shepard]

This is a good point. But I prefer using ME as an excuse to finally use the "Talinth" - I've had them sitting on the corner for a while without use.

Besides, like I said, none of the existing races fit the character I wanted.

Note: I should have made it clear that by "boring" I meant "aesthetically boring."

Modifié par AshiraShepard, 16 mars 2010 - 11:14 .

[Collider]

In my opinion, you should make Talinth's race very unique and not derivative of any other races in a significant way if you are able. Anyway, my suggestion is that you use Talinth to disillusion Morinth - essentially destroy Morinth's ability to believe that romance (if it even exists to her) and sex can mean more than pleasure and manipulation and control - and make her unable to believe in love. Doesn't mean that Talinth has to be in a relationship with Morinth, there are other methods than that.

EDIT: What I'm getting at is having Talinth demonstrate Morinth's reasons for being as she is, for treating sex as she does.

Modifié par Collider, 16 mars 2010 - 11:17 .

[Ashira Shepard]

Okay, I really should have included more information with my intial post. I was hoping for this to actually be a kind of tragic romance thing, since what little I've seen of her; Morinth doesn't seem to give a damn. Granted, I never chose her over Samara - so I never had the option to talk with her on the Normandy. She may well care a great deal, that's the point of this story; "humanizing a monster."

[Collider]

Well, like I said, part of humanizing the monster is giving her reasons for how she is, especially if they're beyond her control. You also want there to be some good qualities to Morinth...perhaps she is very kind with children? Etc.



I suggest you search in google for "creating sympathetic characters" and you'll find plenty of resources of how to make characters that the reader can empathize with or relate with. Even a monster can win the affection of the audience with proper use of writing.

[Ashira Shepard]

Will do that. thank you

Just, having problems with the two characters interacting with each other. Most likely just worrying about making Morinth..off. Then again, this whole story will put her in a different light in the first place so that really shouldn't be a concern.

First chapter is written, mostly their first brief encounter, information about Ali'sha's people and her abilities. Short instance of her "injury" affecting her after a fight with batarians. Meeting with Aria after she thinks "they" have found her, then being given her task about Morinth.

Second chapter is...three pages so far. *mutters*

Modifié par AshiraShepard, 16 mars 2010 - 11:30 .

[CarpeOmnios]

Interesting concept, I'd like to read what you've written.

[Ashira Shepard]

Part near the beginning of the first chapter, after Ali'sha literally run into Morinth on an Omega street, being followed by a group of Batarians.

The Asari didn’t have to wait long for a group of Batarian’s to turn the corner into the alley, cracking knuckles and grinning as their eyes set on Ali’sha. This would be interesting. She stayed out of sight, smirking to herself and eager to see just how well the Talinth would do.

“Hey, longears!”

Ali’sha kept her back to them, not moving a muscle as she simply kept her hands on her blades without unsheathing them. But as they got closer, still spouting racial insults in an attempt to get a rise out of her, the Talinth’s ears twitched at the faintest noise. She knew how close they were, and where they were.

“Don’t think she can hear you, Zorvan, maybe we should cut off her ears since she doesn’t need them?”

She moved faster than anyone the Asari had seen before, graceful and fluid, but oh so deadly. Her blades came free of their sheathes and flashed through the air, cutting into the Batarian group with frightening ease before they could even draw their guns. The faintest shimmer of blue could be seen - only by the most acute gaze - around her body. Was she using biotics to help her movements? That would certainly explain why the Talinth moved so fast.

When they were dead, Ali’sha whipped her blades, flicking off most of the blood before wiping the rest off on one of the bodies. Sheathing them, she glanced at the corpses at her feet, frowning briefly. Then something strange happened, she stumbled to the side, leaning against the wall as she started coughing.

The Asari frowned, watching this. The Talinth was sick? She pulled her hand away from her mouth, crimson blood clearly leaking out the side. Wounded? No, she’d moved too fast for them to hit her.

