A prisoner in the dungeon. Super. Why don’t monsters ever kill people in the dungeon? I wondered, thinking about Jowan. Are they really just too dumb to open the door? Maybe we should move the living quarters down there. Down into the dungeon I marched, trailed by Oghren and Anders. I was not in the mood for this. I was concerned about the missing Wardens, the state of the Keep, and the lack of resources I had to protect a vast amount of people. This task felt different from two Wardens saving the whole country with a handful of companions. At that time we knew there would be casualties, there was simply nothing we could do to keep everyone alive. Here in Amaranthine, a smaller area where I commanded guards, I felt responsible for each and every death. The guard was trying to explain the situation with the prisoner, saying something to the effect of it having taken four Wardens to capture him and that the prisoner wasn’t talking. I politely nodded and stopped in front of the cell.
Sitting against the back wall was a brooding man, slightly older than me. Although he was fair skined, the rest of
his demeaner enhanced his apparently dark mood. His dark hair went to about his shoulders, the front of which was pulled back into a braid, and he had a small dark tuft of hair on his chin. The dark circles under his eyes indicated he had probably been poorly treated during his time in the dungeon, or at least neglected due to the darkspawn attack. The commoner clothes he was wearing were betrayed by his athletic build; it was obvious that he was capable of giving any warden a run for their money.
I recognized him instantly despite the years since I last saw him. “Nate!” I exclaimed as I ran forward and put my hands on the bars as if it were an old friend inside. For a moment, I forgot all that had passed and only saw one of the boys Fergus and I used to play with, the boy about whom I had been so upset when he was sent away to study. But like always, reality caught up to me moments later, and all the history between our families came flooding back. The expression on his face made my stomach twist and I nearly withered under that gaze. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I chided myself. I killed Rendon Howe. Why did I think for a moment that his son would be happy to see me?
“Anna,” he said darkly.
“Commander, you know this man?” The guard asked.
“Yes, it’s… all right. Leave me to talk with him,” my answer was pained. I dropped my gaze to the floor. Duncan had expressly forbidden me from seeking revenge for my family’s murderer, and ultimately I had broken the promise not to kill Howe. I was due my comeuppance, and the Maker had apparently decided to deliver it.
The guard nodded and said, “as you wish, Commander. I will tell the Seneschal you came. He will want to know what you decide to do with this man.”
I thanked the guard and turned to my companions. Apparently “leave me” meant nothing to Oghren and Anders, who stood silently beside me. “Gentlemen, when I said ‘leave me’, I meant ‘everyone please leave me’.”
They glanced at each other then back at me. Anders hesitated then said, “here’s the thing, the Seneschal’s head will explode if -”
“What the skirt is trying to say is that we can’t let anything happen to you,” Oghren interjected.
I wanted to protest but realized my companions should be at least given a little information. I couldn’t imagine it would mean much to Anders, but Oghren might remember the name. “All right. Oghren, Anders, I would like to introduce you to Nathanial Howe. Rendon Howe’s, the former Arl of Amaranthine, eldest son.”
The two men stared at me with obvious surprised before Oghren turned suddenly angry. “Have you completely lost your sodding mind?” Oghren snarled. “You think we’re going to leave you alone with him? He is probably here to kill you! Have some sense, woman!”
“He is no Archdemon, Oghren,” I said softly. “Besides, if he does kill me, it would be hardly unjustified.”
Nate rose and moved towards the bars. “How nice of you to admit it,” he said dryly. “I was wondering if you had forgotten about murdering my father.”
Forget? No. I relished bringing the maniac to justice. I managed to hold my tongue. “So, you came here for revenge, is that it?”
“I came here…” he paused, and then his voice dropped, “I thought I was going to try to kill you. To lay a trap for you. But then I realized I just wanted to reclaim some of my family’s things. It’s all I have left.”
“Not to state the obvious,” Anders said with a smirk, “but that is exactly what I would expect him to say if he was going to try to kill you.”
“Back to the interior of the Keep,” I said with the firm note of authority I had learned to adopt when I was tired of discussion. I outranked them and had given an order, so my companions reluctantly headed up the stairs to the outside of the dungeon.
I felt old. The heaviness in my heart was exhausting, and I leaned against the wall opposite the cell and sank down to the ground. Neither of us spoke. I was not sure what I could possibly say. “So, hi Nate.” I felt dull, and must have sounded dull, and that seemed to empower the prisoner.
“It is Nathaniel.” He sounded unbelievably self-righteous considering the situation.