Ali’sha shook her head, wiping the blood away with a faint grimace. Walking back to the entrance of the alley, her one-person audience made herself known again. “Impressive display, Talinth; not many people use blades in a ‘gunfight‘ and win. Not that there was a fight,” she glanced at the dead Batarians, a dark and gleeful glint coming to her pale blue eyes. They had seemed so sure the Talinth was easy prey. She smiled at her then, the expression meant to be harmless but coming off as the same predatory look as before.

Ali’sha gave only a guarded stare in return, her ears folded back again. “There have never been aliens trained as my people are; a foreign opponent is more likely to end up in pieces than to put a bullet in my head.” She looked back at the mess in the darker end of the alley. “Not that I feel pity for them, but that wasn’t even worth the effort; I prefer wars, savage battle…true conflict.” Ali’sha shook her head and looked away.

The Asari seemed amused at this, “you enjoy the violence?” there was well hidden tone in her voice; excitement. Those Batarians never stood a chance; watching them get cut down so effortlessly by their supposed victim had been quite entertaining.

Ali’sha peered at her, “I enjoy proving myself, seeing it in my opponent’s eyes as they realize you are the one who will rip their life from them. It‘s a show of skill and power.” Rolling her shoulder, the Talinth turned away. “Thank you for the ‘conversation’, but I have to go.”

Before she could walk, the Asari stopped her. “Hold on, what’s your name?”

Ali’sha looked over her shoulder, one ear lifted up in a wary curiosity. Very few cared to ask her that question, from what little interaction she had with people these days, they usually wanted to make sure she had the credits to pay for things. “Ali’sha.”

The smile on the Asari’s lips failed to leave, “Morinth.”

The rest is as described in my last post. Talinth information, meeting Aria, paranoia; seeing Morinth again very briefly and making a comment on "having easier prey to hunt" on a blind guess.

[Ashira Shepard]

Where I've ground to a halt on the second chapter. A friend suggested an "answer for an answer" type situation, thing is - not sure how to bring it in. Ali'sha is sitting in the VIP section of afterlife, having been watching Morinth for a few days now.

“You’re not very subtle.”

The Talinth sighed under her breath, opening her eyes by a crack. “I wasn’t trying to be,” she looked up, golden eyes locking with pale blue.

Neither spoke another word for a few moments, Morinth narrowing her gaze in a look of careful, calculated thought. Ali’sha was difficult to read, her eyes gave away nothing, and her face kept an expression of indifference. However, she’d been aware the Talinth was watching her. After their last interaction, why would Ali’sha suddenly take such interest in her? She obviously had some notion of what she was. “I’m sure you have easier prey to hunt.”

But how did she know? Maybe she didn’t, it could’ve been a bluff; the Talinth may well just think she was a standard killer.

Ali’sha looked away, staring down at her sketch. “I’m not here to actively hinder you in any way, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Her ears lifted in a slightly curious look as Morinth settled in the chair on the other side of her table, never once taking her eyes off her. “Actively hinder?”

Giving a low sigh, Ali’sha leaned back in her seat. “I wasn’t told specifically to keep my mouth shut; I’m here to keep an eye on you - just to make sure you don’t cause any trouble. That’s all.” She put weight on the last two words, making it clear that she was there to observe, nothing more; she wasn’t going to stop her if she found a victim she liked. Unless they’re of some use to Aria of course…

Unsurprisingly, a brief look of anger came to Morinth’s eyes, but it was swiftly replaced by a cold expression. Ali’sha picked up her sketch once again, “don’t kill the messenger; I’m not one to question orders. But if it helps, I don’t personally have anything against you; thinking logically - you had to have been given some kind of impossible situation that was thinly disguised as a choice, and chose the secret third option: run like hell. Speculation on my part - I could be wrong - but I’m bored and trying to keep my mind occupied.”

Another brief expression, a frown that disappeared as quickly as it showed. So the Talinth did know; but who sent her? Aria? Surely if it was her so-called mother then Ali’sha would have been far less upfront about what she was doing.  She should be safe for now until the damned Justicar tracked her down; she always managed to find her. Illium had been far too close for her liking…

And, cue grinding to a halt.

Modifié par AshiraShepard, 16 mars 2010 - 12:07 .

[Ashira Shepard]

Triple post, bloody hell.



Any tips/pointers on how to write Morinth correctly outside of adding "sympathetic" traits?

[loengrim]

there is no sympathy for furries.

[Dethateer]

loengrim wrote...

there is no sympathy for furries.

Y'know, that would have been a valid claim if there weren't already furries in-game.
"PURGE THE FURRIES FOR THE EMPEROR!" died once Garrus became romancable.
Still, dude... catgirls? Wat. Don't the Turians look enough like cats already?

[loengrim]

a more valid claim would be shep and a tresher maw love interest.



sparks and acid will fly.

[Gorn Kregore]

this character reminds me of your typical cute looking yet abnormally badass anime chicks

[Ashira Shepard]

Ali'sha isn't cute looking, at least not in my head. Like I said, more serious than it initially sounds.

When someone's says "catgirls" - almost all peoples first mental image is oddly or scantily clad, clumsy and adorable characters that can't seem to function without someone watching over them; constantly.
So yes, I'll give you the strangeness of it. This probably sounds stupid to most of you, but I've had the Talinth for a while now; and they're nothing like anime catgirls. They only have the ears and tails of one.

Here:
Her pale skin was made all the more so by her black hair and fur, the former falling a few inches passed her shoulders and framing an elegant face. She’d been told many times before that there was something of a feral grace about her, as though she were the embodiment of a noble predator. Her golden eyes only strengthened the image of a hunter.
/example

Not cute. Not Anime. Shouldn't have described Talinth as "catgirls" in the first place. *sigh* Mistake on my part, obviously.

Honestly, I just need a framework on how I should write Morinth. Outside of adding sympathetic traits.

P.S: the "devil" I'm speaking of in the title is Morinth, not the "furry" 

Modifié par AshiraShepard, 17 mars 2010 - 08:43 .

[Dethateer]

...

Look, the asari are already too close for comfort in the realm of "WHY THE F**K DO ALIENS THAT EVOLVED THOUSANDS OF LIGHT-YEARS AWAY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE US????".



Women with tails and cat ears don't really count as alien anymore.

[Don Moar]

Hey,



I think this discussion is more appropriate for the Mass Effect 2 Official Campaign Quests and Storylines (Spoilers Warning) forum.





Don M

[Ashira Shepard]

I wondered why this disappeared for a moment; sorry for the inaccurate posting, I wasn't sure where to put it. Thank you.



And thank you Jynthor :<

[Ashira Shepard]

Dethateer wrote...

...
Look, the asari are already too close for comfort in the realm of "WHY THE F**K DO ALIENS THAT EVOLVED THOUSANDS OF LIGHT-YEARS AWAY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE US????".

Women with tails and cat ears don't really count as alien anymore.

Different writers granted, but I remember both Star Wars and Star Trek having a lot of Humans, or human looking aliens. Now, I don't know how many people complained about said aliens, but I am aware that a lot of people simply watched both franchise and enjoyed the story. So it may be unlikely that there would be a few other races out there that look similar to humans, but if I want to make an alien race, I don't want to make one that's difficult to picture and describe. Besides, as said before, had the Talinth in my mind for a while.

Whose to say there isn't a Talinth esque race out there anyway?

For the third time now, does anyone have any good advise on how to write Morinth?

[marshalleck]

No catgirls allowed.

[Ashira Shepard]

*facepalm* I had a feeling this thread would only be about 30% helpful. Thank you Collider.

Modifié par AshiraShepard, 19 mars 2010 - 06:00 .

[Schroing]

I don't understand the animosity towards catgirls. It's senseless.

[Ashira Shepard]

I think it'd just be easier to paint a bullseye on my forehead for them =P



Maybe from most people thinking anything to do with the generic image of catgirls is immediately open for ridicule. Any other Talinth character I've written is more like an orc from Warcraft, ergo; they're supposed to be a race of honorable warriors, but they enjoy peace whilst it lasts.