I found myself still oddly sensitive to the anger and mistrust I had experienced all throughout the blight, despite six months of celebrating as hero and now Queen. I will call you whatever I damn well please, I wanted to say, but I knew that wouldn’t help the situation in the slightest. Fighting my instincts, I nodded and said, “okay. Nathaniel then. Your family has belongings still here? I only just arrived to find the darkspawn attacking.”
“I suppose it might be too much for you to recall that this entire Arling was my family’s and we lived in this Keep, then? My father didn’t take everything when he went to Denerim.”
My jaw clamped tightly. I wanted to tell him his father was a lunatic that had slaughtered innocents in droves. That he tortured and imprisoned noble and templars alike. I wanted to detail out every last crime that I was aware of before I killed him, and everything that had come to light in the months that had passed since then. But what good would it do for me to make such accusations? I can show Nathaniel patience and understanding. It is the least I owe him.
“Look,” he continued, “I don’t know what happened with your family. It sounds like it was horrible. The whole war was horrible. But what he did it shouldn’t have destroyed my entire family. The Howe’s are pariahs now, at least for those of us who are left. It’s all thanks to you. And now you get to decide my fate. Ironic, isn’t it?”
You know, NATE, you’re not making this easy on me. I struggled to get a grip on the thoughts flooding through my mind. Patience,understanding, patience, understanding. And he was right, after all. His father was dead, the name destroyed, and I was ultimately the instrument of that destruction. Whether or not I thought it was justified, it was still truth. I took a long, slow, deep breath. I gazed into his eyes and realized the depth of the pain in them. He had suffered; he had lost everything he held dear. He had been punished enough and I decided right then that I would not be a part of continuing his suffering.
“Perhaps you should work to redeem your name,” I suggested.
He let out a rueful laugh. “You’re right. I’ll go join King Alistair’s service immediately. He’d be certain to give a Howe another chance!”
He will if I tell him to, but that thought was not an appropriate one to voice. Without my influence, Nathaniel had a valid point. The Howe family name was so degraded that he would have trouble finding anyone to take him into their service.
“Do you really hate me that much?” I asked.
“The darkspawn are a menace. If it weren’t for the blight… well, maybe my father wouldn’t have done what he did. But I can’t do anything about them, can I?” He was full out snarling at me now. “There’s just you and the Grey Wardens, here in my home!”
I blinked. The solution was obvious. I rose to my feet and walked right up to the bars. “I understand we had trouble capturing you.”
“I am not without skills.” He shrugged. “My time abroad wasn’t spent chasing skirts and drinking wine.”
“What skills?”
Nathaniel tilted his head curiously, but his eyes flared proudly at his prowess, “hunting, scouting... poisons.”
I smiled. “Then I have made my decision.”
“Already?” Nathaniel seemed genuinely taken aback. He turned his back on me and walked to the other end of the cell. “Good,” he muttered, to no one in particular.
I walked over and knocked on the door to the surface, and asked the guard to summon Varel.
The Seneschal came quickly. He was oddly sarcastic regarding the prisoner, and I was surprised when he commented that Nathaniel was quite the handful. I asked if he knew our “guest” was Nathaniel Howe.
“A Howe? It figures they would turn up again,” he said with a sigh. “The Howes are implacable enemies, Commander.”
I nodded, then looked Nathaniel in the eyes. “I wish to invoke the Right of Conscription.” The two men were shocked.
“You WHAT?” Nathaniel blurted out. Varel barely had time to voice his opposition to my plan before being interrupted. “No!” Nathaniel waved his hands in sharp refusal. “Absolutely not! Hang me, first!”
I let silence hang in the air for a moment so that he could hear his own request. Surely he must know I wouldn’t kill him, I thought. But then again, he doesn’t know me now. Given what happened, he must assume I am capable of that and worse. “You don’t think this is better than dying?”
“Hard to say.” He crossed his arms, “you like having Grey Wardens who want you dead?”
I couldn’t help it, I felt so much better about everything. This was the best solution, and finding such solutions always made me feel better. I flashed him a warm smile, thoughts drifting to the last person who tried to assassinate me, and said, “some of my best friends have wanted me dead.”
A tension appeared to ease out of Nathaniel, and he seemed to allow himself a touch of cautious optimism. He was still staring at me, looking like the last sane man in a mad world, but the turn of events appeared to have pleased him. “You really want a Howe as a Grey Warden? You have become a very strange woman, Anna. I can’t decide if this is a vote of confidence… or a punishment.”
“An interesting decision, Commander,” the Seneschal said, “let’s see if he even survives the Joining.”
The Joining. Damn it. The statement struck me and I inadvertently let out a hiss. Everyone jumped slightly and turned to look at me. “STOP,” I ordered. After everything I had managed to hold back, my tongue started to get the better of me. “Damn it, damn it, damn it all.” I turned my back to them all and walked to the nearest wall and put my right hand against it. For a moment I didn’t move, then I slammed the palm of my hand against the wall and snarled, “no. I revoke that conscription order. Varel, give him his family’s things and let him go.”
“So, what? I’m not good enough to join your little order suddenly?” I turned back around to look at him, and the hurt had flown back into Nathaniel’s eyes and he stared at me accusingly.
“No Nate, er, Nathaniel, please don’t think that.” I deflated with a sigh. “You are qualified, possibly more than qualified; it’s just that…” my voice trailed off as I looked to the Seneschal. I couldn’t blurt out my concerns, even the poorly kept secrets, of all the drawbacks the taint had. “I was thinking more about giving you a chance to kill the darkspawn and clear your family’s name, and totally put the …” I waved my hands, searching for the words, “down sides of being a warden out of my mind. It requires sacrificing everything, and … I have cost your family too much as it is. I can’t do that to you. You deserve to find your own way in this world and not have something like this forced on you.”
Both Varel and Nathaniel remained silent, taking in what I had said. I was suddenly glad that Oghren and Anders were back in the Keep and did not hear me. Did I really care more about Nathaniel’s fate than theirs?
Finally, Nathaniel spoke, “I came here to kill you. If you let me go, you might not catch me again.”
Somehow, after everything, the statement made me flashback to when we were children again. He might as well have told me that he was going to tell my mom on me. It was inexplicably endearing, and I let out an affectionate chuckle. This was not the reaction anyone particularly expected me to have to a death threat, particularly since there was no arrogance or taunting in the sound.
“You can try to kill me anytime, and as often as you like, Nathaniel,” I said with a smile. “Though eventually I’d like to see you under better circumstances.” My eyes darkened and the smile faded, “if that is ever possible.”
Varel finally burst. “Commander, I must object. You would release a thief with the things he stole?”
“They belonged to his family,” I shrugged, “at worst, he is trespassing.”
A whole series of emotions cycles across Nathaniel’s face. Anger, disbelief, confusion, back to anger again. But he wordlessly took his effects. I stood back and let him start to walk out of the dungeon, then realized that there were probably more Howe artifacts in the Keep. “Wait, Nathaniel, did you have anything else left here?”
He turned back around. Nearly incredulously, he said, “I don’t know. Probably. Look, it’s fine. What I have is fine.” He took a few steps backwards, then turned and sprinted up the steps.
Varel studied me, still trying to get a read on the type of Commander I was going to be. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
I shrugged. “Rendon Howe was evil and he died for his crimes. Nathaniel is not a bad person, and does not deserve to suffer more.” We walked out of the dungeon as I spoke. My eyes caught sight of the statue of Andraste in the courtyard. I gestured towards it and said, “better people than I have been killed in vengeance. If that is my fate, then so be it.” But I knew Nate – Nathaniel – better than that. At least, I hoped I did.
I went back into the inner Keep to fetch my companions, and started towards the outer walls. I thought of Alistair, and supposed every time I passed that gate I would think of him. The last time I saw him, I was standing at those gates, watching him head back to Denerim. He had barely been gone for a few hours, but I missed him already. I was daydreaming about his impish smile when a voice snapped me back to reality.
“Wait! Anna, wait!” I spun around and saw Nathaniel jogging towards me. We stared at each other and I wondered which one of us was more surprised he was there.
“You set me free,” he said. “Just let me go, despite what I said or what I might do. I want to know why.” His voice was softer and he appeared slightly shaken.
“I told you already. My actions cost your family too much already and I don’t want you to suffer for what you
haven’t done.”
“But you thought I would make a good Grey Warden, right? Then take me with you. Make me a Grey Warden. If you want my destiny to be what I choose, then that is what I choose.”
“It’s not that easy, and you would have to…” my voice trailed off and I stared at the ground.
“I have nowhere to go,” he pleaded. “I thought I was going to die in there, and perhaps I even wanted to. Let me
try, Anna. Please.”
How could I say no? I nodded. We walked together back into the Keep, and performed the Joining. I was extremely relieved when his eyes reopened after drinking the blood. Nathaniel told me later he thought the Maker was giving him a fresh start. It’s a fresh start for us all, then. Thank the Maker.
Modifié par SidheKate, 20 mars 2010 - 02:40 .
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Thanks for sharing!
